Review #45

THA SOTRY OF KAWAIIFLOWA

Story by xXkawaiisparkleflowerloveXx

Review by Ray




The worst part of this is that I don't think it was written by a troll, I think it was written by somebody who has no solid grasp of reality and no qualms about it; just shove sparkles and LSD into their face and they're happy. The plot cheats, the grammar is non existent, spell check is off, and emoticons reign supreme; this is THA SOTRY OF KAWAIIFLOWA.


Chapter 1

The sOtry of kawaiiiflowa

hai guyz z dis story is my first stry nd this is my first story x33333

Her first stry and her first story? Well that’s an occasion that would make anybody smile with five cat mouths.

my freidns are really nice nd they are helped edit the splieng, but i am still pretty :3

 

I tried, I really did, but I see absolutely no connection between being pretty and having friends who think they know how to spell but either clearly don’t or clearly don’t give a shit.

Once Upon A Time During A Dark Stormy Night

Really? Sparkle Flower couldn’t decide between the two most cliched openings and decided to go with both?

 

At least this fucking train wreck will be captivating.

It Was Thunderinging And Lightininghing A Very Perty Kittn Was Born She Was Hot Pq3ink And Very Sexy And AllThe Gyuz Rlly Luved Her her Wingd were neon YelLow and purple Sparkleds.

 

I hate everything about this. I hate that it’s almost in English because that means I actually have to read it, I hate that it just barely made enough sense to follow because that means I have to think about it, and I hate that it doesn’t get any better from here.

 

Let’s take another look, this is whole sentence is a beautiful disaster.

It Was Thunderinging And Lightininghing

Just say storming. Or better yet, don’t say a damn thing; she already set the scene, awful as it was, by saying it was a dark and stormy night. I already know what that looks like, I don’t need any further description to confirm it. Also, lightninging isn’t a word but at least I understand where it comes from; thunderinging isn’t a word and the concept that somebody thought it was hurts a little.

A Very Perty Kittn Was Born

 

Because newborns of any species are automatically adorable as long as you don’t visualize it. Also, this needs to be said; we’re dealing with the birth of a personified animal Mary Sue once upon a time on a dark and stormy night. And people wonder why I’m unhappy.

She Was Hot Pq3ink

At first I though it was Sparkle Flower was saying, “She was hot penguin.” And looking back, she might have been, it wouldn’t make any less sense than the rest of this.

And Very Sexy And AllThe Gyuz Rlly Luved Her

All of the guys, all of them, thought a cat was sexy and love her the moment she was born.

 

If me and every other guy didn’t agree that she was so damn sexy I’d have some very angry things to say about this.

her Wingd were neon YelLow and purple Sparkleds.

Yes, this cat has wings, because why the fuck not? And I hope everybody realizes something; we’re only one sentence into the actually story at this point.

The Had the fangs of Jakob

So they sparkle and smell like vampire dick?

nd They sparkles. (AN: EDWARD SUKKKKZZZZ!111!)

 

her ies wer the color uf a SunSet setting in2 a mountain with A butkgntifulz C by et.

The sun isn’t setting behind a mountain, it’s setting into it. So basically her eyes are the color of an entire planet being destroyed while the letter C watches.

Her mum was uglyyyyyyy but dade but was hannndsomm !111!1!

 

thi her tal loked like a raynbo

 

and wenever I tuched anyone it wud explodifyingish dem.

First of all, adding more shit to a word doesn’t automaticallyingish enhance it. Second, did we just venture into first person for a moment there? Is it a possibility that this cat is a projection of the writer?

Her feetzes were like butiful dancres

Another example of why spelling and grammar fucking matters. Just like I read hot pink as hot penguin, I read her feetsies as her fetuses. It completely changes whatever minor meaning there is.

and claws were turkoiz and spotted yellow!

So now we know what she looks like. But in case you missed it or, like me, you could care less what she looks like because we haven’t been shown anything about her character yet, Sparkle Flower has drawn everybody a lovely picture.

