Review #93

Daddy's Punishment

Story by PandaSerephym

Review by Ray




The sun pours through my un-curtained window and blinds me awake. The pain shooting through my corneas as my eyes instinctively open causes me to wince and roll over violently in my bed.

 

Unless the entire sun literally did pour through her window, her reaction shouldn't be that violent. If you're blinded and thrashing in pain when you wake up, it's not the sun; take cover, because somebody threw a flashbang through your window.

Now that I have a headache, I might as well get up.

Just as I walk into the bathroom and begin to pull my panties down to pee,

Well that came out of nowhere.

the bathroom door opens startling me making me jerk them back up. When I look to see who is barging in on me I see my older brother standing in the doorway.

And that came right along with it. So we're only two paragraphs in, and the story is already about the sun assaulting a girl who has to take a piss but can't because of her brother. I'll give the story some credit, it doesn't waste any time getting to the point.

“Excuse me, asshole! Get out!” I yell pushing his chest.

 

He's probably just checking on you because he heard the tactical photon strike taking place in your room.

Instead of obeying me, he steps in the bathroom with me and closes the door behind him.

Or he wants some, I guess that's also a reasonable possibility.

Before I can react, he grabs me by the waist pulling me into him as his soft, warm lips land on mine and his tongue forces its way into my mouth.

 

I'm sorry, what? First of all, the brother should know that if he's going to do this at all, he's chosen about the worst time and place. Second, get your voice together narrator; are you shocked and offended, or happy and comforted? Because if you're shocked you shouldn't be noticing how soft and warm his lips are, certainly not right away. And based on the next sentence, she's clearly not happy. At least, not initially.

I want to pull away and scream at him, but he holds me tight against him and I suddenly begin to melt in his arms as I kiss him back.

 

I can just picture PandaSerephym thinking to herself, "Hm, I'd like to write an incest story, one with some tsundere elements. But I don't really want to take any time with character development, creating a moderately realistic scenario, or naming anybody. I know! I'll put it on Adult Fanfciton, it's perfect! The standards are incredibly low there, and this story is definitely fanfiction, because I'm a fan of fictional incest. Yeah, this is gonna be good, now all I have to do is take a 2,291 word shit on my keyboard."

 

I feel him reach behind him and I hear the door as it locks.

“Good morning, little sister.” He says to me as he lets go of me and turns the shower on.

 

Really? That's what the brother says after kissing his sister? Not some confession of love, not some devious rape scheme, but just a casual greeting?

 

I really don't know how to feel about that. It's completely unrealistic, there's no way he could do it with a straight face, but it's still well played.

He strips his boxers off and asks, “Care to join me?” as he stands in front of me naked.

I’m speechless and I don’t know what to do.

 

He grabs the bottom of my tank top and I raise my arms as he pulls it over it my head revealing my breasts. As he slides my panties down my legs, my cheeks begin to grow red as he looks at what’s really between my legs.

 Surprise Motherfucker - Surprise Motherfucker  Surprise Doakes

Fully clothed, I am a girl. I have long, silky brown hair, gorgeous green eyes, and a full chest, but when you take off all the clothes, I have a cock and balls between my legs.

In terms of biology, that's fair enough; it may not be typical, but I won't say it's impossible. But something about this interaction between the brother and sister doesn't add up. It stands to reason that she'd at least consider hiding her penis from him, since she'd been hiding it for her entire life. But nope, she doesn't give a single fuck. Apparently it's just a coincidence that he never knew about her atypical gender until now.

I was born this way and growing up I’ve been told that I could get an operation to make into a woman fully, but why bother?

A decent question, but I think a better question is why you chose right now to give this character a backstory.

From what I’ve seen and heard, having a vagina isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’d rather keep my cock.

“Come on, little sister, get in.” He smiles at me and holds the shower door open for me as I step in with him.

Wow, he didn't miss a beat over that dick reveal. Again, it's completely unrealistic; even if he's bisexual it would take a moment to process that his sister might be his brother. But again, well played.

This time when he grabs my waist and pulls me into him, I wrap my arms around his neck as he kisses me and squeezes my ass. I could feel my cock hardening against his as it twitched.

Did we just drift into the past tense for a sentence?

 

I push him back enough to let go of me and push on his shoulders making him drop to his knees. Gripping his hair, I hold his head in place with my cock positioned at his mouth as I start pissing.

