Review #205

The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED!

Story by TwilightRova

Review by Warnuts




[Editor's Note: Today on Warnuts and Ray Read Reccomended Stories from Old Fan Mail, we return to a fanfic we read many years ago, The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! The original author released a "Remastered" version of the story that we had reviewed previously. Is the remaster an improvement over the original? Maybe! Let's go to our analysts Warnuts and Ray to give it a recritique.]

Chapter 1: I - rebecka swansin - REMASTERED

The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED!

AN: This is the remastered version of my previous opening which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

Okay Sir Blue. This is the remastered version, we are older and wiser than when we reviewed the original, so let's treat this review very maturely and come at it from a place of well-reasoned literary criticism... or we could just dick around and make jokes.

What was that?

Hello! My name is Rebecca Swansin and I have butt-length Raven hair

This is the better version huh?

Skimming this earlier, I was impressed with the growth from all the lazy shortening of her words, and then we got to butt-length hair.

with golden streaks laden throughout it.

Okay preppy My Immortal

My cousin's name is Bella Swan and I came here to Forks (where I live) in order to live with her and her her.

Ah yes, live with her and her her. Coming from someone who read the first book, I hated her her her.

My friends called me moon in the original versino but they don't do that here because i realized that the moon isn't very pretty so there.

Woooooowwwwwww. This like.... It is a rewrite, but it's also an in-built direct criticism of the original work? Is she on our side?

Get a job application for her just in case.

Anyways I am a seventeen year old straite A student

Okay so we're inverting the typos in this one: anything that was a typo is now fixed, but anything that wasn't a typo is now a typo.

The law of equivalent exchange.

[Editor's Note: In the original story, the line read, "i am sebentene yrs olde and i am a straight A student"]

at Fucks high school

YES. Yes amazing.

The rest of this story can and probably will be shit, but at least she has that one.

in Washingtons. I only came to forks to get away from my abusive family who would lock myself outside in thunderstorms which is why i don't mind the rain here in forks so much unlike Bella that slut.

I mean you can just say you like thunder storms, that's a normal thing because thunder storms are kinda fuckin rad.

Bella's a bitch who thinks she's way prettier than she really is and totally used this guy called Edward for nothing but sex and she wears her hair in screwed up german ponytales and people think she looks ugly with them.

*inhale*

Okay I have things to say.

*exhale*

Okay so Rebecca's issue here is, "Oh no, Bella has a positive self image and an active sex life"? And also I don't want to iterrogate what her issue is with Germany.

Also did this bitch read Twilight? I don't think there's any sex in Twilight, because correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that why Fifty Shades of Grey got made? I mean I guess they have sex because they have a kid, but I don't think it got that visual. The fact they're still in high school means they haven't even gotten into book three, which means.... I'm getting too much into the lore.

Now that you know about my we can talk about my day.

I mean I'm giggling at the typos but in fairness this is an improvement. Going from like a D- to a C, but hey, an improvement.

I get up from my bed when I wake up and then I get dressed so that ugly perverts like Billy Blake can't see my breasts.

Ah, the perfect plan! Perverts can't perv on somebody if they can't see their breasts!

I looked outside and thought that there was going to be a thunderstorm soon so I went without makeup and then just got into my usual school cloths because that's our uniform.

I mean, it's better than, "I thoght dere might b a thunderstrom soon so I got decideded to get dressed in my usual scool cloesthes."

It's sorta like a catholic girl uniform except we get to use pink and don't look like 90-year old peaches.

Okay it's not outstanding but I don't hate that line.

Then I made a poptart

YES!

I mean I'm not gonna lie I would still prefer poptard.

for breakfast which I did by using it on the microwave because bella broke our fucking toaster when she tried to electrocute the dog last month, that fucking bitch.

Holy shit.

Okay can we back this story up one month to know what happened?

Anyways I had got to the bathroom when Bella wouldn't get out because she was so busy taking a dump that I didn't have any goddamn time to take my own.

"BELLA GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM I NEED TO USE IT" I screamed.

"NO YOU BITCH FUCK YOU" she screamed right back at me.

"Seriously? Don't cross me. I'll get Chardley on your ass" i told her while snapping my fingers like a sassy girl.

Oh snap, she's whipping out the Z formation!

"So what!? I hate him anyways!" she screamed again and again

I'd like to remind the reader that Bella is still taking a shit.

