Review #166

Thirty Ts

Story by StupidWizard

Review by Fluff




Chapter 1

Blood ran through the streets of Ponyville,

> Ponyville

Goddammit.

Come on, a crossover of My Little Pony and Thirty Hs sounds kinda interesting, scary, but interesting.

between the cracks emerging from hell itself.

Best start to a fanfic I’ve ever seen.

The roars of the space vampires filled the air intermixed with the screams of innocent foals and fillies.

Is this the sequel to Thirty Hs or Cub Training Institute?

 

Please don’t be both.

Rainbow Dash duck taped katanas to her wings, flying through the air killing all the space vampires, removing their heads then cutting apart the clouds to expose the ever powerful sun.

 

I mean, to the writer’s credit, so far this does read like Thirty Hs. The only problem is that Thirty Hs kind of sucked.

Then a large thud. Spike had stomped his massive foot on a platoon of Plasma Ninjas,

Ah fuck this story has Plasma Ninjas, 10/10 best story ever!

his claws sunk into their torso making them explode with the fury of a thousand super novas.

Okay. Allow me to link to this stand up bit for the hundredth time. This story is an entire 2,000 words of using nothing but the top-shelf of vocabulary; it’s already getting old and nothing meaningful has even happened yet.

He laughed with such glee as their flesh was thrown towards his face. He then turned to his master, the ever powerful queen of the saw, Twilight Sparkle.

I’m just gonna go out on a limb and say Twilight is Harry and Spike is Dobby.

She spat out the remains of the space vampires, they tasted like chicken. She had the smile of a cat on cocaine.

I feel like I’m missing some important plot details… Like, what the fuck? Or, The fuck?!?!

"Twilight", said the her pet dragon. "Are they good enough for dragons to eat".

Sir, I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but english does not work that way.

She was bored by his voice, his words.

We are bored by this story.

She wrote with quill to kill all of his kind remaining in the realm. The words were finely crafted, but they weren't words because the letters were made out of AK-47's

 

“Harry slammed his book shut. It wasn't really a book, because the pages were made of lasers and the words were made of headless women making godless love to dragons made out of motorcycles, but it was still reading.”

—Actual quote from Thirty Hs

for Tyrannosaurus head raping virgins of the greek myths. The vampire ninja lord was getting tired of the battle.

Tropes, anyone?

He raised up his giant robotic hand made out of motorcycles and crushed the sun.

You mean the ever powerful one?

His laughter has loud, loud enough that we can still hear to this very day, boys and girls.

See Ray! This is exactly why I said we should soundproof our office!

It’s alright Hent. We’ll be getting a new and improved office all to ourselves soon.

[Editor’s Note: This is foreshadowing!]

[Hentai Note: This sounds like the perfect setup for one.]

[Fluff Note: Cliffhanger!]

You better believe it.

 

I never watched the anime. Are Naruto’s hands censored because his middle fingers are made of penises?

Yes, yes they are.

I’m just trying to determine if the person in the picture is male or female.

 

Hey Fluff, bi-five!

Always bro!

 _

What's that? How come the sun is still up? Foolish child! That is another sun, our second one.

If only we were popular enough to get Neil Degrasse Tyson, I’m sure he would throw a fit.

The eclipse surprised Twilight and her pet dragon. Ice quickly froze over the spilled blood and Plasma Ninja corpses. Twilight went searching around on her robotic skeletal eagle to find the cause of it.

Why are you riding a skeletal eagle when you have wings already……..you lazy bitch...

Maybe this was written pre-alicorn? Maybe her wings were cut off by Rainbow Dash’s wing katanas? I don’t know man.

 

 

She lost her wings to Rainbow Dash so now she’s leading an army along with her pet robotic dragon to destroy Rainbow Dash’s legion of Plasma Ninjas and -

  

While searching the vampire lord's hand circled over her.

"Twilight, watch out!", quickly shouted her minion. She moved faster than the speed of light,

 

Neil deGrasse Tyson - battling the forces of bullshit since the dawn of time.

seeing through all of space and time, finding the vampire lord's weakness other than the sun.

Hey Ray, I don’t really remember much about Thirty Hs, but did it have a plot?

Sometimes, but nothing consistent, and nothing that lasted for more than a few paragraphs.

Huh, well this story gets a + by me then.

