Review #19

Pikture Purfect

Story by Marthluvr4evah

Review by Ray




Chapter 1, hei

authas nte: hai guyz! DONT FLAME.

Tara, is that you?

hope ya likkkkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey hommie

SUMMURII:

Is that supposed to be summary or samurai?

Either way I’m not her hommie.

Picture Purfect

Not even the title is picture perfect.

Zelda, a young rebel at St. Flaming Skullz Prep, put the Z in Flaming Skullz. She wore her skirt too high, and her ego higher.

I hate her already.

Wut happens when she falls for one of da school's biggest losers?

You’re the narrator, how about you tell me?

"Yo Z, pass thuh tarter!"

 

Link, a blond haired blue eyed bad boi that looks just like Dylan Sprouse and is just as thin said to St. Flaming Skullz most popular and bootiful gal Zelduh, or as she was known as, Flaming Z, or Z.

Nope I’m out.

I don’t blame you, that was a metric shitload of exposition jammed into one sentence.

"Aight, Link, u got it bby!" She gracefuylly tossed da tarter over to her boyfrand, lyk omg, and Gan lol'd and squeezed his girlfriend Monique Coleman.

Is she texting us the story?

I’m just wondering if Gan is supposed to be Ganondorf.

Zelda was the most popular chikc at St. Flaming Skullz Prepppp.

Oh thank Fanfiction Jesus, this definitely isn’t Tara.

 

She had a smashin' figuar and had lush flowin long blonde lockes she was a huge rebel dat did drugs & drank and like partied. SO did her boyfrand like who was like rly hot and stuff. They were both SO popylar like every1 knew fdeem like every1 srsyly was jellin of dehm. SAME WIT GAN!!!!

Is there even a plot to this fucking story?

"Omg did u hur about SAmus' partay dhiis Friday!!?!??" asked lynk.

This better not be the same Samus from Metroid High School.

"Omg yyeeeeaaah that's like today yo." Sed Gan.

Weren’t Link and Ganondorf mortal enemies?

They were, but Marthluvr4evah decided that that was too much of a plot.

If Link and Ganondorf have sex and contract Space Cholera, I’m leaving.

If Link and Ganon have sex period I’ll be pissed.

"lEts go on msn and talk bbout tishh." Z suggested…333(L)(L)(K)

 

------(L)------

So then they went on msn,.:

Zelda --- && Imflu Link, forevar bby!! Sayz:

Well, I didn’t think it was possible, but the writing got worse.

wat r yu taking abot.

 

So r u guys going?

Link (L)Z(L)

Ya

Ganxoxox (L)Moniqueee!!!!1 Ilu hunni(L)(L)

 

MHM! U bet. C U DAR!

Secretly Gan didn't wan go cuz Mo,his gf 4evar wasn';t tgunna b thur so lik he wuldn't get laaayd.

 

(U)/3

So thren they went to da purtii.

I’m ashamed of myself for being able to read most of this.

I cut my eyes out paragraphs ago.

---(U)---

Z's ceriluaan eyes scoped da room 4 any HAWT GUYS wyle link wasn'ty lookin.

 

She stopped on dis cute boi in da curner. He had glassez and lyk blue har nd such. He was such a loser! LYK OMG! He looked at Z like he hated her. HIS EYES WUR BLAC OME!!!!

Racist.

Then lynk took Z by taah arm and they went to party. But who was the guy?!??!

You didn’t seem to like him, why do you suddenly give a fuck?

FIND OUT NXR TIMEE!!!

Prevew 4 nxt chap cuz u al wanna kno: HIS MNAME IT MARTH!

Chapter 2, the hot onee

Well I’ve heard of worse titles.

Atutas note; KSO like if u thot we wus done writin this fick... U WER RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This has no reason to be fanfiction, it could have been its own horrible story without leeching off of Nintendo. Just sayin’.

ily review plz

We’re on it.

Z wsas takin shots togeda wit Link & Gan .xo.

I’m taking my own shots of alcohol, take the pain away from reading this….story.

 She was alreadi pritty druunk so she dedyded 2 goto thu can to take a piss. Biut as shi wnet towarts the little gals room,

No, you can’t say you’re going to the can to take a piss and then call it the little gal’s room, it just doesn’t work.

she spotted that guy :o :o :o OMGEE! Who was this mystri dork????!????!?!??!?!?!? steve rushton

 

Z was supa crunk so she went to talk to the dorki boiii. He looked at her like 'wtf' but she ignored ittt..xx

"Hei who r u??" Z asked, supa drunklyyy. He looked at har nd wuz likee

"Who r u???"

