Review #97

Pokemon: Attack of Mewtwo

Story by dark-lemur

Review by Hent

Ahh Pokemon. A awesome game and a shity TV show that we all grew up with.

Chapter 1

this is dark fic it has many dark themes and death and vilence do not read unless you want to

Always a good start.

Hopefully this isn't too edgy for us, you know we're super sensitive to dark themes. On a completely unrelated note, Warnuts won't be joining us because his cage is rusted shut and we can't get him out.


"wake up Sarah" said Sarahs mom.


I hate you already.

Sarah was pokemon trainer who was thirteen years old with black hair and nice smile and really pretty.

She also learn to make fire. She best ever like no one ever was.

"ok mom" said Sara and she rememberd that she was old enough for pokemon journey because pokemon leage changed age that trainers could leave home and Sarah went to see professer Oak.

How is that something you would forget? Oh hay I leave home tomorrow to walk around the world and beat the shit out of other peoples pets for money. I better not sleep in!

Also, why would Dark Lemur bother changing the age that trainers can leave their home? Wouldn't it be a whole lot simpler to change the age of the protagonist?

"Hi Oak" said Sarah and Oak told sarah that he had only one pokemon left.


HAHA FUCK YOU! Take this whether you like it or not.

"It is evee" said Oak and Sarah said it was her favorite and Oak gave her pokeball and sarah let pokemon out.

"eevee" said the eevee. "it is so kawaii"

Ray no!


The word kawaii is off limits in fanfiction, lest ye be accused of writing trollfics.

What about the word かわいい?

Well, according to Google translate that either means "Kawaii" or "Ultra super robot karate tentacle monster warrior." So, I guess it depends on the context.

said sarah (it is japanese for cute ok!)

Hay! Explaining shit in japanese is my thing!

Sarah walked out of labradory

Is that a factory where the greatest breed of dogs is made?

and suddenly mewtwo. "who are you" asked sarah "i am mewtwo


and I hate pokemon trainers and I will explode oaks laboratory so that NO ONE CAN BE TRAINER"

"NO said sarah

"OH, OKAY" said Mewtwo and left.

No one? Ok but what about Professor Elm, Birch, Rowan, Juniper, and Sycamore?......I just realised that they are all types of wood.

The day they name one of them Professor Wood is the day erotic pokemon fanfiction overwhelms the internet.

So are there other Professors out there named after sex genres like me?

We can only hope.

"why do you want to explode lab" "because humans are evil" sad mewtwo

" no mewtwo you are evil"


said sarah and then mewtwo blew up lab anyway


"no" said sarah and saw oak was dead and was



"no why did you do this mewtoo you are evil" said sarah

"Shut up or I EXPLODE YOUR HEAD" said mewtwo

but sarah not listen and mewtwo shat sichic at her.


What the… oh, shot psychic. For a second I thought we were reading German shit fetish porn.

"now she is dead" said mewtwo and flew away

Well that was an odd story, but at least it was short.

but sarah was not dead



and blacked out and so was eve.

then sarah woke up and saw that mewtwo was gone and was sad and sad

"She was adjective and adjective" would have made that a bland statement, but writing the same adjective twice in a row? That's the kind of thing that puts you on a website dedicated to reviewing bad stories.

"mewtwo I will take ravange on u for exploding oaks lab" and decided to train


eevee to become stranger than mewtwo even though mewtwo was legendry and so her pokemon journey begun

Alright commercial break.


Who’s that Pokemon?





Where have you been?

I was at an internship with JD, Chocolate King. I couldn’t pass it up.

Chapter 2

(AN: Thanks for reviews everyone the reason sarah got eevee is becuz oak was breeding them ok and mewtwo has a god reason for acting ooc ok



Math, math, and more math. But at least Mewtwo has a god reason.


here is nex chapter )

Sarah was tired and angry and sad

So is Dark Lemur just throwing feelings at the audience and hoping one of them sticks?

 tears animated GIF

Oh god the feels.

and train hard to defeat mewtwo.

