Review #84

Shrek is Love, Shrek is Life

Story by Anon

Review by Ray




 I was only 9 years old

Ray, mark this as a pedo fanfic.

 

Well done, let’s continue.

 I loved shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies

So he has two good movies and an accumulation of garbage?

At least he has a hobby.

 I pray to shrek every night before bed, thanking him for the life I've been given

lI want to ask where he got the idea to do that, but to be fair he’s nine; nine year olds come up with some weird shit.

 "Shrek is love" I say. "Shrek is life"

 My dad hears me and he calls me a faggot

 

 I knew he was just jealous of my devotion for Shrek

Jealous - no, very fearful of his son’s psyche - yes.

 I called him a cunt

 

 He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep

 Im crying now, and my face hurts

I’m not familiar with 4chan, is it customary to tell a story one line at a time? Or worse, is this supposed to be poetry?

 I lay in bed and its really cold

 A warmth is moving towards me

 

 I feel something touch me

 Its shrek

 I am so happy

I am so terrified.

I am so ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 He whispers in to ear, "this is my swamp"

Because timeless lines know no context.

 He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands and puts me on my hands and knees

 I'm ready

 

 I spread my ass cheeks for Shrek

The epitome of love, the pinnacle of life.

 He penetrates my butthole

 

The internet. You’re just reading the internet doin’ it’s thang.

Well the internet is creepy!

We’re the Retributionists; we’re not that far away from being two psychopaths, a guy with anger management issues, a furry, and a pedophile.

Aren’t we that already.

Of course not! We’re five psychopaths and at least two or three of everything else.

 It hurts so much but I do it for Shrek

 I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water

Is this the Shrek version of CTI?

Maybe if there were a couple more chapters featuring the perspectives of other characters… wait, bad internet! Don’t you dare write it!

 

 I push against his force

 

 I want to please Shrek

 He roars a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love

Ewwww

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 My dad walks in

And immediately shoots himself after witnessing the weird shit in front of him.

 Shrek looks him straight in the eye and says. "Its all ogre now"

 Shrek leaves through my window

 Shrek is love, Shrek is life

So it’s that easy to write an internet famous story, huh? Fluff, we have work to do.

We’re not writing the sequel.

Why would we? That’s been done. What we need to do is invent a whole new monster.

I think I have an idea.

 

Bowser is Love, Bowser is Life bitches!