Hello I'm Lt. Fluff and welcome to the first installment of Fluffy Reviews. Starting the series off is this story. A wonderful story of cross dressing, romance, and ponies.
Hello Lt. Fluff here and welcome to the first instalment of Fluffy Reviews. Just like The Retributionists, we’ll be looking at the worst that fanfics has to offer, only difference is that these stories are based around furries. Today we’ll be looking at “Sonic Becomes a Woman”. I’ve never really watched Sonic as a kid that much but I know the characters well, and by the title alone I can tell it’s gonna be bad.
Scene 1: Sonic is wearing a blue and grey dress, matching shoes, and a hair clip. His quills are fashioned to look like Amy's, and he is wearing eyeliner.
So has he become female or is he just a crossdresser?
Amy stands next to him.
Sonic: "Amy!! What did you do!!??"
Amy: "Oh Sonic, you look adorable! We have the same quill styles!"
Sonic: "Amy I know you did this to me..."
Amy: "Oh Sonic, I've finally accepted that you won't marry me. I came to the conclusion that you'd make a much better girl, cause you're obviously not a man!
He can always become a lesbian.
And looking real pretty like that, you'll get plenty of fat thick cocks to shove up your ass!"
Sonic: "I hate you too, bitch. Why won't the fucking makeup wash off?"
Amy: "You're stuck like this for a while. But lookie there, you're still wearing the dress."
Did you expect him to take it off and get naked?
Sonic: "Cause I looked like a fucking weirdo when I took the dress off. God damn you Amy, you wonder now why I've turned down your advances all these years? It's the demented, stalker, bipolar, fucked up shit you do like this, that you've been doing since you were 13, and still haven't changed. I should've never saved your ass back on Little Planet."
Scene 2: Sonic meets with Rainbow Dash.
So this is a Sonic/MLP crossover? Well, the first is usually the worst as I always say.
Rainbow Dash: "Aw dude, she got you back good!"
Aw, Rainbow Dash is still alive, I guess this is pre-Cupcakes.
Sonic: "I'm fucking scared Dash, that the makeup won't come off. It isn't tattooed on, but I can't figure out what it is. I've tried makeup removers, detergents, everything I can think of."
Rainbow Dash: "Shit, sounds like she used some unicorn magic maybe. The question is how do we get back at her?"
Sonic: "I knocked the fucking rings out of her already. I can't do that too many times cause of you know domestic abuse things.
No, we're not getting back at her anymore, it'll just be a back and forth. I need to find out what kind of magic did this and reverse it."
Scene 3: Rainbow Dash and Sonic have gone to Twilight's house, to ask her advice on reversing the condition.
Twilight: "Hmm, it's not a gender swap spell, and it's not an appearance spell, cause you still look just like Sonic. A crossdressing Sonic."
Sonic: "Har har har."
Twilight: "I think it's some kind of makeup spell, but you say it holds your mane in that shape?"
Sonic: "I can't pull my quills back out, no. I never quite figured out how she did this to herself back in Station Square, and I don't know how to undo it either.
Twilight: "I just haven't heard of one... maybe Zecora will know. But I'm curious what the original spell was. For the time being, I can make you a woman, or just give you boobs, until you get changed back?"
Sonic: "What? I don't want tits."
Twilight: "I can make you a flat chested woman?"
Why is this necesarry?
Rainbow Dash: "Why is this necessary, again?"
What she said.
Twilight, blushing: "Heh, no reason. It'll look more natural though while going around. Until we get to Zecora, heh. Haven't you ever thought hey, I wonder what having a vagina is like?"
Sonic: "It's reversible?"
Twilight: "Oh yes, gender swaps are very easy to do. At least, for an experienced pony like myself."
Scene 4: Sonic is transformed into a female by Twilight's spell.
Twilight: "I just gave you cutsie little tits. I hope you don't mind."
Sonic: "It destroyed my dress Twilight! Girls can't go around without clothes!"
But guys can walk around naked without worry.
Twilight: "I have a vest for you, like Sally wears. She get's away with it.
Sonic: "She's been arrested twice for indecent exposure, and she also has more fur than hedgehogs."
Twilight: "You'll be fine honey. Let's try it!"
Scene 5: Rainbow Dash pulls Sonic aside to speak with him.
Rainbow Dash: "Listen Sonic, Twilight is a lesbian
, and it sounds like she's trying to get intimate with you before you get transformed back. She's really a powerhouse and pretty persistent about it, but she does it in a really nice way so you feel bad to resist her too hard. She usually does it when you're vulnerable like you are now. She's clever about it. Hell, she did it to me once, and you know I'm not a lesbian. I didn't even enjoy it. But it was the only way out."
Sonic: "Geez R-D, I'm not too worried if Twilight scissors me timbers or whatever. She's been helping me out a lot."
Rainbow Dash: "That's just your calmer female hormones talking. And I'm warning you, Twilight isn't just into scissoring.
She’s into hardcore BDSM.
She's into freaky stuff. Butt stuff. I don't even know why she's a lesbian, when she just picks on your butt and doesn't leave it alone!"
