Review #29

Set Fire To The Cottage

Story by TheOnlyNightTroll

Review by Ray




Chapter 1

Autiher's note: OMG, I just ate ten crumpets and I havn't eaten so mmuch crumpetres in seven years! THIS IS BLOODEY AMAYZING Y'ALL!

Gee, where do you think TheOnlyNightTroll is from?

The South.

Here's ma Hannah Cyrus storey:

Miley and Lilley are best friends but ther'ye still not lesbins.

Thanks for the clarification, normally I just assume every pair of best friends are really best friends with benefits.

Speak for yourself.

Oh, hey Hent, making your mandatory one kameo I see. I’ll let you know if Japan is mentioned.

One day they were at a house which is named The Desteret Cottagge and Miley was an idiot and brought cigggartetters (YOU SHALL NOT SMOKE!)

You’re right; I don’t plan on it. But that hardly means that everybody else in the world feels the same way.

cuz they wantid to try smocking.

 

Lily was at the Destretd Cottagee and waitad for her friend Milley. She sasw Miley cum

You sure they aren’t lesbians.

up a hill

Kinky.

and coming towarsd her.

"Hi Mily, d'ya have da cigareets?" Lily asked courisleoy.

"Yes, hera ya got one." Milley said and gave Liley a ciggarets! :-(

This story is so subtle, I’m having a hard time figuring out how the writer wants me to feel.

They stradert ick-smocking but they found out it was icky-picky so dey dropped the caggarettes and ran away.

Now we of course know that Miley would never smoke.

"let's go hom to me, this is icky to smock!" SMilet and went to her house wit her frend l´Leiley

SCENE SHFIT GAAAAHHAAHH

You really had to go and make the worst fucking POV change ever.

Seriously, all it takes is three asterisks, or part of a sentence, or anything but that.

Milet and Lilley was in Milletsy's livingroom. They were watching TV. Suddenley dey herd a FIRE TRUCK SIREM!

“They promptly ignored it, because that could mean any number of things completely unrelated to them.”

"Wat wuz that"

"I thfink it was a FIRE TRUCK SIREn!"

The narrator seems to agree.

"We're dey're going"

I don’t know, maybe to a fucking fire perhaps.

"lOOK, THA DESERTED CABBAGE ID BURRNING!"

 

Miley excremated

 

SCENE SHIFT #2

Don’t you mean SCENE SHFIT GAAAAHHAAHH

"Oh no!" Miley was horrifeide

"Culd've it been... us" Liley sed mysteriosley

"What'cha mean?"

"Das cigaretsse!"

Aber was ist mit dem Salat?

They saw a police man when the Cabbagge was burnd up.

Nein!

Are we going to involve Hitler in all our reviews?

He has a tendency to sneak his way in, but I haven’t mentioned him yet mein lieutenant.

"Hello, mister Cop, d'cha knoew wut happnd?" Miley askd smugley

The Copman strencheds itself and exclametaed: "Yes, I know. We fink sum yongsters has trapped sum-one in tha cabage and then they thiefsmoked waz careles 'bout the extinguscingning the ciggarres, cuaze we found bones

So Miley Cyrus is a murderer. Huh, didn’t see that coming.

But clearly, the important thing to remember here is that she was smoking, the worst sin a person could possibly commit. Apparently.

and ciggaeraettes AND we hava witness!"

"Okay thank you"

Lily pushed Smileyse into an cornmer.

What corner? Cottages are typically out in the middle of peaceful nowhere, and the cottage itself has burned down.

Maybe only 95% of the cottage burned down.

"I know, we're gionig to prison!"

"Ther's onnly one fing ewe can do.

Baa?

We hafe to move to Mexico.

Take Justin Bieber with you!

" SLielley said

"ok"

THE END OF CHAOTER ONE!

READ MY NEST CAPTER AND TDON'T YOU SDARE SMOKE!

I’ll show Warnuts this story, maybe he’ll have a sporadic change of heart. With a story this good, it’s probably hard not to.

 

Chapter 2

Author's nohte: Y'all raedy for tha next chapta, cuzx I am!

Well I should hope so, you wrote the damn thing.

Hannah and Miley was in the air plain.

"Oh, Iä'm so happy we're gong to mexico and live there" Lilly said happily

"Me too, we shuld lern spanish: Hola, ¿como te llama? Me llamo Millety."

Wow, she learns fast. Me llamo Ray, no me gusta esta historia pero me encanta el venganza.

¿Qué?

¡ Miley said wisely

Wait a minute, I? Sound the Sue siren, we have a personal protagonist.

 

"¿¡WHUUUHT?!" Lilley was speechless.

Butrt suddenly the air started shaking and tha plain crashed down tom the floor!

