Review #6

Bowser's Mexico Adventure

Story by Mr. Market

Review by Ray




If you're looking for a ridiculously preposterous fanfiction with a ridiculously diverse cast performing a ridiculous variety of actions, you're looking for the ridiculous Bowser's Mexico Adventure, by Mr. Market.


THE SUPER MARIO BROS SUPER SHOW

THE SUPER MARIO BROS SUPER SHOW

So important, it needed to be said twice. I mean, just look at this cast:

Characters:

Wet Bowser Dry Bowser

Tom Servo Crow

JoLe Dr. Forrester

MarIo LuIgI Richie Ren

RosalIna(limp star)Rosella Edgar Archduke fIfI Nedry

Heroes VacatIon Guy the Koopa KIdsBoba FettBear Grylls

C3P0 Elliot/Towns Dracula and or RenfieldGrant

AladdinMozenrath

So from what I can gather we have Bowser, both wet and dry whatever that means, Mario, Luigi, and the Koopa Kids from the Mario series.

We also have Tom Servo, Crow, Joel, and Dr. Forrester from Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Then there’s Boba Fett and C3PO from Star Wars.

Aladdin and Mozenrath from Aladdin.

Grant and Nedry from Jurassic Park.

Towns and Elliot from Flight of the Phoenix.

And from the world of nonfiction, there’s Bear Grylls and Richie Ren.

There are also a plethora of characters that I can’t identify at all, some might be from existing things and others from the mind of Mr. Market himself.

So all in all, this is looking like an adventure of epic proportions. Shall we?

Episode #: 316

What? Hold on, let me check something… yeah, this is definitely chapter one. There have been a few of instances of a part one with no part two, but this is the first I’ve seen of a part 316 and no parts 1-315.

It was a dark, foreboding early afternoon in 8-4, much like any other.

If, like me, you had to read that line a few times before you realized he was talking about the Mario level 8-4, buckle up; this story doesn’t get any more coherent. If you didn’t realize it was level 8-4 until I told you, go ahead and take a few.

Wet Bowser had just finished his morning ritual of mowing his lava

Pass that box back, I need a few too.

and was about to embark on his daily constitutional when he caught a glimpse of something poking out from his mailbox.

Can you imagine being the mailman who has to deliver mail here:

Actually, are we sure Mario is just a plumber? Maybe he and Parakarry were delivering mail all along, and Bowser just got the wrong idea.

A brief flicker of excitement danced across his turtle face as he realized that it was an envelope,

“Wow, an envelope in the mailbox, who’d’ve thunk it?”

"Wet Bowser" embossed in fancy gold cursive lettering on the front.

He hastily tore open the letter with one claw, and began to read:

Dear Wet Bowser,

He is really insistent on this Wet Bowser thing, I wish he’d tell us what it means.

We are pleased to inform you that you are cordially invited to attend the Grande Opening of Phase 3 of our newest Le Dic

Actually, it means The December, but Mr. Market knew what he was doing.

resort facilities in sunny Delfino Island, just off the coast of Costa Rica in Mexico. You will enjoy 8 days and 7 nights free of charge, after participating in a brief tour of the resort, during which you will be offered an opportunity to buy into and become a VIP member of our exclusive programme.

We welcome you to invite friends and family, and free upgrades will be available to you if they sign up as well.

We look forward to seeing you,

Greg,for Presidente of the Mexico

I had no idea that sending villains on vacation was a presidential duty, but it’s actually quite genius; it’s hard to take over the world when you’re relaxing on the beach.

"I'm taken aback!" Wet Bowser exclaimed, taken aback.

Call him what you want, just don’t call him a liar.

He knew just who to invite, and he couldn't wait to deliver the good news as he hurried back to the castle.

He picked up the phone and called up his old college roommate Joel, who lived in space.

Joel and Bowser were roommates in college? Mr. Market, I applaud your restraint in not making that it’s own fanfiction.

After a few rings, a voice on the other end said, "Hello, Mr. Market's Steak and Lube, how can we serve you today?"

Of course the author is in the story. Not only that, but he’s in the story as the founder of quite possibly the manliest store ever.

"Yeah, gimme an order of steak and a 20 ounce diet Lube

Laugh all you want, but Bowser’s gettin’ it on without all of those extra calories.

—hey, waitaminit, Crow? Crow T. Robot? Is that you?

Bowser probably should’ve expected something when he called a spaceship and instead got the best store ever.

Put Joel on the phone, I need to speak to an adult!

"But Uncle Bowser..!" Crow whined.

Uncle?

Bowser was about to grumble a response when he heard a friendly, familiar voice on the line.

Joel: Hello? Who am I speaking with?

Bowser: Hey Bro! It's Wet Bowser!

Ray: Well this is a peculiar change of format.

Joel: Hey! How long's it been, man?!

Bowser: Too long, too long… What've you been up to?

Joel: Oh, you know, just watching some movies with the Bots and getting ready for our next invention exchange, how about you?

Bowser: Well, I was just finishing up my gardening today and I got a letter in the mail…

The disconnect here is incredible; Joel is doing pretty much what he would be doing in his canon, where as Bowser is like a completely different koopa.

I'm goin' on a free vacation! And you're coming along! Bring the Bots, too!

Joel: Really? Well that's great!

Bowser: Stop by my place around 5, you still remember how to get to my place in Dark Land?

Joel: Nah, it's ok, I'll just Mapquest it.

Maybe if Mario had used Mapquest he wouldn’t have gone to the wrong castle so many times. Good thinking Joel.

Bowser: Sounds terrific! See ya then!