I'm just straight up imagining Goldmember.

and at that point I gave up andleft the hose for school. I was fuerius so I was done with her drama and shit.

I mean Bella's not done with hers yet.

I kicked her fucking ugly truck on the way out because i'm an enviurmentalist and she took the muffler off that thing so FUCK IT.

Does she think the muffler is for the environment?

The catalitic converter is near the exhaust, but it's pretty deep in the car, so really all she's doing is making her car louder, which I don't believe effects the environment? It just makes it a neusance.

As I walked to school

Oh that's an improvement over her having a porsche in the original one.

I saw the mega fucking hawt guy Jacub across the street.

So she changed teams apparently.

Jacub and I were friends when I first got into Fucks

Now because I'm a child, I'm just imaginging she's at her first orgy and she's shy, and he just takes her under his wing.

and he goes to school at an indian restarant.

wut

Jacub wavved and I waved back to him. I was weery because ever since he became a werewolf he became a furry

Yup there it is.

Dude he would be a hit at furry orgies, I don't blame him.

and wile I dont driscicate against that shit it doedn't mean that I'm not creeped out. So I didn't cross the street. I wouldve driven my poursch but it got stolen so dammit.

Welp nevermind there goes that improvement. Why do I hope in these stories.

It was soooo Early when I got to school. I saw Edowerd this guy who I have this mega fucking crush on just stitting on his audi shitless.

Hmmmmmmmmm, is that part of the dress code?

He didnt have abes but his skin sparkled in the sunlite because of this scret... Edward is a Vampire!

So does everyone else think he just puts glitter on himself?

He sparkles and shit and drink blood and the other cullins are vamps too but I keep their secret as does Bella. Edward wasn't the only one there Rossey and Bennett were being preppy and doing homework

How fucking dare they.

You know, just to go on a tangent about Twilight in general, it so fucking bothered me how they went to high school in general. You could just say the wife stays home and homeschools them. One of the reasons they move so much is because "oh they don't age," but if they just get a house in the boonies... they just stay indoors, homeschooled, nobody knows they don't age, then they can stay in the town longer. Also there are people who are killer at makeup, there are teens today putting on makeup to look older and buy booze. Someone could easily make it so they could live a while in one place. Also I would like to preface I did not like the books.

in the car and Jaspor and Alicia were playing hopskitch and shit. Their parents are Clarlisle and Esme (WHO IS A MEGA FUCKING BITCH!)

Are her parents at school?

I think the narrator is just telling us her parents' names for our interest?

They waved at me. I waved back. Then I squealed inside because they payed attingtion to me!

Oh are they not friends in this verison? Okay.

Chapter 2: I - biolology class - REMASTERED

Bow chika bowwow

The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED CHAPTER 2!

AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 2 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

Chapter 2: Biolology Class

The sun was heavily beating down on my beautiful eyes and I quickly took out my mirror to check myself. I had a lot of sweat on my heart-shaped chin and my wide forehead

Is that a compliment to yourself? I guess that's why your name isn't Moon anymore, it's just Billboard.

that didn't have a widow's peak had picked up a lot of sweat. I had pale skin just like Edowerd and and my lips let me kiss people sexily and beautifully.

I mean that is what lips do yes.

Is it really that hard to say you have plump lips? Because that's all you have to say.

But not slutilly I don't do that shit.

Anyways I quickly hopped over to where edowerd and capser were. I started to speak to them.

"hey Edowerd" I sed

"hey Rebecca" he sed

"hor are you doing today edowerd!?" I asked inquisitively but not angrily. There is a difference you shits!

Man and I thought she had great dialogue with Bella.

I'm curious about why the typos are worse again.

"it's a good thing we are inside is all I shay speak" Edowerd!

That is a kind of amazing dialogue tag actually? My mental narrator really enjoyed that one.

"why is that!?" I was fearing a terrible surprise!

Don't you know he's a vampire? Or does only future Rebecca know that?

Something could be bad, that's what scared Edowerd!?

"because it is sooooooooooooooo sunny today sweetie" he say. I bluoshed! Edowerd had never ex[resied any sort of love towards another person before! But why!? "resurrect you love today girl" he say.

This is an amazing view into what she thinks good flirting is.

"prithee to love you if I dare relive" I say declaring love as I walked away from the two boys. Actually I am sure that caspor is a transsexual the sick fucker.

WOW

[AN: Trans sheeple are just lying if u are a girl who wants to be a boy its only becuz u think u are speshial]

Go fuck yourself, to start with. Ummmmm also you're an asshole. That's not a can of worms we're opening today, but mainly go fuck yourself.

