[Editor’s Note: So Ray, did you remember to do a review this week?]
Who would forget such a thing?
You. Last week.
Well this week I remembered. Introducing, Pet Human and The Vampire, by DoodleKay.
[Editor’s Note: Sarcasm… wait, no, that was genuine. Are you two feeling alright?]
I read ahead. I just wanted to get a compliment out of the way while I still have the chance.
My name is Chris, I'm 18 years old and I'm in a human pet shop. Let me explain.....
A five period ellipsis? Grab some popcorn, we’re going to be here for a while.
Humans are pets or slaves to vampires that's how it works. If you are extremely lucky you get chosen as a pet, The up side is that you get beaten less and have to act like a dog and play like one too, even drink from a dog bowl.
Well, given the circumstances, I guess those sound like upsides…
You are 100% grade-A furry trash, Ray.
Shut up and hold my leash.
They can practically do anything, Hurt you, make you feel good or even treat you decently but that's unheard off.
I’m calling it: Chris is going to be treated decently by the end of this story.
Agreed, but first there has to be some abusive pet play, otherwise they wouldn’t have set up these rules.
Damn you Chekov.
[Editor’s Note: Trope!]
If your a slave that's a whole different story, You have to do manual labour (aka chores)
and if you don't do them you get a punishement..... you could get beat but I don't really know I haven't been bought, no one has ever wanted me, Sometimes I think I'm lucky but life not to go here either,
I've been here 8 years since the vampires took over. I thought I'd die here, until that day, The day when a vampire that was said to be as cruel as they come,changed my life forever.
But wait, who edited this story?!?!
[Editor’s Note: Nobody edited this story.]
Dank meme Yellow.
Thanks for noticing Ray.
Oh good, one of these.
What’s wrong with saying whose POV we’re in?
Ostensibly nothing, but it’s a bad sign of things to come.
It's a normal day at the pet shop. Me and the other pets are get yelled at by the owners, I was about to fall asleep when I heard someone open the door. A tall man walked in, he had black hair and to be honest he was kind of hot. Yeah I'm gay get over it,
I’m all over it bby <3
Are you really flirting with the protagonist? I thought we had a rule about that. Something along the lines of, “Don’t”?
Undertale has taught me that I can solve all of my problems with kindness.
No Ray! That is not how we do things!
[Editor’s Note: Historically speaking, Yellow is right. That’s not how we’ve been doing things. But let’s give it a try! From now on, I’m censoring all mean comments.]
Good luck with that, asshole.
[Editor’s Note: Thank you!]
I am going to enjoy this.
I am not going to enjoy this.
when the owner came back from the supply room he looked at the man and smiled at him.
"Hey Matt, you getting a new pet?" the man who's name I'm guessing is Matt nodded.
* Ray compliments the protagonist’s guessing skills!
"Just look around and tell me if you find one you like". He started looking in the cages and some pets started to talk to him but only if he said it was okay, That's the big rule, The number one rule is too only speak when you are told too and NEVER EVER ignore people with a higher rank than you especially vampires.
* Yellow helpfully points out that ‘too’ and ‘to’ are not the same word! It counts as a nice thing! Because it’s helpful!
I've been taught that since I got here eight years ago. The vampire walked to my cage, I let out a small whimper and tried to back up but the cage was too small.
* Yellow empathizes with the feeling of being trapped in a cage!
"what's your name little one?" This is the first vampire that has ever showed interest in me "C-Chris sir" I replied.
* Ray admires the protagonist’s confidence! Go protagonist! You can do it!
Oh my fucking god this is literally hurting my soul, can we pretty please fucking go back to the usual goddamn format?
[Editor’s Note: No.]
He let out a small smirk when I said sir, you have to show respect to them at all times or you'll get beaten up for it.
Wait a minute, is that what we’re doing right now?!?! Did we beat this story to the punch in our review of the story?
* Ray is glad that we and the story share common interests.
* Ray reconsiders whether or not this was a good idea.
He suddenly got up and walked into the supply room where he and the owner came out as he gave me an intense stare then as our eyes broke contact he stopped in front of my cage, "you will go and fill out the papers in the back room and you will have him to memorize the 3 most important rules of being a pet" the owner nodded " And get his starter collar while your at it" I looked up as he went back to the supply room, after a few minute later he came back and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out.
* Ray outwardly admires the story’s ability to have such a long sentence!
Oh fuck you Editor, that was backhanded and you know it.
[Editor’s Note: I’ll allow it.]
I Sat on my knees with my head down as he grabbed my hair so he could put a black collar around me, my head hurt from where he pulled me to put it on.
"Here are some rules you need to know, 1.) You will call him master unless told other wise. 2.) You are to be on your hands and knees at all times unless told so. and finally 3.) You have to wear a leash when your not at home and in public, But The most important rule is Obey your master.
* Yellow forms his fists into middle fingers and shows them to the author.
Just as the owner finished the last sentence my new master walked in, with papers in one hand and a lease in the other
Lease? How expensive is this pet thing?
[Editor’s Note: …]
*Yellow asks respectfully.
[Editor’s Note: Good job.]
he reached under my chin and clipped the lease onto my collar
* Yellow helpfully points out that the author misspelled leash.
"come on Chris, let's go home"
He tugged on the lease
* Yellow helpfully points out that the author misspelled leash.
as I crawled behind him. When we got outside he picked me up with ease being that I'm about the size of a twelve year old that didn't bother me.
* Ray politely pretends that he’s not concerned about what sort of pedophilic turn this story is about to take.
* Yellow politely ignores that Matt is a vampire and could probably use his vampire strength to pick up Chris regardless of what size he is.
[Editor’s Note: I’m going to politely pretend than neither of you are totally breaking the rules about being nice right now.]
I'd probably be to about his shoulder but i am not allowed to stand up so I wouldn't know. "M-Master?" I whimper, I was so scared he'd hurt me because I am only allowed to talk when spoken too, but I keep my arms to myself so I don't get punished and have a mini panic attack in his arms.
* Ray admires Chris’ determination!
"Hey calm down Chris, I just don't want you to hurt your knees on the concrete", I was shocked that he was so kind but I couldn't help but think what would happen when we get home.
Wait, is this story actually going to be positive from here on out?
* Ray really really hopes so, because he’s kinda sick of reviewing fanfiction and fetish stories every week!
But that is what we review. Like, pretty much every week.
I know, and don’t get me wrong, I like doing that—sometimes. Other times, I want to do more.
Well, I want to put more focus into writing good stories of my own. And maybe more importantly, I want to share the good stories that other amatuer writers have written. I want to do podcasts and videos; sometimes about dumb shit, but not always about dumb shit. I want essays on how to improve your storytelling skills, instead of just a bunch of angry reviews putting people down when they're too new to know any better. And before any of that, I want to update our website. Right now it kinda looks like shit.
Hm, a new layout would help facilitate a wider range of content. What did you have in mind?
Something like this.
I’m sold. Have you talked to the guys about it?
Extensively, and they’re down. Despite appearances though, the new site isn’t ready yet, and it probably won’t be for a while. But, it’s in the works. Believe me when I say that it’s high on my to do list. I just don’t want to rush it and do a bad job, since that would defeat the entire purpose of starting fresh.
[Editor’s Note: So uh, we were reviewing a story here… I’m going to assume that’s on hold for now.]
Yup. Ray, get to work making the new retribution.fm. I’m going to go back up Hent’s porno page in case you fuck it up and delete everything like a doodoohead.
Take care, readers. Changes are coming. Maybe not quickly, but, they’re coming.