Eve was get ing stronger b/c she was fighting wild pokemon and doing good.

Then a trainer "Hey do you want to battle?" "sure the other trainer was hot and look like 13 year old Zac Efron.

Youngster Joey?

Is his starter Pokemon a



Lets face it; they are both equally stupid shows.

Fair enough, don’t touch my games though.


Bitch I will Duel you into submission!

Your silly card games are no match for my RP skills. I put on my robe and wizard hat, and cast level three eroticism.



Your weak spells have no effect on me wizard!

Other trainer said "go ralts" and then there was ralts.


Ralts? Well I know where this story is going.



That's right, for breeding science.

"what pokeman is that"asked sara


"ralts" said the other trainer that was fighting sarah. And ralts saw that sarah was nice person b/c it read her emo tions like nice book but still wanted to fight her

"ralts confusion" said boy trainer

Clearly Ralts used confusion on the narrator.

"eevee dodge and tackle" said sarah and eevee dodged confusion and used tackle. "ralts use confusion" said trainer and eevee didn't doge it this time. Sarah told eevee to use tackle and eevee did and eevee got critical hit.


Oh man. I’m confused.

Did the ralts hit you?

Ralts? What spell card is that?

"ralts return" said other trainer "your good" "so are ou" said sarah. "I am jake"sad trainer "I am sarah" said sarah. "Oh I had forgotten mewtwo explod oaks lab" she said.

"Nice to meet you, a prominent figure in the trainer community was brutally murdered, my name's Sarah."

"OAKS LAB NO" reply jake "Why you not tell me this?"


"I am train to defeat mewtwo!" yelled sarah


"mewtwo is legendry you cant' fight him own ur own. You will need help let me join you"

"okay" said sarah "We should catch pokemon" said lake and they saw some pokemon and they caught them.

Convenient plot elements are convenient.

Suddenly mewtwo teleported there.

Well, it's marginally better than My Immortal. Here characters appear and disappear out of nowhere, but at least their change in presence is actually addressed.

"You again?" said mewtwo. "I thought I killed you along with res of lab." Sarah and Jake were scarred because their pokemon were weekend and mewtwo was stong and smart and tough.

Hold on. Mewtwo, the most powerful psychic Pokemon ever, didn’t know that they were still alive?

Mew2 raised hand but then another mewtwo apeared. "what" said Sarah. "what" said Jake. "what" said the first mewtwo.

“What!” said Hentai Man

There’s a reason it’s Mew2.

The new mewtwo look at other mewtwo and said "you have have killed humens and ruin my good name you will pay…


… … … … … … … … … … … … … …


… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …



(AN: Dun dun dun)

*Insert bad joke about Mewthree here*

Mega Mewtwo X or Y? Bad joke accomplished.


Chapter 3

(A/N Because of confusing evil mewtwo will be called mewthree

Hent, your joke is even better now.

God damn it it’s canon.

from now on and I know now the title does nt make sense but TOO BAD)

Mewtwo and Mewthree faxed each other.

Why not just text? It’s much faster than faxing.


Mewtwo shoot shadow balls at mewthree and mewthree dogded balls and laffed "you are infearier clone mewtwo now I kill you for trying to stop me from wiping out human race ha ha"

Haha! Killing humans is funny.


"who are you" asked mewtwo "I am mewthree and humans made me from your genetics but I hat humans"



"No!" shouted mewtwo "how dare they use my genetic its MY GENETIC NOT YORS"

Suddenly a clon army came out from behind mewthree

"it is the attack of the clones"

That’s copyrighted Dark Lemur

Shout out to Star Trek.


said Sarah and mewto teleportled themt o lab. "where is this?" asked jake "I once tried to kill humans too" said mewto "but now I use my science for good I cannot fight clone army alone you must help me"

What are you talking about? Clones are always a good thing! Isn’t that right Hentai Jr.?