In another room

CheAtSy: eavesdropping Vacation, huh?

Eavesdropping vacations are the worst, it sounds nice but I can’t stand ‘em.

This gives me a wild and crafty idea…

The next day, Wet Bowser and Joel and the Bots went to Mexico. The airport was nice, and they got nuts on the plain. But little did they know of the trouble that was brewing.

Mario: Okay, guys, make sure you keep your fanny packs in the front this time.

Mario and Bowser are on the same flight?

Boba Fett: That was Not my fault!

Dr. Forrester: Well at least we made it. That's what really counts. Now where did Joel and the rest of them go off to? I can't believe they left us!

With all of these adversaries on what seems to be a single flight, I feel the need to commend the pilot for keeping it in the air.

Before anyone could reply, Dr. Grant walked up to his colleague and grasped his shoulder reassuringly.

GranT: But that's Not… what I'm gonna do.

Mario: Well, the guy at the airport said that the resort is just past these man groves.

I asked Urban Dictionary, and that doesn’t mean what I thought it did. Turns out they actually are just trees.

eerie noises come out of the man groves

Mozenrath: What was that?

It was eerie noises, pay attention.

Boba Fett: Let's keep moving, before something bad happens.

Oh I’m sorry, are you the one flying the ship? No? Then deal with it.

Elsewhere, Wet Bowser and the gang were just getting into their sweet,

So they were on a different flight all along? Thanks for the clarity Mr. Market, I didn’t want to know what was happening anyways.

when they began to quarrel over who got to sleep in what room with who.

Tom Servo: Joel! Crow's not letting me have the sink! He got the window seat on the way down, so I get to sleep in the sink!

Crow: I needed the window, because of my heart condition, we've been over this…

Joel: Now now, guys, you can both have the sink! Look, there's two sinks!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!

I could actually see that being a part of the show. Stop it right now Mr. Market, how dare you do something right when I’m trying to rip apart every detail of your story?

Wet Bowser went into his room and opens his suitcase, only instead of his clothes tumbling out, 7 Koopa kids tumble out! At first, he was confused, and then he Raged. "What is this!," he raged.

Ludwig: We came along too, you never take us on vacation after that trip to Colonial Williamsburg, King dad…

He may be King Dad, but it’s still not as impressive as Zeus, who gets prestigious titles such as brother husband and cousin lover.

Wet Bowser: That's because it was horrible! You are a disappointment! I could brain you just about now!

Wendy: But DADDY……

Bowser: Okay, fine. You can come along. But you have to come to the Orientation, too.

7 Koopa Kids: Okay.

(Elsewhere, in the mangroves)

Oh, now we get the privilege of actually knowing where we are.

Dry Bowser(King of the Mangrove): Ahahaha! Everything is going according to my plan!

Thuggo: Yes, your evil dryness!

After unpacking, they thought they should go out to see the beach because it was right there, even though it was really hot outside. When they got outside, there was a fat man sitting at a table under an umbrella, and he looked to be on vacation by his Hawaiian shirt and other clothes.

Nedry: Don't get cheap on me, Bowser. That was Hammond's mistake.

Wet Bowser: begrudgeingly Uggh……fine.

Cynically I’ve noticed that a lot of these characters enjoy saying how they say things.

pays for his meal

Then suddenly, Richie Ren ran by, with his arms outstretched, straight into the ocean.

Richie Ren: WAN SHUI!!

Everyone: Yeah!! all run into ocean

This is fun!

It sounds like it, but I’m stuck in the bitter cold north where the weather matches our personalities.

I could do this all day!

They were all having fun, when…

(Inside Jorl's head)

MANGROVES: KILL YOUR FRIENDS AND DUMP THEM INTO ME.

So do these two plot threads take place near each other then?

Crow: Joel, are you okay?

Joel: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine bro. I guess I'm not too used to this heat out here.

Crow: Ok, if you say so……

The next day, everyone went to the Orientation; it lasted over 48 hours,

I didn’t think Delfino Plaza was all that complicated, it’s just the level hub after all.

and they ended up having to buy a lot of timeshares. But after that, they all had fun on their vacation, and came together as friends. Even Wet Bowser and Edgar, who were the worst of enemies before.

Has Bowser just completely forsaken evil, and subsequently, Mario? Because this story doesn’t make him seem like such a bad guy.

They went to the beach, shopping (and drinking), and they made a lot of new friends like Bear Grylls… and ate a pelican.

And piss, hardy har har.

(At the airport)

They were all getting in to the plane when a mysterious, golden-haired stranger approached.

Elliot: So I guess I need a ride to 8-4.

Elliot is allowed on the plane despite the pilot's protests.

Upon takeoff, in the air. A huge sandstorm is brewing out of nowhere.

Elliot, who is sitting next to Rosalina, gets up to talk to the pilot about going back to an alternate root.

Because how would the pilot think of that? He’s too busy flying the plane through a sandstorm.

Elliot: Are you planning on flying over the storm? I believe you're too heavy!

Towns: Shut up and get in to your seat!

Elliot: (sitting down) (to Rosalina) We won't make it, you're overweight.

Rosalina: crys

Ray: Laughs

Bear Grylls: It's alright, I can get us out of here.

The plane enters this huge storm and starts shakeing violently. It is unsure whether the plane will crash as it goes deeper into the eye of the storm…

THE END?

Mangrove: HA HA HA HA HA!! evil laugh

Enjoyable as this madness has been, I’m afraid the answer is yes; this is the end. Mr. Market was probably just having fun when he wrote this, and I was doing the same when reviewing it. But if you’ll excuse me, I have to find something in more dire need of retribution for next time.