Review #7: Metroid High School

Chapters 5-8

Story by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan

Review by Ray

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Hi people!

Hello again.


Martin? When did you get here?

I was here the whole time, why haven’t you been typing my jokes?


Thank you everyone for all the reviews and not the flames! GRRR! Also, thanks to Cerventes, who this chapter is dedicated to. Thsi will be long, so RR! Also, I learned some tricks form a poetry conference I went to in scholl, so I spiced things up with words.

So here’s a fun fact about me. There are two kinds of writing that I have a tendency to dislike; fanfiction and poetry. I’m sure this chapter will be a joy.

Chapter Five: The Dark surpriese

Oooh, another surpriese.


Wasted reading this.

Three weeks had passed sinbce the Cholera Sonspiracy, and for Samus it was just the beginning. Dark lights had confused her soul,

It's confusing my soul too, how can there be a dark light? A black light, sure. But a dark light?


It’s a trap!

and it was a burden she could not comprehend.

I don’t blame her, I’m having a hard time as well.

She sat in her bed grasping st the straws that had come loose, straws that poising the water of life. Lightness. Darkness.

Samus could not understand the fellings that gripped her apart over the three weeks. Forces were turning her away.

Away from what?

But it was a force that could not be explained with the words.

It probably could be, just not by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan.

Remember, this is her trying poetry.

Grip was squeezing her like a lemon, the real kind.

What is this I don’t even…

It was like a dream. Only this time, it was for real. Fake. Reality.

It sat acting like a chainsaw, and she could not go back to Ridley.

I don’t give a chainsaw.

Not now. Not like the past. She knew she still was loved, but there was something that was impossible to every go back. Temporary. Longjevity.

Okay 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, listen up. And all of you aspiring poets, listen up too. If you’re going to be poetic and mysterious, there has to be latent content and manifest content. That is, there has to be something obvious, but then something less obvious hidden within it. The mistake that 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan has made is that she only has the latent content; the deeper one. But without the manifest content as an anchor, it has no effect other than instilling confusion and frustration in the reader. It’s not that I think fanfiction and poetry are inherently bad; it’s that they’re difficult to get right.

Also hard to understand, and you know how we feel about that.

All of a sudden Samus screamed. She was losing sontrol over her concious, and there was a new force rising. It was like samus, only it was Dark Samus instead.

There’s your manifest content.

She could barely fight to take over her actions, and she was becoming wierd. It was impossible to know what would happen next.

It’s impossible to know what’s happening now for fuck’s sake.

Until it happened. This was her cholera, but soon, she knew it could not contain.

I know cholera was a big deal on the Oregon trail, but believe it or not, we’ve made some progress since then.

Confession. Posession.


Gustation. Proportion.



Ridley knew there was a crisis, and he was meetinbg at his house. There also was Ted, Robbie, Tio Juan and Smiley the new kid.

Smiley, really? Did Mustard Plug teach us nothing?

As long as Sr. doesn’t show up to the party.

The tension was emergency, and it was about to implode.

"WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?" detonated Ridley.

Said. Just say said. It’s that simple. Don’t use words you don’t know to show off. Just say said.

"Dude, calm down, its all cool" Smiley conformed.

"I'm not so sure that's a great assuage" Ted confusingly used vocabulary that not everyone knew.

I’m not even certain the writer of the story knew what it meant, even though she did use it correctly.

Again, looking up big words is not poetry.

"Ok, everyone, we need not to panic and we need to think of a solutoin" Tio Juan dictated.

Everyone was quiet and they all thought about the problem. It was quiet conundrum, and there was not a solutoint hat everyone could think of.

Well, maybe just this once, hats aren’t the solution.


Samus was not forgiving and especially she was acting strange, like she was becoming dark.

When 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan said the story was going to become more dark, I didn’t think it would be so damn literal.


Ridley did not like to think about this, and he didnt.

He can speak of the problem without thinking of it? Yeah, I guess that makes sense, the author here probably wrote the story without thinking of it.

Boyfriend of the year right there.

Little did he know that this was much more to think than he though.


Yes, thinking….


"If I was you, Id apoligize to the girl and say im sorry" Smiley permitted cool.

Okay, let’s say for a moment that space cholera is a big deal. Wouldn’t Ridley have already apologized? He’s pretty timid in this story, and in love with Samus. “I’m sorry” never occurred to him?

This is a new Riley, a new unvirginized Riley. Besides, you never apologized for Cupcakes.

Oh, but you were so agreeable.

People agreed with this, but Ridley was not so cleverly amused.

"But mwhen whould I do?" Ridley contended

"Tommorow." everyone consencused, and it was agreed. But little did the meeting know, that there was a new darkness on the horision.


Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Banana.


It was a day at metroid high school,

and things were bright and sunny. It was like the day that ridley asked out samus, but it was not that day ago.

Not that day ago. So every day that ever has and ever will happen, minus that one day, has already passed? But then, the day being described is also a day, it specified that right off the bat. So basically this story is beyond time. Continue.

Still not as confusing as Tara and time travel.

Ridley was ready to apoligize, but something was strange.There was a croud and rildey wanted to see what the commotion was.

It turned out there was a new kid, and he wore a black cloack with some chains and he had had blue hair that was natural that he didn't die.

Oh, so he’s immortal? Or just his hair?


When he walked, he was hot angsty and he had a bad ass.

Is his bad ass a perpetual medical condition, or is he just having a bad ass day?

When someone asked him what his name was he said it was Cerventes.

"CERVENTES" Ridley engraved in stone.

Well that was nice of him.

It was a name he never knew but he would never forget. YOu see, there was a problem that was right around the corner, and ridley could not bargain for the furture,

Samus was on a chair being angsty and Cerventes thought that she was her type.

Watch yourself 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan. One day you’re swapping characters’ genders, the next you’re writing about a giffic vampire killing herself with meat.

Don’t lie, that was your pride and joy.

He sat down next to her, and began to woo her with his color.

That sounds vaguely racist.



"Hello." Cerventes Began.

"Hi Returened Samus

"You look very beatiful and youre angsty" Cerventes Related. "I'll See you around."

Umm, alright then. Smooth?

Smooth as fingernails on a chalkboard.

Samus was amazed by this man.

I think Samus is just amazed by anything.

He thought he was beautiful, and they just met.

It’s good that he has self esteem and all, but I don’t think it has much to do with the meeting.

Get this man a mirror!

But was angsty good? No. Yes no yes. No YES.

Way to depict that internal conflict 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, that alternating really had me going.

Samus was battling herself and she almost missed the boat.

What boat? Whether it’s physical or metaphoric, I don’t think there’s a fleeting boat.

She would think abotu this later, but not later as she decided.

So she’s never going to think about it? I suppose that makes sense in a story beyond time.


Inside her head, there was another battle. Samus against Dark Samus. Cholera against Samus. It was a battle that could not be broken, and no Saeregent could explain the situation.