You bet dad!

Part of me doesn't want to know why you made him. But, most of me does.

Ease. I made them for


the life insurance money.

Mewtwo used genetics on there pokemon and they evolved and becum stronger than normal pokemon

"Mewtwo used genetics! It's super effective!"

except for Sarah's eevee which could evolve into any evolushon


I can’t find that pokemon evolution.

when ever she wanted then turn back the eevee was also pink and blue in stead of brown and whit.


Sarah isn't even the Mary Sue in this story, it's Eevee!

Pink and blue? No. Shiny all the way.


Well brace for nerd rage.



"Now you are ready to fight mewthree" said mewtwo

and then jake turned on television and saw that clone army was already killing humans and jake was mad "we have to stop the clones" said jake and mewtwo teleported them to the city where the clone pokemon were attacking but mewthree wasn't there and it made them mad.

Damn it, our spontaneous teleportation wasn’t fast enough to catch them!

Please don't tempt Dark Lemur to give them time travel, you know she would.

"I will find mewthree" said mewtwo and mewtwo teleported and left them to fight clones all on own but the trainers were ready "let's go". And hoped they were god enough to stop clones.

You two have been trainers for about an hour now. Go fight an army. I know you can do it!

(AN: btw the attack of the clones thing is a pun on star wars if you didn't know. no im not a troll Im a humen

Humen Town in Dongguan City?

and if you dont like dont read and if you flame that means your just jealous

Flame? Ok. Retributionists! Use flamethrower!




It’s not very effective. Only 40 damage.

otherwise thanks for review)

You bet!

Chapter 4

(AN: I know Im not very gud at spelling


but I don't think matters you can still understan me rite?

I can understand you, sure. The problem is, a plethora of spelling errors shows an apparent lack of fucks given about your own story. And really, when you don't give a fuck about your own story, it's downright inconsiderate to expect others to.

Not true. I considered whether or not we should do this story.

Besides English not first language.

Si puedo hacer una frase medio decente en español, usted puede usar Inglés. Or better yet, don't bother with English. I'm sure people who speak your language would love to read this exhilarating plot about a contextless villain contextlessly killing a contextless world but being thwarted by a contextless hero and her contextless entourage.

Also I have not played pokemon games so I don't no how to spell certain moves

I didn’t know there was a Pokemon move called “know”.

ok but like I sad it dont matter and

Sarah and Jake find themselves in Safron cityand saw clones everywere. "Their everywere" said Jake.


 "Dont worry!" said Sarah and then Eevee turned into an umbrion but it was still pink.

 Umbrion  Her Umbrion

mewthree odered the clones to attack, and they started to blow buildings.

"The first buildings were made of straw…"

Didn’t she just say that Mewthree wasn’t there? Wasn’t that the hole point of Mewtwo leaving?

"No there were people in there!" said Jake. "Gallad go!" then Gallaid came out.

What the fuck…. you have a Pokemon Fanfiction...and you use the male version of Gardevoir?


It was blue and white and shiny.

This is actually the correct color of the shiny.

"Syco cut" ordered Jake and then the gallaid used Syco cut which hurt a weezing clone.

Then a chairzard started to breath fire at them but Eevee turned to vaporion to stop it then it used hydro pimp.


Hydro Pimp is my new favorite pokemon.

If we ever start selling shirts, this is going to be one of them.

Then more clones came and Eevee changed form to stop them but there were too many of them. "There are too many of them" sad Jake.

Normally I would advise writers to show instead of tell, but in this case, I would settle for only telling once.

Normally I would advise writers to show instead of tell, but in this case, I would settle for only telling once.

Normally I would advise writers to show instead of tell, but in this case, I would settle for only telling once.

Normally I would advise writers to show instead of tell, but in this case, I would settle for only telling once.

God damn it! Leave me alone Yellow!