Because he is always doing feminine stuff with Alicia like shopping and trying out clothes and because he is doing some women suck dicks. Like what the actual fuc who does that.

Um. A lot of people actually. It's like, kind of a thing.

As far as shopping, like... I go shopping for clothes?

Then I had to go to my biololgy class where our teacher was Mister Chocolove

Well that's a porn name if I've ever heard one.

who is a doctor of biology at the college of Forks.

...and he is teaching in...Fucks...high...school?

Biololgy is my favorite class. That is because it gives me hope. Hope for experiements and hope for understating.

Also Edowerd! He was there in the class the same one I was in! He sat all alone so I went over to him and he smiled at me. He must love me back then!

Yup that's how smiling works!

Then he sexually massaged my lower tigh

Wow okay so I guess she was right.

"I don't make out sluttily, but Edward can massage my thigh all day!"

when we wer ein class it was so fucing hot you wouldn't fucing believe it.

"oh yeah edowerd you are so sexy" I sed to him.

Alright it's just a thigh massage, calm down. It's not like he's doing cunnilingus under the table.

"I think I love you to let us exchange fluids later"

THAT IS THE WEIRDEST WAY TO DESCRIBE SWAPPING SPIT.

he dropped the bomb. But!

Then bella came

That bitch!

How dare she come to school!

and then sat to the left of us. But not at our fucing table we wuldnt let that happen wtf reader u don't think I have fucking standards!?

wat

"Hey man I'm just the reader" is not a defense I thought I'd have to make

Bella the stupid fucking hobag was so stupid. She fucing tripped while in her chair and because of that I laughed my ass of and edowerd did too. Bella screamed at us because she is tormenting.

I do not think this word means what you think it means.

"shut the fucking up you fucing bitches! I FUCKING HATE ALL OF YOU!" she screemed crying and giving us the finger [AN: the middle one!]

[gasp]

Normally I'm not a fan of author's notes in the middle of the story, but that comedic timing is just perfect.

because sittign back down. Then Alicia went over to bella and patted her on the back.

"There there" Alicia massaged Bella.

That whore.

This is a lesbian action.

I'm scared of where this is going.

I'm starting to think she just thinks massage parlors are a brothel. Like, a foot rub and a foot job are two different things.

"It's all going to be okay homie".

Word *turns hat to the side*

"I'm just so fucking sad and depressed and angry I hate life" bella said. What a Debbie downer. If I am boring then I ask someone to make me glad it is not a harsh concept.

That sentence smells oddly of thesaurus.

"Mr Chocolove make Rebecca shut the fuck up" bella whinied like a mare in heat.

What an odd choice of metaphor.

"what the fuck did she do to yall" Cohcolove asked!

You can tell this teacher has tenure.

I mean he does teach at a college apparently, maybe this is a charity project of his?

He had was anger wielded!

"Is badly to make a recieving bomb!" say the Englands.

[Editor's Note: I thought you wanted to stop doing references to things nobody could possibly remember and/or have read in the first place.]

What how could people not remember, we update our site so frequently.

"Rebecca was being a shit!" cryied bella!

Oh I'm sure that will sort it out with the teacher.

"What a fatass" I whisperd to edowerd. He looked at me all dreamily and I blushed again and giggled. He was so into me! I would have to tell me friend Tanishashanqua about this later!

I have a guess about what ethnicity Tanishashanqua is in TwilightRova's story.

"Okay so today we are doing a surprise! Wild mothafuckers gonna see who da fuck is human today!" annunciated Chocolove!

When did he turn into Samuel L. Jackson for a minute?

"everybody take a blood test today and then submit the samples to me and then fuck the get out" just as Mister Chocolove finished Alicia ran the fuck out of the classroom with her gun.

I feel there's a lot going on in these sentences that is self-obviously weird enough that I don't have to comment?

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE BITCH" she fucked and ran!

That is good coordination.

Alicia says that we are from black-society, that we didn't serve the devil if we didn't dance.

I really can't tell if this story is making racial commentary or not.

I'm getting southern vibes.

She had wisdom. But why gun when you can just not gun!?

How Can Gun Be Real If Ours Guns Not Gun?

"I'm so fucing alone" bella cried because nobody fucking likes that whoring slut.

YOU ARE LITERALLY. SLEEPING. WITH. HER MAN. The double standards are strong with this one.