I’m sure Sergeant Sprinkles would do at least a decent job, he’s good at that kind of thing. Hell, I’m not even a sergeant or a fan of this story, and I might have a shot at describing it.

It was too late. Too late.

Too late.

Repetition, because if there’s one thing that gets people’s attention, it’s repetition, because if there’s one thing that gets people’s attention, it’s repetition, because if there’s one thing that gets people’s attention, it’s repetition.


After school Samus was confromted by Ridley who was anticipated. The day had been very long, and he was ready to make up for the porblems he had created.

He created space cholera? I thought he got it from 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan.

But was Samus?

"Im sorry" Rildye apologized to little effect.

"Its too late for love" Samus deflated his baloon

Great, even the author’s username lies.

Ridley was out of his mind. "but... what are ytou talking about?" he disillusioned

Ridley... I'm Cerventes' girlfriend now." Samus shocked the populace

Well that didn’t take much.

time stood still but kept going for ridley.

Sounds about right.

This was impossible to comprehend.

As for the time confuckulation, I agree. But the breakup isn’t all that implausible.


"But samus what about" but ridley was cut off because Cerventes came out of the door and dared with debonair.

"Goodbye" Samus ultimated, and Ridley was left alone in the cold. Too old. Too cold.

Way to rhyme it out 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan. This is prose, not poetry, but way to needlessly rhyme it out.


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH samus fought with dark samus for control. She could not believe she dumped her boyfriend, but it was too late. Or not.

These constant contradictions aren’t building tension; they’re annoying.

"Dark Samus you suck" badmouthed Samus

Way to get rid of that last shred of hope for this Dark Samus thing being of any worth.

"Hahaha, little girl. The cholera will soon devour you and I will control your body" Dark Samus snapped back.

Why does Dark Samus want to control a devoured body exactly?

Samus snarled at her opponent and continued the battle that would determine.


Determine how many 1s to use in the transition?

Cerventes and samus went to many places that were cool like "Hot Topic" and other places that ansty cool people chill.

Hold on… 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, are you Raven?

They ate some things, but the date was over pretty quick than it had started. Samus remembered her first date with ridley, but Dark Samus was in control and there was no stopping the lust.

"Lets go to my house" Cerventes proposed.

Samus was wary of this request, but she was overcome with passion and was battled by the cholera her good judgement.

There was little to do now.

Just hope.

Hope for what?



At ridley's house, ridley was depressed. He had screwed up his relationship, and now he was listening to depressing music. He was afraid that he might become emo, and it was likely. More likely than he could think.

That’s not the most solid comparison, from what we’ve seen he’s pretty shit at thinking.

He also was thinking about darker things, but it wasnt true.

Then why did you say it?

No, it was. No it wasnt. This was Ridleys battle, and he had things to overcome as well. If he could.


Samus was naked and passionate,

I can relate to that.

just like that long ago. But it was different. Because it wasnt ridley it was Cerventes. She was exploding in lust, but she kept feeling that it was wrong but dark samus was in control.

Choo choo motherfucker, choo choo.

There was little she could do.

Except, I don’t know, leave.

This day had been a mindblow. And it was only going to get worse from here she knew.

As Samus fell asleep in Cerventes, murky thoughts cloude her mind.

Could the murky thoughts be about how she managed to fall asleep inside of somebody?

Dark. Light. Ridley. Cerventes. Love. Lust


Quiet. Loud. Martin. Warnuts. Peanut butter. Jelly.


This chapter was dark but good.

Swing and a miss.

I have another on the way so dont worry and R&R if you please Thanks to everyone whos name i used and if u want ur name used just tell me.

Oh, Mike Litoris wasn’t good enough? How about Harold Richard Johnson?

Hope u liked lol

Chapter 6

Hello everyone a lot has happened sinec last time i wrote MHS thank you for everyone has reviewd, I love you all!

Clearly you haven’t read our review.

Oh, hey Martin, I thought you left.

He did.
Shut up Yellow.

 This chapter is going to different, and it is what happends before Samus meets Ridley (like a preqel, lol).

So like the games? Right? Please?

That’s right, this is a video game.

 I was reading some High School fics and i realaised that not much has actualley happened in High school so I decided to have jsut that. I might have another chapter like this, but dont worry youll find out what happend with Samus and Ridley soon ! Also, pleez sign up for help make Ridley/Samus cannon, I know people say comanies dont care about petitions but what about womans rights?


Go to to sign up pleese and make a difference! This chapter is dedicated to game-dude (who inspired me to write more) and my boyfriend cerventes who im in love. Ok no talk, reed!

We’ll be doing plenty of both, don’t worry.

Chapter 6: Samus Joins the Football Team (Prequel 1

Ooohhh, so that’s how she got the armor.


Wow, the dialogue is already degraded in this chapter.

"What the shit?"

I already like this new Samus.

Samus Aran woke from slumber and realized the clock was broken. It was late for school!

The clock was late for school? How bad was this clock at telling time?

I want to hear more about this mysterious clock, but it’s broken.


"Phaozn, I'm late for tests!"

Watch your language.

 samus qualmed as she dressed from her clothes. Samus was not the kind of girl who obesses over clothes and popular songs so she did not worry about appearances even though she still was pretty smoking hot (at least ridley, lol).

At least ridley what? lol.

"Late again is see?" snip-quipped Mrs. Chozo (Samus is adopted, her parents were killed from unkown reason like in games).

Yeah, because these are so dedicated to the cannon.

Also, unknown? They were killed by fucking Ridley and fucking space pirates.

"No time for talks, maam, I must catch the bell" Samus average teened

Alright, she’s about to start making up a lot of verbs, so be ready for that.

What ever do you cheesy?

 and left Mrs. Chozo and her dog Sparkey in dust and even forgot her lunch!

Whoever Mrs. Chozo and Sparkey are can suck it, but ooh will the shit hit the fan if she forgets her lunch.

"What are we going to do with you?" sarcasmed

I sarcasm all the time, and I wasn’t even sarcasming there.

 the Mrs. She turned on midwive shows like Dr. Phill and Judge Alex and rhetoriced with sudoku (not suicide, the game).

Because I sure did need the clarification between a harmless puzzle game and Ray’s last resort.

Last resort?


Does she think this is a movie? Because it sounds like she is picking the soundtrack.

Don’t stop!


Hold on to that-


Shut up yellow, you ruined our duet.

And the text was sounding so good.


Out of brethe Samus stealthed into Homeroom in time so her nun teacher Mother Brain





would not notice and succeeded just like in Mtroid Fusion.

I haven’t played the games all that much, but I seriously doubt she was a nun.

May explain why she’s mad all the time.

She sat down next to her friend Amy who was as pretty as Samus and had light red hair that sparlkred in sun.


Amy was kinda obsessed with fantasy stuff and was obsessed with dragons and harry potter and eragon and stuffs. They were just in time for announcements!

"And now the news"


casted Principal Gunpei Yokoi. "Today, there are football trying outs for every sex,


even girls."


