Review #208

the nobody heros

Story by thegallbroz

Review by Warnuts

Chapter 1

5:30 pm

"Uhhh… thank god I don't work tomorrow," I said shutting my car door and walking to the back door of my house.

Hey as a stylistic thing it's usually better to avoid using the same word twice in the same sentence/paragraph unless you're doing it intentionally for rhythmic reasons, which I don't think is the case here because it feels clunky. Thank you and I'm sure this will be my only critique/note on the story :)

I turned to the knob and the door swung open effortlessly. After I closed the door behind me, the smell of smoke and weed assaulted my nose. And I could only think of one man.

Snoop Dogg.

"River! Your home?"

"Yes it is my home, what are you doing here?"

I yelled not getting a response for a short taking my shoes off at the door and making my way to the living room.

"Yeah im- *cough* *wheeze* I'm here," he said just I rounded the corner seeing him on the couch, blunt in hand

I feel like a blunt is a full day thing, like I'm not sure why he's surprised to find him here, this seems like it's a regular all-day thing.

"What's going on jade?" I asked him giving him a quick fist bump.

Oh wow they're cool as fuck.

River Wilson a.k.a 'Jade' is 6", 23 years old with an average build man with dark brown hair, light beard, and hazel eyes. He was wearing a red hoodie, green shirt, Aswell he had on black basketball shorts.

Six inch, so either that's a typo or we know this man's dick size.

I will assume the latter and also assume several things about their relationship.

He watching some tv when I came in.

Was he? If you're smoking a blunt by yourself, for all I know that TV is blank.

"what's good Jason?" he said taking another hit.

God I can't even deal with hoew cool they are.

I don't know if we're cool enough to read this story.

"Nothing much I just got off work, the dildo shop was a pain in the ass today," I said,

[Editor's Note: Ray added a word to that sentence I tried to stop him but he wouldn't stop re-adding it.]

after he got done with his hit. he was holding it in his lungs and passing it to me.

"You got tomorrow off?" he asked as I took the blunt and took a hit.

"Yeah I already gave the reader that exposition, geez."

I nodded my head as I held in the smoke." ah. So we all got the day off" he said with a grin as I finished my hit and handed it back to him and started making my way upstairs to my room.

Hold on this is too many things in your sentence I'm exhausted.

jade is a good man, me and his brother have been friends since before I can remember. One day we just kinda met at elementary school and we have been friends ever since,

"He's been passing me blunts ever since."

he even helps protect me from a few bullies back in the day. Right as I was about to head upstairs I heard the front door open, " hey river, is Jason home !?" Came a voice from the hall

I am lost in the layout of this house.

Also there are three characters and I've already lost track of who's who.

" yeah, I'm home!" I responded " oh yeah!" another voice came as they made their way to the room.

The first to walk in caring a case of beer

Weed and beer?

Fuck I'm gonna need a pair of sunglasses just to handle the coolness of this story.

What's next, they're gonna hit the town with their leather jackets?

was Michael Hays a.k.a 'Big country'.

Oh nevermind I can put the sunglasses away we're good.

He is a bit of a heavier set guy. he is the tallest of the five of us being 6"5'

Author I need you to know that I will never remember that.

Also I looked up the feet and inches symbols and confirmed that is backwards still.

but he is also the youngest being 21.

Oh fuck he's the drink age. Goddamn he's so cool.

Just wait until we get to the camo jacket.

He was wearing a camo jacket,

Oh fuck! sunglasses.emoji

blue jeans. short brown hair and brown eyes, he set the case between the couch and the recliner next to it on the right.

But-but why? Just put it in the fridge! Warm beer on its own is just... do you hate yourself?

He was the latest addition to the squad showing up about halfway through high school been with us ever since he's a nice guy if you don't piss him off.

That doesn't sound like a nice guy that actually sounds really toxic.

Maybe if the standard is that all the neck beards on Reddit are "nice guys."

" what's up Jason?" he asked

" nothin much, river told me we all have the next day off

Hey Ray do you have the next day off?

I do actually! Me and River and Jason and Big Country all have the next day off!

Isn't River and Jason the same—

I don't know. And refuse to check.

so I was gonna take a shower before the party starts"

What party? This feels really late to introduce a party. That's like, first paragraph stuff.

But first we had to establish that they do drugs and all have the next day off!

And that this house has two doors.

I will take your word for that part.