 

I just… fine, whatever, let’s move on, I’ll suspend my disbelief about what a talking cat can look like and save it for the story. Also, guess where I found this; on her profile.

 

Let’s take a look.

hai ma nema iz sCarlett echo chaos dragon spike

 

So her username, xXkawaiisparkleflowerloveXx, is completely irrelevant. Her real name is Carlett Echo Dark’ness Dementia Raven Chaos Amynda Mary Sue Spike The My Little Pony Dragon. I’m just gonna call her Carl.

and i LUUUUV righting :)))))))))

And apparently she loves being fat as shit too, that’s an octuple chin on that smiley face. Also, lefting isn’t bad either, I do it about as often as righting and it’s not much different.

my teac=hcer sais that i am rley gud at righting

you say that, but you also spelled teacher with an equals sign. To be fair, maybe it was her math teacher.

su i desied 2 right a stryyD!!!!! ho ery1 ima heer 2 uapdat u GUUUYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYS abat ghatght i daid WE#n not witiien i go shpooping anf maLl and me gutfriend killes dark straoin silver stom9500Xx he atmost gotty lukike jakoub GO TWILIGIHT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Do you want dead colors?, Because this is how we get dead colors

id DONT KAR ghat hateers tink MY story amosin if U hote don disssssssssssssSSSSSSSSSSs!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saying she doesn’t care what people think and then immediately telling people not to be mean if they don’t think it’s amazing, it’s hard to cope with that kind of logic. Anyways, back to the story where everything makes total sense.

Al thu cats were jelus of her.

Again, all of the cats. Every guy thinks she’s sexy and every cat is jealous. If you’ll recall our profile…

 

This puts me in a tricky spot.

Her sistur silvershimmerRiivr wus soooooo jelous so She TrIED To KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL her!

 

Fuck that bitch! Kill her because I’m jealous and save her body because she’s sexy! Apparently!

And her dad was all like ooooopoooo NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO u xant do thhhat BeKuSUS kawaiikittent is buutoifil.

You’re damn right she is, she’s beautiful and I hate her and I think she’s hot and I want her dead and holy fuck I know what it’s like to have a man period. Alright, I’m done pretending to like this character in any way. I may be a sarcastic critic but I’m not a whore. Or at least, not a very good one. I actually tried reviewing a good story the other day and I think the positivity sprained my soul.

den, buustar came frum da sky

Who? Why? According to FanFiction.net this is crossover between Harry Potter and Warriors. I know plenty about Harry Potter because it seems like half of the stories we review are Harry Potter fanfiction, and I read a couple of Warriors books back in middle school, not that I remember anything useful from them. But so far there’s nothing in the story to indicate either of those, every character seems to be Carl’s own invention and the setting is fairytale land.

and said 'LOLOLOLOLOL IMA TERN U AL 2 NEKOS ND U HAVE 2 GO TO TH EGPTTA HOGWARTZ ND KEEEL MODYPORT LOLOLOL'

Go home Buustar, you’re drunk. Hogwarts probably isn’t in Egypt. Modyport isn’t even an interesting way to misspell Voldemort. People don’t usually say lol, because most people actually laugh out loud. There’s no reason a bunch of cats should be assigned the task of killing the dark lord, other than ‘because plot.’ And finally, I know what she meant but if you want to get linguistic they’re already nekos, neko is Japanese for cat.

 

Hey, it’s my job to know that!

It’s Romanized Japanese, you could argue it’s either of us.

You could also argue I was going to help with the review but now smokebomb!

 

 

I heard that. Second smokebomb!

WAT WIL HAPENN NEXT?!OMGOMGOMGOMG

I’ll admit, I’m kind of curious. This is one of those stories that’s so bad it’s legitimately entertaining.

I HOP U RLY LEIK THIS BEKUZ I WORKED HARD ON TIT.

 

IF NOT ZOLOWIL PWN U!11111

A thirteen year old on the internet is threatening to make a fictional character she doesn’t even own pwn me?