Classrooms giggled about the word he said,

Well that’s not BWAHAHA! very mature of them.

What’s so funny? He just said today.

but sams was intrigued. Football was a sport for boys, but what about girls?

For Concrete Jesus’ sake, are we really going to do this?


Make it a double dose.

Come on, don’t get that off brand shit.

After all, Amelia Armstrong made it clear that girls could do things as boys, so why not Samus who was pretty danm good at the ball?


"Also, Kraid and gang please no more of the hazing or suspencion will insue" rubber-stamoed Principal Yokoi. "All is all."

Hazing? Is that how Ridley got space Cholera?

And maybe the space Cholera is what made him so timid.

And made Samus and Ridley forget that they hate each other, thanks Fukitol.

All of Samus girlfriends


(not the love kind, girls can be friends not gay)



were talking about boys and hot and music but samus was fazed because she was thinking about football.

Earth to saums!" Mandy levyed "Do you agree that Noxus is the hottest than even zack effron or ted emmanuel?"

Do you agree to learn how to Engrish?



Samus coldly brushed and strodes off for practice

"Whats her nit?" was all girlfriends could wonder as samus strolled down halls and signed uo for practice.


When smause signs up for trying football an unexpeted harrasment of peer presure happens

But, but, I just wanted to be Amelia Armstrong!


Is she being harassed by a ghost?

rowdied Kraid and his crowny gang. They also made fun of Samus for parts of girls that are not to be spoken.

Area 51, Axe Wound, Baby Cannon, Bearded Clam, Beaver, Breakfast of Champions, Broad Faced Chicken, Bumsen, Box, Castle, Cave, Cavernous Gash, Choot, Cockpit, Cocksheath, Coin Purse, Cigar Box, Clam, Clit (the clit is actually separate from the vagina), Clowns Pocket, Cock Pocket, Cooch, Coochie, Coo-chi Snorcher, Cooter, Cunny, Cunt, Dragon's Lair, Dugout, Face Flower, Falcon Crest, Fanny, Fanny Boo, Feedbag, Feesh, Fillet, Fish, Foopa, Fuddi, Gammon Flaps, Gash, Gine, Granny's Celler, Gretchin's Grabber, Growler, Ham wallet (honey-glazed or otherwise), Hayloft (post-menopausal women), Hole, Honey Pot, Lady Flower, Lion's Den, Lucifer's Cradle, Man's Downfall, Meat Curtains, Meat Wallet, Melissa's Mop Buckett, Minge, Muff, Muffin, Neden, Patchouli, Peggy's Parlor (dated)Zach Nance Mag, Pickle Jar, Pink Sink, Pink Taco, Piss Hole, Pooki, Poon, Poontang, Pootie, Pot Hole, Punaani, Puss, Pussy, Pussy Cat, Pussyche, Rosebud, Rumpled Slit Skin, Sarah's Saddlebag (dated), Sausage Wallet, Shame Cave, Side-ways Smile, Slit, Slot Machine, Snapper, Snatch, Stink Box, Taco, Tamale, The Great Depression (dated, but relevant), Toad, Tonton, Trim, Tuna Purse, Tutu, Twat, Twinkle Cave, Vag, Vagoo, Va-Jay-Jay, Valarie's Stinkhole, Velvet purse, Vertical Smile, Virginia Belle (dated), Whispering eye, Wizard's Sleeve, Wuss, Yawning Chasm, Yogurt Gun Holster, Yoni.


"UNNNNEXPECTABLE!" scorned Mother Brain since she was a nun and was not tolerant about jokes such as that. But it was too late because everyone was laughing at Samus for being a girl for football even her girlfriends snicked a tad snavely. Samus was running away but she heard a voice that sounded shady but well meaning.

Way to show, not tell.

"pssst. You yeah you. I have a solution." avouched the voice. Samus looked and it was Trace a kid that seemed that he was more into sketchy than into school.

And being into sketchy is precisely why there aren’t four Retributionists anymore.

Oh that’s right, there are three of us. Has anyone checked up on Warnuts recently?

"If you want help, you'll need to talk to the game-dude"


Trace commanded

"Take me" submissed samus

First of all, choo choo motherfucker, choo choo. Secondly, bitch you take yourself there.

who was kind of worried that the situation might turn into perr pressure and even drugs but was eger for help for football.


The room she was taken to was secret and not even a teacher could find it.

What the fuck school is this?

And what about an orienteering teacher?

Therewere computers and montiors everywhere the eye could see with darkness


Oooh, spooky.

and even some things that kids shouldnt sell or do in school. In the middle was a figure in a swivel chair that was facing the other side.


"Weel well well, what do we have?" swileved around the game-dude. Noone knew his name but he was sort of like the king or puppetmaster or mafia of the school.


Whenever there was a toruble, he was sure a safe bet.

Trace sly smiled. "Our girl here has a bit of trouble fittng in on football and needs some help from underground" Trace blazoned.

Because if there’s one thing that can improve your reputation, it’s the mafia.

The game-dude took a bit of description at Samus and nodded and swiveled away.

"Ah, samud" he dictated. Youve been quiet a help to me in the past, like when you beat up kraid when he owed me money. I may be able to help you out."

Samus was puxzled. "However can it work?" she pondered aloud.

If you didn’t think it would work, why did you go there?

The game-dude amused.




There were many people who were trying out at football, and practice was about to begin, what what about samus?

I don’t know, you’re the narrator; you tell me.

All of suddenly a boy with a metal suite even with a helmet and arm canon and special features came in.


Everyone was surprised because they did not recoginize the figure and they thought the suit was damn.

Barring the forgotten word, you don’t suppose this could be like the first Metroid game when everyone was shocked that Samus was a girl? Right?

But then Coach Houston came in and started the practice.

"Ok everyone it looks like to begin.

“By the way person whose name and identity I don’t give a shit about, why does your uniform have a cannon?”

Since there are no girls it looks like we can talk about sex and man stuff." Coach Houston womanized.

Ya! Beer, and beer pong, and football and beer!

Yeah! Headbutt!

Since boys are pigs especially teens, everyone lughed loud and made sounds except for samus who was trying to fit in and not seem uncomfortable.

If she’s fitting in, why isn’t she laughing right along with them?

"You, in the metal suit, what i your name and what the hell?" Houston profaned. Samus shuffled her fett. "My names is... Justin Bailey…

Alright, I’ll give you that one 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan.

and I have to have this suit because I am allergic to pollutants like global warming" stuttered samus.

"Sap Liberal" murmered Houston"

All of the city of Houston murmured “Sap Liberal.”

 OK anywya, take positions and play the ball!

How much you wanna bet 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan hasn’t played any football?

Or any sports for that matter. Or even watch them.

Everyone took positions. Samus decided to be a runbacker, Adam Malovitch was a quarterback, Weavel, Spire and Kraid were linbacks and Ki-Hunter and Kanden were a wide retriever (there were others but uninportants.)

These positions may sound made up, but remember; It’s space football.

