This story starts with an author's note, and really, does anyone have a shred of hope that it'll be good? We've seen plenty of author's notes, and I can't remember a single one that actually managed to make a story better. But fuck it, we might as well see what we're in store for.
Hi welcome to my next story
Next story? Odiane, I don't know if you're aware, but this is the only story listed under your account.
it is really really good I promise you won't be sad when you read it because its good.
Quite honestly, I'm a bigger fan of senseless tragedy than senseless happiness. But regardless of taste, if you want people to think something is good, then telling them what they won't feel might not be the best approach. Just sayin'.
if you like Reunited you will like this and if you not like Reunited you will still like this.
Well it's good to know that I'll like it either way, because I have no idea what the fuck Reunited is. Is it one of her other stories that doesn't appear to exist?
With a title like Passion Night, you know that no sex could possibly—
Sirius and Lupin was on the bed and they was both naked.
God damn, Odiane didn't waste any time getting to the point. And really, why should she bother? We all knew what was going to happen, no point in being coy.
Sirius was a dog form and Lupin was on the bed and Sirius as the dog was licking Lupin balls and Lupin loved it.
I think a page of table flips can at least begin to explain how I feel about this. Don't get me wrong; I still give minimal fucks about bestiality and the like. I just want know how in the shit we keep running into it so often! I don't go out of my way to find animal sex for these reviews, and when I am searching for material on a bestiality specific website, it's because I got a lead that was too tempting to resist. This story even came from FanFiction.net, yet here we are again; two sentences into the actual story, and Sirius is a dog. I don't know if that's remotely canon and I don't care, let's just roll with it.
"OH GOD SIRIUS THAT FEELS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD!" Lupin shouted.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO glad that FanFiction.net doesn't have a feature for increasing the font size, beause if they did, you know that every line of dialogue here would be anywhere from 72pt to ∞.
Sirius barked happily and continued to lick and Lupin screamed louder and louder and louder. A few minutes later he came all over the place and covered Sirius as the dog in jizz.
A few minutes later? What the hell does the specific time matter? Odiane, you're not pulling some Quentin Tarantino shit; the scenes don't need to play out in any precise manner. Don't start the story only to say "a few minutes later." Just start the story a few minutes later.
Sirius drinked what he could and then transform back into a man.
"That was sooooo awesome" Lupin said.
This dialogue is sooooo engaging, I'm sooooo glad that the only indication of emotion is how many Os are before an adjective.
"I know" Sirius said.
Then they had lube and it was very good and fun for them.
They had lube. I don't even know what to say to that. It just… it defies explanation. Is merely possessing a bottle of lube that much entertainment? They didn't even use it, no no. All they did was have it.
But this time Lupin did lube with Sirius instead of other way around.
Odiane, is it possible that you think lube and sex mean the same thing?
When Sirius finally scream happily and Lupin drank all the jizz he could they stopped and lay on the bed.
So is this just a summary of the actual story? Is the complete story in the same place as Reunited? And if so, could somebody tell me where they are so that I can avoid running into them in the future?
"Are you ready for the real fun tonight?" Lupin asked.
Sirius smile. "Oh yeah"
"Its time for the passion night" Lupin said.
Okay, that actually is the kind of dramatic language I would image wizards using to talk dirty. "The passion night is upon us! Don the pleasure garb and seek repose in the copulation bastion!"
Lupin got up and turned out the lights and put on the candles
In that order. First he turned off the lights. Then, in the dark where he can no longer see, he lit some candles.
and put on the sexy music.
I'm going to assume it's Animal by Def Leppard, for several reasons.
Sirius smile and got ready. He turned around and waited. Lupin was happy and he shoved his 10 inch dick up Sirius butt.
"OH GOD LUPIN THAT FEELS
- "Logistically improbable!"
- "Like I'm now experiencing severe anal trauma!"
GREEEEEEEEEEAT!" Sirius shouted.
Or that, that could also work.
"MAYBE WITH CAPS LOCK AND EXCLAMATION POINTS, SOMEBODY WILL MISTAKE THIS FOR GOOD DIALOGUE!!!!!!!"
Lupin did what Sirius want and Sirius started moaning a lot more and more because it felt really really good. Lupin was moaning to but not as loud as Sirius.
