Review #85

Cloud and Tifa search for a New Heart

Story by ComicsNix

Review by Ray

The Author: Hi people, long time no se.

So we meet again ComicsNix.

Sorry for breaknig promises, i swer this time, it's for real. New stories galroe!

Come to think of it, we never even finished the last ComicsNix story we started. But as interesting as it was to see him squirm under the commitment to a single plot for multiple chapters, his one offs let his true brilliance shine through.

I lvoe final fantasy, maybe i write more about it. Good readnihg!

Readnihg, isn’t that one of the norse gods? Anyways, let’s get this review started. What are we dealing with?

Cloud and Tifa search for a New Heart


Despite his so-bad-it’s-good approach to writing, I will give ComicsNix some credit; he can write a decent title.

Clouds is very sad. He lives now with Tife, the boobs big lady and she is gorgerous But she is sad too.

A lady with big boobs is sad?


Delta foxtrot niner, conflict is go, clear to launch objectifying story.

Because Aerisr is dead so long ago now. They , Cloud And Tida somethines dreams about the betifl flower girl that uesed to be so happe , but now is death.

She became death? The grim reaper? Well that’s pretty neat, why are they sad about that?

"Cloud" sais Tifa, doing the laudnry with skimp skirt.

Objectification Counter: 3

"Why Aeriths is dead? Could we ressurrect her with phoenix materia?"

Silly Tifa; that’s a gameplay device, not a plot device.

Cloud is seatting watching super bowl with duff bear on his hand

I’m going to ignore the fact that a massive ursidae is on his hand in favor of something way more mind blowing.


The Simpsons an Final Fantasy exist in the same universe.


and drinking alcohocaly.

When you spell alcoholically like that, there’s a good chance some irony is involved.

He chokes on the drink and gasps with utter terror "How could I not have think of that?"

Wait, so the revival thing does work in the plot? How could he not have think of that?

And he graps Tufas boosbs and smiles

Objectification Counter: 4

"We can save Aerths!" e HE puts a robe and

Please say wizard hat, please say wizard hat…

picks the buter sword. "Tifa, come, we go resurect Aeris!"

Tifa got very wet,

Objectification Counter: 5(?)

because when Aerithd was alive, they used to aproach theur vaginas and grind then in each other.

Yeah, that counter is staying at five. Sexual memories are bound to come up, but they’re probably not the first thing you think of.

It's not gay she said when red Xiiii saw, so he joined the fray, but that is a history for another day.

What? ComicsNix skipping a sex scene with that much potential to be depraved?


Somebody go check on him and make sure he’s feeling alright.

Tifa then picked Premiu heart, the ultimate waepom, and wered it. Cloud got freightned:

Well if he gasped with utter terror when he found out they could revive somebody, his reactions might not be the most rational.

"Tifa, where is yor materia, wil you not use it?"

"No Cloud, Zagan teached me to how to do magic with only mixes martial ars, so I wear black belt now"

I don’t know enough about Final Fantasy to call this bullshit, but it still feels like a safe bet.

"Okay, said " Cloud, so he graps boobs Tifa one more time.

Objectification Counter: 6

Cloud go up on a big motorcycle made of materia, thunder, fire and bahamut,

The massive dragon thing? Can you make a motorcycle out of a massive dragon thing?


Every game beyond the first one is beyond me, and every word of ComicsNix is beyond the entirety of the human race.

and Tifa go behing.

"Bahamut Motorcycle, take us to ancients city, whree Aeristh diead!"

" Yes my mam!" so bahamut mortocycle goes flying into outer space to catch braeth,

Because motorcycles can talk, fly, and breathe. It’s just common ComicsNixian sense.

because this sumon is special. Cloud uses a helmet to protect against vaccum, but Tifa don't:

"Tifa, you you chocke to death with out helmes!"

"No Cloud, Zagna teached me to maintain air inside lungs with martial arts in space!"


Well that training was… specific.

"Okay my deer love!" and Cloud grabs boobs again.

Objectification Counter: 6.5

At least he said he loved her this time.

Tifa is starting to lactate,


but eause they are in outer space, the milk frozes instantly.

Oh, now I remember; ComicsNix. I’m reading ComicsNix, and it’s beautiful.

"Cloud, my lover, do you want milk popcycle?"

"Yes, I'll suck it till your boobies cum another time."


Those two lines get the award for best. Best of what, I’m not quite sure. But best.

so clloud starts sucking tifa milk, and she gets wetter and wetter. Bahamamut feels Tifas wet vagina, so he protudes a boner.

Just imagine what ComicsNix was thinking when he wrote this. Well, imagine it in English, because that’s definitely not the language he originally thought it it.


“Hmm, I want to take a massive literary shit on the internet again. What sex scene should I write this time? Tifa, Aerith, and… Red XIII. No, too obvious, but I’ll be sure to mention that it happened. Tifa, Cloud, and… Bahamut! As a motorcycle! In space! Ah, what would the internet do without me?”


"Bamaahut, that's very unwelcoming of you!" says Tifa, masturbating Cloud with her mega powerful fists of lady fire.

That just sounds painful.

"You only must be perverted in fornt of your own lady!"

“Your own lady, or a demonic looking dog creature in a threesome. Either of the two.”

"Sorry Tifa, ChocoMog abandoned me a long ago, so I have no sexual parteners from that time till today"

"Sorry to heart that Bahamu" says Tifa crying and blowing Clods Strif cocks.

Objectification Counter: 8

Way to go ComicsNix, you earned that half point back in no time.

"Whe will find a beautiful summona so you can sex with her ass."

"Thanks Tifa, you're the bests."

Quest added: Find a whore suitable for the dragon king!