 

Chapter 2

shadofallen21 : TANKS fur yor wunderfl Revuw!

I’m sure most of you already know this, but it the review in question was almost as negative as mine. If you’re interested, here it is.

Does SPELL CHECK, GRAMMAR, PUNCTUATION or MARY SUE mean ANYTHING to you? This is up there with My Immortal and Jo Bekke at Hogwarts…

I’d actually never heard of the second story, and I don’t plan on reading it. By the looks of things it’s already been very thoroughly reviewed.

Except with WARRIORS! This is a disgrace to the name of Fanfiction…

To be fair this is only one of many, the name of fanfiction has never really been prestigious.

I read your profile and your ENGLISH TEACHER said you were good at writing!?

She never said it was her English teacher.

She needs to be .

FanFiction.net’s censors are a pain in the ass, as I learned when trying to link to the Retributionists in a comment. So whatever word was automatically removed from this review, I’m guessing it wasn’t burning with positivity.

Actullay, i dunno wut da storeez are but i BeT deey gunna be GOOD!1!

 

But i dunno what marysue Is?

 

Have you considered Googling it? In fact, don’t bother, I’ll do it for you. TV Tropes to the rescue.

Is it a cat name becuz Mary issa person name so.

 

Fuck you. Just fuck you. Ignorance is one this but this is a deliberate avoidance of any form of reality.

NO FLAMING FLMMERS R RLY MAN DX

Sometimes a little fire solves a larger problem.

anywez, im gunna star the storry.

Sho! As u remembuh, KauaiiFlower Kitte Wuz now A NEKO! :D

So to clarify, she was a neko.

 

But now she’s a neko.

 

But she didunt now how to get too Howarts.

 

But bluestuh was like, I can TEulport U!" And so she appeeered at HOwgworts.

Good to see all conflict can be resolved with magic, now if you recite some poetry and reveal it was all a dream that would be just perfect.

Eferywon at Hogwarts was like WOAH becuz she wus soooooooo prety.

Never deal with absolutes, it always ends up as the worst thing ever.

she waz EVEN MORE BYUTIFULLER!:3 OMG!

Yeah, you can say she’s beautiful, but you know what really turns me on? Anything else.

She wearin

 

I changed my mind, say she’s beautiful and move on, I don’t need to hear about her clothes! I was trying to advocate plot and character, not bullshit and more bullshit!

book fishy ñet TITS

She spelled net with a tilde on the N. I can’t even type with tildes and accents when I try, yet she pulled it off by mistake. Something’s wrong with the universe.

and booooots with red

Did someone say red?

You’re just in time for the scene where Mary Sue describes her clothes. Also she’s sometimes kind of a cat and she’s in Hogwarts for some reason.

Aren’t I so lucky.

Hey, just be thankful you never had to read the first sentence.

Aren’t you so unlucky.

Yes?

ans soilvvr bows ans skulls ans hells she goot a neon pink corset it goot lass and shimmering ribbonMY wings jet black like the mmmmmmoooooonnnnnmnn !' XDDDDF

Yes, the moon is best known for its jet black color.

Mini skirts be pale Blak ! SsoooOOOOOOOOOOO hooooootttTTTTTEy she omged

She omged. I’m okay with loled, but I’m drawing the line; omged isn’t even alright in texting, don’t put it in your fucking story.

becuz she waz shy abot efrywun starring. She hided in a cornur until Dumbley door came and was like, WOW pretteh kitteh

 

Ew, I don’t like this version of Dumblydore, too creepy.

 

Dumblydore is on a higher level than we could ever hope to be. Don’t question it, it might seem creepy to us but to him it makes sense.

, come to GRIFFENDoor. there will be tea and crumpets and little finger sandwichs fur lunch YAAY! NO!

 

I don’t know what we’re reading about this is so convoluted.

saddded snoop and lumpkin(he turnnned 2 slytherin cuz hes ASSUMM and wer wolf)

Of course he’s a werewolf, that’s just what this story needed.

