I was lurking around /r/AskReddit, something I do when I'm exceptionally bored and not in the mood to succumb myself to gothic Sues, when lo and behold an opportunity threw itself at me. This is Memoirs of a Geisha by /u/saycraysay4secrecy, who posted it asking which subreddit it belongs in. Well Saycray, here's not a bad start.
It was one of those days that made Gods of men.
You know, one of those days.
The air was that cool Autumn breeze that hardens your nipples ever so gently when it caresses your skin.
CriTiKal would be proud.
The mountains looming over the landscape had this noble quality about them that morning, as the fog slowly lifted and drifted away from the ever shimmering glacial lake. I had a long walk to get to the other smaller body of water nestled deep in the woods, miles, years away from where civilization had any meaning at all.
Miles sure, but years? Is this other lake a wormhole?
The woods stared at me like I was the only man at the lesbian dildo party,
they looked at me with hatred, I could feel it in my soul.
Yeah, trees are dicks that way.
Getting it to give up it's secrets would never be easy, but as they say-"In the land of blind, the man with one eye is king."
My favorite part is how that has nothing to do with anything.
I foraged for berries after hours of walking in this evergreen wasteland of last years fires that scorched the earth, to no avail. So I ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwich
as I cried deeply so I could lick my tears and feed my quenching thirst. Finally an opening presented itself, "I'll get out of this god forsaken forest and find water if it was the last thing I do!" I told myself.
Okay, the protagonist has a voice. This is good because contrary to everything else about the story, it tells us they’re at least relatively human.
And suddenly I heard the laughter in the distance, a cabin came into view.
As opposed to gradually hearing laughter in the distance?
I ran up to the cabin in my withering shoes and found an old toothless women taking a massive shit inside a unused flower pot.
She grinned at me and said "pass me that paper please." I clearly had taken the wrong fucking trail....
And is everyone ready for the best part?
Excerpts from my newest novel: "Memoirs of a Geisha
First of all, I can only imagine what this story would be like as part of a novel length story. Second, newest. Apparently this novel isn’t the first. All I can say is, good luck /u/saycraysay4secrecy.