" Hey Lil' jay," said the next one to walk in


𝅘𝅥𝅘𝅥 Too many cooks 𝅘𝅥𝅘𝅥

wal-mart bags in hand, Brain Wendelin a.k.a 'Butters'.

Hi please make sure to consistently use the same name for this character so that I don't get confused thanks in advance :)

I hope we find out if Butters has the next day off.

It was a nickname someone gave him in middle school and it just stuck,

What a ridiculous concept!

hell I didn't know his name was brian

until the end of high school. He is a little taller than me at 5"8' and the inverse of mike

So he's an asshole who's skinny? Also we know nothing about the protagonist! Not even a height!

he is the oldest at 24. He had short and neat blond hair and blue eyes, he was wearing a white muscle t-shirt to show off the almost non-existing muscles he had,

So I was not that far off.

Also (not sarcasm) I'm going to give credit to that as a solid line, like if that showed up in a book it would not seem out of place.

and a pair of black sweats and short blond hair. I met him in middle school river and his brother thought that he was bullying me at first but then we just started hanging out. He's how I met Michael.

Who the fuck.... Do we know Michael yet?

I think we met a Mike. Look, all I know is that they're all cool, they all smoke weed, and some asshole shops at Wal-Mart.

Don't let his looks fool you though, a year after high school he went to the marries he only came back a few months or so ago, and he won his fair share of fights in school.

Wut. Marries?

Maybe that's supposed to be marines?

" sup brian," I said giving him a quick head tilt " nothing much got whisky from wal-mart for ya'" he said showing me a bottle of jack-daniels.

I don't think you can buy whiskey from Wal-Mart but I'm not going to pretend to know every Wal-Mart.

Either way, buying Jack Daniels from Wal-Mart is not a good look.

We had some brief talk about work today

"Hey do you have tomorrow off?????"

and generally annoying customers. Then I started to feel the weed hit me; it felt like I had a warm glow. " I got to take this shower or I'm gonna fuckin' vegetate in the shower," I said as I started the head upstairs." well hurry up roman gonna be here in a few minutes with pizza!" mike yelled to me as I hit the top.

Oh god now there's Roman, I refuse to keep track.

I can see why the description of this story is "five nobodies." But, quick question: THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH MINECRAFT.

I walked down the hall and into my room to grab some clothes before I walked back out the hall to the shower at the end, as I walked into the bathroom and turned the lights on, I caught my self in the mirror.

Oh we're about to get his description good.

" damn I need to shave" I said as I started to take my work clothes off. My name is Jason gal a.k.a ' Lil' jay' I'm 5" 7' and 23 years old. I won't say that I am muscular, but I'm not fat either.

Okay that's allowed, "muscular" and "fat" aren't like a dichotomy.

There is just "skinny."

Most of my strength is in my legs from soccer, I had chocolate brown hair


and a red-ish tinted beard; weird I know got it from my dad's side and brown eyes.

Well thank god we finally got to see the protagonist's character sheet that included name, nickname, height, age, description of body type, description of outfit, and one biographical detail.

All that being said, it's still not an interesting character.

After I got out of the shower I put on some white gym shorts. I was just about to put my shirt on when I caught part of my back in the mirror. I looked over the scars on my back my hand was drawn to the name carved on my right shoulder blade.


He was checking out his asshole and just happened to look up.

Just as I touched it the door to the bathroom opened


Trying to peep that six inch meat.

I shot my head to the door and realized who came in. "h-hey roman" I said my voice slightly shaken, the man in the door just gave me a small smile.

"B-baka! Don't you know to knock on the door?"

"I brought you this pizza with eeextra sausage~"

" hey Jason" he said as I put on a white t-shirt, Roman Wilson a.k.a.'noobman' that is his Gamertag and has been since he started gaming with me.

Honestly props to him for snatching noobman, he must have made his account very early.

He was 6" 2' and he was 23 as well, he is the twin to the river.

They're fraternal twins just so you know, he had some light stubble and brown eyes. He was wearing a black shirt and beige cargo pants. Like I said I have known this man for longer than I can remember he was the first real friend I ever had.

"I still can't get over the fact that happened to you man," he said referring to my scars, just as I put my black and white hoodie on.

" yeah… it's not easy to forget either" I said in a kinda sad tone. He walked over and put his hand on my shoulder.

Since he hasn't given is the backstory on these scars yet I'm going to assume he fell into a bush and the scar is like 1" long.

