Review #37

Jim Carry as the Grinch meet Wrestling and Sonic

Story by 666slipknot666

Review by Ray




Jim Carry as the Grinch meets Wrestling and Sonic Fanfic by Jerry Hall

Mick Jagger’s ex wife? I somehow doubt that.

One upon a day,

 

 

 

Who in the Hell starts a story with one upon a day? What reality does this author live in?

 

Jim Carry was waring him grinch and he noticed a strange thing... AND THEN... Sonic was getting ready for Christmas.

 

What the fuck kind of transition was that? Nothing even happened in the first part, other than smashing the fourth wall to pieces.

He said "Happy Christmas Tale's" As he picked up a tree and put it in the tree.

I can assure you that my head is exploding, but if I keep putting those gifs up, that’s all the review will be. Instead, I must ask; dafuq?

"Yay" Said tales looking at their tree that they were making.

They’re making a tree. Is this Minecraft? Because that’s just about the only circumstance where that makes sense.

It was blue. Like sonic.

Nevermind, this story doesn’t take place anywhere, it simply exists beyond time and space.

Juts then... Amy rose Came from other room and she had a Jar of cookies. "Happy Jar she said and threw it n the present tree."

 

Happy Jar. Please, go on.

"Hi" Said sonic and he kissed her under the missile toe. HAh.

The narrator is laughing. I guess it makes as much sense as the rest of the story, but that doesn’t say much.

It was cute. Then it goes back to Jim Carry.

It? You mean the story? Was that a transition or a kick to the readers’ balls? Yes, even the women are getting kicked in the balls with this one.

"Hey... I bet I could stop Christmas..." he was thinking to himself alone at home in his cave. "Im sick of everyone getting presents but me, no one wants to merry me because Im too silly so unforchunately i live alone in a life of pain and sadness..." He was saying, as he was Cryeing.

Saying? No, he was expositioning. Also, quick tip for the madman who wrote this; when you capitalized cryeing, the red underline didn’t go away because that was the problem, it went away because autocorrect though Cryeing was some sort of proper noun you made up.

"Somebody stop me! Smoking." he said quietly with a grinchy look on his face…

Is it possible for him to have any other look on his face? Even if he were smiling it would still be grinchy, because as it turns out, he is literally the grinch. Actually, he might not be, because apparently this is Jim Carry, who I assume is supposed to be Jim Carrey, dressing as the grinch. I don’t know man.

Then he hatched a plan…

 

He started to grinch so much that him really turn into the grinch…

So… he was pretending to be the grinch, and then actually turned into it?

His body with green fur... And he was the gurnch.

Oh, my apologies, he turned into the gurnch.

Nice. It goes to a kids house and shes having christmas.

Cim Jerry was sneaking along the roof on his stomich... "Hehehe" he whispers in laughter as he crawls along the chimminty. "Im gonna crawl down and steal all the gifts, ham, and presents."

You might be wondering, why did he say that instead of thinking it? The short answer is, that would make too much sense. I’d tell you the long answer, but it doesn’t make any sense.

He stretched out his arm down the chimy. "Hehehe.. Watch outfor me" he said growly.

Okay, is he trying to be unnoticed or intimidating? Because there’s a considerable difference here.

Sonic looked up. "Hm. He said softly. "SOmethings wrong.. Somewhare in the village someone is messing with the S man…

Since when does Sonic have spidey senses? And since when does he call himself the S man?

And by that i eman santa clause..."

Scratch that second question and replace it with this one; who’s saying Santa Claus so often that they feel the need to abbreviate it?

He got a action look on his facewith big determination. "We gotta stop it guys Lets go" he said and Him amy and Tales ran out the door into the freazing Cold.

I want to question why they just immediately trust him, but I guess they really do follow him anywhere in the canon too.

He ran so fast the snow melt and it put rings on all the Xmas tres that they runned by.

Well, as long as he keeps at least one I suppose he’ll be alright.

Sonic was looking on his Communiccation watch and he called John Cena

Because when I think of people Sonic the Hedgehog would call for help, I think of wrestlers.

"HEY guys theres an emergency in troble!

Good, if the emergency is in trouble that means it’s resolving itself.

Someones trying to stop Christimas form coming"!

Back at WWE headquatters John Cena was in bed wearing his night Cap "WHAT!" he growled madyl as he hopped to his feet "WE GOTTA GO GUYS!" he said and the Bigshow and Sheamus hopped out of the Top bunk whare they were sleaping together.