So Bahament reenters atmosfer and goes inside city ancients.

Cloud and Tifes go to the water where Aeris decomposing body is entombed,

Decomposing + ComicsNix =

so they summon phoenix



Ressurrect the girl laying to the boottoem of this lake and brings her to live!"

"Yes Maester Cloud, but, before that, could you tell me who thar charming black dragon is pelease?"

Quest complete! How insultingly simple!

"Oh! Bahumut! He is a good guy , he is my moorcycle too and a perverted summon that likes to do anal.

Sounds like your standard online dating profile.

Whould you liek to mmet him?"

"Yes, my vagina plummage


is getting very wet thinking about the kindas of sexual pervertions he would cause to me."

"Okay!" and Cllud goes and makes summon Bahamurt and Phoenx a couple, putting then into linked slots inside his armor accessory.

Because fuck the wall between game and story.

"Okay Phonx, birngs Aeristh to live!"

"yes maseter, thnks you very moch!" and phoenix kisses Clloud on the cheeks bones, and he gets red, and protudes a boner.


"Oh No Cloud, you are a zoophile!" excrements with excitment Tifa,

Excrements is not a verb, please keep it that way.

while she gargles Clouds recently expeled white hot cum.

Objectification Count: ∞

"No!" andPhoenix go and cast the summon to resssussrrect Arers.

The full lake of water goes pretty white and twirls with tornadoes of white. A body under the water goes up on the air while evryones wathces the miraclous affectation hapeing. Aeris theme starts to play in the baackgroun.

"Aeris is getting to LIFEEEEEEEEE!" screams Tifa schilinking her vagina opening with martial arts fingers.

Objectification Count: ∞+1

She is having a extended orgasm.

But why was she having an orgasm at all? This is neither the time nor the place.

"Oh Tifa! I liek you boobs !" screams Cloud with happines while he sucks both Tifa's boobs.

Just… no comment.

Aerthis body then starts to get visible fromm all the clouds and mists and white. She is appearing, she is apperairng, she is appearinf, and then…

No, wait, don’t stop repeating yourself yet, there are so many more ways you can misspell appearing.

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNO!" screams in unisson both Clou and Tifa, while their male and female boners


get shrinked because of emotion.

"Why you have awaken me you foools!" screams with diablo voice the ressurrected Aeris. "I was living with Zack and making babies in the underworld!

This calls for a dead baby joke. And fortunately, I don’t know any.

You fuckersss!" and Aeristh starts to vomit bloond and urin through the anus.


"What have i Done! " Scream Clouid having a spazzure. Tifa was so perplexed by the Aeristh reaction that she fisted herself and punched her womb.

And I was so surprised by the Tifa reaction that I reviewed this story.


Aerith body is covered with shit.

Of course it is.

Her boobs are holoweed out and filled with maggots that vomit penises made of yellow diarrhea.

Why wouldn’t they be?

He vagina acquired many vereneal diceases and is pulsating blood and bulshit.

Anything else?

"Aeri, you are very ugly." says Cloud saking his butt.

And this years understatement award goes to Cloud Strife, congratulations.

Tifa says "Please forgive us for doing this to you and taking you away from your dead lover Zack and your beautifl babies you had while living a life after death inside mako or could be that the lifestream?"

"Suth up! Now you will suffer my furyyyyyyyyyyy!" screams Areris vomiting shit and poop. She is angry.


So Aerist pick a Tifa first and penetrates Tifa's Vagina with her skeleton hands and tickles her erogennous g spot till she cums.

"Stop! Aerith! I'm heterosexual!"


"No! You are a little slut full of boobies!"

While Aetirh fists Tifa, she picks up a strap on that was laying around


a put on, and proceds to buttfuck Cloud Virgin arsehole.



“Good point!”

“Thank you!”

“So you know you could just kill yourself again, right?”

“But this is more entertaining!”

“Another good point!”

So Cloud ass startes to drip bllood from his haemorroids and he feel very sad.

"NoAeris, I don't like anal sex!""

"Fuck you, you piece of sheet!"

"No, fuck you!"

"No, fuck you!"

“You’re a poopy head!”

“Well you’re stupid!”



And Aeris continues buttfucking Cloud and fingering Tifa while they exchange expletives.

While this all happens, Bahamuty and Phoenix are looking all the sex and tears:

"Oh Bahaumut, don't all this looks so sexy to you?!"

No, it looks hilarious.

"Yes Ponix, It's very sensuous. Let's fuck" and Bahamut and Phoenix makes sex.


“Here’s exactly what’s happening between the three relatively human characters. They have unusual traits and appearances, but otherwise it’s fairly standard. The phoenix and the dragon? They also fucked. Don’t worry about how, they just did.”

Clouds wrist starts to shake with all that movement inside his acessory.

After some time, everybory starts to get really sore.

"I'm getting bored Cloud" says Tifsa

Bitch, how often are you raped?

"when will it end?"

"I don't know Tifa" utters Cloud with desinterest "Maybe soon"

Thank you Cloud for that valuable insight.

And Aeris continues this all the night, Cloud And Tifa even fell asleep and dreamed about things.

The next day, Aeris was dead.

So they were being raped, and the rapist died, and they slept through it? Astounding, just astounding.

"Thank god Cloud, I was starting to think I would get traumatizaed" said Tifa with a brief smile on her feces.

That’s another thing I like about ComicsNix, you can interpret things however you want to.

"Yes Tifa, maybe Aeris was kinda of a dick, a metaphorical plastic dick."


Bad ComicsNix, you know that’s not a metaphor!

So Cloud gives his hand to Tiffa and they both walk touawrds the sun dawning the morning.

The End.