"you're lucky you lived, but we are glad you back brother," he said shaking me out of my stupor as we made our way back downstairs. As we made it to the bottom, I just barely caught the beer that Mikey tossed my way.

Gahhhhh I'll need to order more sunglasses.

But there is etiquette to how you toss someone a bear. "Hey, heads up!" Also I would like to remind everyone, that beer is piss warm.

He was sitting in the armchair on the right, brian in the left one, roman took his spot in the middle of the couch and I took a spot on the left side.

Is this about to be a riddle?

That or we're getting set up for the smut.

As we sat watching tv brian started to pour some shots roman passed me a blunt and I took a couple of drags from it. Brian handed out the shots, he raised his glass and said " to family" the rest of us followed his lead with our own 'to family' as we slammed our shot down. As the drugs and alcohol in my system started to take effect, I looked around at the family that I had around me. because to me that's what they always have been, even when I came back and showed them the scars they only looked at me with kind smiles. It has been almost a year now but I am still happy to call these guys my brothers.

A few hours later about 9:30 pm

The night was winding down everyone was pretty wasted at this point especially me, I'm kinda the lightweight of the group.

A lightweight starting off with a beer, a shot, and half a blunt. If you are a lightweight and it's a few hours later, you are dead.

I was on the couch trying not to pass out when suddenly something drew me to Romans' room.

"It was his hand, and he was undressing."

He went in there a little while ago to play some games,

Are you serious? Halfway through your first chapter, we are now getting to minecraft?? Or for all I know he's playing Stardew Valley and we're just going to wait until next chapter.

with a struggle I manage to get off the couch and started to make my way upstairs having to grab the rails for support. In the room next to mine I heard what sounded like clicking, I opened the door to find roman clicking away at the computer,

Ah! So it sounded like clicking because it was clicking! Another mystery solved!

So disappointed this wasn't a LAN party.

I looked over his shoulder and saw that he was playing Minecraft.

he and I love that game, we did play it often.

" Hey bro you good," he said noticing me try not to die. I pulled up a chair next to him and just started watching him play.

"Well I tried to, but I fell over and smashed his computer."

" yeah… im- * hick* I'm alright," I said keeping my head steady. He handed me a glass of water that he had brought up, I chugged the whole glass; thanking the gods for the miracle that it was.

"Thanks dick, I didn't want any of that anyways."

After about ten mins

Go fuck yourself.

the dizziness that I was feeling started to fade and clarity started to set in.

" Thanks, man… I needed that" I said calming down.

Wow that glass of water really unfucked all of his shit.

It was then that ( in the game ) roman got teleported which was odd considering he was playing solo survival. The screen was black aside from the usual U.I. in the game. Then a figure appeared out of the darkness confusing me and roman. It looked like a notch skin be with a little more detail like he blinked and moved his arms more freely,

"Oh fuck we're in a minecraft music video!"

I think Mikey or Roland or whoever put something in your water to have a little more fun tonight.

As well as he looked more human-like. Roman just looked back at me for answers to which I had none so I gave him a shrug. Then the chat in-game popped up.

"Hello roman, Jason" Roman and I looked at each other with a mixed look of confusion and concern.' what the fuck was in that weed river!' i yelled in my head

" no your friend didn't drug you you are fine" came next in the chat, now I was scared. I looked over to roman to see he had the same expression on his face.

Well of course, because you're all the same character.

Also I'm amazed at how well they're taking this. If someone is reading my mind from the computer, I'm going to loose my shit and probably burn the computer.

Before he could say anything more roman shut the computer down,

Ayy the smart one.

by now the fear and adrenalin pumping in our veins sobered us up.

" what the hell was that? " I asked roman hoping he was just messing with me, but the fear in his eye told me otherwise.

"I knew I had to calm down, so I took his hand."

" yeah…. That's enough of that" he said as I got up and started to head out the room and down the stairs. Once we got to the bottom of the stairs we saw the rest of the gang just watching tv.

They were also by the stairs, so they went up the stairs as we went down the stairs. Stairs!

I hope that was the only time Minecraft comes up in this story.

I was about to join them right as our phones chimed not just mine and Romans all of our phones. I quickly pulled out my phone and noticed that I had a message. I opened my phone and took a look.

I looked up from my phone to see the others had their phones in their hands and they were looking at their phones. Phones!

" well that was rude but now I can talk to all of you," said the message with no number. I looked over to the gang and notice that they had a confused look on their faces except roman who looked like he was about to bolt.