Doctor Martin, did you happen to double major in psychology? Or can you at least pretend you did? I think Hent could use a psych eval.

I’m telling you! Yellow is here!


Haha Ray doesn't believe you.

Shut up yellow!


This is going to be a beautiful friendship.

God damn it Yellow.

And then they sent out a bunch of other pokemon and they started to do well against clones but there were still too many.

Then Saraj

Dark Lemur, I am giving you the look of very judgement.

looked up in the sky and saw somone with purple hair riding on garchomp it was Paul.

Oh, he's that character from the show that I stopped watching long before he was a character in the show I stopped watching.

I feel like she made it up, garchomps don’t fly.

"LEAVE HER ALONE YOU DAMN CLONS" said Paul and he sent out a bunch of pokemon and beat up the rest of the clones.

So it only took three random trainers to defeat Mewthree's entire army of clones?


"Thank you Paul" said Sarah "No prolbem" said Paul. "Jus here to help".

He then flew off into the distance while a rainbow appeared.  

Jake was jealus because Paul was look amazing but Sara dint notice. Suddenly Mewthree in the sky. "Attenton every one I have just beat Mewtwo and now I will destoy all humans no one can stop me"

"Just thought I'd let you know. Perhaps making this speech has provided a window of opportunity for someone to attack me, but what are the odds of that?"

“While I’m at it. I would like everyone to know that I am a Psychic type Pokemon and that I am weak against Dark, Ghost or Bug type moves.”

"I can" said Sarah and Mewthree laughed. "How will you beat me when I am up here and you are down there? I will kill you from sky and you not reach me!"

That doesn't even make sense within the logic of this story! Paul flew into the scene only a few sentences ago!

"He's right" said Jake but then umbrion grew big yellow wingsand flew up to Mewthree.



Is it that hard to understand?

The plus sign; why are those two things being added together?

"What" said Mewthree "How did you do that". "It was special modify" said Umbrion "You talk too" said Mewthree

Not only does Umbreon talk, but Umbreon has terrible taste in first words.

and then umbrion used faint

"Umbreon used faint! Umbreon fainted, good job dumbass!"

Sorry Ray but feint is an actual Pokemon attack.

and attack and it was super effective.

False! Feint is a Normal type move. Feint Attack however is a Dark move, so it would be Super effective.

*adjusts glasses* But umbreon is a naturally defensive pokemon, with proper ev stats it wouldn’t have the damage to OHKO a Mewtwo even with the super effective typing.


"So Mewtwo used genetics on your pokemon I didn't expect this I will have to retreat. But Ill be back for reveng!" saidMewthree and then he teliported away.

"No fair!" said Jake

"No fair, he's teleporting just like we were earlier!"

"How did that happen" asked Sarah "Mewtwo gave me extra special genetics. " said Umbrion then turned back to Eevee. "I am sorry for keeping secret" "Its okay" said Sarah. "But we need to find Mewthree we should train for next math.

Next math? Fucking Algebra!

 I'll get you Mewthree".

Was that a chapter? Seemed like a giant author’s note.

Chapter 5

(AN Stop it I said I wasnt a troll OK!

That honestly might be worse.

But thanks to people who liked it I didn't mean fo it 2 be funny

If it wasn’t supposed to be funny, what were you going for?

She was probably going for awesome, but that's such a vague target that not many writers can actually hit it.

Awesome implies that you make everyone happy, and if you’re any good at writing you know that’s impossible.

but Im glad you like also I got firs real pokemon game pokemon Heart Gol

Heart Gold is not the first pokemon game. It is an altered remake of the original.

and its pretty good and I decide to put in elemens from that game. Before I only watched movies and TV show so it was bit different but still good. Why is Ash look different tho?

Because Ash is only a character in the show!


Sarah Jack n Paul decide to hell out citie and look for surviver. "We should look for survivors" said Paul sexily


Allow me to remind the writers of erotica that sexily is the most downright useless word in their vocabulary. It adds nothing to the actions and conveys nothing to the reader.

