Review #40

cheezburgerluvr Anthology

Story by cheezburgerluvr

Review by Ray




Some trolls are stealthy, lurking online for the opportunity to strike and then retreating back into the shadows. Some trolls are obnoxious, doing everything but admitting what they are. Some trolls are cheezburgerluvr.

On an unrelated note, you might have noticed things slowing down a bit, and this is for a couple of reasons. One is that I do some writing of my own, and a current project is doing a good job holding my attention. Don't think I've forgotten about the Retributionists though, because reason number two is that we're working on a few larger reviews. They're taking more time, but hopefully they'll be worth it. In the meantime, if you have anything you feel is worthy of retribution let us know, the internet is far from running out but we've nearly exhausted the obvious finds.


Togetha 4 eva

This is an iCarly fanfiction, but don’t worry because I already checked; Spongebob isn’t involved.

togeter 4 eva

captr 1: da rode 2 sams howse

carly wuz feelin bored. she dicided too go 2 sams howse.

This is iCarly we’re talking about, shouldn’t Sam already be at Carly’s house?

but!

 

she forget how 2 get der.

How could she forget that? I could probably make my way to Martin’s house blindfolded if it weren’t for the fact that the winter gods hate us and decided we need another few inches of snow.

she wend down da rong street n end up at nevils howse. nevil wuz in luv wit carly but he thot carly ddnt lyk him :'(((((

No, I’m not sad nor do I have a quadruple chin; emoticons don’t dictate my feelings and Nevel is a prick.

crly thot diz wuz da rong howse but she rang the dore bell ne way.

 

Maybe the houses just look similar, I don’t know.

nevil cam 2 da dore. calry sed: GO AWAY U FAT LUZER!1!11!

Bitch, he may be a prick but you’re the one who went to his house. Insult him if you want, but you’re the one responsible for going away.

nevil wuz hertbrokn. he went 2 his rume n criid.

chaptr 2: da fyre

nevil wen 2 his rume n slamd da door. he cride n criid. he wish he wuz ded. he throo his lamp on da flore!

Calm down narrator, if we’re using excaimation then let’s at least save it for when something with consequences happens.

da litebolb shatter n da howse cot on fire!

See, that’s an alright place to yell.

da smok alarm went beep beep bep n nevils family runned outsid. but nevil wuz trapt!

I seriously doubt he was an entire rock band.

he yeld out 4 halp but nbdy herd!1! he get burnd n he ded.

 

capter 3: da fyooneral

crly herd abaot nevil wuz ded. she wuz rly depresd. se secretle had feelings 4 nevil bud dent no how to tel him cuz she wuz scarde dat he wood laff at her.

Yeah, because Nevel was so subtle about his feelings.

se went 2 his fyoonerul n criide. aftr da fyoonerul she went 2 se his ded bodi.

Wait, what? Shouldn’t the body already be at the funeral?

his fayse was burnd n cuverd in makup so it wudnt luk burnd. she crid n kissd his burnd ded lips 4 a long tym.

How romantic. Under certain circumstances I could understand kissing a recently deceased person whose corpse hadn’t been disfigured, but this is too much too late.

den she tuk out a nyfe n kild hersef.

What.

"togeter 4eva"

Oh, right, the title. Still, I think that’s a bit of an overreaction.

she sed n den she ded. dey met at da gaytes of heven.

Heaven, that’s a good one. Carly maybe, but Nevel is going to Hell, Hel, or oblivion, take your pick.

drake n josh r NOT dating

captr 1: r dey gay!

Maybe, but they’re not dating, the title already told us that.

drak n josh were alwais togatha.

 

every1 thot dey wer gay.

Wow, everyone? Every single person? Huh, I see why this story had to be written.

hey drak weres ur bf? ppl wud lways say wen dreke wuz alon.

Which he never was, because he was always with Josh. Apparently.

HES NOT MI BF drake wud shout. sum1 usd photoshop 2 mak a vid of drek kissin josh.

Really, the used photoshop to make a video? Impressive, that must have taken quite a while.

dey put it on u-tube! every1 saw it n laffed.

captr 2: laffing stok

dreka and josh becam laffing stok of hole skewl.

The entire school? Students and teachers alike? Not one other person could at least sympathize with what they thought was the truth? Huh, rough school.

no1 tuk dem sersly. drake wuz nt poplur ne mor.

Well, yeah, that one actually has some truth to it.

no grl wud go out wit him. he wuz sad. josh wuz usd 2 it tho. he wuz l ways bullyed. but drek was sad.

You already said that.

he wuz rly madd too! Y WUD U DO DIS TO MEEEEEEEE he shoted to hoowver put da vid on u-tube.

Did he even know who it was? Did he just run around shouting at people until he guessed right?

captr 3: da bigg endig

 

drek sed 2 johs: "THIS IS YOUR FAULT! If YOUR Dad hadn't married MY mom, none of this would have happened!"

Wait a minute, did that sentence have correct spelling and grammar?

den josh sed: "Wait a minute, did that sentence have correct spelling and grammar?"

nd den drek replyd: "Yeah, dude, I think it did."

I think I see what’s going on here.

josh den sed: "Wait, since when did the author of this fanfiction have good spelling and grammar? And how come he's still misspelling things outside of the quotation marks?"

 

u talkin 2 me josh?

"Yeah. If you can spell our dialog correctly, then how come you still have terrible spelling other than that?"

o gee idk. i probbly shud st0p talkin lyk dis.

Yeah, you probably should.

Is this better?

A little.

"A lot better."

Cool. Next time, no breaking the fourth wall, okay?

Sounds like a fantastic idea.

"I thought it was only called 'breaking the fourth wall' if we were on TV, and I was talking to the camera."

Nope, the fourth wall is all over the place; movies, theater, writing, maybe even reality if you believe in solipsism.

I think this still counts as breaking the fourth wall, Josh.

"I don't think so. I'm an actor, so I should know."

There are a lot of actors. Miley Cyrus was an actor.

Google it. It will say that I am right.

"No, it'll say that I'M right!"

Google will tell you whatever you want it to.

Oh really? You wanna bet?

"You're so on! MEGAN!"

Why involve her? I see absolutely no reason.

What are you calling her for?

"To write a contract."

For the bet? Fine, whatever.

Oh yeah. Hey, do you and Drake wanna go with me to get some tacos later?

"Sorry, man, I can't. I'm just a fictional character. I'm just a figment of your imagination."

 

Oh yeah :/

 

I can make faces too, it’s equally pointless.

"What's the matter? Have no friends in real life?"

I have plenty of friends! More than you!

"Oh yeah? I bet they're not really your friends! I bet they're just using you and they actually hate you."

Anyone else know who’s talking to who? Because that seems like something the narrator should have let us in on.

Wow, Josh, since when were you so mean?

"I don't know, dude. Wow, I was being a jerk, wasn't I? Sorry."

That's okay c:

 

"Hey, you know it's not actually possible to edit a video in Photoshop, right?"

Yeah.

Yeah…

The End c:

No, the only thing that makes this a happy ending is that it means the story is over. This is all cheezburgerluvr has written on this account, most likely because he’s created another after revealing his trolling nature. But he’s still out there somewhere, and there’s a chance we’ll review him again without even knowing it.