" what the hell is this?" Mikey asked I just shrugged

" dude I have no idea what's going on," I said just as our phones dinged again

" Perhaps it would be better to talk in person," it said. At that moment I started to feel dizzy I tried to call for help but when I looked around my vision started to get darker and darker until there was nothing left.

"...ja...Lil…" I heard trying to get off the ground "...Jason.." I heard it again the voice sounded like Brian's." Jason!" brian said as I started to sit up and my brain started to click back in to place. When I opened my eyes I was staring up at brian as he was shaking me awake, he reached out a hand to help me up which I gladly took. It was then that I notice that I was completely sober, I looked around our environment and there was not much to say. It just looked like an ever-expanding platform of darkness that surrounded us, nothing could be seen at the end. Everyone was here and well… for the most part, mike and river were still trying to get their footing with Romans help.' what the fuck just happened' i thought looking around to try and find a way out

"I can provide some answers," said a seemingly middle-aged man with a deep voice as he floated down to us. "Hello, I'm notch the god of the world you're going to," he said matter of factly

You know, I can't believe I'm about to say this, but at least in Dora Must Die he explained how he made a teleporter into another world! Here Notch is just like, "Yeah, *naturally* I brought you into Minecraft!"

" wait 'about to'? What the hell do you mean" mike said with anger and confusion in his voice.

"My bluuuuuuuuuuunt!!!"

" well you all have been selected to got to my world and save it," he said gesturing to us.

" no offense sir, but why did you pick some nobody from the middle of nowhere," I asked just genuinely curious of the reason.

And that's the first and only thing he's curious about.

"I can't say," he said avoiding my question


" all I can tell you is that I need your help to defeat my brother," he said.


At this point, I started to get a bad feeling about this

Yeah at this point.

" can we refuse?" brian asked, the way notch stood I can already tell his answer.

" no, sorry you're already here so there is only the way forward," he said

I think Notch is totally lying but I respect it.

'son of a..'

" so let me get this straight, you kidnaped us and are forcing us to kill your brother. Why?" roman asked.

"Wooooah I didn't say kill, I just need you to jerk him off!"

"Yes because he has started to kill the world, he is leading an army to kill everyone on the planet that is why I need your help," he said with worry on his face

Trying to kill people in a video game oh nooooooo

" ok so we kill your brother then we get to go home? Do we get any kinda help with that matter?" river said now I was curious.

You are all taking the fact that you have to commit murder surprisingly well. A little too well.

" yes, I'm gonna drop you off near a city when you get there to give the queen this note," he said as a letter materialized in front of me, I grabbed the letter and pocket it " other than that you will get some powers when you wake up"

" wake up?" I said as just as another dizzy wave hit and I started to lose consciousness

This is the stupidest The Matrix.

as I hit the floor and void started to fade notch leaned down to us." lastly have fun in my world, till next time" he said as the world faded and our journey began.

"I'm sending you on a hit job, but be sure to have fun!"


Hey guys! It's been a long time since I have written in my free time and I have to say that I am a bit rusty so it may take a little bit for me to get back into the grove of this again.

What? Nooooooo.

Anyway I hope you enjoy

As always, yes.

Chapter 2: first encounter

AN: Hey guys, just wanted to say thanks to the sir: NxoMalik, he left a nice review and a few pointers so I tried my best.

From Nxo's review: "I'm going to be entirely honest. This story is pretty good in idea and story and I can see where this is going so far. If I may be honest the punctuation is the only thing that is bad."

To be fair, this man is much nicer than us.

As the dizziness faded I could feel the warmth on my face and the sound of birds. I started to open my eyes but instantly closed them as they were meet with the furious ball of fire known as the sun.

Go all the way to hell.

I don't know I respect the dumbness of that description.

" ohhhh… this is the worst hangover" I said rolling over and reaching out trying to find none existent covers.

"But instead I found dirt and grass and sheep."

Instead, I found purchase on a leaf-like substance, I tried to open my eyes again only to see in my hands was a few pieces of grass and dirt.

I swear we don't read ahead.

'What the fuck' i thought as it all came crashing down on me, my eyes widen as I rolled over to find that I was not in my house, but was instead greeted with a forest, I appeared to be in a small clearing. I pushed myself off the ground and started to frantically look around, only to find that no one else was in the clearing with me. " hello!" I yelled only to hear a small groan come from some bushes to my right.

First one to say "ugh not so loud" loses.

