Review #162

Fan Request: The Hunger Games Note

Story by D'arkYagam'i

Review by Hent




Hent and Ray chip away at the comments page when they should be working on other projects.


 

Too much shit going on at once. Too many unfinished projects. Really need to focu…  

 

Zoom and enhance!

 

Once more!

 

Waifu! Cancel all of my appointments and summon Ray into my office at once!

 

Right… the other projects...

 

Shall we begin?

 

HEY GUYS. I READ THE HUNGER GAMES AND IT WAS DEAD GOOD AND I WANTED TO WRITE FANFIC! But i haven't read all of them yet :(:( :( I KNOW.

The movie was alright. Should have been more like Battle Royale.

ANYWAY WHAT IF... DARK YAGAMI WAS IN THE HUNGER GAMES!

Well if it turns out anything like his light and dark adventures, then we’re in for a treat.

This is a short story as like a one off while i writ the epilog so ENJOY! DONT BE SCARRED EVEN THOUGH ITS PRETTY SCARRY. ALSO THIS FIC IS SET IN THE FUTURE SO CATNISS IS LIKE 20 NOW.

 

The birds in district 12 were singing at each other and dropping arrows on peeps and it was a bloodbath! Peeps were dying everywhere and Catniss new there was only one way to survive. She had to go... BACK IN THE HUNGER GAMES

I’m sorry. Would you like to rephrase that in English?

Speaking of English, let’s revisit the first lines:

HEY GUYS. I READ THE HUNGER GAMES AND IT WAS DEAD GOOD

Dead good, that is a very British thing to say. Aren’t English people supposed to be good at the language they invented?

And they say American English doesn't make sense.

Lucky it was hunger games day today and Effie was there with her balls

 

and now she was NAKED FOR FASHION.

 

Catnis sneaked around and changed all the names into her name.

Isn’t she allowed to volunteer as tribute? Wasn’t doing that one of her biggest defining moments as a character?

The birds were still dropping arrows and killing dudes so that was her distraction.

"Welcome! Lets pick a dude and a chick for HUNGER GAMES!" effie said and she made sure to show off her chest for the cameras.

 

"The chick will be... CATNISS EVERGREEN." Catniss walked on the stage and did a bow and everyone cheered. "And the dude will be... PEETA"

Even in a fanfic, the most bland “canon” character is present.

"WAIT!" shouted a handsom stranger. He was buff and had tattooes with COOL on one ripped bicep and DUDE on the other.

Can’t put my finger on why, but this guy sounds like a cool dude.

All the ladies swooned and some of them had to run home to get happy in the bathroom. "I VOLUNTEER" he said shoving peeta out of the way and he landed in a pile of bread or something COS HE LIKES BREAD GET IT!

Get it? It’s been a while. Here’s a refresher.

Like this?

Well done my student.

"Stop!" peeta said. "Catniss is my chick!" he picked up too French breads and held them like sords.

I’m starting to think that we’re not supposed to take this story so seriously.

He slashed around slashing the sexy man but didn't hurt him. Even throwing bread rolls at his head did nothing. The mussely man got a bread of his own and cut peeta's leg off but it was his robot leg so it was ok.

Sounds serious to me.

"MY NAME IS DARK YAGAMI AND I VOLUNEETR FOR THE HUUUUUUUUUUNGER GAMES!" he roared like a wrestling commenter.

Fake, just like your self image.

 

Catniss was amazed! She would get to in with the sexy man! She started planning how to kill the other peeps with sex.

 

But first they had to go to the capitol!

AT THE CAPITOL

Huh. I have to admit, I thought there was going to be more to that.

The fashion dudes were there. Cinna had an idea for ANOTHER FIRE COS HE HAS NO NEW IDEAS AND HES AN IDIOT WHY DO PEEPS LIKE HIM

He’s a secondary character, cut him some slack.

but catniss had a better idea. "Maybe we will go in naked to show that our sexy powers combined will be unstoppable!"

 

 

Cinna was sad cos he liked fire but he new this was an unstoppable idea. They were so sexy that when on parade both the peeps from district 7 got turned on so hard that they died. "TWO DOWN AND TEN TO GO" rofled dark.

Hold on…

 

If there are 12 teams each with 2 members subtracted by 4 for them and the dead people, then wouldn't it be 20 left?

 

Yes.

The other peeps in the games were these guys

From district 1 it was a boy called near who smelt and a girl called samanther

So Near from Death Note and the girl that's bullying you at school make up Team 1?

From 2 it was mello and matt (mello was dressed as a lady)

Not that we’re judging him for it.

From 3 it was hal and cybertakada

The dad from Malcolm in the Middle and Robocop’s reanimated pubic hair, got it.

From 4 it was L and desk lady

I believe it’s pronounced Le’Desk.

From 5 it was Watari and regular Takada!

How is anything about this regular?

From 6 it was Misa and Ckira

 

I got nothing.

From 7 it was some random dudes who were dead

If I give the story five stars now, do we still have to read the rest of it?

WE CAN’T LET THE AUTHOR WIN!