 

He opens his mouth and drinks the warm liquid willingly as it dribbles down his chin and chest.

 

This clearly isn't their first time. I'm willing to believe that the brother has selective amnesia and simply forgot the about the sister's penis, but I don't believe for a second that all of this would go down so smoothly; certainly not if they'd never been with each other before.

He starts stroking his own as he begins to suck mine and massages my balls with his free hand. Keeping a grip on his hair, I force my entire 7 inch cock down his throat and face-fuck him. He may be a few years older than me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make him my bitch.

So when did they switch roles? First the brother was in charge, asserting his dominance with a kiss and sealing it by locking the door behind him. Now he's letting her face fuck him after pissing down his throat.

 

Did she hypnotize him with her dick? And has it really gotten to the point where I have to ask that question?

“Stand up.” I order him as I let go of his hair and pull my cock out of his mouth.

I'd like to amend something I said earlier. It's true that this story doesn't waste any time, but now I see that it's because this story has ADHD.

 

"I hate waking up, now I'm taking a piss, now my brother wants to fuck me, now I have a dick, now I'm taking a piss on my brother, now I'm fucking him, now I'm fucking him another way, now I'm fisting a koala, now I'm saving earth from martians, blah blah blah et cetera head explode exclamation point."

As he stands, I turn him around and push him against the wall making his ass stick out toward me. I wrap one arm around his stomach as I reach underneath him with the other and start to play with his balls. He tries grabbing his cock, but I slap his hand away.

Talk about a dick move.

“Little sister, you’re such a tease.” He whispers.

A whisper which went unheard. For one thing, his voice should be hoarse from piss and throat fucking. And second, the shower is still on, meaning he's probably going to have to speak up a bit.

I slap his ass hard enough to echo the sound and make his body quiver. Knowing his ass is still a virgin;

Nope, hold up, stop right there. Don't get me wrong; I appreciate the semicolon. But how does she already know that his ass hasn't been fucked before?

I place the head of my cock on his asshole and roughly shove it inside of him making him groan in pain.

Dick. Move.

I grab both of his wrists and hold them tightly behind his back as I begin to pound his tight little asshole.

"We then slip on the wet shower floor and crack our skulls open, leaving the police with one hell of a mystery to solve."

The intense pleasure of being inside of him was something completely new to me. The only others I had ever fucked before were my close female friends who wanted to experiment with me once they knew my dirty secret and that was purely vaginal.

 

Anal sex is a bit different, sure. But completely different? When you're the dominant one, not really. I don't blame PandaSerephym for thinking about this from the perspective of being the one fucked. But as you can see from her profile picture, she clearly has somebody who she could do some fact checking with.

 

Wait…

 

 

 

Tara Gilesbie, we meet again you tenacious little fuck! Your grammar may have improved and you may be older now, but that trollicious smile into the camera hasn't changed a bit!

I didn’t last as long as I was hoping to as I push into him hard, my cock twitching furiously as I have the most powerful orgasm I’ve ever experienced. Feeling slightly embarrassed,

 

You pissed in his mouth and felt nothing; you do not get to be embarrassed over finishing early.

I roughly move my brother and switch positions with him.

“Now it’s your turn, big brother.” I say sweetly sticking my ass out in front of him begging him to enter me.

“Are you ready, little sister?” He whispers into my ear.

"'No shit,' I whisper back."

Before I can reply, he pushes his long, hard erection into my ass and starts pounding me fast and hard. My cock hardens again and bounces with every thrust he makes. He grips my hips so tight it could bruise and I love the sound of his wet flesh smacking against mine over and over again.

Actual descriptions of the sex instead of simply stating what position they were in and how good it felt? Not bad Tara, you've come a long way from, "Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what."

Once I felt him sum inside of me,

Dammit unnamed brother, now it not the time for math!

I no longer felt embarrassed for not lasting very long.

Just as he came inside of me there was someone pounding on the door. Once I heard the voice I knew it was Daddy.

Well surely he'll put a stop to this, right?

“What is all this noise, what’s going on in there?! Open this door at once!” Daddy kept screaming.

"It's nothing daddy, we were just playing… brother on sister buttfucking? No wait, let me try that again."