"COME ON BABY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sirius shouted.
Baby goo, it's not the most appealing euphemism.
"IF I GO ANY FASTER WE WILL BE AT HYPER SPEEEEEED!" Lupin shouted trying not to
- "Say a single thing that adds to the scene."
- "Become the physical manifestation of every bad line in every work of poorly written erotica on the internet."
moan while he shouted.
I don't even know if that's technically possible, but maybe I'm looking too deeply into the logic of a story where one character may or may not still be a magical dog.
Sirius was enjoying it lots when suddenly Lupin stopped a little. Sirius was sad but then he saw that Lupin was changing very quickly. It was a full moon night and Lupin was changing into the werewolf
Sure, why not? Werewolves used to be menacing creatures of the night, but apparently they're more about sex these days, so go right ahead Odiane. Although I will say, if Lupin actually does viciously murder Sirius, I'm willing to take back everything I said about this story.
and Sirius saw this but he didn't move. He felt Lupin dick get even bigger and go further and further into Sirius butt
He saw it in the third person? Huh, he must be having an out of body experience brought on by the sheer number of things that should have resulted in his death by now.
and he moaned even louder. Lupin stopped transforming and started moving faster again but he was still the werewolf.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sirius shouted as Lupin as the werewolf moved faster.
Well, this is IKEA Erotica if I've ever seen it.
Lupin barked like a werewolf in answer and moved even faster than before and pushed himself as far as he could into Sirius butt.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Sirius shouted.
Thank you Sirius, for your once again brilliant contribution to this verbal exchange of meaningless drivel.
Sirius came and jizz squirted everywhere and covered the bed and the floor
What some may view as erotic, I view as a pain in the ass to clean up. Although to be fair, it's nothing compared to the pain in the ass that Sirius should be feeling right about now.
and Lupin pulled out of Sirius butt and as the werewolf drank all the jizz he could get. Then Sirius transform into the dog and Lupin got behind Sirius as the dog and shoved his dick inside Sirius as the dog butt.
Hold up, we need to visualize just what the bleeding fuck Odiane is talking about right now. Let's take one more look at that sentence.
Then Sirius transform into the dog
Okay, so Sirius is a dog and Lupin is a werewolf. It's strange, but I'm following it so far.
and Lupin got behind Sirius as the dog
Okay, so Lupin is behind Sirius, but which one of them is the dog at this point? Grammatically, it could be either of them. As far as consistency goes it should be Sirius, but it would be odd to clarify sirius' species twice in the same sentence, and there's nothing explicitly preventing both of them from being dogs at this point.
and shoved his dick inside Sirius as the dog butt.
And at this point, one of the characters has completely transformed into a canine ass. Once again it could be either of them, and once again it couldn't matter less which is which.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Sirius as the dog barked
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" is not a bark. I'd be willing to settle for howl, but really what I'd like is for this useless line to be completely removed from all planes of existence.
out as Lupin as the werewolf went faster and faster.
They were both barking like crazy enjoying the fast movement and then Sirius switched and Lupin felt Sirius as the dog dick go up his butt.
They switched what, positions? That might be worth clarifying, considering the characters have been switching species just as frequently.
Lupin barked with happiness and started moaning like crazy.
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" Both of them barked at the same time.
They both came at the same time. Lupin jizz squirted all over the room and covered the bed til it was white.
But what if I was already picturing the bed with white sheets? Now the fantasy is completely ruined, thanks for nothing Obama Raven Odiane!
Sirius jizz squirted all over Lupin fur and dripped til Lupin as the werewolf was dripping in jizz. They licked up all the jizz they could get
Gee, what a surprise, that's never happened before. And yes, typing while rolling my eyes is quite difficult.
and then got under the covers and fell asleep the way they was.
Ok nice reviews only no flames aloud!
Got it, my flames will remain in nonverbal forms only.
That was really sexy wasn't it?
It was about sex, but that hardly makes it sexy.
I really liked it and I think everyone else did and if they didn't then don't tell me because I don't want to know because that would be very mean.
Certainly would be. In the spirit of treating everyone with equal disrespect, we'll be reviewing our own stories in the next review; Introspection Round II is upon us! Don the sarcasm tongue and seek merriment in the retribution chronicle!