Editor! That last story was gross! This one better be less gross!
[Editor's Note: Up next is Doug’s Huge Adult Party by SexEd, with the description “Doug Skeeter and all his other friends go CRAZY and start doing all sorts of crazy things! WHAT sort of crazy things? Read and find out! That's how you will know!” Personally I did not read and find out, so, could be gross could be not, either way not my problem.]
Doug's first Pitched Tent
Wait is that the title now? Or, is that the name of chapter one of this one chapter long story?
I’m already concerned because if that’s his first time popping a woody, how young does that make this Doug?
Man the NSA must think we’re weird-ass people.
I’m like, 55% sure it’s not horrifically illegal to have Cub Training Institute on our website? It’s probably fiiiiiine.
That being said we’re probably on all the watch lists. Because of that story I’m not allowed to go in pet shops.
It was just another day in the Town of Bluffington. The sun rose above Doug's house, and he woke up because of his alarm clock. The alarm clock released the sound of the backstreet boys singing.
Best part of the story right there. From here it’s downhill. I’m already disappointed in this story for not telling us which song.
After he turned it off, he yawned and streched and like uh, oh yeah. He said "What hte fuck did I do last night lol?
Uh, made the backstreet boys your alarm clock? No other information about your morning has been presented so far.
Doug: Thats the last time I buy shit from you porkshit. That shit tasted like shit
I’m about to end Doug’s whole career right here. *Ahem.* And how do you know what shit tastes like?
Just a moment, skeeter walked outside Doug's house and yelled "HONK HONK!"
That… that might be normal in this universe? I don’t know?
Yes. Skeeter had a weird name and a weird habit.
Doug: That honking noise is gay
Skeeter: Oh man, dont be trippin, I got an idea that will be cool to do
Doug: Is it sucking dick?
Doug and Skeeter walk to school
School is cool to do!
Doug: What the hell are we doing in school on a saturday?
Skeeter must be trippin balls, he’s forgetting the day of the week.
Skeeter: Well man, look, Mr Boner
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Is that a real one?
Google says… I’m not seeing anything. I got Mr. Bone, that’s probably it.
said hed meet us here to give us a golden shower
Editor what the fuck!
Doug: Oh cool, I'd love one of those. My showers all rusty and shit.
Ohhh Doug. Oh sweet sweet Doug.
They enter the school
Mr. Boner: Oh there you two are, come into my office
They go inside his office.
Mr. Boner: I got a big fucking boner
It all makes sense now.
like I do all the time which is why my name is Mr. Boner
Thanks we got it.
and I need to spill my man juice out of my balls or else tehy will explode and floor the entire city with smut!
What the… Oh, ‘floor’ was probably supposed to be ‘flood.’ Other than that the story is perfect.
Doug: Sounds like a deal, how about a Blowjob?
Wasn’t Doug the one being like dude that’s gay? He made a quick 180.
To be fair I do call my gay internet friends gay very often.
Mr. Boner: Sure, I'm going to yodel while you suck my cockk!
Is that a thing people doooo?
It’s about to be.
Skeeter: Can I stick my blue/greenish cock up your ass while you get a blowjob from the kid with a microscopic dick?
Skeeter! Why you gotta do Doug like that?
That is seriously rude. I’m actually more offended about that than the rest of this.
Also! The biggest problem with this story is this isn’t how golden showers work!
Mr. Boner: You know it. Remember, No Funnie buisness Doug Funnie.
You are going to have to be way more specific given the rest of this scenario.
Now get on your knees faggot!
Doug: Hey how did you know I was a gay ass faggot anyways that liked cocks in his mouth?
You know, I notice, usually people who are questioning their sexuality go hard on the gay ass faggots, which confuses me. Like look, just let the guy take a dick in his ass.
Yeah it's odd. Back when I was questioning what the heck I was (turned out to be bi) I actually remember saying to you or Martin, "Oh my god, I'm fine with people being gay, but I hate bi people. Like what the fuck, just pick one or the other." And like, even as it was coming out of my mouth I was thinking "what the fuck am I saying, that doesn't even make sense, why did I think this was a thing I should say out of nowhere, who cares, stop saying this," but I continued saying it and didn't even try to go "haha jk" after. Shit's weird.
Mr. Boner: I read your journal
-Doug gets 100 percent naked-
Okay I actually like that description.
I was worried for a second he might leave a sock on.
Doug: Ok good enough, let us start in a few minutes, I need to run to the store to buy some lube and some condoms becaus eI like blowing them up like a balloon!
Dougie, buddy. Priorities.
Doug Runs out and goes to the store still naked with his small cock flying around, just then, near the store theres Roger and his friends Boomer, Willy, and that stupid kid with gay hair and a big eye.
I think they just described a looot of characters in this show with that sentence.
Roger: What you runnin around for faggot?
Sir I am offended! You wouldn’t know I was totally a faggot unless you had been there for the previous scene!
Doug: I'm buying lube so I can fuck Mr. Boner in the ass easier!
Okay now you would know!
Roger: Oh, can we come!
Roger makes a complete 180 as well!
Doug: Only if you spread peanut butter all over my testicles.
That is very specific Doug.
Nah man, that’s just a win-win.
“You got your peanut butter on my testicles!” “You got your testicles on my peanut butter!”
Roger: Sweet! Everyone, lets go to school and get fucked by Mr. Boner!
In any other story that would be a euphamism.
Eh. Still beats out geometery.
Doug goes in the store and meets Chuckie whos doing a 3 some with Patti and Bee Bee in the corner of the bathroom.
Doug: Hey chuckie, wanna get fucked by mr boner, me, Skeeter, and Roger and his faggot followers?
This is very quickly growing out of hand.
Doug’s gonna come back to school with a fucking katamari of gay.
Can you photoshop that? Just him rolling around a ball of dildos?
I mean, I can. And did. But that doesn't mean I should have.
Bee Bee: can we come
Doug: No way, Eww, Girls have cooties.
Doug walks up to the cash register with the lube and money
Doug! You forgot the condoms!
Doug: Nice, White lube for me and Mr. Boner and everyone else, come on Chuckie
They go back to Bluffington COLLEGE. THIS DEFINITELY SAID COLLEGE THE ENTIRE TIME AND IN THE ORIGINAL FIC AS WELL.
Mr. Boner: What took you so long
Doug: I dont know, lets just fuck. Let me suck your cock while I put lube on Skeeters Dick when he puts it up your ass.
Doug smears "Lube" All over Skeeters Cock,
Wh-why is lube in scare quotes?
Wait, please tell me it’s not going to be superglue or anything. If I called that I quit the internet.
and he sticks it in Mr. Boner's Ass
Chuckie, Roger and his goons have a hot sweaty five some. and Doug starts sucking Mr. Boner's Boner while he yodels
Mr. Boner: Yode la he! Yo de la he hooo... Yo de... eehhh.. la... hee... Yo de lay... heeeeeeeeeee. hooooooooooooo
Welp, the story delivers on its promises I guess.
Mr. Boner squirts milk all over Dougs face and it drips off his nose.
Skeeter: Yo doug, I can't get my cock out of Mr.Boner's Ass
Well. It’s been nice.
Roger: You fucking faggot funnie. This isnt Lube, its Super Glue!
Whah whah whah oh no Funnie Fucked up! LOL