Review #164

The Metroid Conspiracy: Pasts of the Sin

Story by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan

Review by Ray




Metroid High School was one of our first reviews, and the other day we decided to check back up on the writer, just to see how they were doing. So prepare your body for another work by 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan, who will be our guide through this tour of insanity.


Thnaks for the reviews on Metroid High School

Reading Metroid High School was a pleasure. Unfortunately, Martin couldn’t join us in this review, because he was too busy with his PTSD from having read Metroid High School.

Looks like it’s time for another Team Fluffwrights review!

   

I have a new chaptern and im going to add it up in a day but soeone reviewed and saud maybe make a story that really happened in timeline

Translation: Somebody in the comments section asked what the fuck they were reading, and then pointed out how out of character everyone and everything was, and then said that the story gave them cancer.

and I though ok lets go.

This happens in Metroid Fusion No flames or sears!

Alright, I promise not to flame it, but I’m gonna sear the shit out of this story.

The Metroid Conspircy: Pasts of the sin

111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan should do a crossover with ComicsNix, writer of The Wolf Blood Lineage. The idea of their powers combined scares the piss out of me, but to give credit where credit is due, the two of them would come up with the most badass, meaningless title in existence.

It was a spaceshiop.

Well that was fast.

  

You never know, maybe it’s a spaceship and a convenience store at the same time.

Galactic. The captain was in his thirtyfive, and a conspiracy was abroad. What was it?

I don’t know, but by the way you’re telling the story so far you’re gonna tell us in thirtyfive seconds.

And she’ll tell us in fragments. Because fragments—em dash parenthetical for effect—are cool. They. Never. Get. Old.

The captain obeyed a disdirect order because he had to know the truth. The truth as it was, and exposé to the peopl. It was his job his destiny and it must come out at risk of death disease or edisown.

 

Edisown?! You brave soul!

What now?

"Oh, shit."

Shit.

Huh. Not even being sarcastic here: I almost like the style of those last three lines. I still don’t, but if they were taken out of this story and put in a better one, they honestly might work.

+3 points to 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan

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-3 points to 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan

At least it’s better than 50 annoying Xs.

Samus was monster killing space pirates when she got a call on her homophoner.

Is homophoner the sci-fi version of Grindr?

"Hello" she answers.

Static

gArgle

Dead.

"No, say is not so"

Truth be told I say that exact same thing when my internet connection dies too.

 DVVV DVVV. DVVV DVVV. Say is not so~

samus shot off as she decapitated an elite pirate on the Aether. It was captain houston and he was now dead because of the zebesans. But was it the zebesians samus wondered nighly? It may. May may may.

 

Mayday.

I just… ugh. Just ugh. This isn’t clever writing. Saying words that sound similar to one another doesn’t make it poetic. Style over substance can work, but for it work well, there still has to be substance.

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POV change is pretty hard for people, if only there was a horizontal line people could use, but I don’t think something like that could ever be invented.

Yup, it’s hopeless. Anyways, Team Fluffwrights out!


And then in chapter six Samus tried out for the football team. And what did she get to wear during the tryouts? Her power suit! Arm cannon and everything!

Sounds like… hay, where the hell are we?

How the fuck did we get into a review?!

Oh God, it’s 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan! Change it back! Change it back!

I’m fucking trying!


Yellow, pass the weed.

Chill your shit, I’m still smoking.

Yellow, you’re using the bong the wrong way.

This is my own special way to smoke so screw off.

Guys, I don’t want to alarm you, but I think we’re in a review now.

What‽ Oh god dammit, I work with some stupid people, hold on a sec...


[Editor’s note:

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Well that was interesting.

What the hell just happened?

On the Houston ship Captin Houston fought for stay live, but it was too much to ask for. The metorids were fierce and he only had a palmsa pistol.

Okay, here’s the plan:

  1. Overcharge your plasma pistol
  2. Shoot the overcharged blast at an enemy Banshee
  3. The overcharge will turn the blast into an EMP, downing the vehicle and allowing you to hijack it
  4. Fuck this is Metroid, not Halo
  5. Give up

Noo good. Not good enough at the least.

"Who the hell is the behind?" he could only wonder until a rumbly voice gargled.

Noooo it cannot" houston could not believe the conspiracy.

 

"It can." the spuuter comm

It is.

Woah.

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whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy

Samus was in the room of Ridlety. She hated him. But did she love him?

Love = hate? The confusion is strong with this one.

Also.

Fullstop. Emphasis. Unearned, unnecessary, ineffective, emphasis.

"Samus i know we must kill each other but there is a secret. I love you." rildey propestioned

I know I wasn’t part of the team when the Metroid High School review happened so I’m confused. Is Samus and Ridley lovers or are they trying to kill each other at the same time?

Well, in Metroid High School, they were just lovers. I think. 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan had pretty much just forgotten about the whole “Ridley is an evil space-terradactyl” thing, but in this story, she seems to have remember. So…

This could be considered a Fluffy Review?

 

I’ve seen worse reasons. That creepypasta one didn’t seem to have any real characters, let alone furry ones.

[Editor’s Note: See review #151]

Samus was a shocker.

