Review #86

Desert Bus Ride 1: A Romance Story and for Ladies

Story by Peter Chimaera

Review by Ray

Desert Bus is not an interesting game. Desert Bus Ride 1: A Romance Story and for Ladies is not a good story.

Desert Bus Ride #1 - A Romance Story and for Ladies

Sorry to disappoint ladies, but Chimaera has yet to write Desert Bus Ride #2.

Mr. Oakland was he driving. He was drive to get the place, was Las Vegas but hads made make to drive all the way for eight hours approximately.

Syntax? It fuck, nobody syntax needs. Semantics? Not banana probable, it’s only the meaning mushroom language after wall. An amusing plot? Let’s go for an eight hour ride on my bus, then try to talk to me about an amusing plot.

"Oh great" he am talk loudly at him!

Who am talk loudly at who? Mr. Oakland and the narrator?

It was too long for enjoyable ride.


Just suddenly there was time to drive faster.

And for some silly reason I was expecting steadfast dedication to the canon, where not only is there no time to drive faster, but there’s no possibility to drive faster.

"Oh no, speed limit" he announcered to his driving bus who was shocked.


I must’ve read that sentence wrong, let’s go over it again.

"Oh no, speed limit"

The bus driver is worried about the higher speed limit. Keep in mind, if he feels like sticking to forty five miles per hour, there’s no law stopping him. And if he’s worried about the nonexistent drivers around him driving faster, the he probably shouldn’t have become a bus driver.

he announcered

Why? Was this just too distressing to internalize?

to his driving bus

The actual bus, not the people?

who was shocked.

I would be surprised if something mildly interesting happened as well, but shock is a little much.


So I did read it right. That was one hell of a sentence.

They wondered what was his drive problem.

Well if he’s acting like the narrator he’s probably having a stroke.

The passengers became listen to him as he told them what happen.

"It is powerful drive across desert. No man has ever"

And yet there’s a road, made with the use of vehicles which drove along said road while constructing it.

"No man?" said them quietly.

"One man is, he is powerful warlock and he discover this desert incredibily"


"Scares children," one mother said and she was scared with earmuffs.


Is not cold in desert so Mr. Oakland did not know why she wear them so he leafs bus operation to investigate.


A man who was there drove as well because he could drive a bus with his license.

Would there also happen to be an EMT on board? Because this bus driver is clearing experiencing some sort of medical problem.

The earmuffs were made of scientific discovery.

In that case I take it back, the safety of everyone aboard the bus is clearly superseded by this investigation.

"It keep me cool while we bus drive." She explanned.


Mr. Oakland decided to be believe her story

Even though it was pretty far fetched.


but knew there was something up.

"We nearly hit a skunk," said the driver man who was named Bob Orlando and he speaked with no nervousness for the task was unfrightening.

Narrator, don’t tell us what didn’t happen. Tell us what did happen. The only time you tell us what didn’t happen is when we expect that it would. But in this case you explicitly clarified that it would be stupid if it happened.

"We did not hit so it okay"

"I must drive for safety," Mr. Oakland say and he get back into wheel.

I think the safest course of action is if nobody drives and the passengers take their chances in the desert.

Bob Orlando fall.

"He's sick"

Then he’s in good company.

"No," Bob replied. "Thank you for your concern, kind woman. I have losted my balancing."

This is an anti story. It sets up a conflict, then the conflict ends with very little in between. It’s almost clever. Almost. The idea behind the game is very similar, but with one key difference; the game sets up a conflict, then the conflict ends with eight hours of very little in between. This story just isn’t sadistic enough to be entertaining.

When he gets up they find blood.

"How far to Las Vegas and if they have hospital" the lady woman said with her dress in her fist.

Good question, who knows if the iconic city with hundreds of thousands of people has a hospital nearby.

"It is seven hours and forty five minutes more

It’s only been fifteen minutes? Turn the fuck back to Tucson and get every variety of professional help this bus so clearly needs.

so hold on for speed, but we must make most of gasoline"

So they did not speed up.

"I am okay," Bob putted his hand on the blood and it stop so it was only small blood. "What is name"

Name is what you call thing. Article is what’s missing from sentence.

"Margaret," she say distantly as look out window into desert. It was hot so she holding dress carefully in case of hot exhausting.

Pardon me for not being an avid dress wearer, but what kind of dress gets noticeably cooler depending on how you hold it?

"I see you are wearing expensive dress"

"Thank you, it is one of my favourite clothing but it is not important. I have meet my boyfriend in Las Vegas and he will be in trouble"

A point of interest? Quick, change the subject!

Bob was sad that she had girlfriend but knew he would win her triumphantly to like him and maybe get a very good cup of coffee.

phew, coffee, that should be boring enough.

"But why?" he ask of information.

"My boyfriend is work for FBI and they have dangerous terroristm"

"That is outrageous," Bob demanded.

Is Bob just now learning that terrorism exists? What planet has this bus come from?

"I hope he is safe"

"Thank you for concerning you"

Mr. Oakland thought carefully, it was too hard to tell the truth that him first name was Kyle Roberts

Yes, his first name is two names, he’s that important.

and he work for FBI too but internal affairs send him to watch FBI so he knowded that Margaret boyfriend would be him job. Stressed he almost drove off the line but he pressed left and did not.

Is this supposed to take place in the canon or the game? You can’t have both Chimaera, not to that extent.

"It was a close one," he said but no one understand and did not know so he did not bother with them.

One man on the bus was from India and he talk of what it like to grow up in India.

When they arrive, boyfriend was got shot.

Wait, when they arrive from India or when they arrive in Vegas?

"He am hit by bullets!" Margaret thought very loudly.

Okay, Vegas. Well that man must’ve been talking for hours considering the rest of this took place in real time, more or less.

"This is all because terrorists!" Mr. Oakland punched fist into air with angry.

Show me the angry first pump. Show me any first pump that looks angry instead of enthusiastic.

He was angry.

Nevermind then, apparently I’m the idiot. Enjoy the rest of the story devoid of any commentation.

Boyfriend say "I am Jim and I am your cousin, Kyle"

It was too much and so Mr. Oakland cried in bus for eight hour drive back to Tucsan, Arizona. He never found out how it went at hospital and was never told.

"What happen?" ask an old woman, "This is frightening! Frightening me"

"We will be back soon but it will be very dark." He said to new passengers. One of passengers worked with Kyle Roberts for FBI many years ago but Mr. Oakland could not tell him the harsh news.

The End

Dedicated to the brave FBI