I have yet to see any sex. C+

She casted a spell lifting her massive minion into the air, using him like a baseball bat. Flying into space the vampire flew back into the atmosphere his fleshed boiled, his screaming being heard on the mountains of the realm of the gods.

Silly writer, Vampires can’t go into space. They are weak to the sun and our atmosphere helps protect them… After saying that, I feel almost as dumb as Warnuts.

He crashed, creating a portal to hell where Satan and his lover raped him for the rest of time. The survivors cheered for the great deeds that Twilight had achieved. The famous Portsmouth Sinfonia played as the mighty second sun was risen, farting out of a black hole.

Farting? Come on writer, this is a Thirty Hs parody: you should know to use the much less common word flatulating.

But Twilight remember the images from breaking the laws of time and space. She saw her self causing the end and she knew that must be true.

The end of this story? Please?

There can be no other answer to it.

Yes!

Twilight drew out her sword, Skullfucker,

Still not as good as Harry Potter’s guitar Fuckslayer.

Nothing will ever be as good as Fuckslayer.

 

Just saying.

a sword that Satan himself feared. Forged by the ancients and banished to another dimension where all that was blackness, yet sound. Sound that called out Twilight's name. She cut Spike's head off

 

causing a blinding to be unleashed from his neck, a large quickening happened killing all the dragon's and giving Twilight the ultimate power.

Sure.

But then, even when the Beatles sang Iron Maiden, the newest threat emerged.

I don’t give a fuck about any threat now, I want to listen to the fucking Beatles playing Iron Maiden songs now.

The giant muffins from Pinkie Pie's asylum! Yes, children, there was in fact giant evil muffins.

There were in fact giant evil muffins. Get your grammar right before you touch a thesaurus.

Can't you see that giant statue of your grandfather slaying one in battle? T'was not this battle, t'was one afterwards. The battle of three thousand armies, yes that was what it was called.

Are you sure you’re not talking about this?

 

But now to the first muffin war.

Well, I’ll be listening to this now, so that’s one positive thing to come out of this story.

For years the madmare Pinkie Pie took innocent mares and stallions are transformed them into the giant muffin soldiers. For years she forced them to mate,

 

generations of them lived underground perfecting their plan for universal domination. The asylum grew too small to carry an army of billions. She had finally announced to conquer after the vampire ninja invasion. Thousand and million marched out of the tunnels chanting ancient satanic lyrics which I shall not utter here.

Hey Fluff, Hent, have either of you noticed that this story is kind of stupid?

Well it did mention mating a while back… but it didn’t follow it up with anything.

I think after the first sentence.

What do you mean I've said fouler things?

Oh no I wasn’t questioning that, I was just pointing out that this story is kind of stupid.

I am questioning that. May I have said fouler things?

Well, I don't remember what happened I wasn't born yet.

Now back to my story, scratch that it's our story.

Don’t bring us into this.

You are in this, you’re reviewing it.

Shut up Yellow.

The muffin attack was sudden. Pony John Lennon

Canon.

I don’t even know what to say to that...

I do.

 

picked up a machine gun and mauling down thousands of muffins.

Considerably less canon.

Must not click link...must not...must……….fuck!

Ringo and George threw chainsaws using a slingshot, and finally Paul sang such a high pitch note three thousand and a four muffins' heads imploded.

Kinda sorta canon in real life except replace muffins with British teenagers.

Twilight rode on her robot bat calling betrayal at the one known as Pinkie Pie

,

 

the master of evil. Upon meeting in battle Pinkie Pie taunted Twilight. "You really believed that I was sane?

No. Nobody believed that ever.

Did you think that in your heart that was like all the rest of this damned world?"

Twilight withdrew Skullfucker and cried, "Pinkie! I loved you with a thousand suns!"

 

With anger she charged into battle, flying to the air the same time as her opponent. Their swords clashed causing a super nova. It knocked them a million miles apart. The supernova was so large that made Mars explode

 

Right when we finally find water...

Right after a decent movie came out this year…

, Saturn loves BDSM so Saturn had orgasm to death. What's an orgasm? Well, maybe I've gone too far with the story.

Orgasming is where you draw the line?! Hent, I think you deserve to break the wall this time.

It deserves much more than that.

 

And that’s the end to that fic.