Salivation, probably meant to be Salvation, is a story by IKIllFaguts. Want to know how bad it is?
IT WAS DELETED FROM THE INTERNET.
I'm not kidding; the original is gone, done, over, it has ceased to exist. So how did I review it? Well, I took a website's word for a few sentences and filled in the rest as best I could using the wrath of the Fanfic Critic. Yeah, turns out us Retributionists aren't the only ones reviewing fanfiction. So here's Salivation, by IKillFaguts.
Oh good, I’ve always said you don’t know an author until you know their nuts.
my frend wrote da beginning of dis for me so pls b nice and reveiw 4 her ok?
I’ll see what I can do.
Not das am frend dat batayed my ofer fic a different fred.
Diese Scheißerzählungen! Warum tun sie alle wie Deutsch klingen?
Dis was my birfday presend
and I thut u rel christons would enjut it.
I consulted Martin on the story, he wasn’t impressed either and he’s the realest Christian we have.
A Message to All Niggers, Fagots, and Satanists
Judgement day is on the horizon,
Bitch please, everyday is a day of judgement with the Retributionists. It may not seem like it because of the majority of days on which we don’t post anything, but rest assured we’re in a constant state of judgement behind the scenes.
the fiery furnace of Hell awaits your unholy execution.
Well tell the fiery furnace of Hell that the icy cellar of Minnesota already has dibs.
Sodomites and coloreds,
Sodomy is fantastic and purple is fabulous, go fuck yourself with a paintbrush.
Yeah, purple FTW.
Hold on, I have to take care of something. Slightly Darker Alternative Purple, take over for me.
your day comes.
Technically speaking, sodomy is any form of sex that isn’t for the purpose of procreation. Is this saying--
There, we’re fucking done with that. Six colors from now on; five critics, one poor bastard facing them.
To all who wish to join my struggle rejoice, for I welcome all.
Even niggers, faggots, and satanists?
For all who love to queers beware you shall burn forever more.
Just know who you’re talking to; some burns make some people happy.
(in case u didnt not no, I wrote the rest)
Way to maintain the flow.
Spongbob had a gasp then and put da letr down.
Oh no he said. Squidwurd is a nigger faggot.
Alright, let’s break down all of the reasons why this is dumb.
- I don’t care if they’re sea creatures; Squidward is the second whitest motherfucker in Bikini Bottom topped only by Squilliam.
- What exactly does nigger even mean in this context? It must not be his species because Spongebob already would have known about that before receiving the letter.
- It’s rumored that Spongebob Squarepants was originally meant to air on Adult Swim featuring Spongebob and Patrick as a gay couple; I’m not saying it’s fact, but I’m just sayin’.
- Who wrote that letter in the first place? Are there people who dedicate themselves to sending out nonsensical warnings?
- He may have read the letter, but what about the note that I assume is on the other side of the paper?
- Clearly I don’t mind vulgarity or political incorrectness, but that doesn’t mean I think the author’s moral compass is in pristine condition. Judge Squidward for being a stuck up prick, not for being a nigger faggot.
I ned to worn him of hjs devine ways so h3 does nut born.
Oh look, another list.
- Divine ways are godly ways, if you’re going to be intolerant do it right.
- There are no English words, nor any words in any language as far as I’m aware, that are spelled with numeric characters. And look at your keyboard; E and 3 are right next to each other, if anything 3 requires more effort to type.
- Born and burn are completely different words, to me that one little change was the most confusing part of the sentence.
- Unless Squidward is the epitome of Freudian repression and a blind member of the KKK on the Chappelle Show, he’s probably quite aware of his ways.
He runed to Squidward's hose.
If you can use an apostrophe you can use proper spelling.
to be or not to be continued review to find out.
I’ll await my notification, now if you’ll excuse me I have another thing to add to my list of reasons humanity is dead.