I looked over to edowerd dreamily again to get his attention but he had a very very worried look all over his face it was sort of disturbing.

The sudden realization that he's a piece of shit came crashing down on him. I've literally seen porn handle situations like this better.

But would our love power us through this struggle!?

I like that she's decided the interrobang is a really good piece of punctuation.

At least it's not overboard like ??!!1111?!//!!?1:p

Chapter 3: I - Edowerd vs Chocolove - REMASTERED

Man these pay per view fights are just getting lazy.

The Kronicals of Rebecca Swansin! REMASTRED CHAPTER 3!

AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 3 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

Chapter 3: Edowerd's escape

I thought it was... Edowerd vs... Chocolove.... Maybe stick with the title you wrote?

I looked up at Edowerd and had a grim look on his face. I silently prayed to my god (Judah)

and hoped that edowerd could exempt from the human test.

That's not gonna make him look non-human at all. "Sorry teacher, I was gone that day"? What's gonna be your excuse?

After seeing his beautiful red eyes of warning, I understood his meaning.

He either needs to get off the wacky tabaccy or get some fucking sleep.

He was thinking, I don't want to take my test. (That means that he wanted me to take the test for him you dumb shits.)

OKAY CHILL, I probably would have gotten there eventually if you gave me more clues.

Why is that what got so much hate she had to call us out on that one?

I also bombed a glance at him

Did she look up synonyms for shot?

and then sexily took the needle from his hands!

"NOT!" he try!

Parts like this read as ESL but based on the rest I really don't think it is?

"I INSIST!" I bellow! I stick it into me,

Bow chika bowwow?

baring through the pain by thinking of bella and how much I hate that bitch.

I mean I get it? Do what you gotta do to get through needles? But how badly did you miss your artery to hurt that much? Also the more I think about it this is a reckless experiment for your class. There's a reason nurses have to go to school before they can draw blood?

How many painful thoughts I went though- SHE RUINED MY LIFE!

What has she done to you?

Edowerd started to get off on the smell of blood but his friendship and maybe love for me kept him from biting me and slurping and sucking my neck, from giving me a good blood sucking and biting.

Reading between the lines I think she might be into this whole bloodsucking thing.

"owww" the entire class went as they took blood samples!

"Teacher why are we doing this?"

"oh yeah" Edowrod screamed thinking of all of the blood! "PRIZEEEEEEEEEE!"

"Edowerd you FUCKER" I screamed! No wait that doesn't sound as nice.

"Edowerd you IDIOT," I cried!

Is she writing this with speech to text?

He was being such a goddamn bitch! I was taking this test for him and yet he kept whining like a bitchy itchy bitch.

Is he even whining? Because he seems into it.

Also again, whining and moaning, different things. And Billy Ray Cyrus would be proud of Bitchy Itchy Bitch.

"Fuck you Rebecca you don't understand my pain!" he screeched

I mean this does sound like Twilight dialogue to be fair.

at me and then got up and punched bella in the fucking face and then ran out of the classroom!

I actually feel bad for this Bella.

She got back up becuse damn that broad can take a hit.

"Stop motherfucker!" scream Mr. Chocolove who summoned a spirit lance to do battle with!

You're joking that's not in the story.

[Editor's Note: It is absolutely in the story.]

"From out from the cells of life there came the water rush of DNA! This DNA made the heavens! There was a time when ardency prevailed and I work to resolve it!" He tried to slice Edowerd in half but Edowerd was so fast!

That sounds like a questionable consmology but I'm not a cosmologist so.

"What is ardency in relation to science you mad fool!?" Edowerd hissed!

"it is only after the permit of DNA that we can mold the earth! I FIGHT FOR THAT PERMIT!" CHOCOLOVE UNLEASH FINAL ATTACK! NOOO! I WAS SO SCRAYD I WAS ALMOST CRYING FOR EEDOWERD! But oh wait that's right he's a vampire. He's fine nevermind!

Good setup/resolution there, nailed it.

"tee hee" I giggled. I knew I had to be the hero

I'm really unconvinced she's even supposed to be sympathetic. Like, I don't know what the intention even was with her.

The more I read, the more I'm leaning towards no.

and spot this from becoming an atrocity the likes of which forks has never seen! It was best to the side with this than against it so I got up, punched bella in the face (slut) and then threw a rock at the fire alarm!

Um. Again, poor Bella. Also, all you're gonna do is break it. Like I know iCarly made that work, but they're a pull for a reason.