I cautiously made my way over to the shrub, I parted it a little only to find an unconscious roman. " oh thank Jesus" I said as I stood over the man on the ground, " roman" I said gently shaking him, " mmmm… what?" he said as he started to wake up and rub the sleep from his eyes.

" you alright bro?" I asked giving him my hand to help pull him up.

"Ugh bro, I'm so much better now that you're here."

"yeah…. I'm good" he said as he got to his feet, he started to sway trying to keep his balance, I caught him just as he started to fall. " I might need a little help thou," he said putting an arm around me to help keep him standing ( he use me more as a crutch thou).

" Jason! Roman!" I heard what sounded like mike yell

"I looked over. It was Mike!"

" mike!"

And just like you're mom, too easy.

I like that these are his best friends and he considers them family and he doesn't recognize their voices.

I yelled back and just barely saw him about 40ft or so away through the wood on the other side of the clearing." brian and river with you?!" I asked as roman started to get his footing and standing on his own.

" Yeah, we're all here, you good?" I heard the river ask as they started to close in on the clearing.

"we're fine, roman's a bit dazed but he'll live," I said resting roman against a tree. " so that all really happened right? it wasn't a dream?" I asked with a little worry in my voice

" old dude, kidnaps us, tells us to go save another world?" brain asked as I nodded my head

Author just so you know this brian/brain thing is entirely your fault for naming a character Brian when you were not ready to handle a character named Brian.

" sounds about right," I said as I looked around the environment. All I could see was the swaying of the oak trees as the wind blew, but other than that nothing that could help our current circumstance.

Okay but we still don't know if everything is blocky. Like I'm waiting for him to look at his hands and see if they're blocks.

It was just then, that we all heard a loud thud, as we looked around to find mike had punched one of the trees nearby.


He turned to us with fury in his eyes" why the FUCK do we have to do this!" he yelled at no one in particular. " hey, mike was all mad too, but we are already here nothing we can do to change that now" Brian said trying to calm the beast.

Oh so he wasn't even trying to get a wood block he was literally just angry.

I can't wait for them to look at the tree and realize a chunk is missing and the tree is still floating.

It was then that I notice the tree that he punched,

Jesus fucking christ.

I walked over to get a better look. aside from the fact that where he had struck the tree had a nice divot in it, as well as a fist-size chunk of bark missing from it, which was impressive. Not only that, but the tree looks almost like an oak tree from our world, not pixelated or anything.

yay thank u

I gently rubbed my finger along the tree and it felt real." jay… what are you looking at?" mike asked as his anger faded.

" nothing….it just seems a little too… real don't you think" I said turning my attention away from the tree, They all started to get the same look.

" well we have no cell service and maps aren't working so I think we really in another world," river said putting his phone away.

" well… where the hell do we go then?" mike asked with a little bit of anger laced in his voice, not directed at us just in general.

Author I need you to know that I'm not keeping any track of who's doing what, I just know that there is an angry character and if someone does an angry thing I'll assume that's still them.

Roman just shrugged " does the note say anything?" he asked looking at me.

I reached into my jacket to get the note out just as I pulled it out a small folded piece of paper fell to the ground. I picked it up and on one side was a big letter 'N'

"It's a letter!"

curious I opened the paper to find a compass no bigger than my hand, like you, would find on a map.' son of a bitch' i thought as I continued to inspect the paper and notice a drawing of sun next to the east of the compass and a castle on the north side

" what's it say?" mike asked

"Nothing it's just a paper compass that is telling us to head north which by the drawings is..." I trailed off looking for the sun off in the distance, I started to orientate my self with the compass and the sun." that way" I said pointing off in the direction that I assumed to be north, mike came over to look at the note and gave me a questioning look.

I'm sorry what does the sun have to do with any of this?

I would like to point out that 1) If the map uses the sun as a point of reference then that's a weird map in Minecraft or in real life, and 2) Compasses in Minecraft don't point north.

"you're putting a lot of faith in that drawing," he said

" well, what other options do we have?" I said brian came over and motioned to see the note, I handed it to him and he turned the paper over and saw the 'N'.

"I think it's our best option," he said a little dejected which I could understand because I didn't have much hope in it either. Soon roman and river got up and started walking off in the direction we assumed to be north. I looked to Mike and just shrugged " if we get out of the forest we will have more options,

Will you?? Because like as far as starting biomes go the forest is honestly pretty good.

I don't want to be here when it's night" I said as I looked it to the sky to look at the sun.