" be slytherinn insted, AnD we eat ice cream! And kauaiiflower was all like OOO ice cream= fat , so NO!

 

Look, she clearly has nothing to worry about, her Mary Sue genes counteract any calories she might accidentally ingest.

And den they were sadd. Dey criid teers of blod.

I’m crying tears of Fukitol knowing that Carl clearly ended up reading My Immortal and worse, liking it.

Den KauaiiFlowerWhisperstuff (dat wus her noo name) ran off to the surtin hat and sed, make me RAVENclaw, cos i sOO smart!

Of course you are, you’re 100% perfect. Einstein would be fucking jealous to your brilliance.

 And the hat wuz all like, KK! Sur thing! Yall be goin to Ravenclaw today!"""

Have fun with Turtle.

Tell Jesus we said hi.

d asurtin hatt had been hipnotised earlyer by...

KANNYAY west!

Great, because what’s a shitty story without a shitty kameo.

Now da surtin hat did everyfing Kauaiiflowerraindbow sed! "Am hed of RavenCLW (cos am so smrt) So you can com wif ME!" And she did. dne kanyay wesst waked in and he waz da noov hedmastur cuz hes so cool and the hed mastur!

He was the headmaster because he was the headmaster. Because that makes sense.

okey i hop u enjoyedd dis chapta OMG KANAYAY WEST is sooooooooooo cooool! lik last tim if dunt enjoy it ZOLO WILPWN U! OMG! BA

Why are you whispering?

Chapter 3

OK! TANKs 2 all ma frends fer helpig wif da spellig and stoff!

I want to make fun of her friends for not doing shit, but I actually get it, I’ve been in a similar situation and at some point you just have to give up.

U GUYZ ROK! OK hop u enjoy333

XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

KKKKK.

You know what really pisses me off? This. Just this, nothing too complicated about why, it’s pretty self explanatory, just look at it. Absolutely nothing is being said here.

aneweys. So, dah Kauaiiflowerrainbowpuff went to ravENcluw an sheh wuz like, WOAH. Das such an ASOME place!

Alles ist ehrfürchtig!

Nien!

Nein!

ANd kanyay sed, a know, rite? AND THEN! A bunch uf peeple crwded around Kauaiiflower and sed, "WOW thats uh prety NEKO! !" Dey all awr admirin her when suddenly, MoldiVort jumps in!

He’s very rude like that, he should at least knock first.

And hes like, I will KILL u all! even da prett nekko over tere! But Kauaii sezs, NO, Vorty! U carnt du THAT, becaus dis horgworts is GARDED!

Not guarded enough to stop him from breaking in.

 " And voldy's sayses, O right. Opps." and den he flys away on an EVIL cloud of DARKNESSES and thunderinging and EVIL!

As subtle as a fucking chainsaw.

I’m beginning to realize how a 17 year old was able to beat him now.

And evry un is SCARdIED. But Kauaiiflowermagic clams them byy saeing some majicl chants and siging wif her voyse of a godes De prefect is so impressseesssed that he seys, wow u shoud be prefect, not ME . But shez soo polite she sezes, "dats oK tanks!" and hes so hippy tha he fulls in LUV wit her.

Yeah, because hippies are known for falling in love with cats. Well, I guess there was a lot going on in the seventies, so who knows?

den suddenly fred flys out ov da sky and is just lik OMG kawaiiflowerwillowrainbowstuff iluv u! and shes lik all the boyz in RAvenclaws al liek her tooo!And so duz kanyay west and dubble door and snaep and luppinnnnnn! (lupinnlumpkinlupinlupinlupinlupinlupinlupinluppin luppinloopinnnlupinn llupinluuupinlupinlupin!)

What she said.

But den freeddd seays, I shal pruv thi four me!(wich maid allll da udder gurls jelluz of kawaiiflowarainbowilo cuz shez butter then dem and so dey all hatted herDX)

Believe me Carl, that’s not the only reason they hated her.