And z \was SHOCKED that he didnt know who she was! "I am Zelda," sed z, 'the most popular chika St Flamin Skullzzzz, u dudnt know that?"

To be fair, by the end of this review I’m gonna try to forget you.

He shook his hed. (WHICH HEAD? LOL).

This is clearly coming from a person with only one. Well, maybe not even that.

This could easily be the author

 

The horse?

The jack -o- lantern.

No but srsly.

No, I can’t take anything in this seriously.

He said "I am knew 2 this scene," sed the guy "I just moved "

"OH!" Sed Z, bafflid. "Hei, do u have MSN?"

SO then they went on

 

Flaming Z . xoxo (L) luv u link (L) at the parti! has just signed

Marth - They call me Homework says:

Hey

Flaming Z . xoxox (L) luvb u link (L) at the pari! says:

I think I had an easier time reading Finnegan’s Wake.

That at least had a story.

Hei! so ur name iz mrth??

Marth - Thay they mi homework says:

yus. and u r Zelda??

Z at thuh party luv u link says:

mhmmm nice 2 meet u. But HEI , i gottaa jjett bcus my bf lynk and my bff GAn is prob wonderinn where i am..

Zelda and Ganon are best friends, I should’ve known.

You think they’ll have a double date with Samus and Ridley?

goptta go get the mo shotsss . u shud come!

Mrth - Narutally says:

ummmm ok, i dont drink tho.. so yah

Z at the party luv ya lunk says:

OMG U DONTT??? k well i gtg ttyl babe!!! cya at skoooll perhaps??

 

Mrth syas:"

kk yeh ill prob c u then.... PEACE

Z at tah partay luv yaaa linkkkkkkkkk has signed off.

-----(LL)____------

Z went to find link. He was no where 2 be seen!

 

I wish it was true.

So Z went 2 find Gan. He was beached in front of the alcohol cupboard with his legs sticking straight out. His eyes were lolling around in his head and he was deff the most crunk outta every1. He ran a drunken finger down his face and it cought on his lip. He spluttered, in a slurred, croaky voice, "I'm so sober guys."

It’s funny because the author is dumb.

Then Gan's little brother Gee came in the room and Gan jumped up and rocked on his heels in a defensive position, back and forth.

Not only does that sound like a bad defensive position, but it’s hard to picture a way in which it could be considered good.

"YOU BITCH!" Gan yelled at Gee. "Do you guys see what I have to out up with? I'm sick and tired of this little shit!" At that, Gan's leg striked out at Gee like an anaconda and snapped back into place, luckily missing Gee's stomach.

Putting an action sequence into the story will not make this any less shitty.

Gan was the heavyweight outta the group, so he kept going back to the alcohol cupboard. He was soooooooooooooooooo druuuunnk!

 

Zelda took Gan by the hand and led him upstairs to the kitchen. He did a pelvic thrust and sed "I really wanna fuck right now guys!"

Zelda held him back and sed "okay, Gan. Whatevz you saaay." Then she left him alone wit hiz cam so he could take some pics of every1 else.

Don’t give the drunk guy the camera if you actually want to know what happened later.

Z went back downstairs to see Gan beached on the ground.

 

 He was demonstrating to Roy how to give some1 a hand jobb. "You just go like thi-"

"GAN!" Z laughed, enough alcohol for you!"

"Just one more toke, guys!" Gan pleaded.

Are they smoking weed as well?

 

"NO, Gan. You've had too many!"

"Come on,!"

"Okay, I guess."

Way to stand up for what you think is right.

So gan took more and started crying and spilling his heart out. So Zelda left.

Then, the HOT GUY of the skool Kyle walked in wit hiz 2 bffz Kyel and Kylee.

With the number of typos she’s made already, she’s just setting herself up for failure with this one.

"Did you guys sesh?" Kyle asked.

"Yes." Sed Z.

"Okay. Mm..chill." Sed Kyle as he took a toke. "Lulus are hoooooooootttttttttttt.....speaking of which, hey why dont you ever wear your luluz?" Kyle asked Kylee

Yep, they are definitely getting high.

"Because my bod is too thin to fit into them." Sed Kylee. Twas true.

Wow, this story is so bad that we’ve reverted back to old English, I’m almost impressed.

Kylee was hot and thin, with scraggly sandy brown hair, beady eyes and rat teeth. Oh, also a round face and a big nose.

 

So then like Z went to find her bf Link .xx and she turned trhuh corner.... AND HE WAS MACKIN ON SAMUS!!!!! WUATTTT?????????

OMG CLIFFYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u lke?

I’ll be sure to jump off it before the next chapter.