 The game went well and Samus was a star! Even Adam the quarterback was impressed.

"Hey Justin, we should hang sometime you seem cool" Adam accepter her. He did not know samus was a girl but how would anyone?

Show me Your Genitals.

"OK" Samus gruff voice masked and was excited that Adam thought she was cool. WOW!

"Mr. Baileyy, please come to my office" Houston bumbled. Samus was still in powersuit and went inside. There was fottballs trophes and a portatait of Gary Ford on the wall (AN: my friend explained that Gary Ford was offered to be on the NFL but decided to run fo president instead. I dont know about history,

Or the present, or this hypothetical future.

but hey! Not bad!)

"Justin, you seem to be good at football" the coach complemented. "Maybe youll be the NFL or even a lawyer!"

Ya and if, you know, those don’t work out, you can always just go to your fallback job of killing space aliens or something.

"Uhhh.. yeahh... I've got... a doctorate" Samus white lied.

White lied? And where are you playing football? If you have a doctorate you wouldn’t be playing high school ball.

She left the coach and ran to change out of the power suit that was sweaty.

Well, she should have done a better job upgrading her suit.

She took a shower and then went asleep.

In the shower? That sounds like it could get rapey.


The next day there was a big game. The team was training, and Adam was taking time to know Samus er Justin.

Hey everybody, look to that top right section of your keyboard. There you will find a backspace key, you can use it to delete things. This has been a public service announcement for writers everywhere.

"So Justin you must be new to MHS" Adam keenly observed. Samus was nervous but nodded. "That's cool, if you need any help just call and I'll assist." Adam coveneted

"I see" thanked samus. Time for the game!

The game started and everything did good. Samus played as well as Paton Brady,


and was a assetion to the team.

Seeing as assetion is not a word, I’m going to pretend she did nothing for the team and ripped her suit off and became the watergirl.

There’s a word for all that? I need to spend more time on Urban Dictionary.

They were losing only 23-22 at the last 30 seconds.

Only for what she thinks is dramatic effect.

The ball was thrown to samus and she touched down,

Remember, it’s space football.

but only one problem. The helmet came off!


The game was won, but everyone was shocking. "OOOHHHH GIRRRLLL" croooned Kraid and gang, and samus was embarrased. Houston was freaking out because of the girl on team, but adam stood in shock.

"Justin your Samus?"


Adam was shcoked into submission. Samus was embarrased.

"Your fired" Houston trumped,


but Adam stepped in. "If shes fired, im fired" Adam intervened"

No, if she’s fired you quit dumbass.

"Whatathehuh?" flustered the coach but he had to give in because of Civil rights amendements and the law.

Whatthehuh? I doubt the verisimilitude of that statement.

Hey, stop stealing my lines.

You stole the line from Rob.

Yeah, but I know how to use it.

But there was still a problem left.

You’re right. The story isn’t over yet.

"But samus, there is only 1 room for shower and..."

So we’ll have to take turns.

Samus was shcoked for ten seconds

Count to ten for me. A long time to be shocked for right?

and was almost embarrasing. But then she decided that hey, girls can do anything as boys,

Pee standing up bitch, just try to aim that shit.

even showering!

Yes, women can shower.

If only they’d known earlier.

Everyone clapped

for the first girl ever to play football in Metroid High School, and she was awarded by Principal Yokoi for her attendance. Who knows? Maybe a championship.

And as for Adam... well, it might be love.

Well don’t don’t don’t, let it be love love love.



Lol funny twist.

What twist? I seriously saw no twists.

Ok thanks for reading and remember to review and sign the petitions! Also, please read my internet boyfirends stuff

Is that a typo or a sad relationship?


especially the warhammer thing and his favoirte pirates of the carribean frieght tran confessions.

The Retributionists will look into it, thanks for the tip.

As always, please tell me if u want to be in the story and u will. More soon! RR

Chapter 7

HELOOOOOOOOO! Okay, I'm so sorry that I took so long to write again, thanks for everyone staying the course and remembering the story!

No problem, it’s what we do.

Remembering? I didn’t remember it while I was reading it.

Thats soo cool 52 reviews, even bads are good!

No, just no.

Ok, lots have things happened since last time, and im sorry its been a time.

Time is not your fault. A lot of this is, but not time.

Cerventes and i arent internet dating only freinds

Is there even a difference?

now but were still happy and its pretty cool he still wants people to read things and hes going to have new stuff soon so check it or out!

We looked into it, and there are higher priorities at the moment.

Also ive taken new classes like special english

Insert mentally challenged joke here.

I’m on it.

Wait, it was a--


to learn new words, and even make some up!

You’ve already been doing plenty of that, what class is encouraging it?

Special English of course.

My friends made a new law that we cant use said anymore in stories

Well that explains it, damn.

so theres more spice and less crap,

No, more confusion and less flow.

if you catch the drift.

No, what drift? I do not catch the drift. There is no drift to be caught.

Also ive learned more politics and understandings from cerventes so therell be referencing to todays issues


if you notice because theyre hidden.

Hidden behind so much bullshit, it’s hard to tell they’re there at all.

this chapters dedicated to sir sarcasm

Hey, you did make it into the story!


because even though youre not being real and mean,the jokes on you because you wrote a nice review even though youre mean so HA!


I recall my sister making a similar argument. When she was seven.

Chapter 7: Election Insurrection

Don’t use words you don’t know.

And if you’re going to rhyme ection, at least go all out, there are plenty to be had.

SAMUS ARAN WHAT THE HELL! Mrs Chozo freaked out at the teen. Samus had powers but not mind control, so she couldnt figure the deal.

Neither can the readers.

These beginnings are just so random.

Unforunately, the deal was clear because samus had a D in histoyro

It’s ok, I don’t know my spanish history either.

 and chozo was a major!

Oh, that’s a nice position.

"Samus this is unacceptable under this house, you must succeed or there will be capital punishment!"

Well that escalated quickly.

samus defacto mom vengenged. Samus wanted to be a teen and dissent and eye roll but she was afraid of her legal guardian and didnt want to make moves that would make things mad or she wouldnt be able to go to the mall with helen and mandy anymore and what about even boys?


"Uhhh... ok ill think of something" samus causualed as she ran off to classes leaving chozo mom in a dust bowl.

What era was that? Because I don’t think it was in the future.

Or space.

"Minorities" Mrs. Choso backslashed.

Well call me Billie Joe Armstrong, because I want to be the minority.

Politics, subtle.


These horrible ones remind me, what time frame are we in right now?

In school school hadnt begun but samus was taking time to convey the messages to her friends and it was almost an apocolypse

Here we go.

Zombies? Grab the guns Martin, we’re going hunting!

You have the guns. You have all of the guns you could possibly fire at once.

"MY HISTORY D IS GOING TO destroy my life!" Samus Exclaimed

There’s a difference between hyperbole and overreacting.

to everyone in the entire city who heard, even construction workers dropped.

Is this scream killing people?

