Review #74

TheOnlyNightTroll Anthology

Story by TheOnlyNightTroll

Review by Ray




A while ago Fluff and I reviewed Set Fire To The Cottage, by TheOnlyNightTroll. Turns out there were other stories.


Only On Funerals I’m Sad

You know, I’m a little hesitant to review this. Set Fire To The Cottage was bad, but for all we know the rest of TheOnlyNightTroll’s work is at least decent.

Author's note: helelow y'all i'm back wit A new storey bourt Da Hungfert Games!

I take back every word I just said.

Pleze enjoy!

 

It wuz Sundey and Kattniss waz sow sad! Her husbandf Peter Mellark hed jus dyed

Oh yeah, spoilers. Maybe. I don’t actually know the fanfiction to fiction ratio here.

and she wuz sad so she went to da fuineral and cryed.

The title said she’s only sad at funerals, so that begs the question, why does she even go?

"OHNO me am si sad dat Peeter is ded!" She scramed so harchley that her mother got a tree ofver herself and DIED!

Wait, what?

 

She scramed so harchley that her mother got a tree ofver herself and DIED!

 

Katniss’ screaming cause a tree to kill her mother. Somehow.

 

So Catniss went to nother funeral for her motha and crieden.

Her littla sistar Trim wuz alsso sad so she cryed on tha mothars funnerall

Don’t cry on someone else’s funeral, it’s disrespectful.

and she crieds so muhc dett she druwned in her tears

 

;-O

What the hell kind of face is that? It’s probably supposed to express shock or sadness, but the wink throws it all off.

Tha Katniss hed anlkothert funeral for her sistar end she cryed saddingly and was so SADS!

This is written so

 

Suddenley her frend Gayl

 

said "I've forgooten to store peanut ofver tha winter so NOW I'M DED!"

That man takes his peanut butter very seriously.

He sed and just dyed! Catn,si wuz like I'M NUT GOING TO ANODDER FUNERAL BITCH

Took you that long to figure it out?

and she tried to ran away but suddenley a SPACESHIPP cummed from nowere

 

and it sad:

"CATHYNISS Y'ALL HAF TO HAVE A FUNERAL FOR GAY

 

OR I WILL HEAT YOUR BODY AND UR ORGANS!" it scremed

Be sure to cook you insane protagonist to at least one hundred sixty five degrees.

so she haed a funerall for Gay and she cryed.


Efter a whyle she went to she wuz hom at her hous and she sew dat she didn't heve eny fing home so she went to tha Dyagonn Alley and she mett a random blonde brown boy inn a store and dey tolked and he sed "we shuld haf secx" and they OH OH AH AH UH UH on da floor den they gott marryed and they gut fifefusandt clids and dey werew fianally so HAPPY!

In one sentence, Katniss got married and a couple thousand years or so passed. What a wonderful resolution, it connected everything from the rest of the story and it was just so gosh darn plausible.

THE END

Autheor's Noets: AMAYZING STOREY IT IS! Visit my blogg.

 

Tha storey is good and it's tha best storey in DA WURLD

This author’s note is at the end, meaning we’ve already read the story by this point. So if it were really the best story in the world, wouldn’t we already know?

I lufed tha part wit Kattmisse.

You mean the entire fucking thing?

Well anayway she y'all in my next storey! REVIEW DIS STOREY OR YOU WILL DIE IN SEVEN DEYS I'M NUT JOCKING!

 

Phew, glad I already got my review out of the way. Readers, you better get cracking on yours too, she’s nut jucking.

Just Follow The Clues

 

Author's note: Dis is my new storey

Clue 1: TheOnlyNightTroll isn’t from the states, otherwise it would be spelled story.

and it's about tha baord game CLuedo.

Clue 2: TheOnlyNightTroll isn’t from any part of America, because it’s Cluedo instead of just Clue.

Enkoy it pliase.

Clue 3: TheOnlyNightTroll doesn’t understand English, or that would make sense.

