Review #194

My Inner Life: The Legend Of Jenna (Post 3)

Story by Link's Queer

Review by Warnuts

Welcome back. It’s been awhile so let’s go back to the great world of My Inner Life.

Chapter 3: A New Beginning


Can it wait till noon?

I shoted with joy, it was a beautiful morning, Link was still asleep for some reason, we spent the night at our Lost Wood's home, finally there since months. In spite of our absence the house was perfect, neither dust nor spider webs, the fairies did a good job cleaning up the place, all the farm animals we raised starved to dead

As morbid as that is, I honestly love that they starved to dead.

but it didn't matter because we use them as manure, so we had now a beautiful garden with lots of delicious fruits and veggies!

Prince Edward was lying in his beautiful wooden cradle, it was silver with tall and green wooden bars,

So in other words, not fucking wood.

with a lot of teddy bears and pillows inside,

I get the teddy bears, I do. But isn’t it bad for babies to use pillows, you know with their weak ass neck?

and the cradle also had a tri-force symbol on the front. Just like me,

Aren’t you a little bit old for a cradle? I mean if it was a race car bed that would be a different story. But a cradle come on.

Edward was having beautiful dreams and was sleeping like an angel, I knew because he was giggling a lot and he did it all night.

A: Rude baby. B: Just because he is giggling from his dream doesn’t mean it’s a good dream. For all you know he could be killing you and Link.

Stop reading my dream journal.

"I am worried" said Aria "Where are Lilly and Navi?" she asked in an annoying nervous tone of voice, her messy appearance at the moment didn't help her at all, and she was definitely not at her best.

"I don't know" I remarked beautifully with grace "But it is a beautiful new day, and a delicious breakfast for my husband and me is not going to be made by itself!" She just left in silence, annoying me further more.

I went downstairs. At least our lives were back to the status quo, the life I loved soo much was mine again. I opened the fridge and I took a small bottle of industrialized orange juice and I drunk it!

Then I cooked delicious griffin eggs with bacon for me and Link,

Never leave a fairy to do a Mary Sue’s job.

I settled the table and I prepared Edward's milk baby Bottle, a beautiful bottle with golden canvas, a warm tender teat and a tri-force logotype.

"Hello!" I shouted watching Link getting downstairs.

"Hi" inquired him back letting go a lazy yawn, the cutie looked tired even though last night's sleep was perfect. Tired and all, he was already dressed for some strange reason.

"Why are you not in pajamas my love?" I inquired due the oddity I just noticed.

"Duty calls" he replied briefly and a bit emotionless, what was wrong with my husband? Why in the world was he so strange, so weird, as if things couldn't just go completely back like they were before,

Yeah, why is he acting like he just lost a ki… Too soon?

suddenly a feeling of unease chilled down my spine, that pissed me off big time.

"But Link, don't want eat what I prepared to you?" I asked again showing my compassionate side, he answered back with ungratefulness.

"Sorry my love, but I am in a hurry, I overslept and my time is running out, got to leave Jenna".

"Ok my love I go with you" I screamed.

"Jenna" he sighted "My love, we can't just leave Edward to Aria this time, you must take care of him and the house, make the beds, wash the dishes and mop the floor, be a housewife, don't be naïve sweetie!" he said with a lazy smile "See you later, don't forget the dinner" then he added and left without looking back.

In spite of his bad attitude, he was right; it was my job after all, as the wife of the "Hero of Time!" I was supposed to do the work of an epic powerful and beautiful housewife, so I cracked my fists and started, TO MOP!

I worked for a good amount of time as many thoughts invaded my mind, the way I was living, a personal friend of the Royal Family and the wife of the "Hero of Time" himself, here doing house chores, something was wrong with that, in fact, if I was the princess I deserved to be then I would have servants, servants to do my work

“But alas I am just a TOTAL bitch.”

… servants like Lilly and Navi!

"Ariaaa!" I shouted as the cute little fairy showed up instantly, I ordered her to do some simple tasks just to be answered with irreverence again.

"Jenna, really, I have no idea where are Lilly and Navi" Aria said annoyingly.

I remembered the accident poor Lilly suffered, but it was supposed to be a secret, Aria was asking way too much, so I decided to give a cunning answer at her "They may be already dead!" I stated.

"Wait… what?" Aria gasped "Wh…why?"

"Because it's a possibility, I told you already I don't Goddess damned

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE JUST SAY GOD THIS ONE FUCKING TIME YOU CUNT!... I’m sorry for that; that just really got to me for some reason.

know where they are, but you are still messing around, there is nothing Aria, and I am not having a good day to be honest so stop asking, I can't help even if you never see those ever again" Then I exclaimed conclusively.

"…" the fairy said

How long do you think the “author” debated between saying she was silent and this ellipsis bullshit.

before finally starting to do her job,and God

Oh now you can fucking say huh, twat.

that I must admit, Lilly was a lovely maid, her work was almost perfect, she deserves to be rewarded one day, perhaps, the day I become finally a queen,

I am beyond curious how she plans to become queen.

if only she wouldn't suddenly left without saying goodbye after doing those tasks... anyway more sweet thoughts kept flying through my mind.

You give Bipolar new meaning.

Time passed, the evening was over, it was a beautiful twilight in the dusky woods that day, I cooked some delicious food and I was waiting for Link with my beautiful housewife smile.

I heard the steps of something taking away Link's stallion to the stable, after some steps to the front door I decided to open it for Link, just as I saw him he smiled me back but for some reason but his smile didn't touch his eyes,

Wait the fuck does that mean.

I decided to ignore that "I am back home honey" he inquired smartly, eventually We sat down in the table and started to eat the delicious food, it was delicious.

"So how was your day my love?" I asked after concluding our meal.