And den he jumps on a brum and explodes! and den he dies but then kawaiiflowerpufflupinluver goes offer tu him and hez alive agane!

 

SO she is liek, OMG she sez, UR rite! and then shez like yay! BUTT then...

ITS her sisster, bak frum the dead, and shes about to attak! 2 B cuntinued!

Nicce clifhangger, huH?

I can think of two ways to improve it; make us give a shit about what already happened and make us give a shit about what will happen next. Other than that, perfect.

AR u ecited?

 

IAM!Dunt flamm da stroy or ZOLO WILL PWN U!

Bring it bitch.

Chapter 4

Helolololoo! how ryu doin guyz?

I don’t know how Ryu is doing, I haven’t been keeping track of any Ryus lately.

Sho I bett ur ecsited abowt da new chapta! I AM! az u rememba, Kauaiflower's SISTA came back an shez gunna KIALL herr! or is she.? ?

No. And even if she does, it won’t be permanent. Mary Sues never die.

We wish they did though.

find owt! Arnd Dun FLAMBE du storee, az u no.. Go flamme ur own stry!

Our friends down at the Critiquecast are flaming my story as we speak, I’m curious about what they come up with.

or mebby dat merrry soo girl peeple r alwayz takin abowt.

We did, three fucking times.

 I dunno. ENNYWAYS! UNJOy!

Is unjoy the opposite of enjoy? Because if it is that shouldn’t be a problem.

SoO, hr sistuh, stormywindyclowd is cuming down and ataking! HER clwes awr owt an shez hsses, "DINT ESSPECT ME DID U?/?" (strmywindy, bah du way, is verry soverr. like VERY sliver. hshez so slver its like ur lukin at REAL SILVERIR!

Can someone please tell me what the fuck a sliver is?!

In this story? Doubtful.

 arnd shez sooper shanee. BUT NOW, shez eeeevul, sho hr fur is ReD arnd BLACg tu!

Because everything red or black is evil, just ask Fluff and the twin brother he used to have.

LIAK BLud! her eyes are orange n blak an her SILvrrr tale is grey and SILVUR!)

We get it, Storm Pussy is silver, move on.

al duh bess ar scarried like ONOOOOOO!, but nut Kawaiiflouermagiksupppertwist sheh pshes off FREddy off the brum, and flas up to FITE! oooooooooooooooOOOOOO nnnnnoooooo kawiifuflwer ne a Gooa Kil U :( sorry u cant kill me im immortal an boolsare GoT Me speial PoWERs NECKO POWER GGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

 stormywindyclowd said ! fant i die no and IWiol come bkkke 4 U to kill u ya she deed nnnnO omG

Seriously, I wrote a story when I was nine that made more sense than this. At least I think it did, I haven’t seen it in years. If I can find it though, I’d be glad to give it hell in a retribution.

me stOry amazind plot twist so godddd if ya dont likee,mes tforyh gbdie a death be mee Go twilight JACKOOB ! me spelling got better rikght

Wrong; and don’t fucking bring Twilight into this!

An DONT FLAM, or ZOLO WLL PWN YOU! WITHFIERBALLZ!

 

Chapter 5

HRloooooo! Sho du u liek it?

How could I not?

sco exitting orighrt relly gooog,y what will sromy do nekt oooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOKOO i cant waaite !

yaaay ago saved USss oomoooo gggoooD gggggggoooooooooOOOOO kawaiiflower so preertey PAARTY TIME in ur orher !

I’m not proud of it, but up until this point I’ve actually been able to more or less follow along. And at this point, Carl has lost me.

yey dey yeeyed.

“Fuck!” I fucked.

but DEn, she sed, Okaykay. den dey PARTYYYed ~ dne Kanyey camee and wus like, KK time to go too obed also mee, frid, lupinn ad snap r in luv wif u and we wana mak oot wif u and she wus lik kawaiiflowa went tu de batroom and brusheeed hr teeph. Firts she brusshed hr gums, den de bak of herr buttum teeph, then the tup of her bottom teeph. Nowz her bottum teeph werr awl sprakly sparkly. Den shee sprakled up hre teeth effenn more. Den she tok the tootbrush an brushed up hr topp teeph.

