Review #56

Salivation

Story by IKillFaguts

Review by Ray




Salivation, probably meant to be Salvation, is a story by IKIllFaguts. Want to know how bad it is?

IT WAS DELETED FROM THE INTERNET.

I'm not kidding; the original is gone, done, over, it has ceased to exist. So how did I review it? Well, I took a website's word for a few sentences and filled in the rest as best I could using the wrath of the Fanfic Critic. Yeah, turns out us Retributionists aren't the only ones reviewing fanfiction. So here's Salivation, by IKillFaguts.


Author’s Nuts

Oh good, I’ve always said you don’t know an author until you know their nuts.

my frend wrote da beginning of dis for me so pls b nice and reveiw 4 her ok?

I’ll see what I can do.

Not das am frend dat batayed my ofer fic a different fred.

Diese Scheißerzählungen! Warum tun sie alle wie Deutsch klingen?

Dis was my birfday presend

Interesting…

and I thut u rel christons would enjut it.

I consulted Martin on the story, he wasn’t impressed either and he’s the realest Christian we have.

A Message to All Niggers, Fagots, and Satanists

 

Judgement day is on the horizon,

Bitch please, everyday is a day of judgement with the Retributionists. It may not seem like it because of the majority of days on which we don’t post anything, but rest assured we’re in a constant state of judgement behind the scenes.

the fiery furnace of Hell awaits your unholy execution.

Well tell the fiery furnace of Hell that the icy cellar of Minnesota already has dibs.

Sodomites and coloreds,

Sodomy is fantastic and purple is fabulous, go fuck yourself with a paintbrush.

Yeah, purple FTW.

 

Hold on, I have to take care of something. Slightly Darker Alternative Purple, take over for me.

your day comes.

Technically speaking, sodomy is any form of sex that isn’t for the purpose of procreation. Is this saying--

 

 

There, we’re fucking done with that. Six colors from now on; five critics, one poor bastard facing them.

To all who wish to join my struggle rejoice, for I welcome all.

Even niggers, faggots, and satanists?

For all who love to queers beware you shall burn forever more.

Just know who you’re talking to; some burns make some people happy.

Love, Jesus.

 

(in case u didnt not no, I wrote the rest)

Way to maintain the flow.

Spongbob had a gasp then and put da letr down.

Oh no he said. Squidwurd is a nigger faggot.

Alright, let’s break down all of the reasons why this is dumb.

I ned to worn him of hjs devine ways so h3 does nut born.

Oh look, another list.

He runed to Squidward's hose.

 

If you can use an apostrophe you can use proper spelling.

to be or not to be continued review to find out.

I’ll await my notification, now if you’ll excuse me I have another thing to add to my list of reasons humanity is dead.