I don’t know any of these people or much about professional wrestling in general, but in my head this is Sheamus and there’s nothing the author can do to change that.

 

"GRRRR! WHAT IN THE BLIMEY!" Said SHeamus.

Oh, maybe that really is Sheamus Lavine.

He got out his 4 leaf clover shaped Gun. "LETS GO HORNSWOGGLE!" he said!

Yup, definitely him.

Horn swoggle Jump out of Sheamus shoe and he was shouting Irish cusses

Is é seo an t-údar tiubh le balla bríce!

Don’t bother with Google Translate, it tells lies. Just take my word for it when I say I called the author the equivalent of a dumbass. I think. Believe it or not there haven’t been many times when I had to use Gaelic in any form.

and spilled his Bear all over the floor.

His bear. He spilled his bear all over the floor.

"DARN!" THey all got p*ssed off because as we all know the WWE doesnt like to F around when it comes to Chistmas.

 

They got in the Wrestlemobiel and buckeld their belts for safty.

Because wrestlers are all about safety.

Then all the Warriors were going. They were ready to stop Jam Charry form makeing a fool of himself... For the last time…

Well that got dark in a hurry.

They Were on the road, sonic Running along side the Wrtelse molbile as they went along. SOnic and pals were keeping along with the same speed at the car. Because they were very fast.

Thanks for clarifying, I figured it was probably just because they were being dragged behind the vehicle and getting shredded to a bloody pulp in the process, but now I know it’s because the world’s fastest hedgehog is fast.

"Sweet" said SOnic as he saw Jogn Cena and John reached out to give sonic a H5 and they slapped Palsm. "YEAH!"and as they high five they each got a bit of the others powers because they became blood borthers.

Seems legit. Hent, high five!

I have all the taikoku no hentai I need thank you very much.

But John Cena steared the wrstle mobile out of control and it Slammed into Ammy ROes body and hurt her badly... She was died.

I feel like he might have lost the wheel because he was busy high fiving a hedgehog, but it also might have been because he was busy high fiving a hedgehog.

"NO!" said Tales as they ran along but soon they forgot. Because there was more importent tasks at hand.

 

The hunch that somebody’s ruining Christmas for one town is more important than the certain death of a long time friend of both Sonic and Tails. Not only is it more important, but it’s so much more important that they completely forgot about the fact that Amy died. Oh please go on.

They were making there way all of the 5777i788 Miles

i? The square root of negative one? That distance is incredibly specific considering it’s technically imaginary and impossible to display.

to the girls house where Jm carry creped along the cieling verrrrrry Slow…

That transition was much better, congratulations author; you’ve written half of a sentence that actually makes sense.

He couldnt risk being herd by a menber of the fanily so he was sneaking verrrryryyy softly... He was whispering to himself "ho ho ho... Merry SH*TMAS!"

AM I MISSING SOMETHING WITH THE CAPS LOCK WHISPER? BECAUSE A LOT OF THESE AUTHORS WE CRITIQUE SEEM TO THINK THIS IS THE DEFAULT WHISPERING FORMAT! I APOLOGIZE IF YOU COULDN’T QUITE HEAR ME, I’LL RESUME YELLING NOW! Fuck this story hurts.

and he was laughing and making silly facs. He was whispering swears... "F***"

Flip?

he said softly as he shoved a present in him mouth and swalloed it and ate the present. "Christmas is ruined" he swhispered with glee.

Christmas was more ruined by Amy being killed by a truck than the grinch eating a single present.

"Son of a B*T**"

Biter?

he said rudley as he shoved prrsents into is mouth and THE PRESENTS OFF INTO THE DINSTANCE. AS THEY EXPLODED.

 

Just then Sonic and his friends were still running.

“Suddenly, the same thing was happening as before!”

They were still going to the house. And then Tails got really cold cuz he forgot to weare a coat.

Dammit Tails, this is why you’re number two; because you have poor planning skills.

Because as we all know tail is #2 cuz he ahs poor skills at planning.

See?

So he said to sonic "quick sonic Give meh a smooch and hold me so that i cans tay warm"

I’ve heard worse excuses for shipping.

And he was turneing blue and his tears were turning into isickles. His fingers were falling off.

That’s pretty casually mentioned for a life altering event.

"Quick sonic KISS me" siad tails. "Sorry tales im not gay

Not if the majority of fanfiction is to be believed.

wish i could save you" sonic said as tales Died.

Okay, that’s two people dead to save the material aspects of one day for one town.

sonic started crying becouse his friend died and his tears froze behind hm and made Gems of sadness in the snow. "Wow said john cena what a sACRifice."