Dude it's simple: three punches down, block of dirt over you. Wait.

' if the sun is rising… that means that it's about 9-ish I hope that's enough time' i thought as I and mike started to follow the rest of the gang

"I don't like this whole thing," Mike said as we started to catch up

I know, this story does suck.

"Me neither brother, this is gonna be a long day," I said as we all made our way.

Sometime later

" Jesus, it feels like we have been walking forever" River groaned as we continued to walk, I looked up to see where the sun is, if I had to guess it has been about an hour.

So at no point have we learned that Jay is enough of a survival expert to be able to look at the sun and tell how much time has passed. Oh wait, I'm sorry: *The giant ball of flames that we call the sun.

As we continued to walk we just made casual conversation,

"Do you still have tomorrow off???"

River continued to complain. The sight of a small building next to a cave could be seen, it looked like a person's home, or rather used to be.

"Don't judge my shitty minecraft house :("

I looked to the gang and without saying anything we decided to check it out.

Nothing like some B&E in the morning.

As we got closer. the house seemed to be in a state of disrepair. It seemed like it hasn't been used in years, there were holes in the roof, the door was missing, and hell the south-facing wall was completely destroyed scraps of it were scattered on the ground. The mine had torches that burned out long ago ash scattered on the ground. the darkness at the end seemed to suck the light in the area away and it definitely looked hungry for more, but…. near the edge of the void, there was a chest.

" Roman and I will check the cave, you guys check the house?" they nodded and we split. Roman and I gingerly made our way to the chest in the cave,

"Thank god we're finally alone in the dark"

"When you gave me that pizza earlier, I never gave you the tip...."

as we drew closer we saw what looked to be a crafting table. no one had been in this cave for a long time, dust caked the small wooden boxes. Roman opened the chest and started to go through it.

Dude it's a double chest next to a cave, it's filled with nothing but stacks of cobblestone.

" what do you get in there?" I said not turning my gaze away from the inky abyss

" well… a backpack, a stone pick, torches, flint, and a knife," he said retrieving the items.

Ah, so this is a modded server.

If you wanted a shitty weapon from vanilla just go with a wooden sword.

He handed me the pack and some torches, I took some of the flint and the knife and lit one of the torches.

Roman got to work mining some of the stone around use to make a sword, as he did that I kept watch, never know what might come by. It was a strange feeling standing there, it felt like something was watching me through the darkness not with anger or malice but with hunger.

I mean... same difference kind of if it's hungry for you.

My thoughts were cut short as roman seemed to be having trouble with the crafting table.

" what the hell is wrong with this thing" roman ask with annoyance in his voice

"what's wrong?" I said walking over to him he had a stick and three stones on the table as you would normally do in the game

Nope that is incorrect, you need two stones Roman.

"I got an extra 'stick' for you to use..."

but nothing was happening. Roman was getting frustrated at the box, looking around to see if a button needed to be pressed or something to get the thing to work.

" Here let me take a crack at it," I said handing the torch to roman and taking his place at the table. What happened next I can't really describe it, as soon as I touched the table the pieces started to move and morph into the shape I wanted them to be in. next thing I knew there sitting on the table was a fully formed stone broadsword. It was about 3 and a half feet long and 3 inches wide with tapered edges on both sides.

Honestly, just spelling out feet and inches is probably a good call.

" How did you do that?" roman ask a little surprised

"Oh I'm just player one."

"I dont know, I just touched the table and then this happened," I said pointing to the newly formed weapon. I handed the sword to him he took a few practice swings and trust to get used to it

Okay my guess for this story is that each of the characters will have one power of Steve, so one can craft, one can trade with villagers, one can mine, etc. So it will be like minecraft, but shitty.

" hey do you have any more stone I was gonna make an axe," I asked he handed over some materials.' you know what I could use right now is a battle axe' i thought just as I put the stone and sticks in their place, I mainly used the axe as one anyway.

It's my favorite in writing when I have to read something like five times just to get the very basic statement it's trying to communicate.

The same thing happened the stone started to morph around the stick and started to make an axe head what was strange was that while Romans' swords looked like the game's sword, the axe started to take a different look. Once it finished it was about 2 ½ ft long and the head of the axe had a 4-inch curved blade with a tapered edge but on the other side was a 3-inch thorn that was tapered to a sharp point. Roman looked like he wanted to ask a question but the look on my face told him I had the same questions with no answers.

"Ok I guess you can craft, 'll handle the mine," he said handing me the torch,

Fucking god dammit.