Is this really going to be a whole paragraph of her brushing her teeth, cause if so I’m leaving.

Seriously, there was less description of the fight with her evil sister. Or, whatever the hell that last chapter was.

 den hre top gum den hre tongu. den fee brussshed her fanges. shee brushed dem eextra prty so dey sparkled and wer blue and SPARKLY SPARKLYED.

Goodbye Ray.

 

Hey, I don’t want to do this story alone, I’m leaving too.

 

Ray? Fluff? Fuck they both left, guess I have no choice but finish this on my own.

Hent! Quick, if you let me out of this cage I’ll help you with the review.

Silence pest! I’ll play with you later.

 n her teeph looked SOOO prfect, shee tougt. but der wuz sumting missiin.

A sexy hentai scene maybe.

 sheee needed to bruff the rooof of her mouf! sho she rushed n brushed till duh roof of hr mouf sparkled toooooooo!

What is she brushing her mouth with?

 ! her mouf shimerd and sparkled, adn shined, and glittred, an gleemd and glimmred an tinkled an flshed an flared an lit up an glowwed an gleinted an winkled an bedazzzled an beammed an rediated

And you need to calm your tits and breasts and and hooters and melons and jugs and boobs.

AN WS SOOO SPAKLEY

Sparkly with cum?

, Mor den EDword who SUX! (an hee wuz jellus!)

Jealous of what?!

lil di see no dat her sis wuz wchig her an reddy 2 keeellll heeerrrrrr!

Ladies, please, we can settle this in my bedroom.

SHo nut mush of a plowt twist BUT u WAIITTT! n hop u likeed it, or else... u kno it alreddy.

Know what?

Berware of ZOlo pwning!1

This is a Zolo pwning zone? Oh shit

 

holy shit, I didn’t think he really knew how to do that.

At least we got him to review while it lasted.

YOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYOLOYO LOOOOOOOOO!

Fuck this I quit. Flash bang out!

 

Fuck you too physics. Fine, it’s almost over anyways.

:DD:DDD:D:D:DDD:DDD:DDD::DDD:D:DDD:D :))));):))):)))):)'):))):::)));):))))::'')))

Mother of God, what sort of emotabomination is this?

Chapter 6

OMGgg!11111 hi hoow zit gin.

I didn’t miss you.

 thaks 4 da revoows!N

Hey, it’s what we do.

also wuts a tororl?

You mean a troll?

iz it gud?

That depends on who’s being trolled.

ibet itt iz! dis stry is awwwsummmm33:DDDdz! taks agan 2 ma frenzz 4 helpon wif da speellig! OK! LEZ GO A :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

OK11! sooo ass u

Ass you too Carl.

remba kawaiiflower sis wuz watig 4 da rite tim 2 attak buut che waz lik ok not yet an flyed awey. AN duh paarty wuz grate AN hr teeph srakled,

Phew.

butt Kawaiiflower neew sumting wron, sho shee floo 2 dumblydoor's offish. and der she founded, tklaking too him...

FRUD!

'hey frud' winded kwiflower. sHe smuled nd wuz firty.

Who is Fred anyways? He acts like a villain most of the time, that’s really all we know.

frud sturrted 2 blsuh verry muchs. 'hey kwaiwfloer do u wna go 2 da niki munij connset ta bogpeasd 2morieo?' he sex.

“If you can say it in English I’d love to,” she orgasm.

'otay' sed kawifler.

dere was kini mijan and seh sand

And, for whatever reason, here’s a random racist rap.

According to Google it’s N.I.G.G.A.S. by Nicki Minaj, because when I think cute neko Harry Potter fanfiction, I think N.I.G.G.A.S. by Nicki Minaj.