...but...but sexy!

It's not sexy I have a problem with, it's the notion that these writers have no idea what sexy truly is.

Damn right! sexy is


"Ok" said Sarah and they look for survors. Sarah was distracted by Pauls nice hiAR and sexy bod and made Jake jealous Stop looking at me like that" sid Paul. Jake god idea. "Gallad use telikineses (I think that's how its spelled)

Oh my God, use spell check, or a dictionary, or ask someone, or; oh my god it’s more work to put that quote: GAH.

You should be use to this by now Doc.

It’s not the misspelling that’s bugging me, it’s the acknowledgement of the misspelling, and not doing anything about it.

and Gallad put the buildings back together. "Good job" said Jake and they found som survivors and they rescue them.

"I must go now. " said Paul "There are more ppl that need help". "No don't go!" said Sarah. "We need all the help we can get to beatMewthree he is very stong"

I mean, is he really?

You did just beat an army of him. I think one should be easy.

"Okay" said Paul.

But wait, what about those other people who need him? Are they just shit out of luck now or what?

Jake pulled Sarah aside and aksed "do you like Paul" "I guess so" said Sarah and made Jake sad because he was IN LOVE with Sarah. "Do you like him like him" asked Kake "Maybe" said Sarah "Why?" "Sarah I love you" said Jake. "Really"said Sarah "really" said Jake and then they kissed.


You know what, forget it, I've ranted about love enough as it is.

...I like my sex to have some build up to it but...this in a new one. Quite spontaneous.

(AN: Paul is 13 in this story so it not weird OK)

Hmm, something about this phrasing is telling me that our author is also 13 years old…

If they do anything else, then it will be weird.

"We ned to find Mewthree" said Paul.

Oh yeah! No time for character development. Back to the “Plot

"My gallaid has psikic powers" said Jake and Gallaid used sichic powers to find mewthree "He is in the belt ower but it is far away to teleport to so we will have to drive there on motorcycles"said Gallad telepathetically "I will give u motorcycles" said one of the survivors who owned a motorcycle shop who they rescued earlier.

Something feels familiar here…


Sarah Jake an Paul drove fast as wind and got to new bark ton and saw salamens there "What is salamens doing here" said Pail "I am super clone made bymewthree I am 2nd only to mewthree and am 2nd in comman" said salemend

So Mewthree could choose anybody in the world to clone for his right hand man, and he chose a random motorcycle salesman? Well in that case, here's a .gif of a primate pissing in its own mouth, because it's exactly as reasonable.


I think she’s referring to the pokemon Salamence:


Yeah, but that would actually make sense, so I figured it was impossible.

Ah, wonderful point.

"I will be making sure you never redach mewthree DIE!"

Chapter 6

(AN: He everyone there is PLOT TWIST in chapter not gunna spoil it for u tho)

Too late, you ruined it.

Slamence clawed Sarah in face and evee turned vaporeon to sop it but slamence use dargon bread


I’ll have a slice!

on it and hurt.

"Ha ha ha" say Salamence "you are week and will die"

{NO" said Sarah"I wont let you kill" but salamens attached Paul an Jake before sent outpoekmon and they were lie on ground.

"You cant stop me" said Salamenc. Edward Cullen.


That reminds me. Mart! As new Mr. Super God Boss King Man; You will be reviewing Twilight. The book.


Get started.

"Now you will die" but suddenly sarah start to glow.

Sarah was rhydon "Whats happening to me". "what" said Jake an

Paul. "Sarah you are excape genetic experiment from mewthree you had mew dan so you could transfrom at Will but you forgot and was adopted by family. he mad you human so you could live with humans but kill them when time I control you now" then salamence took out remote and control Sarah


Dark Lemur, I doubt the verisimilitude of your ill-explained genetic modification diegesis compounded by incessant opprobrium of mutilated interchange and furthermore denounce the prospect of Japanese Pocket Monsters and Stephanie Meyer abominations coexisting without either addressing the dissimilar until this current state of vagary!