"Ok dude, its not the end of the world yet, there still could be time"

I might need some Fukitol, they’re taking this end of the world thing very seriously.

stiuation controlled amy who tried her best from turning it into a disaster, but everyone knew a problem.

Yeah, the plot, I noticed it too.

It was only 2 weeks until grades were in, and what was there to do? Questions were stopped because

Why did she use a D? Why not just go all out and say you’re failing? It’s just going to be an A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ by the end of this anyways.


One million percent.

"Hello and slip dippiin cop flop clippin slip ditch fizzo sliz" Principle Yokoi embarrased.

Ya, I’d be embarrassed if I said that too.

Bippity boppity gimme the zoppity.

He tried to be teen but everyone only groned and lauged at his lack of legit


You’ll never be fluent in jive Yokoi, don’t bother.

and he was embarased but the news continued "today the majority legitator decided that if anyone in the state becomes class president that they have an automated A in history from experience and leadership"

Ya, but if only there was a way for her to get at least an A++++++++++++++++++++++++ in history.

 the principle announced to populists. Not everyone cared about politicrap

Alright, I actually like that word.

but samus liked the a clause (note: clauses are in a constitution or law or something and it says that things happen like freedom or As and things).

Way to know your shit 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan.

"In other news class president Kanden was impeached yesterday because of stealing school money and using it to fund hedges in the parkinglot and buy pork barrels for the hockey team so theres going to be a total recall

Total Recall?


on next tuesday." The class knew thatKanden was hungry for power and food, but whow would have guessed his nixonics? And who would be drafted?

Stop asking questions, you’re the narrator dammit. As such it’s your job to get the reader to ask questions, while still politely telling them to fuck off until it’s time for answers.


Samus was on her way out of school from another day of MHS when she heard a sketch voice echo down the corridor


A-Ha is all that comes to mind when I read, “Sketch voice.”


"Hello?" samus warded off spirits but it wasnta spirit it was only Trace!

Has she ever played Metroid?

"Samus, the gamedude was blackhacking


into powerschool and he noticed the problem with your history and the D" Trace intinated. Normally Samus would have freked from the breach of second amendment, but she knew that Trace was a man of fine points.

So, her right to shoot him in the face for infringing upon her privacy? Politicrap bitches.

"What are you getting to?" Samus cut the chase

""Hmmm, hasty girl" Trace smiled with a grin. "The thing is that the gamedude and I formed an exploratory commission and weve decided that you would be a possible candicate to lead the school in the total recall, and if you win then..." Trace left the rest up to samus' imagination.

Hmmm, so many possibilities.

Samus had never thought about policy and governmental duty before but this was an intrigue because she remmebered the new A clause from the news this morning and knew that if she didnt get an A somehow that shed have to take a fifth or suffer the consequence.

She has to take a fifth of vodka?

Dare me to drive?

"Ill think about it" samus noncommited but secretly everyone knew the realties. It was going to be an election, but would there be an insurrection?

Well hopefully fucking not.


The next day school started Samus had already cleansed her mind and her decision was clear, but first she had to choose to go to a party.

I just remembered, isn’t she pregnant? And ridden with space cholera? I don’t think a D in history is really the worst of her concerns.

Or we’re still on fuckit o’ clock, and there’s no semblance of time in this bitch.

She knew from school news that Republicans liked to kill trees but she liked tress so she became democratic.

Way to go that extra mile in your research 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan.

"OK, welcome to the democrat cacus" invited amy to everyone because she was the leaderwoman of the democrats in school committe, and she could run meetings and primaries and was also a speaker in school senate but no one cares about student council so whatever

That was one sentence.

One sentence that pretty much summarizes my knowledge of politics.

"Today is when we choose who will run for president

Well that was fast.

so if there are nomination snows the time to commit" advocated amy. There were heads that rolled,

So there’s that insurrection.

Is it the Space-French Revolution?

but in the end people made decisions

"I nominate Tio Juan"

Tio Juan, good to see you again.

helen endoresed her favorite boyfriend.

She has more than one?

Some people laughed at his name but they were kicked out of the party because of anti-immigration.

That’s exactly right.

"OK, are there other nominees?" Amy wondered aloud to the community

"I nominate Samus!" Adam malkovitched.

What does Malkovich have to do with this?

He and Samus were almost going out so this was a shoe in (AN: this is before samus and ridley met so don't freak out hes not forgotten ok)

Ah, so we are still in whatever time frame she feels like.

"Ok, that closes the nomination so its time to rock the votes." amy used MTV language.

We now return to Mall Bitches.

Ooh, my favorite!

"So how caucuses work is that candidates stand in corners and then people walk over and whoever has more people wins and is nominated" amy explained to mulitudes.

And then the sides play dodgeball and whoever is left standing wins the election.

When she gave the signal people walked over to the corners for samus or tio juan. It was really closeat the beginning, but near the end more people went to samus because not everyone was too keen on having a mexico president


Granted, I’m not voting for him either, but only because he doesn’t know how to play truth or dare.

and plus samus was kind of hot.

Well, I guess that is how we vote.

Maybe her suit’s just overheating again.

"Thank you voters and congradulations to samus aran who will now be voted at the total recall. Everyone pledged delegates to the football queen, even tio juan because he was still friends and a democrat.

That was a lot cooler than the Republican nomination, they actually voted.

Samus had won the democrats, but what about the election?


For the rest of the day samus was congratulated by people in the school, except not everyone

Wow, that’s amazing except not amazing.

because republicans were not quite as keen on Aranian policies.



Before the day was over Trace and Amy wanted to have a word with the candidate.

"Good job on the nomination, but heres the deal" Amy began with a sentence. "The election is going to be a tough one, but youre going to have somehelp. Trace and I will be your campaign managers, because I can help out with democrat votes and Trace can use underground connections to help with election totals" Amy finished up as Trace nodded with slyful grin. "

"OK this is good but who am i up against?" samus pondered as she awaited results from her staffers.

"At lunch the republicans had their... primary... and Captain Falcon was chosen as the victor"

I think I know how he won.


Trace slyly foxed. Helen and Samus were not pleased at the news and reflected it with their demeanors.

Holy fucking Power Suit Jesus, a real sentence!

Captain Falcon was very popular because he was the captain of the track team and held every record, even some that were made up just for him. Some people said

Said! Cheater! I’m glad you cheated, said is a lovely word, but still.

 that he cheated by using a racecar instead of running,

Seems legit.

but his parents had shitloads of money so they paid judges and everyone was ok

"Hmmm, its time for strategy" Amy began the plan. "OK, so Captain Falcon will probably try use money to win, but if we speak with truth and say whats right people will vote."

Ya, they're going to vote, for Captain Falcon.

Amy optimized. Trace wasnt so positive because of experience in shady smoker room deals, but he knew that samus had a shot except there were republicans everywhere and itd be a tough one. Elections had been close, but in the end, someone always won. But would it be samus?

I don’t know, you tell me.