Then it went off springly water all over us high schoolers like dad when we washed the car.

That seems like an unnecissary place for a metaphor. As a serious literary critic I feel obligated to helpfully point that out.

"OMFG" went the entire class. Cohoclove got the fuck out of the situashing and ran from the room and then the entire class ran too because FIRE!

After that I decided to go to lunch where I would meat up with the rest of the Collins for lunch.

Yeah because an entire school evacuation wouldn't be happening and getting you into trouble.

So den I got to lunch and the lunch lady gave me a fuckin Styrofoam [AN: polyphenylene] tray so I smacked that bitch for being an anti environmentalist terrorist!

Rebecca needs to take a Twitter vacation.

That will teach here! Then I got an apple to save trees but not their babies and went to go eat lunch with the Collins because I'm with the cool kids now.

Boy you sure do seem cool based off what I've read.

Except Edowerd who is missing.

"where is edowerd!?" I said.

And so "hi not moon" they said.

burrrrnnn got em, I guess

"where is edowerd!?" I said.

Chill out Billboard

"Rebecca I don't thin kthat anyone knows where Edowerd after he ran away from biolology" answered Clemment. "The mood isn't good went losing" Bennett had to answer questions and then had answers.

"you affect me, don't you"

I have lost the ability to know what is happening in this conversation.

You and I looked over to where bella was sitting and saw that she was sitting alone in her study. "I don't understand my love but this isn't over."

"I saw you and away. Behind and through the front. I want you to repay the debit." His words eckoed symfonically. That was because all of bellas friends were fucking murdered last fall by a vampire named Angela the Vampric empress [AN: GO READ THE PREQUAL EXSEPT NOT THIS ISNT ADVERTISIGN!]

So "Go read my old shit but don't read my old shit"?

I mean that's basically how I feel about our old reviews to be fair. "Yeah go read them if you want to know where our running jokes came from and for plenty of good giggles, but also I'm embarrassed by how much of a cringy angry emo I was so like maybe don't."

who was once one of bella's fiends. I laughed so hard when I found out about it. Bella only live dbecause of chans. But back to the point we all didn't know where Edowerd was! Where the he could be!? HE COULD BE ANYWHERE!?

You're the author you tell me

Chapter 4: I - The Drug Dealer - REMASTERED

AN: This is the remastered version of my previous chapter 4 which I had to remove because it was getting too much negative criticism. You can find the old version on my DeviantArt BUT THIS ISNT ADVERTISING SO DON'T GO THERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO!

Chapter 4: THE DRUG DEELER!

A very special episode.

After lunch I went to my next class because I had to see if Edowerd would be there.

Is he... supposed to be there? It kinda sounded like biology was special because he was there.

Also correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe y'all had cellphones? Maybe call him, text him, slide into his DMs, whatever you want to do.

His disappearance from lunch affected me greately. I had engrish class

That cannot be accidental and yet it can.

where I would have 2 go and study engrish!

My skepticism is increasing.

It was not my favorite class because it did not give me hope.

Does hope mean something else for her?

We were reading V 4 Venessa. Its all about a masked person who goes around killing people who are in a contemplation camp.

Is that like the nazi version of a think tank?

My interpretation is that they're people who are stuck between two choices in life and they go there to think it over.

The people who are in the camp are either homo or black like Mr. Cohoclove [AN: but not TO black] or anti-govermental fucks or illegal Mexicans!

We're learning a LOT about TwilightRova aren't we?

She is weirdly racist.

I really don't like illegal Mexicans being all the way up north in fourks because they are illegal and shouldn't be coming here.

Yeah that seems like a healthy way to see other humans.

I feel like I need a shower after reading this.

Anyways V is this sociopath who edoweird identifies with because edowerd has also killed people in the paste.

Then edowerd came to class! He sat down next to me and then he looked at me!

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier" apologized that fucker edowerd.

How...dare...he?

Thank god he did he was so wrong to do that. He was being such a fucking bitch It's a good thing that he apologized! Otherwise he would've had something bad coming to him like a lawsuit.

TwilightRova sounds very American.

"That's okay I was missing you anyways. your not a fucker anymore"

But we can fix that, heyo.

I replied, swaying my beautiful hair back and forth. He was entranced I could tell because his eyes did that thing where they get all slitted and hungry looking.

Are we positive he's not just hungry?