"Fine" he inquired back blankly.

"Oh mine too" I said smiling.

"Yeah..." he said back. There was maybe too much silence after that. Link continued after a few seconds "I feel drowse and tired, I have to go even earlier to the castle tomorrow, so I think I am going to bed right now".

"But Link! Is too early isn't it?" I said sexily, and I really meant it, it was seven o'clock, Link was officially acting weird.

"I have a headache ok?" he said "By the way I found Aria in the way home".

"So?" I asked him curious.

"It happens she has not really a job now, you know, as she was the guardian fairy of Link Jr. so we are not going to see her again" he added grimly "And also I went back to our old room in the castle and well.." suddenly his eternal blue eyes became grey and his voice even more ghastly.

"So?" I said bored.

"Well, it seems that fairies can't survive too much time without food, air or I don't know… something"

"If you are trying to tell me something. Please go to the point!" I demanded with anger.

"Well, Navi is dead" he said.

"Duh?" I said back.

"GOOD NIGHTS" he said and ran to his room crying like a queer again,

I’m going to have to agree with Jenna on this one. Navie was the reason I played Ocarina of Time on mute. So Link, stop being bitch.

for some reason he locked the door. His childish behavior was extremely enigmatic, why did he, my loyal and perfect man of my dreams suddenly treat me like that? It was so selfish, so unfair, I had to confront that idiot, I knocked the door and started to shout.

"Link, LINK! Open the door!" I screamed "You are behaving like a stupid little child, MANEGE YOUR ANGER YOU RIDICULUS IMMATURE ELF! THE ONLY THING YOU ARE SUCCEDING AT IS MAKING YOURSELF LOOK DUMB!" I shouted

The only answer I got back where whinny cries, my patience was over.

"Well! You PROVED my point so I have no a REASON to take this bullcrap! I am NOT even ANGY! I am just angry because you are the one who is a FUCKING MORON here! Well, but if you decide to grown up and behave properly, OPEN THE DOOR and say exactly what I want you to say!".

Then Link simply said "Zzzzzzz"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh that one line made it actually worth reading all of this bullshit.

And the rest was silence.

"Well … Fuck you!"

Hey the man is sleeping, keep it down alright.

I said to that immature moron who is just jealous and obsessed with me. I spent the next hour furious, I had the urged to burn or destroy something, Link was going to pay for that, seriously pay... but first, as it was already dark I decided to take a walk by myself on the Lost Woods,

Just remember the path to the forest temple is right, up, right, up, up left up. It’s hard to do when they stop playing the music.

the beautiful place hylians and humans alike call the forbidden forest for some unknown reason.

I could have something to do with the fact that if people stay in there you become a Stalfos but whatever.

I started my walk when suddenly I saw something inside my garden!

It was a stalfos, skull kid or whatever,

The fuck did I just tell you.

it was trying to take away one of my plants! Right in front of me, the little bastard stared at me and laugh, he picked a really bad day to mess with me, but I found just what I wanted

"Aldevaran prithvi mata!" I cast and then the earth swallowed the Skull Kid to the horrors of death leaving only a scream of despair behind. I checked out and my garden was still beautiful and even more beautiful so I ventured into the woods, with a well-deserved feel of release… but it wasn't enough, if only it was a sexual release.

Check out Comedy central at Three in the morning, you’ll get plenty of ways to get off.

Once in the depths of the forest I started to feel lost,

Just go down three times and you’ll end up back home.

for some strange reason I couldn't find a way back to home, I left some bits of bread on my way to not get lost but for some reason they were gone

Fucking birds, am I right?

and it was already midnight! Worse of all, I forgot to bring my phoenix circles with me and I don't even had a torch to see in the darkness, only the light of the moon was allowing me to see my way, when suddenly I saw it! In front of me it was a beautiful and muscular adult male tiger.

"Are you lost?" I asked to him.

"Groar!" he replied. Naturally, having cat instincts I knew exactly what he was trying to say "You are such a beautiful creature, so beautiful that you shine in the woods, so beautiful I feel intimidated" That would have been an accurate translation, in fact I could brag I speak catish fluently.

That joke was so stupid I just got every type of cancer.

"My husband is a jerk!" I complained

Wait…. Is she going to fuck a tiger?

"I feel so sad in this moment, Link wasn't always a jerk, he used to be so empathic, so badass and hot, is like I would have married to another person, you have no idea how soul breaking that is, he was after all… the man of my dreams!" I stated as tears started to run through my beautiful face "But now… I don't even recognize him anymore!" I finally said releasing my inner suffering and pain.

"Grrrrr Rawwwr!" said the tiger with concern and started to get slowly close to me looking at me with his eternal yellow eyes and showing me his heavenly sharp fangs, obviously wishing me, his slow approaching with a fierce face was obvious, he wanted me...

Really fucking really, of all the things you can fuck you pick a tiger.

but who could blame him, I was me after all.

"I saved his life so many times" I continued my rant "I am afraid he may not be man enough for me!" He started to run at me, now he was just few feet away, he roared with a hungry voice of lust. "But you my cat friend, you are soo strong, soo attractive and masculine… but I can't… I am a loyal and eternal wife!" I said

"Griau!" screamed the animal in catish, I had nothing to say against that argument

"Okay! You convinced me!" I said with dignity as the beast jumped on me.

First of all there is no dignity when a tiger is mounting you. Secondly what a weird way to end your story. I’m dead serious there’s nothing after this chapter, it just ends with her cheating on link with a tiger. Well luck for you guys this isn’t the end of My Inner Life. Turns out the real Linkqueen actually has a spinoff, so that will be coming soon. Till then, Hey Doc is it safe to mix alcohol with fukitol?

I don’t know, let’s find out.