Miley suddenly speaking Spanish without even learning caused the plane to malfunction.

Forutunalately they survived and jumpexd out of the air plian when they were on the floor.

The floor? Does this entire story take place in one massive room?

"We shoulld get compensiasion for that, it realley hurt." Lilley wuz furious

With the way you're acting you sound like you broke a nail.

A police car came to them:

"Hi, you're going to live at the best hotel in Meixico ias compension." He said

Give the policia more credit, they work fast. Ilogically, but fast.

"YAY!" Miley and Lily was happy :-)

SCENE SHIFT #3, #1 IN DIS CHAPTAER

Retarded Reptar is back!

Miley and Lily were at the hotrael and sleeping:

"YAY, we're living her for freee!"

They have conversations in their sleep, interesting.

But the door knockoed:

"KNOCK KNOCK"

Is… is the door talking?

 

"Cum on in"

 

Lily sed desperatley

It was a police!

"Helloew, you must go to school or else you must be thrown in prison!" He said angrily

Not so different from the American school system.

"Can you go out for a minute" miley said seduscingly

"Okej" The police said push-overingly and went out the door.

"We can't go to school, Miley."

Why not? You’re receiving free room and board in exchange for attending free education.

This is Miley Cyrus we’re dealing with here remember.

Hm, true. Quick, what’s the most irrational thing they could do right now?

Jump out the window and flee to Trinidad and Tobago?

Perfect.

"I KNOW!"

"Whut should've we do?"

"Liley, we shold jump out nthe window and flee to Trinidad and Tobago!"

"Okey, but we don't have money to go there!"

How convenient, that didn’t seem to be an issue when getting to Mexico.

"Let''s hide in sum siutcasjes."

 

They jumped out of tha wideow and ran to Trinidad on Tobago.

The police came in was´z like were thwy go and wondering but ignorewd it soon and went to the cafeteria to eat a donut and then

THE END

Fuck reality.

OF TDHIS CAHPTER READ THE NEXT ONE OR I WIOKKLL DIE!

Chapter 3

Autohtr's note: Enjoy the chapter and DON'T SMOKE!

Ray, pass the weed.

Okay, but only do three pots, I heard this one kid died doing four.

Fuck that, I’m doing five.

 

Liley and Milkey was in Trinidad and Tobago's dock. They had been rideing a boat and they hidede in suitcayses.

"Finally I',m out of thet suitcaset!"

"What're we're going to do now?"

"There's only one plajce we must go to: The employment agency!"

Does Trinidad and Tobago even have one of those? I honestly have no clue, because before this story, literally the only thing I knew about that place was that it exists.

SCENE SHIFT TRANSITCION #4 FIRST IN DIS CHASPTA

Milkely and le Lileywus at das employmens thingie. They wilked to the ladie in the desk and asked her simfing.

"Hi, we wants a job" l'Milet said

At the employment agency?

 

"Okey, but you can't" The desk lady sed

"Why not"

"Coz we're closing now DUH" The bitch desk lady exclamated

"But it's onley one o'clock PM" Liley poiped in

"Yes, butt I want to go home and watch TV and mastabate" The bitch lady said and went home

That’s the same thing the woman at the DMV told me.

The Miley and Lily was left at tha emoloyment building.

"Let's go in there!" Lily sed and piointed to a door wich had a sign which said 'BOMBS'.

I’ll admit it, I would also want to go in there.

They went in there and pressed the light switc, but it wasn't a ligth switch it was a BOMB SWITHC

 

One of these turns on the lights and the other one blows up the entire country, good luck fucker.

so the bombs EXOLODED and whole Trinidad and Tobago blew up but the girls flew tor Brazil cuz of tha pressure waxve.

Makes perfect sense. But now you really are murderers.

Let’s see, there’s the person who was in the cottage for absolutely no reason, the pilot they don’t seem to care about, and all million plus citizens of Trinidad and Tobago. Am I the only one questioning why that room wasn’t locked?

When thay landed in Brasil Lily screamed:

"I cun't

 

yto dis anymoar! We better go home and take our punishment istead of this crap!"

Would it be murder in the second degree or 1st?

"Okay, let's go home"

"But we only have money for one flieyng ticket!"

"I have a plan, Lily, I go home and then I come back to pack ya up."

"That's a great plan!"

More suitcases?

Loley said extacingly

Miley started to ewalk to the flying airport

Good call, the swimming airport is just awful.

and lilty screamed sumtihng:

"SEE'CHA SOON MILLY I LOVE YOU"

"ILOVE YOU TOO I'LL PICK'YA UP SOONER OR LATER BYE LILEY LESS THAN THREE"

THE END OF THIS CHAOTER

De next chapter is tha last one... Sorrey, but every thing has an ending execpt for a BITCH CIRCLE!1

No I remember My Immortal having an ending as well.