This is for my niggas that did bids

All uh my niggas that's doin time, for some shit that they ain't did

This is for my niggas that wild out

All uh my niggas that ride out, All my niggas that hide out

This is for my niggas that buy weight

Niggas that leave on Monday, come back on a Friday

This is for my niggas that get high

All uh my niggas that get by, All my niggas that get fly

This is for my niggas that cop dutches

All uh my niggas throwin it up on them bikes n pop clutches

This is for my niggas that don't snitch

All uh my niggas that don't bitch, All my niggas that tore fifths

This is for my niggas that don't cry

All uh my niggas that don't smile, All my niggas that don't lie

This is for my niggas that take care

All uh dey kids order some bids, N take em to daycare

This is for my niggas that don't settle

All uh my niggas that push pedals, All my niggas with gold medals

This is for my niggas that play ball

Niggas that wanna get in the game so they niggas can cake off

This is for my niggas that gave up

All uh my niggas that's laid up And ya mind is made up

This is for the borough of Sean Bell (Rest In Peace)

All uh my niggas with strong will, All my niggas that gone kill

This is for my niggas than stand up

All uh my niggas that's gon fight All my niggas that man up (C'mon)

This is for my niggas with big dreams

All uh my niggas in sick jeans, That be spittin they sixteens

This is for the Tims n, This is for the Brims n

This is for the Trims n, This is for the rims n

This is for the kings n, This is for the bosses

This is for the blings n, Niggas in the Porches

Hey Fluff, remember when music used to be enjoyable?

*sigh* yup.

This one's for Malcolm, This one's for Martin

Martin is occupied helping Hent with some top secret project, I can only imagine, but he says it’s an honor to be a part of the worst rap in history.

Wish I coulda thanks them, Look what they started

Exactly, look at what you did Malcolm and Martin.

 

Are you happy with yourselves? Sure there’s more equality and freedom, but is it worth it when it leads to shit like this?

This is cause I'm tired uh losin (Tired of losing)

Well I’m tired of reading this and you don’t see me complaining. Actually you do, but what else would you expect?

Even though my music is crack,

No, you’re on crack, your music is crap.

Guess I'm tired of using

It's like I'm tired of rappin it & I ain't even rapped yet

I'm Tired n I'm askin am I Ready for the rapture see

I'm just a little girl, Caught in a mixed up world

Shoutout my girls that be callin me sista girl

You know something? The lyrics themselves had absolutely nothing to do with the story, you could replace them with any other song and it would still work. See MacGuffin. So really, Carl could have just said, “She sang N.I.G.G.A.S. and everybody cheered,” and it would have had the exact same effect.

'YAYAY' evry1 scrememd. it wuz so fun! but den...

KWIIFLURE PASSED OUT

So did I, that song was fucking horrible.

 ND HAD AN DREM!

Oh good, I was just thinking this story could use more dreams.

she dremed that she wuz in an forest. "herro'. she heared. den kawirfoer luked up!

That’s pretty impressive considering that whether she’s a cat, human, neko, or anything else with two level ears, sound localization occurs on a horizontal two dimensional plane. Or more simply put, she’s psychic.

IT WUZ BUUBSTAR!

 

"the very kute froler wil sav the mogharts frum da efvil snak and storm! den it wil die!" den buustar fadde.

WUT DUZ IT MEEEAAAAANNNNNNN?/?!11!?

It means we’re at the end of this review.

 KAWIIFLOWER SCREAMED.

u like it?

I like that it’s over if that’s what you mean.

ploot twisrss x3 im getting prutty gud at this, rite?

No, it’s not rite because that’s not a word, it’s not right because it’s wrong, and please never write again because whether it was deliberate or not this story is something humanity should look upon with shame and a realization that somewhere along the line we’ve irrevocably fucked up.

NO FLAMMING OR ZOLOYOLOZOLOYOLO WIL PONE

I’m actually welcoming it at this point.

 UHAHHHHAHAHAHA ^_^

bie

How often do you suppose this type of writer stops solely because they forgot their own password?

Or their computers committed suicide, either way no more story.