My brother turned off the shower and we scrambled to get our clothes back on, but before we could even step out of the shower there was a loud CRACK! Daddy kicks the door in

 

Dayum, he really doesn't fuck around.

breaking the lock and handle walking in on brother and I still naked and with erections. Daddy was wearing his big, plush, navy robe wide open with nothing under it. Seeing his hairy, toned body kept my cock hard as I started at his delicious looking cock, even flaccid, and his big set of balls.

Yeah, that's how she would react. She certainly wouldn't shit herself in fear, she'd just think of how sexy her dad is.

“What do you two think you’re doing?” Daddy asks pulling his robe back and resting his hands on his hips.

Does anyone in this story have a shred of shame? Anyone at all?

“I’m sorry, Daddy.” I said in a small, little girl voice with puppy dog eyes.

“I’m going to have to punish you both severely. I expect to see you in my room in 5 minutes. And don’t bother getting dressed.” Daddy demanded as he walked out of the bathroom and went back to his bed room.

 

Gee, I wonder what his punishment will be?

“I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to this punishment.” I say to my brother smiling as I drop my clothes and start to walk toward the broken door.

“I would be, too, if someone hadn’t torn my ass apart!” Brother says as he smiles back at me and bumps my shoulder with his.

These characters are devoid of character. They simply fit themselves into whichever mold Tara wants at a particular moment.

 

Let's start with the brother. He was introduced as detached and in charge, then became pathetically submissive, and now he's a regular ol' jokester. If the context were significantly different it would be understandable, but it really hasn't changed; he's still just in a room with his sister.

 

This shouldn't come as a shock considering it was written by Tara; the sister is a massive Mary Sue. She was born special because she's a girl with a penis. She's proud and perfect and in charge, but also vulnerable and taken advantage of and just not sure of what to do. Not to mention she has abilities that go far beyond what's realistic when it comes to sex, because something very clearly should've gone awry long before the dad showed up.

“You’re the one who wanted it!” I remind him as I stick my tongue out at him.

We walk down the hall and reach Daddy’s room where the door is closed. Both of us still naked and dripping wet, we knock on the door.

“Come in here now.” Daddy answers.

 

Brother opened up the door and I followed him inside, closing it behind me.

And here we once again see a brief lapse into the past tense. Why? Because fuck consistency, that's why.

Daddy had taken off his robe and there hand and ankle cuffs set up on his bed as well as a table filled with dildos, vibrators, different types of lubrications, whips, riding crops, blind folds, nipple clamps, and other assorted kinkster gear.

I have a hunch he had everything set up long before he knocked on the door…

Obediently, brother and I stood there near the door waiting for a command as Daddy walked up to us.

Standing in front of me, Daddy began to get an erection as he began to play with breasts and nipples and kissing and licking my neck. Brother stood watching us and started stroking himself as one of Daddy’s hands reached down and began to stroke me.

I also have a hunch that this isn't really a punishment…

As I started to moan from the pleasure, my face was thrown as Daddy slapped me so hard my cheek stung as it went numb.

Yeah, still not convinced.

Leaving me there with a red cheek and a throbbing erection, he moved over to brother and started to kiss him hard, shoving his tongue down his throat.

"He was at first disgusted to find that it tasted like piss, but shortly thereafter changed his mind completely, because that's what everyone fucking does in this story."

He stopped just as quickly as he started and grabbed brother by the throat holding him tight enough to where brother’s breathing sounded more like wheezing and dragged him to the bed. Daddy choke slammed brother onto his bed and began to fasten the cuffs onto his wrists and ankles.

"You want kinky? Smoke a whole pack of kinky!"

“Get over here.” Daddy demanded and I obeyed.

I walked over and stood next to him next to the bed. He ordered me to get on top of brother and sit on his face.

Oh no, how terrible?

I climbed onto him and hovered my ass above his face close enough to feel his tongue wiggling. Daddy pushed down on my hips making me actually sit on brother’s face with his tongue in my ass. Then he pushed my head down onto brother’s cock shoving his erection down my throat and holding me there. I came up for air as soon as he let go of my neck and I lifted my ass so brother could breathe as well.

Suddenly,

Except not so suddenly because the reader has to take the time to read the word suddenly, making it less sudden than if you had just gotten to the point of the sentence.

there was a burning sensation on my back as something came in contact with my flesh. Daddy had hit me with the riding crop.

I get the crazy impression that Tara might have some daddy issues.

“Get up, you little slut!” He yelled and hit my back again and again until I finally made my way off the bed.