Chapter 4

Autohr'ds noter: This is the las one...

Miley had just cummed back home

She joined the mile high club?

and she went to The Desserteid Cabbin and she asked the cop-police which was standing ther.

Wow, these U.S. cops really need to take a lesson from Mexico, this guy’s been here forever.

"Hi, d'ya know now who've burned the house?"

"Yes, but it wasn't someone" The police ansverd

"WHUUUHT?!" Miley was shocked!

"The bones skeleton belonged to an old fox who died there naturally, and when it's alone for twenifive yaers it spontuianisley ignaite itself and it starts to fire."

So Miley and Lilly didn’t murder anybody, it was just a fox carcass that for whatever reason, ignited itself - fuck this story.

Yeah, I’m sure the pilot tucked and rolled out and everybody else on that island rode the shockwave to Brazil too.

":-O

Excelent blowjob face, now can we return to the story?

So it wasn't our fault, we didn't have to go to mexico than?!"

"Hav you beben to Mexico"

“Sí, bebimos en México, ¿por que?”

"That's a long storey tha you MUST NOT HEAR! Bye!"

"Bye" The police excremated and stood still

Miley wuz gong home to his house, but sumthing wasn't quatie right. It felt like she had forgoottn sumthing or sumone…

Was it the plot?

SCENE SHIFT #5 THE ONNLY ONE IN DIS CHAPTER ITS SUM KIND OF AN EPILOFGEIE JUST BREAD IT

I can’t even tell if that’s supposed to say epilogue or apology.

TEN YEARS LATER…

 

Miley was at her home and dhe wauz bored so she wutched TV but their wuzn't any good shows so dshe watched tha news:

"Today an american lost girl was finded in brazilia" The news anchkor sed.

 

This really is a Disney story.

Then the TV cut to a reporter who wuz intervijeuing... LILLY! But Miley didn't know who Lilleyla was coz she hed forgotten her.

Seems legit.

"How daos it feel to have been here in Brazil for ten years" The repertoar askid the Lilly

"Horrible, I had to eat a COMPUTER SCREEN." Lily anserwerde

Don’t knock it til you try it.

 

"Why" The reporter was curioksu

"... I ... I don't know"

"Is there sumthing ya wanrt to say to sumone?"

"Yes" Liley answersed and turnd around to look into tha camra "Miley, I will HAUNT you. Your an ICK, Miley!"

I see she hasn’t matured at all in the last ten years.

MIley sat in her ugly couch and waz stunnd.

"Does she mean me, he actully looks famliyar..." Milleyr sed to har self

But suddenly, the ddoor KNOCKED on the door

It’s official, doors are sentient in this universe.

Miley went to tha door to oppen it.

On tha other side of the door it waúsz... LILYPOP!

"Hi, you were inside of my TV a moment ago, did'ya jump out of my TV? :-O"

Yes, because that’s how reality works. Though granted, ten years later Miley’s on so many drugs that she might not know.

Miley said to the unfamiliar familyR face.

"Yes, I will now do sumthing horrible and UNFORGIVABLE" Lilleyt sed and started to laugh as a witch.

What is she going to do, murder her, rape her, bet her up?

 She tok out of a jar and opned the lid and through the content, samll small BEADs, on tha FLOOR!

"NOOOOO!"Milly scramed greasingly "IT WILL TAKE AT LEAST FIFTEEN MINUTES TO CLEAN THAT UP AND I DION'T HAV TIME TO DO DAT CUZ I'M WUTCHING TV!

...Pathetic.

Yeah, if it were glitter then maybe, but beads? Who gives a damn?

HUCHLESCHBLACH!" She orgamsned and collapsd on da flloor.

Meanwhile, el Lillyese just countunued to laugh as a bitch, and she laughd and laughd and laughd and luaghed and then the whole world faded to black…

Please tell me she means the scene. She means the scene, right? Right?

THE END

Autwhore's

Ray, I think we just found the name to call all bad fanfiction writers.

 

Mother of God, it’s perfect. I’ll add it to the archive right between danube and Dumblydore.

 note: Now dis storey is ovar and I'm so Sad cuz I don't want this to be over. Well at lesty I will post a new storey problably a one shot sum othar day, but'll se y'all soon. BUY YA'LL!

Audios, but I don’t think we’ll be reading any more of those stories.

MORAL OF DA STOREY: DO NUT SMOKE, IF YOU STILL DO THAT EVERYTHING IN DIS FIC WILL HAPPEN TO YOU SO DON'T SMOCKE!

Wait, seriously? Because overall it seemed like an enjoyable experience. Light me up Fluff, we’re going to Mexico.

First to the suitcase wins!