Over the week before the election there were many deal seals and campaigns. Camptain Falcon used his money like everyone thought and bought ads that smeared across the intercom,

Ugh, all these disgusting ads all over the intercom, who’s going to clean that up?

one even said that samus did you know what with a lobbyist (for everyone unclear lobbyists wait around in the lobby of congress and buy drinks and tickets for senators so they vote for high gas prices and less trees).

Well with that logic.

Luckily samus was a democrat so people knew she wasnt into that shit.

Fucking or gas prices?


It was a bumpy roa dbut it was time for the debate!

"Ok, welcome to the seventy two memorial debates," Principal Yokoi kicked off the dramatics. "Everyone knows the candidates, and now its time to hear about the issues.

“Issue one, what is this story even about? Issue two, why are we allowing power suits and race cars in sporting events? Issue three, since when can grades be influenced by being class president?”

"The first question is for you Mr. Falcon" journalized Sylux, the president of the class newspaper. "What are your feelings about global warming?"

Captain Falcon cooled with a simmering snap. "My real question is what are you feeling about global warming?" Falcon sleazestepped the issues.


All of the repulbicans cheered because they were too stupid tounderstand that Falson had not answered questions and was only sucking his guts.

"Thank you Mr. Falcon. Dr. Samus, how do you feel about the world war three?" sylux discretionized

Best thing to ever happen in the middle east.

You don’t know that’s where it’s happening, Canada’s been talking a lot of shit lately.

All eyes were on Samus as she formulated her postition, but she remained cucumber cool and answered "War is not the option but if its necessary than it must happen for people."

War, war never changes.

Many people clapped except for the Falcon Republicans who were too stupid to know about wars.

"Thank you everyone, that concludes the debate and it is time to choose the candidates, but remember not to choose popular people and only who you heart is after" Yokoi disney channeled but everyone knew that people would vote for the populists. But who was the most?

There’s so much to say that we’re not going to say anything.


The votes were just about to be tallied and Samus was taking a walk through halls when she heard a strange rumbling bumbling roise from the boiler room. "What could it be" she investigated as she opened the door and was shocked to find!




"Haha, you caught us trying to rig votes with a copying machine" snaked up Captain Falcon and ex facto Kanden who were joined with other republicans.

They seem oddly happy about that.

They looked serious but samus was too.

First time in the entire story.

"Thias unexcaptable" samus furied as she began to use jitsu signs

Don’t you dare bring Naruto into this, there are already enough bad fan fictions about him.

and stances but Kanden summoned body guards. Who was it? Kraid and his GANG! Luckily Samus was used to fighting these losers so she took them all out with her techniques and attacks and soon they were piled on the floors.

"You may have defeated idiots but WHAT ABOUT ME" Captain FALCON PUNCHED


samus but she dodged and dumbass falcon fell out of the window he punched so hard!


Kanden ran away because he didnt want to get caught but hall moniter Noxus jailed him for conspiracies against the populace. And what about samus?

Stop with the fucking questions.

Stop with the fucking story.

"Congratulion President Aran" Principal Yokoi inagurated samus to the presidency and there were many cheers amoung the crowd,even a few rhinos who were sorta like democrats. Everything was going well but right as samus signed the articles and was about to enact the A clause a voice could be heard over the announcer.

"Hello to the people of the school, it is I, Emperor Falcon. I have taken over the office and I am now the president of the school" Principle Yokoi was befuzzeled but he was a bozocop and didnt even know what to do. The school was under seige!

By one person and we know where he is.

"My first order of business is that Samus Aran, who thinks she is president of class, is arrested for treason against Falcon government" the captain hardlined as you could hear kraid and gangmembers in the backroung snacking and snickeing at the situation.

So Samus, still want that A?

If it was only this easy to get an A.

"when she is arrested she is to be killed and displayed for public appeal."

Samus' eyes narrowed. She may have won the election, but would she win the insurrection?

The metroid high school election was over. The metroid Civil war had just begun.

Lucky for us there’s only one more chapter, so that too will be over soon.

Ok i wrote that in a huff so im sorry if there was spelling mistakes or grammar bad, but i do the best i can! I hope next chapter isnt a year like last one but things happen in life and you never know!

That chapter took her a year?

Until next time, livew love and prosper! (i wastched star wars this weekend, i cant wait for the new one with matt damon not a treekie but damons HOTT)

She thinks watching Star Wars make you a trecky. I’m not into either thing and that still bothers me.

Chapter 8

HELLO! Everyone!



Wow, It's been a while!

Has it? I didn’t notice.

Not long enough.

It's, been a little more than three whole years since, I started writing Metroid High School,

And yet, you never gave up. Thanks.

and, I, can't believe how many people have loved it! 63 reviews, almost 10,000 hits I wouldnt have been able to do it without, you guys are the best THANK YOU! I was, only 11,

Does that mean this is better? Please.

when I wrote chapter one of MHS and LOTS of things have happened since, I started writing. But now Im in High School and I barely have more time anymore, because of schooltests and my new boyfriend (hes real not internet this time), so I dont excatly have time to write fanfic anymore. :-( I have had chappies written for months on my hard drive but, I really just want to get the story finished on with life so, I've decided to unload and take elements, from each chapter, for one BIG finale!

An abbreviated version? I don’t know if I should be happy or scared.


It doesnt always exactly make sense

Even she agrees it doesn’t make sense this time.

all the time but, hey its epic hopefully and ties all the loose end its a fitful conlusion. I think that I've had enough, for the talk. It's time for

Chapter 8: Endgame Finale

I wrote a chapter called Finale once. Everyone died. Everyone.

The halls of a high school. Metroid High School. Dances, Gossip, Girls. Students, Learning. Everything had happened, Samus and Ridleys askout, the football, the cholera and even, the election.

Yup, we remember.

But, now War stains.

Ah, it’s so hard to get those war stains out.


In the hall civil war was raging before it had even started, Falcon's kitchen cabinet (AN I learned about this in US History Andrew Jackson liked his buddys so he gave them jobs eating food and partying in the whitehouse)

We spent about five minutes trying to figure out why she referenced AJ’s cabinet, still can’t figure it out.

was in control of the school! Luckily, Samus and friends were not pushovers, so it was a bloody situation.


Mandy and Tio Juan were two of the people who were fighitng in the onslaught.

"TIO CATCH!" Helen edicted as her mexican caught the grenade she tossed at him. With teeth he pulled out the tad and, threw killing 7 or more republicans. Too bad one of the ki-hinters still had a trick up his sleeve and it was a pistol. It fired at Helen, mortally wounding his soulmate.

Are the elements from each chapter the combined confusion?

"Tio Juan, I" Helen coughed but was cutoff by the river of death.

Charon motherfuckers.

"AHHHELEN!!!!!!!! Tio Juan was insoluable." This turned him into a killing machine. He had lost his favorite girlfriend, his friend, for war?

For What?

Ya, what?


Of the things I won’t miss about this story, the ones are certainly on the list.