Also I don't know any vampire lore, whether it's Dracula or shit like Twilight, where vampires have cat eyes.

"Okay well let's promise to never fight again!" said edowerd and then I instantly knew that moment of that day of that month in the instant that edowrad would love me forever- IT HAD TO BE LOVE!

He'll love you for the rest of your life.

"Oh Edowerd" I cooped, "I know I am only fetid meat to you

I can suddenly see why she is upset with Bella for having a positive self image.

Also are you just literally a piece of meat to him? Would he get the same pleasure if he put one of those camelbacks on a blowup doll?

but you affect me in ways I could not imagine you studly bronco" and then we made out sexily in front of everybody in class

But not slutily, remember that.

Then bella that fat slut walked in. everything about her is slutty even her goddamn fucking bellybutton is a cow for boys to hump.

TwilightRova is going to a lot of weird territory in a lot of weird directions.

I feel like she's going to shit she saw in the weirdest hentai. And again: Bella dressed conservatively, why is she the slut? She fucking wears sweaters.

Whore. I gave her the finger

But which one? Where is my author's note! I need to know which finger!

for being such a fucking moodbreaker and she couldn't even cry because she had ran out of tears. SERVES HER RIGHT FOR WHAT SHE DID TO ME!

"Heartfire" Edowerd said pointing to what was missing in the room! Then I notised something! Alice wasn't there with us! I had to ask Jasmine (lick transsexual fucker) where she was!

"Hey tranny where is your gf" I asked very carefully

Yeah very carefully, uh huh.

Yeah, nothing but restraint this whole fucking story.

"She is doing a drug deal so that she can pay for college!" tranny jasper [AN: you fuockers called him jasmine even though he is just a confused man but whatever I'll play along with you hobags] said viciously!

whwhwwwhwhwhwhwhwhhat?

Same.

Also what do you mean pay for college, you guys are fucking loaded.

"what the fuck bitch get off me, get off my case, what, YOU WANNA GO!?" I said defensively! I was like a motha bear protecting my cubs and shit! "what is she some sort of drugee!?" this was an act to establish dominance in the eyes of peers to let them kniow I don't take shit from no one [AN: Rebecac is kind of a role model she stands up for herself!]

A rolemodel? You know what yes she is a rolemodel, on how to be the worst fucking human being in a room.

"No! No! She just sells the dope to fuckers who want to buy that kind of shit" jasmine jasper say and then cried! Serves him right I thought! Edowerd smiled at me so that means I was right all along.

Yup, if an attractive boy likes you that means you're right.

Suddenly Alicia [AN: Alice changed her name illegally to Alicia to be tougher, and she identifies with this version of herself more because she is a hardened criminal now]

A hardened criminal selling weed, which is legal in sooo many states. Yeah, hardcore.

walked into the classroom and sat down next to me and Edowerd! I noticed that she had a GUN on her and I was soooo scared for a second there! Then I realized that she probably just used the gun to protect herself in the drug deals and for killing motherfuckers who try to betray her.

Yeah because, you know. A vampire. Needs a gun for protection. It's like wearing a condom for jerking off.

I wondered if she had ever had to shoot somebody with it! I would be scared if she had!

"Hey Alicia!?" I asked!

"Yeah Rebecca?" she REPLIED!

"Have you ever had to shoot somebody with that gun you have there?"

"Yes I have, many times" Alicia reported

Wow she should not have a gun anymore, and/or she should hang out in less bad situations.

"Why!? ARE YOU GOING TO SHOOT ME WITH IT!?" I pleaded worriedly!

"Yeah! Keep it up!"

"No no of course not you silly dunce" SCREAMED ALICIA, WAVING THE FUCKING GUN AROUND! Hasper got up from his chair and then he grabbed the gun from Alicia's hand!

"NO ALICIA, STOP, YOU CANT GO DOWN THIS PATH IN LIFE!" Caper pleaded! I pushed Edowerd and I under the desk from our chairs and tried to escape! Alicai stated to shoot the gun at the windows and the students she was fucking insane in the membrane! Mike Newton got hit with a bullet and then he fell from his chair dying! Alicias also shot Bella who was trying to run like a fat cow! She fell to the ground crying over mike's dead limpid body. BELLA FELL INTO DARK.

S-serves her right, apparently(?)

"We must stop this discourse!" I protested to edowerd! We had to be heroes so we WOULD BE!

"Okay I have a plan! Listen!" Edowerd said!...

Plan: ctrl+shift+home, delete.