It wuz night at a hotel and seven poeple waz steying there: Reverend Green,

That was for ONE week, I’m still a doctor.

Crazy week though.

Sure was Nurse Purple.

Milss Peanut, Miss Scarlett, Colonel Ketchup,

Clue 4: TheOnlyNightTroll doesn’t even know what the canon is. Colonel Mustard is the Clue character, but according to Google, Colonel Ketchup is a character from Naughty Bear.

Professorr Plomm, Missis Whyte and Wathsworft da Buttler.

Evryone wus trieng to sleep but they heard a blood icing scream.

Proffessor Plomm ran to tha westibule and so did ereryvone else.

Clue 5: TheOnlyNightTroll is a skilled wordsmith, westibule shows that this particular vestibule is located to the west. Alternatively, this clue could also tell us that TheOnlyNightTroll can’t type.

"What happened?!" Miss Peanuts said harshley "Y'know I cun't sleep when PEOPLE ARE SCRAMEING DA HOLE NIGHT!11"

Clue 6:  ╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

She wuz furioes.

She was also a little retarded. Just a little.

"I dunno whut happnd!"Colonnell Ketshup sed.

But suddedly Wathsworth da Butter ran into the room.

"MISSTERS WHYTE HAS BEEN MURDERD!" He scramed and cried tearz of blod.

 

Evryone wuz terrified and started to run a rounfd tha room for then minutes then there energy waz empty and they layed down on tha floor.’

Excellent work, I would expect nothing less from such a disverse group of professionals.

"Who is the murder?" Revrap Green said lazingly "We're tha onnly ones here so it MUST be one of us!"

Or, the murderer could have broken in, done the murder thing, and left.

"It's nut me" Milf Scarlett sed

 

"I wuz in tha Kitchen und I wuz cleaning it coz I'm OCD"

"And it wuzen't mi, cauze I waz in the Library and drinking alcohole wif proffessorr Plommon" Colonel Katnip said

Katnip, really? It’s almost like TheOnlyNightTroll isn’t trying very hard.

"THAT*S TRUE" Ploomm said and high-fived Katschup drunkengly.

"well, it must be sumone!" Tha Reverende sad

Must it? Nobody else has seen the scene of the murder, or even any evidence that there is one.

and turnd to Wahtsworth tha Bultter "How was she murder?"

He just continuum to cry blood and then he sed "she wuz murderd like Psycho was in that movei by Adolf Witchcock."

Best. Typo. Ever.

"What shuld we do?" Miss Peunot was despertley "I can't sleep in tha same ROOMAS A MURDERED PERSONN!1" (Peanuitmeg and Mrs Whiyte waz sharing room and shover)

Then throw the murdered bitch out the window, problem solved. I’m just sayin’, if you’re being inconsiderate at least go all the way.

"Iknow whut we sholde do" Da Butter sed "We should run away from here and then pretend like dis nevar evar happened"

That almost sounds like something a murderer would say…

"ok" evryone saed but sumwun didn't agree

"OH NO YOU DON'T YOU BLOODER MURDER!" and tha mysterios voice SHOT Wthsworth the Buttllerr in the back and he fell on the floor and kind of died.

Only kind of. He didn’t die all the way, but fuck it, close enough.

"OH MY ROWLING WHO SHOT THE BUTTER!?" Peanutcock was horrifyeing terrifyeng icky

"It was... ME!" Da voice sed and showed herself. It Wuz... MR WHYTE!"!

Herself… mister.

"But you were dead!" Colonen Catsup protested

"NO, I wuzn't" She said "I pretende to be dead when he murderd me

If he really murdered you, you wouldn’t have to pretend. Because you would have been murdered. To death.

and then I gut dressed and ran down here to get REVENGE"

"Who murdered you?" Miss Scarr asked

"It was... WADSWORFT DA BUTTERL!" Whyte sed and evryone waz like GASP!

You don’t say? The person she murdered was the person who tried to murder her?