The underground artroom was where Samus, Amy, Adam and Principal Yokoi were discussing war games, except not warhammer or battlefront but the kind that countrys do before a war. Except; this one was already happening.

I’m sure everyone will stay level-headed and come up with a reasonable, solid plan.

"WHAT ARE WE SCREWED" Principal Gunpei Yokoi extruded in the room.

Way to stay optimistic.

Luckily no one noticed his bozofits and carried on with the meeting.

"President Aran heres the ordeal,"

President? Bitch, you got the shit impeached out of you.

Amy her friend and advisor pertrude "Falcon and the republican army have learned how to clone Ki-hunters, thats why theres so many bodies everywhere."


This did not look like it was going to be a happy ending, but a shadow appeared in the corner and it was good thing they didnt shoot it because it was only Trace.

"If you can give me and the gamedude time, I believe that we can call in... reinforcements." Trace coverted. No one liked industrial epsionage, but they agreed that just like samus said in speech that things must be different when there's a war.

Gotta admit, her writing is a bit better. Way to go education system.

"OK, I see the ideas but What are we going to do in the meantime?" Adam noted that there might not be enough time for gamedudes scheme, and there were way too many enemies to take down with just posses and political allies.

Martin, take over for a bit, I’ll be listening to California Über Alles.

Thats when a voice was heard at the door, and it was someone that samus did not exactly expect.

"You have my body!" Ridley legolassed,

So, if Ridley is here, that means in the first 4 chapters there was a war going on that Samus caused that was never mentioned.

and when everyone turned around they saw he was mecha-ridley and was in a robotic combat suit like Metroid Fusion. Samus was happy to see him firs tbut quickly remembered everything: sex, cholera, cerventes.... Was it too much?

I don’t know, not telling us about the war going on in the school is still bothering me.

"Samus, I know that things have happened and maybe I'm too manhandle,


Too man to handle.

but we must fight to save the school! Let's worry about things later because, we have lots of ass to kick right now!" Samus was speechless, but mummered "OK" because she knew that things were too important to bicker.

What does Ridley saying, “OK [sic]” have to do with Samus’ speechlessness?

How was California?

About as nice as my holiday in Cambodia.

The football president put on her power suit like when she played football, and together the two robotics joined the battle. There was a lot to deal, but at least they were finally together.



Things were a disaster. Bodies were begiing to pile, and the halls were slippery with blood.

You know what must be horrible? The sound. The squick of boots slipping on blood, just awful.

Ray, Cupcakes is ov-

It’s never over.

Two friends Chris and Johnny B were with Mandy trying to enter Falcon's office headquarters through a secret door in the underground of the school. Too bad that Falcon knew the school too and rigged it with mines. Unforunately for Mandy "AHHHHHHHHHHH"

That is “AHHHHHHHH” unfortunate for Mandy.

she exalted as her body was derailed by explosives. John and Chris felt sorry for their loss, but they knew this was the price of war, and that if they didnt stop falcons inflation it would just get higher.


In another part of the battlefront, Samus and Ridley were using their new armor powers to do serious damage to the enemy bodies.

Too bad the bodies were all dead.

Ted, robbie, Smiley and the heartbroke Tio Juan were also contributing to the death toll,

Ah, I knew Mr. Smiley would come around.

Truth or Dare?

Alright, I’ll play this game; dare.

I dare you to finish the story!


and it seemed that the tide was beginning to rise for the better. That was until an old enemy appeared, this time for the finals.

"WELL well well we meet again" Crowned Kraid and his goons. "You think you can win THIS war? You'll have to go through us. Its time to reveal the gang!"

Everyone was shocked as the true identits were revealed of Kraids Gangmembers: Sylux, Noxus, Kanden, Weavel and, Spire!

Ya, you remember them from all the games.

The gangwar began as Samus Ridley Tio Ted Smiley

Bejesus, she has as many names as Ebony.

and Robbie

Oh, okay. We have commas for a reason you know.

got into place to fight the enemies. Ted lunged at Noxus and shanked at him,

You know to shank someone you need to be behind them.

but Sylux was quick to notice and shot Ted in the foot. Both gangbangers were ended though when Tio Juan saved Teds'ass by firing mexican machine guns at them, killing them in the head.

She paints a picture, you know?

But not a very accurate one; everybody knows that Mexican machine guns kill you in the liver.

Sylux transformed into a machine gun turret

Dammit, where’s Optimus Prime when you need him?

and took out Robbie and part of smiley, but samus was quick to the draw and fired a super missile varopizing both Sylux and Noxis.

But what about Noxus? And who is Noxis?

This did not make Kanden happy, and the two ex-presidents battled it out.

Wait, now neither is president?

As usual though, Samus ended up on top,


and shot electropowers into his brain stem. That left just Ridley and Kraid.

"You might have won the gangwar, but WHAT ABOUT THIS" Kraid injected enzytes in his arm as he began to grow massive. There was a hole in the ceiling when kraid stopped getting bigger, and he started to stomp on students and even ridley! "I HAVE YOU IN MY FOOT!" Kraid soliloqued as he was about to step on Ridleys face, but

"SSSSSSSSSINNERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Mother Brain decloaked from her nun clothes and unleashed her swiss guard (thats the pope army) hand training at Kraid and the Ki-Hunters.


This gave Ridley Just enough time to shoot his eye lazers at Kraids foot, kknocking the evil over. "Uh oh" the grandwizard rapped,

Rapped? I know it’s a gangwar, but still.

but it was too late.

"Fuck you IN HELLLLLLLL" chanted Ridley, and stuck his suit's robotail in Kraid's face. It was a lot of blood, but at least the score was settled.


The war was ready to wrap up, bu tthere was one last issue: The imposter president!

Imposter my ass, hostile takeover is a very legitimate alternative to election.

Samus and her remaining allies were finally able to break into his office fortress, but where was he?

Our president is in another office.


"Going Somwehere?" There was a voice, and as they turned around down the hall zoomed a racecar that was armed like the batman car in the dark knight!

If only batman’s automobile had a name.

"Captain Falcon!" Samus and co. condoled, but there was little use. Samus tried her powerful missiles at the car, but they just bounced off the hood and blew the doors off classrooms, exposing the children. Ridley used his mechasuit powers to try to stomp the car, but Captain was too fast with his driving and dodged. His turn.

Is this Metroid High School RPG?

"Let's see whose the real president now, BITCH!" Captain Falcon bellowed the car intercom,

Oh no he di-in’t.

and used his presidental codes to arm the rocket tube with a mini-nuke.

Because it’s the size of a bomb that determines its intensity, and nothing else.

When it fired everyone was sure that this was the end of Samus, but just in time her boyfriend jumped in front of the missile and took the blast himself.

Damn. Bruno, I think Ridley is calling you out.

Luckily, his suit was radiation-resistant, unfortunately the nukeblast damaged it beyond repair. Ridley was down, and so was Samus.

"Hahaha, My ride is undestructable!" Falcon bandstanted! "There isnt a single weapon on Earth that can defeat my juggernoghut"

Wait? We’re on earth now?