Thats devastating to my case!

For the last time Mr. Hent. That is not an excuse.


Yes your honor….. stupid bitch.

"no" said Sarah "now kill friends Jake and Paul" laughed Salamence evilly. Sarah charge hyper beam and aim at Jake "no don't" say Jake but Sarah couldn't stop it. But then Sarah think of how she love Jake and dint want to hurt him so she shot at tree instad

"She couldn't stop it, except she could, and did."

"what no" saySalamence. "Mine control will never defeat poer of luv!" say Sarah. Then salamence turn into jet"if you won't kill friends then I will for you" but sarah turn into Articuno and used ice beam because it was his weakness and remote destroy "no" and fainted.

Ok I have no clue whats going on any more. Hentai Man uses selfdestruct.


"so you are genetic expertiment" Jake"I guess so" said sarah "come on we have hurry!" and she turn into arodactil and they all got on and gly to bell "Ill get you mewthee

I… I’m not sure what to say. If I could turn into any pokemon I wanted at any time, I’m sure I would never forget it.

Chapter 7

AM: this LAST CHAPTER every1 then it don tho I may make


If you're going to misspell sequel, don't bother capitalizing it. In fact, if you're going to misspell sequel, don't bother writing one.

Is it just me or is the spelling getting progressively getting worse as we go on?

sera to fly bell towel and say mewthree "mewthree I challenge you to pokemon battle" "ok" saw mewthree "I chooce me"


and shoot black hole at sarah. "No" say sarah and dog.

Who is dog? Why is dog?

"I will creat world without pokemon trainers" said mewthree. "Humans make pokemon slave and I hate that and humans. I dint expect to see you again but you will not get in mi weigh." "you kill Oak an Lary

Who the flying fuck was Lary?

an mewto and other people too. "say Sarah.

"You cant stop me I will kill al humans so that no one can be trainer!" say mewthree. Sarah point! "Shut up or I explode your head!" and became mewtwo too.

So they're both Mewtwo, except one of them is called Mewthree and the other is also human? Makes… sense…

As always, it helps if you don’t think about it.

Just bask in that sentences glory. “Shut up or I explode your head!” Such art!

"Impossable! said mewtree" "You born me but now I kill you" said sarah. "You may be me but YOU ARE NOT LEVEL"

“You are not prepared.”

and uses shadow billit was super effect but eeve jumped in front and it dint hurt him. "Why help human?" said mewthee "I am friend of sarah" said eevee.

Mowthree was confused din't understan why eve help sarah"what is friend?" said mewthree. "friends are people who nice each other and help other and are" say jake but mew3 still not understan. "now I will firght for reind" Then Jake send out zorark witch he caut but forgot to tell and it use dark plus. "ow" said mewtwo then sarah became ms. drevus and evee umbrn and hurt mewthree too.

I don’t know what you mean! This fight sounds epic, but I have no idea what you are talking about because you misspell everything!

Mwthree fought bake too but couldnt. "" and faint

tara was sad for mewthree and use revive.

Shit - Ray don’t look.


Oh no you don’t!


"why you do that" say paul "why you do that" say mewthree. "mewthro humans shouldnt killed" say eevee "pokemon like train." mewthree was sad and mad and confuse "sarah I will not kill humans now. "


say mewthree and sarah knew he wasnt ling.

Mewthree flew into sky with sad face. "I will help human now" and teleport awa.

"we did it!" sag paul. "yay!" say eevee.


Then Jake and Sarah start kissin to celebrate. "sarah jake and paul you are heroes" say people and made a parade.

Thank god it’s finally over. Well theres only one way we can end this story.

Oh hell no!


Like that door will help you.



Oh Shit!


Alright, you got him, but you don't have to—