"So he tried to murder you... Is dhet true" Plomm asked

"Yes. You shuld've known cuz evry murderer cries tearsz off blood after they murdered sumwun"

 thump_7408488why-not

(A/N: That's true cuz ut happnd on Scooby Doo so don't you dare say it's not true!)

 

White answerd

"And that waz exaktly what da Butter DID" Peanot sed orangely

"What suould whe do with Wathsworth bodey?" Revrend Green asked

"We shulsd dump in tha water"White said

Knowing these people, I assume they’re talking about a glass of it. Maybe a bowl.

they dumped the body in da wataer and the they went bavck and the they livved happily evar after

THE ENED

Atuhro's noute: THERE ISN'T ANY AUTHOR'S NOTE!

 

If I Could Dream…, Chapter 1

Author's note" Dis is my first Harry Potter-storey.

I have complete faith that this story, like all other works of Harry Potter fanfiction, will be nothing but the best.

Read my other storeys and REVIEW!

It waz a lovley day at Hogwarts School For Bitchcraft and Wizardry.

 

Harry Potter wuz a boy with a lightning scar and evryone thought he was tha Chosen One who shuld defeat tha Evul Lord Voldemort.

Even people who don’t know about Harry Potter know that, congratulations on summarizing the most insultingly basic information.

One day Harry was walking down da halls of Hugwarts for no reasion at all with her friend Ron Weaslet. But Hermione Granger was nowhere to be seen!

This is a statement. This is a completely unrelated statement that’s supposed to go against the first statement!

"Where's Hermione" Harry asked

"Lol, dunno" Ron answered and saw a spider and ran aaway cuz he's afraid of spiders but he crashed into a wall when he ran and it broke

Was the wall made of cardboard?

and mcGonnagull came to him and scream:

"WHY are you breaking a WALL, Weasley!?" MacGonnagall said

“I don’t know, why are your walls shit?”

"I will give You DETENSION! You must nut break walls here at hogwarts, YOU MEDIOCRE SIMPLETON!"

Harry didn't care and he skipped away

 

and still wondered where Hermione wuz.

But suddenly LUNA came to him:

 ?

"Hi Harry, y'know that a new student asre cumming soon?" She informed him

"NO, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!" Harry wuz happy cuz he saw Chewchang

I’m calling bullshit on the grounds that Gogle doesn’t even know who that is.

and he loves her but he didn't care bout tha stundent cuz theres alredy THOSAND STUDENTS AT HOGWARTS THEY DIDN'T NEED MORE

Agreed, no vacancy for OCs.

Suddenly he saw Hermione. She was in the entrance Hall and he threw books at people and yelled BAAAWWP

 

cuz she dous that when she's perioding.

Hey Hent, I found your word of the day!

"Hi Hermione a new student is coming to Hogwarts did ya know that?" Harry said

"YES I knew that coz I'm SMART which you AREN*T and she's already here!" Hermione sed cuz she wuz mad at evryone coz

"HELO EVRYONE IM DA NEW STUDENT!"

 The new student interrupted the narration. There’s only one Hogwarts student capable of that, but… no…

a voice suddenly sed and harrry turned around.

"Hi my name is

No… NO!

Tara Enoby Rawen Darkness Way Von Glockenspiel,

 

you must be Harry Potter!" she sed and shook Harry's head.

Son of a bitch, it’s really her!

"Nice to meet you erm... Tara Enoby Rawen Darkness Way Von... Glockenspiel?"

It’s completely random and completely irrelevant, meaning it’s perfect.

Harry said desperatly.

"Oh, you can call me Mary Sue, everyone does that" she answered cutefully

 

Everyone looked and looked and looked summore at her then everyone ran away screamingly!

"Why are yu runing away from me?! YOU MUST LUV ME CUM BACK!" She screamed after them and ran after them

Everyone wuz so scared cuz no-one called Mary Sue in a troll fic can be a good person.

Troll fic? My god, TheOnlyNightTroll is

 

A troll! Fuck it, read the rest here if you want to. It’s worth checking out but I’m done reviewing it.