And what’s this about a jugger donut?

"That's what were here for!" A sudden voice blasted through the roof, and when the dust cleared there were four figures. It was Shas O Kais, Ethereal, Kroot, and Taildeer from Dark Crusade High School! (AN: This part was written when Cerventes and I were still internet dating. That's long gone, but why waste a story?)

I can give you ten reasons off the top of my head.

"I told you guys that reinforcements were on the way!" the gamedude and trace revealed over the intercom and samus and ridley were releaved, but not Captain Falcon.

"Time to seal the deal!" Kroot landoed, and while he and Etheral distracted the falconcar by racing it through the hall at topgear, Taildreer and Shash did a powercombine for one final blow.

Because I have no idea who these people are, Taildeer is Rudolph, the red nosed motherfucking reindeer. Shash is Shank from Shank. Kroot is Kermit the frog. And Ethereal is zombie extra number five from the walking dead.

When the car rounded down the last corner it unleashed, totalling the juggercar and ending the driver. There were still last words, however

"I may be dead, but you still lose! You've still got the cholera Youre dead as mine!" the dead president gurgled as samus so only she could hear him. The war was over but the girl knew he was right. It was only a matter of time.

I just hope she doesn’t drag out that time by writing a lot more.


"Few people survive in war, but for those who do it's worth it to save lives."

I can spew bullshit too if you’d like, I just have a little more self respect than that.

This is what samus was explaining to the survivors of Metroid High School.

Could she also explain it to us?

Damn tree-hating Republicans.

All her remaining friends were there and so were her mom Mrs. Chozo and dog Sparkey. Samus was giving a good great speech, but she felt the darkness taking hold, dark samus and the cholera were finally taking over her body. When she collapsed on the floor, people began to crowd around and cry. "PLEASE, is there a way!" Ridley cried out to the gods.

Who promptly told him to fuck off because there was more important shit to deal with, such as figuring out how to deconfuckulate time.

"There is" confirmed Dr. Bannus, who drove up to the podium in a sportcar, and revealing a hypodermic needle of serum in it. "You found a cure!" everyone cheered.

“Cure? Cure for what? This is euthanasia.”

Dr. Bannus turned to her patient.

"I may not agree with your sex, but I wont see a patient suffer, even a sinwidow"

When did Ridley die?

The doctor hippocrates, and injected the liquid into samus' body. The cholera syndromes began to fade away, but the dark was not ready to giv up without a fight.

"ARGHKE" Samus coughed blood, and a white began to flash. As samus convulsed, Dark Samus began to materialize outside of her body! "Hahahahaha" Dark Samus satanically echoed "Thanks to your "cure" I'm finally free!"

Why did the narrator interrupt that speech to say, “Cure”?

Dark Samus started running around taking down students and teachers and eating their souls to gain power.

Ah, sounds like a monday to me.

Now that she was cured samus was at full power and did her best to fight Dark Samus before it inflicted too many casualties. Unfortunately, Dark Samus was already far too powerful, and all that samus could do was knock the helmet off of its body to reveal its identity. No one could have expected the truth.

"Coach Houston, you're Dark Samus?!?" The entire school was shocked in disbelief.

I’m a bit confused myself.

Houston only smiled with all his teeth"

Not with his lips then?

"I admit, I made the cholera! I couldnt have Ridley and Samus be dating because she needs to be a team player and boyfriends take time" Houston explained from experience. "There is nothing more important than sports, and you can't stop me!"

Nice, so women are allowed to participate in football, but don’t. As that one comedian would tell you, it’s like black people and getting to sit at the same table. They have the right to, but they don’t.

"Not exactly" At that moment the doors flew open and there was the sound of a gunshot. At the door was President Gerald Ford (finally spelled it right, if youre wondering he was still president when Metroid High School took Place)

Ah, the seventies.

with a sniping pistol

Bullshit. If that existed, I would have one.

You don’t? I have one.


in his hand and 50 secret service agents who took control of the situation. Huston was shoked, his idol had just shot him in the face!

"But... you played football... why?" Houston was confounded in the final moments of his life, but Ford explained

"Everyone, sports can be fun to play and are good for bodies, but sometimes people take it too far.

Yeah, one minute you’re just having fun, the next--

It's not worth it to make biological terro or start wars,

Oh, he made the joke for me.

but as long as you keep it clean, keep it real"

I suspect a power suit may be against the rules though.

The real president finished the speech, and with that he returned to the white house, leaving Ridley and Samus alone. Everything was just about sorted about, but there was still one las thing that was troubling Ridleys mind.

The massive death toll? No, of course not.

Samus could tell because they had been going out for a time, and she inquisited "Ridley, whats the issue"

"well... It's only three more days until the big prom and... I know we're not together anymore..." ridley shuffled unconfotably, but samus was warm with a kiss


"Ridley, I cant stay mad at you. You know the love when you feel it" and they kissed in front of the entire remaining school. Everone cheered including Prinicpal Yokoi, Shas, Tio Juan, Amy, Mrs. Chozo, and even Cerventes cracked a grin.

"Damn" thought ridley for the final time. "I'm the luckiest guy in the universe."

Great, it’s finally over everybo-



Samus and Ridley went to prom together as a couple, but samus exboyfriends didnt do so bad at all. Cerventes went with 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006 because they were both angsty and thought cool, and Amy went with Adam (not just because of their shared letters, but they had other commons).

Their last names?

In George Bush's last minute in office

I thought prom was three days away, not three years.

he excommunicated all aliens, so Tio Juan had to go back to mexico in the middle of the night.

Because when I think alien, I think Tio Juan, not Ridley.

Too bad for bush, he ran for president of Mexico and won! (My dad told me that Mexico will probably be more powerful than the United States in a few years, so thats not so bad).

That explains a lot actually.

Principal Yokoi decided to retire after the events, but then he learned how to make video games for Nintendo and made the game "Metroid" based on everything that happened at Metroid High School.

111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, you get back here and fix that fourth wall this instant!

As for Samus and Ridley, they decided to stick together and see what happens. They decided to postpone the pregancy until after marriage,

God I wish I could change my due date.


For car insurance that is.

because even though Juno is a movie, teens dont always make parents in real life.

And the next time they had sex, Samus remembered to have her own pregnancy test.

That was the moral of this three year saga? Dafuq?

Don’t have sex with your boyfriend 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, you’re 14.

After 3 years and 11 days, my fanfiction career has oficially come to a close. I couldnt have don it without you guys are the best! I've tried a lot of new things when writing, like words and ideas and all kinds of weriedness, and even though some of you dont like it and it didnt make sense the whole time at least its something! I'm going to miss you guys so much, but hey dont forget to review.

We covered that, no problem.

Thank you all so much, and never forget, SAMUS AND RIDLEY FOREVER!

Because time is so fucked up in this universe, I suppose they really could be together forever. And now that this story is over, we can get to the truly important issues; Martin, truth or dare?

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