I agree, what an unnecessary sacrifice.

but they kepyt going. No more time. Have to save cristmas. The bigshow was ripping Large farts to make the car go fast with rocket power from the farts.

If there was any doubt before it’s clear now; this was written by a twelve year old.

And sheamus was holding his nose and he said WEE WOO!

In the Mean Time john carry I mean jim carry

 

was still there and he kept eating the resents. "S word"

Spectroheliokinematograph?

he said softly and ther ewas a french horn there for the little girl and he said"what a nerd" and he ate the french horn and farted and it made a french horn noise like this: TOOT. WERT.

Thanks, I forgot what brass instruments sound like. And with all of this noise he’s making, how has nobody caught him yet?

and he laughed. But it woke somebody up upstairs.

Oh, the laugh finally woke somebody up.

So Jim Carry tried to sneak away but unforchunately he had ate all the presents and the whole tree and the holdinatey dinner so he was Verry obease. Like my dad.

Thanks for telling us?

JK lol .

Oh, of course, how silly of me to believe anything in this story.

But anyway he couldnt move. So the girl came down the stairs."Huh? she said wiping sleap from her eye "who is there" he tried to whack the girl with is tiny arm but he couldnt reach her, She rolled him out the door and she said "well that was weard" then went to bed.

That was weird? No little girl, that was

 

Not even knowing Christimas was ruined.

Then Jim Grinch went to the next house

He couldn’t move, but he went to the next house. Did somebody give him a push?

but he didnt fit in the Chimy so he went through the dore.

"I hate christmas" said Jim carry.

 

He was eatin the presents in this house too, weirdly enough. "Im sad. I hate eaching pressnts.

Here’s a crazy solution; stop eating the fucking presents.

It tastes bad. But its my duty to ruin christmas."

Then get a nuke, strap it to your sleigh, and have that dog of yours run it into town. You don’t have to eat presents and Whoville is done with Christmas forever, I promise that. I don’t exactly support the grinch here, I just support anything that gets this thing over with.

he said Shoving a large handfull of gits and backages into his mouth. "F*"

Fu?

he said sadly. "nobody loves me" a n d Then

SOnic and pals were finally there at there destination.

Holy shit, we actually got to the point?

Him Carry was lapping up the last of the gits and slapping his mouth but he couldnt fit any more gits in. He was toooooofatters.

Well Sonic, it was a noble effort, but it looks like you’re too late.

SOnic burst through the door STOP RIGHT THERRE he said as Jim carrey gave a giant burp. It blasted sonic back through the door. "STOP !" said SOnic "BURPING IS BAD!"

It’s also a more practical part of our digestive system than you might think.

and he ran really fast around the house couse he was mad. "Now itsmy turn"said bigshow and he went AYYYUP!

Okay, Sheamus is Sheamus Lavine and Bigshow is Big McIntosh, got it.

and he ran QUICK and did a boddyslam onot Grinch Carey and he landed on him and the presents slammed out and went bak into the houses Neatly.

The sad part is that I knew that’s what it would come down to, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.

Jim Carey got skinny again but he was criyng. "Why are you crying little man" asks John Cena to Jimmy. "The big show nodded as john cena asked." Hornstoggle knew what was going on because he is very sensative and he approches Jim "Hmmm.. " he whimpers softly In midget language

Big deal, it’s not that hard to speak.

and he offers up a shalaylee to Jim with a gift bow on it.

Does the author even know what a shillelagh is, or was he just trying to think of something that sounded Irish? Because a walking club isn’t exactly something I’d want the grinch to have.

With sad eyes at Jim. "Huh? For me?" asks Jim and hornswoggle nods and goes "hop hop " and gives him a kiss…

So why didn’t Hornswoggle kiss Tails earlier? Or better yet, why didn’t Tails ride in the fucking car?

Suddenly Christmas wasnt ruined anymre because Jim heart grew one size that day. And Jim Carey smiled for the first time in his life... "Dont worry Hornstoggle Ill adopt you and be your daddy" said Jim

 

and he carried the sad micget out into the cold cuddleing him all the way and they all hold hands and starred to sing a carrel... "Silent night... Holy - FART!"

 

Bigshow Farted loudly in the middle of song and they all laughed. HA HA HA! HA! BIGSHOW! yelled John cena meanly and he killed bigshow by shooting him in the singlet.

Getting shot in the balls doesn’t make you die, it just makes you want to die.

THe end

Thank--

And then sonic ran and did jumops on bigshows body