He unfastened the cuffs around brother’s wrists and ankles and flipped him over onto his stomach. He refastened the cuffs with brother on his stomach and he reached for one of the blind folds.

Is it even worthwhile to restate that so much about this story is completely unrealistic? I'm sure anyone reading this can come up with at least five reasons all by themselves. Hell, Tara can probably come up with dozens of faults from memory alone.

Daddy tied it around brother’s eyes and picked up the riding crop again. I jumped at each smacking noise as whipped brother’s back and ass with the crop.

I'm pretty sure you a name.

With every smack, brother let out a big moan from both pain and pleasure.

Once Daddy was satisfied with the amount of red welts he left on brother’s skin, he climbed on top of brother and began stroking his cock above brother’s ass.

“Did Daddy make your ass sore, you little slut?” Daddy asked and brother nodded his head. “Speak when you answer me!” Daddy screamed and slapped the welts on brother’s ass.

“Yes, sir!” Brother yelled out. I watched as the welts began to bleed.

So now that he's drawn some blood, the father will of course realize the error of his ways and put a stop to this.

“Let’s make it hurt worse.” Daddy said in a sinister voice as he rested the head of his cock on brother’s entrance.

 

Brother let out a loud howl as Daddy pushed his hard, throbbing erection inside his asshole. I started masturbating as I stood there and watched Daddy pound brother until he cried.

Way to show some sympathy. Seriously, who acts this way?

Brother shot his loud on the bed and Daddy continued to fuck him until he looked over and caught me. Quickly, he pulled out of brother’s ass jumping off the bed and slapping my hand away from my cock.

"How dare you masturbate even though your brother was masturbating earlier and I didn't care!"

He then pushed on my shoulders until I collapsed to my knees where Daddy grabbed the back of my head and forced his cock all the way down my throat causing me to gag hard. He held it there, depriving me of air as punishment for pleasing myself.

He knows that erotic asphyxiation is a thing, right?

My cheeks grew redder and redder as I sat there. Just as I felt my lungs burning and like I was about to pass out, Daddy let go of me and pulled his cock away allowing me to catch my breath as I lay on the floor.

I watched as Daddy unfastened the cuffs from brother’s wrists and ankles again and demanded him to stand up. Brother wearily stood as he was told and Daddy commanded he follow him over to me.

Seriously, can we get these characters some names? I know, it's probably a BDSM thing, but it makes the narration a tad bit difficult to read.

They lifted me up by my arms and legs and I was put in brother’s place on my back on Daddy’s bed.

I was cuffed just like brother was, but only by hands.

So you mean to say that you were cuffed differently than your brother was.

I started to regain a little bit of my strength and conciousness as Daddy picked up a penis pump and slid the tube onto brother and began pumping. I watched brother’s cock grow inside the pump and the veins started to throb. When brother was fully hard again and then some, Daddy picked up a silicone cock ring with a little vibrator piece attached to it and placed it around brother’s erection. Daddy had brother climb on top of me with his knees around my neck.

Well, I'm lost. What are all of these sex toys for? What position are they in? Who the hell knows, let's just hope it's all leading up to something good.

Brother face fucked me as I felt Daddy lift my legs and enter my ass. He stroked my cock and massaged my balls as he penetrated me. I gladly obliged with brother penetrating my mouth and held my hands on his hips helping his hips thrust.

Even though it specifically said that her hands were cuffed.

Brother came in my mouth and I swallowed it all like a delicious candy.

Tara, what the fuck kind of candy have you been eating?

Daddy continued to fuck me furiously as brother climbed off of me and tried sitting down next to me. I wrapped my legs tightly around Daddy’s waist as he pushed in as hard and deep as he could as he spilled his hot seed inside of me causing me to cum all over my stomach.

Daddy got up, uncuffed me, and sat down next to me. He softly caressed my face and smiled at brother.

 

Tara, you're going to push for a touching moment right now? Really?

“You two need to get in trouble more often so Daddy can punish you more.” Daddy claimed with a smirk on his face as he helped me sit up and he hugged me.

It's funny because he's horribly abusive and probably belongs in a cage somewhere.

“Maybe we can not break the skin next time? This is going to hurt for weeks!” Brother complained and let out a small chuckle as Daddy walked over and kissed brother before letting us go back to our own rooms to clean up.

Until we meet again Tara, until we meet again.