I put the axe on a loop on the side of the pack and followed roman deeper into the cave.

"Doing that was a mistake. It kept stabbing me in the side and I died of blood loss."

We walked for what felt like 10 minutes mining anything along the way and roman just stuffed it in my pack. In the pack we had: 20 iron ore, 5 gold ore, and roman split half his stones so me and him both had 10.

Thank you because I cared so much.

I can appreciate these details to make the story feel more lived in, but the problem is that now you've told us your inventory, so when you get a crafting recipe wrong we know when to call bullshit.

As we made our way deeper into the cave the smell of rot and decay stirred in the air, I got worried and pulled out my axe. Roman seemed to have the same idea since he readied his sword, we slowly made our way around the turns in the cave the smell getting stronger and stronger the further we went.

"We hit a creeper. We died."

As we marched the ground seemed to be covered in a blackish green liquid

" roman… something doesn't seem right about this," I said in a concerned tone

" I'm sure it's nothing probably a zom-" he stopped short mid sentences and was just staring in front of him, I walked to the side of him to see what he was looking at what we found should have just stayed in the dark. There was a woman or rather what we thought was one, she had half of her face taken off down to the bone. The only arm she had was covered in cuts and chunks of flesh were taken, that wasn't the worst part. There was a massive hole where her stomach should be but whatever did this to her they took most everything and scattered the rest to the blood-covered floor.

I think we just figured out why it's rated M.

Roman started heaving and turned away, I started looking around the room, 'there….theres so much blood' i thought I turned to see roman start to collect himself again.

" We need to leave," I said, he didn't even respond and started walking back the way we came following the torches that I had put on the walls in place of the old ones. As we made our way back I saw something passed by one of the torches, I tapped roman to get his attention we turned around to see what was following us. what stepped in the light was what looked like a man with black almost oil-like skin, as he limped into the light you could see his torn-up leg that he was dragging behind him. Chunks of skin were missing from his body reviling dark green flesh, the light of the torch illuminated his sharp jagged teeth that shined in the light like iron.

"What the fuck is that?" I said just before it let out an ear-piercing scream and charged us

So I get that that's probably a zombie, but then how are his teeth not nasty?

Maybe he had grillz.

"Oh shit!" I said as it got close to us, roman pulled on the back of my shirt sending me behind him as he charged forward with his sword and stabbed the thing in the chest. the thing latched its arms around roman and tried to pull him in close gnashing his teeth at him.

"Oh no you don't!"

*z snap*

he said kicking him in the chest knocking it to the ground, I managed to get off my ass just as he did.

" did you get it?" I asked just getting to my feet, he walked over to the corps at the edge of the darkness and tapped it with his foot.

And got bit in the ankle, have you NOT. SEEN. A ZOMBIE MOVIE.

" yeah I think I got it," he said after the thing didn't respond

" what is it?" I asked as he got closer

"I don't know…." he said as he inspected the blade in his hands that was now covered in the same stuff that was on the floor

" well I don't want to see if he had any friends around," I said as we quickened our pace out of the cave,

"But then we ran out of food and had to walk."

Meanwhile, River and Big Country are dead.

as we walked I couldn't help the feeling that we were being watched from the darkness. Every turn we took it felt like there were more eyes on us. Finally, we could see the light at the end of the tunnel, " fuckin' finally" I said as I snuffed out the torch as we proceeded into the welcoming warmth of the sun. that was until I tripped and fell, I pushed my self up enough to get my right knee under me, I tried to pull my left leg up to stand but something was pulling it back.

Oh okay for a second I honestly thought that this was a weirdly involved description of him eating shit.

Then it started to pull me back and I could see what had a hold of me it was the same creature that roman stabbed the same wound in his chest from the sword.

"God damn it!" I said as I got my axe out I was just about to bring the blade down on his head as another set of hands joined his and pulled me off balance so I fell on to my back.

"They started to pull down my pants."

"They dragged me to the windows, then to the walls."

I had just enough time to get the axe in front of me to keep the things from biting me" roman! I could use a hand here!" I said looking up to see his bury his sword in the skull of the one that had tripped me, he tried to get the one on top of me but yet another set of a hand shot out and pulled him in and managed to get there teeth into his arm

Welp Roman's dead. That's going to severely fuck up the party because now you all can't mine.