Sonic: "That was probably just cause you have a cute butt, Dashie."
Scene 6: Twilight speaks to them.
Twilight: "Oh my God Sonic, you look amazing in that outfit! I knew I had something to match those shoes! Hey can we call you something other than Sonic for the time being. It'll help, too, to reserve your real name for your real body."
Sonic: "I don't know what my name should be... I know that Amy wasn't born Amy Rose. Her name was just Rose. Mobians are usually named based on parts of nature or attributes they take after, unless they go by different names later. I could be Sonia, but that's my sister's name, and I don't really want to take it."
I actually forgot that Sonic had siblings.
Twilight: "How about Lexi, cause Lexi's sexy!"
Sonic: "Hee hee, that is cute, I like it!"
Rainbow Dash thinks to herself: Oh no, I was afraid this would happen. The new rush of estrogen is messing with Sonic's brain and personality. Hmm.
I sense a lemon coming up soon.
Rainbow Dash: "Twilight, you're my friend, right?"
Twilight: "Of course, Rainbow Dash."
Rainbow Dash: "Then please listen to me. Please don't have sex with Sonic. He's like, my boyfriend. I'll seriously hate you forever if you have sex with him."
Twilight: "Dash! Jesus, that never even crossed my mind.
I'm helping her out until we get her back to normal."
Rainbow Dash: "And I know how you think, so don't fuck "Lexi" either!"
Twilight: "I'm not trying to steal your "boyfriend" Dash. And you two don't act so much like traditional boyfriends and girlfriends, so no one even knows what kind of relationship you two have. And you do know that Sonic here still regularly has relations with Sally Acorn and Tails. That's no secret. You know this right?"
Rainbow Dash: "I know..."
Sonic: "Dash, I'm hearing this, and it makes me feel awful. Of course we're lovers, but I... I've been terrible. Only now do I realize what an awful person I am. I've slept with Sally and Tails for years now
Isn’t Tails supposed to be 8-9 years old?
, longer than I've known you. But I just haven't even thought about how we're more alike than either Tails or Sally and I will ever be. I'm so sorry Dashie. I really do love you. I have, so many feelings over me right now. I love it. It took me to be a woman to realize how much I love you Dashie!"
Rainbow Dash: "I care for you too Sonic. But I also like the natural Sonic better, because we have good times together, trolling people and causing mischief
Like writing this fanfic for example.
, and laughing about it. That's why we need to get you back to normal."
Sonic: "Dashie, I'm a dick when I'm normal. I cheat on people I love, and seem to be pissed off half the time. I've come to realize that maybe I should stay a woman. Everything seems so much clearer now. I was always a good person, saved the world multiple times. I still feel that way. And I'm still the same Sonic now as I was. I still like the idea of playing pranks on people. And I'm sure we're both still the fastest things alive. It could work."
Rainbow Dash: "I'm not attracted to women, Sonic."
Sonic: "But with magic, I can get a penis whenever you'd like."
Rainbow Dash: "I'm not attracted to shemales. I want my old Sonic back. He's the one I... love. I care for."
Sonic: "Alright then. Let's change me back."
Twilight: "This is so sweet, we should all have a threesome and celebrate before changing Sonic back!"
Rainbow Dash: "Just take us to Zecora."
Twilight: "Guys… I have a confession. Amy didn't use any pony magic. There is no makeup spell. I was just leading you on."
Rainbow Dash and Sonic: "What?"
Well this was unexpected.
Twilight, embarrassed: "Cmon guys, you lead us on all the time for one thing or another. I was just messing around. This is good news. All I have to do is change Sonic back with my reversal spell."
Sonic: "Then why the hell couldn't I get the makeup off?"
Twilight: "I think Amy just did a really good job and used some industrial grade stuff. I'm just surprised you didn't lose your eyesight or something. She was really vengeful, that's for sure!"
All of this just because Sonic didn’t want to go out with Amy.
Sonic: "So you're gonna change me back, and I'm gonna look like I did when I walked in your door?"
: "I'm afraid so. You'll have to grow your quills back out, and well, I'm pretty sure the eyeliner will wear off with time..."Sonic, looking to Dash: "God, we're gonna have to get that bitch back."
Scene 7: Twilight changes him back.
Rainbow Dash: "I hope you do realize, that I am literally only going to refer to you by the name "Lexi" from now on?"
Because as we all know, Lexi is sexy.
Sonic: "Very funny Dash."
Rainbow Dash: "You think I'm kidding. But I do not kid with situations this epic or embarrassing."
Sonic: "Embarrassing is right. What was I thinking? Lexi? Playing dress up with Twilight? Wow, I don't know how you deal with all those female hormones going through you Dash."
Rainbow Dash: "It's a tough barrier to overcome, yes, but I manage to do it."
Sonic: "But I'm still glad you have all those female hormones. And I'm still sorry about everything, and am done with Tails and Sally.
Rainbow Dash: Aw Lexi, I love you so much."
And that ends the first installment of Fluffy Reviews. This isn’t the worst Sonic fanfic I’ve ever read, but it sure is one of the weirdest.