Well she did shock a lot of people by being female, but the shock has kind of worn off since the first game in 1986.

"Ridley, there are feelings too, but is it really sex?"

 

Ridleys head nooded. "Yes sex."

 

Samus shook her head but then jumped on ridley but instead of dragooning she made out. There were passion and she was ready to unblow the bottle that she had kept secret for the entire life of womaning and scornless.

Is that...is that the conspiracy?

 

Life that was far too short for guessing. Even if the wrong guess turned out to be the right.

Whatever you say, man. Pass the bong back to Yellow when you’re done with it. Oh, speaking of bongs, I don’t wanna be Saint Purple anymore. That title is just way too reminiscent of Past-Ray’s bullshit angst. From now on, Imma be Hippie Violet.

I’m interested to see how long this lasts.

I’m interested in learning who he stole that bandana from.

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Houston was dead from the battle,

Houston we have a problem.

and the secret died with him about the fining out that killed the captain.

wut

wut

His only hope was dying so that samus would come to the rescue and stop the conspiracy that destroy thruniverse. Too late he thought. But maybe not for the children.

What the flying fuck are you talking about? If your main objective was to give your readers a migraine you fucking succeeded.

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Samus and riley were ready for action but not the kind of action that they sexed.

I don’t know what that sentence means and I ain’t even mad about it.

Ridley could almost not fit in the samus ship so he was flowing along in space nixton the ship. Samus did not know the distress bacon location but she had a guess that she just might have it.

Distress bacon? Isn’t that a German term?

Sure enought houstons ship was dead in space. "Dead like..." samus reminisced from the 20 minutes, but she must keep the mind on the job and not the job of the past.

Was that a failed attempt at a flashback?

Samus and ridley were burst on the houston ship, but there were fucking metorids all over the place.

"SHIT!" ridley backfired as he ferocuisly fought a omega metord on the deck. Samus blew out the missiles and other metorid hunting eqipment she used to slaughter the jellies. the blattle was a saurusious,

Not a real word, but I did have to check, so I guess it’s not bad as far as asspulls go.

buit in the end metorid blood was the one that stained the legal tender.

God damn it Samus, all that money ruined because of you!

But it wasnt legal enough. Ridley was decapited.

"Ridley know!!!!!!!!!!"

Ridley know what?

The conspiracy?

Samuus soberly sobbed. "We just met and I love your chraisma!"

For somebody in so much distress, she sure is good at articulating her thoughts clearly and concisely.

"It is a shame" Ridleyu breathed his last."

"A dead, dead shame."

This might be the most hilarious death in all of fanfiction.

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It was too late for love, and samus did not give a bitch.

  1. Awesome phrase.
  2. Did we just transition into the same scene we were already in?

She traunted down the friggind stairs and whipped the shit out of the cargo bay door.

 

She couldnt beclieve the inhabitnat.

THE ALACTIC FEDERATION!

"Ha ha ha you caught us trying to breed matroids to destroy our enemies."

Maybe they should lock the door next time they decide to “breed” anything at all. Just sayin’.

the glactic senate snickered

"No, youre the ones who dont understand. Metroids are machines of destruction and war is not the option!" Samus sermoned. Some were taken aback by words, but others.

“But others didn’t even care enough to for this sentence to be worth finishing.”

"Take a see about...THIS"

A friggin huge metorid attacked samus

 

and it was a nemisine fight, mother brain against samus

"If i had known this ridley and the zebesians are innocent! ITS A SHADOW WAR! YOURE THE COMMUNISTS!"

 

It all makes sense now.

But—

Shh! It all makes sense now!

Samus vaporized a senator who was a republican

"This is not good observed the leader of the government. KILL TH?E CHILDREN!

That random question mark is way too appropriate for this story.

This was the final straw, the children were the only hope from the future.

Seeing how one of the children of the future is probably writing this shit I don’t like where the future is going.

The only repose from the sins of the past.

Pick up your title, 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan. You can drop it again once you have an actual reason to.

THe future of the sands. Samus knew the only saviour was the solution. The one way to erase the pasts of the sins, but at a price too pay.

Does 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan think she’s a good writer? I’m honestly curious.

"I amm sorry everyone, but I must destroy sin." samus knew the disperatre solution as she ppressed a button. It was time to close her eyes for the last and enter the realm of the heroes like gurbanburdy and FDR and Carter.

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From the plaet below, the women and children rejoiced. The victory was over, but it was at a price. Samus and ridley were deadfor what they believe in so they put up a statue for it.

A man sat up and said words that everone believed.

"Never Forget the great."

"Never Forget the traits."

" Always remember the late."

"Appreciate. The Rebate."

And at the end of the day, Masterbait

OK, this was plotwise, and it was sorta like Final Fantasy XI at the end.

Oh gee, was it? Was it really?

Tell me u liked it

 

and the new chapter of MHS is online in a jimmy.

Fuck you Jimmy, I’m out.

I also thouht it was kinda political because my friend made a political fanfic and i thought itd be a good try. L8r!

Peace, 111SAMUSRIDLEY4EVA2006-chan. But seriously, if we have to review another one of your stories, I might just revert back to the angsty Saint Purple after all.