From 8 it was Lights mom and light!

Mother / Son team? AAAAAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!! How cute!!!!

From 9 it was Rue and Foxface (FROM THE FIRST BOOK THEY GOT OUT OF THE GAMES ALIVE COS FOXFACE FOUND A TIME MACHINE)

 

From 10 it was Naomi and Khoas

From 11 it was the girl from the bus and Blud

I have a sneaking suspicion that D’ark Yagam’i is running out of characters.

And from 12 it was our good friends dark and catniss!

10

9

8

That’s Numberwang!

7

6

5

43

 

2

1

LET THE HUNGER GAMES GO!

Khoas was the first to die

¿But weren’t the dead people from district 7 the first to die?

cos he forgot how to pick up a knife and grabbed the wrong end and bled to death!

Looks like we won't be needing this-

 

Rue and Foxface got there time machine out and flew away again!

 

Lights mom tryed to make poison cookies but forgot to tell light and he licked the spoon and died also!

Samanther

(AN: FUKK U SAMATHER FRUM SCHOOL!!1)

and Dark new they had to team up but they let Catniss join too cos the only thing the TV peeps wanted to see more than romance was a sexy threesome!

 

Blud stabbed the girl from the bus and threw her at near but near was a wimp and ran away and she fell and splatted hal.

I’m just going to put this here in case anybody feels like writing an actual fight scene for once.

Matt and Mello tried to betray each other but they both betrayed each other at the same time and stabbed each other and died.

"THAT IS A BLOODY LOT OF DEAD BUGGERS" watari said looking at the carthage with a tear in his eye cos someone had stabbed it. "I WONDER WHO THE EVERSODDING BASTARDMAKING CRUMPET WILL BE NEXT"

This character is more British than the cast of Monty Python drinking tea with the queen on top of Big Ben.

but then he got stabbed and it was him.

Cybertakada was busy making out with hal but she made out too hard and squished him.

 

She was so sad she killed herself with poison cookies.

Can cyborgs even…

 

Lights mom died of old age.

Sadly this is the only line that is even remotely believable.

Khaos found the wasps and he was the king of the wasps and made him do his bidding! But they weren't real wasps so they stung him to death.

“Here’s a thing that happened. JK that never happened, here’s what really happened.”

Ckira got out his death note BUT HE DIDNT HAVE A PEN! So he picked up watari's blood and writ with it and killed L and desk lady and regular takada and then tried to kill catniss but he coudnt spell

 

and writ ckira instead and died.

Dark and Samanther

(AN: FO REELZ FUKK U SAMATHER FRUM SCHOOL!!1 FUGIN PREP!1!)

and Catniss were busy having a threesome and peeta was watching angry but turned on and suddenly he new that he forgived her for this cos she was doing it to survive and learning sexy new moves to use on him later!

Yeaaah, you keep telling yourself that Peeta.

Light got shot by the fireballs

Goddammit Light.

and Naomi stood on a bomb and died

Goddammit Naomi.

Wow wow wow! Who the fuck is throwing Hadoukens?

and Misa tried to wash her hair but drowned.

Goddammit Misa.

So there were only a few dudes left!

I’m so attached to these characters, what ever will I do if something bad happens to them?

 

A few are left? Hold on...

 

Dark Samanther and Catniss finished up their threesome and ran out to see what to do next! Then an arrow hit samanther in the shoulder and she died.

(AN: HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA TAKE DAT U FUKKEN BETCH!!q!!1)

"THAT WASNT ME I SWEAR" catniss gasped. Dark saw a guy standing like a meter in front lolling.

IT WAS NEAR. AND HE WAS NEAR!

 

"HA HA YOUR SEXY BOOB LADY GOT ARROWED IN THE BOOB"

 

near squaked and the other birds joined in and it sent dark mad so he stabbed near in the gut and blood went everywhere.

"Did you see that catniss!" Dark chuntered

Oh wow that’s an actual word.

 

but turned round AND CATNISS WAS DEAD. Blud stood there laughing his brains out and hitting her with his sord over and over to make her make funny noises.

Maybe if I understood Blud’s character, this would make sense. But that sentence is very dependant on the maybe.

"YOULL PAY FOR THAT!" dark roared and put knifes in his hands like wolverine and ran at blud to punch him. Blud lifted his sord... AND CUT DARKS HEAD OFF

WHAT?

HE SAID HE CUT DARK’S HEAD OFF.

Near woke up in his room at watari house.

"WHAO THAT WAS ALL JUST A CRAZY DREAM"

...It was all....a dream.

 

Then he looked down and saw the knife in his gut and then he new it wasn't actually a dream!

WHAT AGAIN?

HE SAID HE LOOKED DOWN AND SAW THE KNIFE IN HIS GUT AND THEN HE KNEW IT WASN’T ACTUALLY A DREAM.

Then dark woke up and it actually was a dream cos the hunger games aren't real remember!

YET

Yay so that was fun!

Was it? Was it really?

 

Yeah, I guess it kinda was.

Yeah it kind of was...back to work

 

Ray get out.

....