"AHHH!… son of a bitch!" he screamed punching the being off his arm, warm drops of crimson fluid landed on my face. Then another one of them landed on the back of the one I was fighting off, it was constantly gnashing its teeth at me as it got closer and closer to my face. Panic started to set in and things seemed to slow down, ' god damn it this is how I die' i thought just before a fist collided with its face, the impact sent it and his friend flying about 10 feet the sound of bones shattering and blood spilling on the ground could be heard. I looked up to see who my savor was and it was none other than big country him selfs,

He so fat he got multiple selfs.

I felt a pair of hands pull on my arms looked to see brian trying to get me to my feet. I managed to get off the ground and we sprinted towards the opening of the cave. As we made it out I turned to see if they were following but unfortunately, the bastards blended in with the dark so I couldn't make any out.

"You alright little bro" brain asked catching his breath, I started patting down my body

"Yeah I think I'm good, thanks for the save mike," I said

" hey ain't nobody gonna fuck with my family," he said wiping the blood off his hands.

"Anyways where's Roman oh he's dead."

I looked over to see River treating Romans wound

"How are you feeling brother?" I asked roman just as river finished the blood of his arm so we could see the extent of the damage

"Yeah bastard got me, but I think that ill life," he said

"Here drink this," river said handing roman a bottle of pinkish red, roman gave him a questioning look before taking the bottle popping the cork off. " it's a health potion," he said as roman started to take a drink

I'm sorry, where the FUCK did you find that? Have you been to the nether already? Excuse you I have questions!

"How can you tell?" I asked

"I don't know, I just picked up the bottle, and a little black box popped up telling me what it was,"

Okay so you do know.

he said as roman finished drinking the potion, after a few seconds the wound that was on his arm slowly started to fade away almost like it never happened.

" What else did you guys find in that house?" I asked

" well we found a compass, a couple of sticks, string, and 8 arrows" brian answered walking up behind me

" did you make a bow?" I asked he just held the sticks and string up

" well let me give it a try I made the sword and the axe I think I can handle the bow," I said taking the items from Brain. He just looked to roman who just nodded at his questioning look.

" well, I guess it can't hurt anything," he said showing me inside the house to the crafting table I put the items on the table like you normally would and the wood started to stretch and curve around each other until a bow was formed in my hands. Brian looked like he wanted to ask some questions but I stopped him before he could

After deliberating over their inventory and the materials needed to make a bow, we seem to be suspiciously short of sticks but we'll allow it this time.

" look me and roman both have no idea how I can do this, but I can so…" I said handing him the new bow he took it and inspected it before following me outside where mike was setting up a fire

Woah woah, Mike, no reason to burn the house down you might want it for the night at least.

Oh god it's Lord of the Flies, they're already turning savage!

" what you cookin'" brian asked

" Nothing yet but it looks to almost be noon so I think we should find something to eat," he said placing some branches down

" ok I and the boys will finish the fire and you guys can go hunt something down," I said pointing to brian and mike they started to walk off as I started to get the sticks into a pile.

"They gonna be alright?" roman said walking up to help me with the fire

I mean we've been here like two hours and monsters have already tried to kill you so I probably wouldn't assume everything is safe but whatever.

"Yeah they will be alright," I said finishing up the stack and I was about to light it when I saw the river at the edge of the cave.

" river what are you doing?" I said with a worried look, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and turned on his flashlight. He shined the light down the cave to reveal I would say about a dozen and a half more of the things. They seemed to recoil from the light

" We need to get out of here before dark, after we eat will go over what we have, split it, and leave," I said they both nodded river turned off his phone and came over to help us with the fire before brian and mike came back so we could get out of here.

Or... hear me out... set up the fire in the cave entrance, they clearly don't like light. Or just seal it.

AN: Let me know how I did guys

Well we just did.

Honestly I've seen worse, 4/10. This story has a very amateurish feel but in an enjoyable way. Author wants a certain plotline to happen, it will happen and the characters will go along with it even if they really have no good reason to. Author wants an ensemble cast, we will get an ensemble cast even if all the characters in it are paint-by-numbers and are basically interchangeable. Author doesn't know how to punctuate dialogue, they will come up with their own rules for quotation marks that are not technically correct but are at least internally consistent. I have been there too in all of those cases. And hey, for this story, the author is not writing anything hateful or annoying, which is better than we can say about a looot of stories we review.

Yeah, coming off of the picture fiction, this guy clearly put in effort. He actually tried to describe things, and when it came to the zombie creatures he did succeed at that. Agreed, 4/10.