Review #161

My Inner Life: The Legend Of Jenna (Post 1)

Story by Link's Queer

Review by Warnuts




So I was just sitting at home playing some Piano Tiles when Hent told me about this story. So before we stat this I just want to say thanks to the ass hat that brought this abomination to our attention. So without further ado My Inner Life: The Legend Of Jenna


 

What do you want Warnuts? I’m in the middle of Project: Endgame.

I want to ruin as many people's lives as I can with this fucking story.

God damn it.

Now shut up and review.

A/N: I left this small pathetic little parody I made when I was a kid hanged here frozen on time, but now that the legendary hero has finally awoken from his seven years long sleep,

Note to self: Take a long ass nap after this story.

Just do as the NC does.

I may slowly bring this thing back to life, without mention all the corrections in my previously god awful grammar and narration blah blah blah enjoy.

Moar Author's notes: Hello. Thanks for choosing to read my story.

Against my better judgment. I could be working on Endgame and thus, the bitches but nooooooo.

As you may know, I have become a major Link's Queen fan in the last years.

Wait... Did you write this?

Also, how does Jenna have fans?

Ever since I read "My Inner Life" I have grown a fond interest in the mind-blowing story.

I know what you mean.

 

So this fanfic is based upon the fanfic itself, this is a fan-made fiction about the unfinished part of another fan fiction called "My Inner Life" that was a Zelda fan fiction made by Jen a.k.a. Link's Queen who is a fan fiction writer who is not me (I am not Link's Queen). But I warn you that this story may be too queer for you, so if you are one of those people who can't handle this material don't read this!

~*~ Not Link's Queen ~*~

I’m already lost.

Rated M for violence, sexual innuendo, curses and queerness in general.

So just because there are Gay people it has to be rated M? Also, M is only used for rating video games. Books have no such age restrictions.

I think he’s using the old definition of queer.

I doubt we will be happy during this review.

That’s gay. The old definition of queer is odd or weird.

Hay! Calling people gay is not allowed anymore. Be more sensitive.  

Are you really one to be talking.

Well I am our expert on the subject of love….making.

Once upon the time, in the vast deep forbidden forests of Hyrule a legend was born. A long period of time showered ingloriously in waves of darkness has become nothing but fairy tales after the scars it left were healed by time.

Scars do not heal. That is the very definition of scar.

Much like the scars this series has left on me.

Just like the spawn from the depths it became a legend, a legend foretold to generations, this is the history of Jenna, a woman of destiny, the story about the dark repercussions she had to live around her previous marriage with the hero chosen by the goddesses. This is the secret story of her love; this is the Legend of Jenna.

So wait is this not an countination of MIL?

 

JENNA IS A NICKELODEON CHARACTER?!?

Oh right, sorry.

 

Meet the characters!

Jenna Silverblade: a perfectly beautiful, cool, amazing, cunning, pure, powerful and virtuous young

Bitchy, prude, annoying, and repetitive fuck.

You forgot Mary Sue.

woman who is married with "The Hero Of Time"

Why not just say Link?

but the wonder don't stop there, our hero is also a Silverite! An ancient race of powerful elemental controllers that never existed in Hyrule's canon before

 

Ok! Just admit that you're making shit up in the story.  

Sadly that’s offical MIL canon. And it was just as stupid than.

Thanks for inviting me.

 

and the most powerful and special race in the world of Gaia! (the story is been told from her perspective).

Is been told… so it’s in the past second person tense?

Link Silverblade (that was his last name all ALONG!): The famous "Hero of Time" and Jenna's husband, he is broad and handsome. He is permanently spiritually, psychically, and especially physically bonded with Jenna because of a pagan ritual performed under a monastery in Gerudo's Valley (did I mention he's handsome and very, VERY hot?).

So I have never played a Legend of Zelda game. Please rot my brain so I never can without throwing up and dying a little on the inside.

Princess Zelda: the princess of Hyrule and Jenna's loyal and humble friend, don't expect much more.

I’m detection some hostility.

Well Jenna never really liked the other women of the Zelda franchise.

...so why even include them in the story? “This is the king. His wife died during the war and was unable to give birth to their child. This drove him mad and he will not stop until every person from (insert name of another country) is dead.”

Fanfiction setup, complete. Unwanted character out of the way.

 

King Zelda: the king of Hyrule and father of Zelda. He sees Jenna as his own daughter!

I like how there is more about the horse than the King and Princess combined.

The horses: Midnight Star; Link's strong black stallion, Star Dancer; Jenna's beautiful mare and also there is a weak mare called Epona.

FUCK YOU! YOU DON’T TALK SHIT ABOUT EPONA!

…..I’m detecting some hostility.

YOU SHOULD!

The fairies: Lilly who was given to Jenna due her uber amazing spirituality, Navi who returned to Link as a gift from the Deku Tree as a wedding gift, and also there's Aria given upon Link and Jenna's special child Link Junior.

Don’t you eat the fairies to get health back?

Well in Ocarina of Time (the game this story is about) Navi stays with you and is how you lock on to enemies. However you can catch fairies in a jar that well…

Link Junior: A very special son of Jenna who was granted a lot of gifts from the sages and is so smart he giggled the first day he born and mastered simply math with ease at four months old, he's currently a toddler.

Looks like we won't be needing this.

 

Edward: The unborn child of Jenna and Link.

Dark Lord Araikas: the evil king of the evil draconians, he secretly wants to start a war against Hyrule because he's EVIL!

Was that really his reason?

Just for us n00bz in the room. Is Araikas, Ganondorf?

Nope totally different person.

Gotcha. Probably should have just read the next line.

Ganondorf: Gannon is an old enemy of Link in cannon and currently sealed away... but he will return!... maybe idk.

And by maybe and even including him in the first place, she means yes.

I wouldn’t say that, this is a MIL story after all.

Chapter 1

We haven’t even started? This is going to be a long one.

Path of Darkness

It's been a couple of months; we've been enclosed safely in Hyrule's Castle, behind stone walls, iron doors and the protection of legions of royal guards. Stress and bore where conspicuous, but there wasn't any other way, Link and me didn't have the courage to fight Ariakas any longer since we met that hideous black creature

who tried to kill our child,

I hate standing up for Jenna but,  why did you make her and Link a giant pussy

Yeah! You got to keep your pussy nice and tight.  

but in spite of the soul crushing fear we've been terrorize upon, we knew that eventually walking into the shadow realm was a fate that we couldn't just avoid.

Oh shit! Get your game on!

To the N64!

Get your deck out. Once they get to the shadow realm, we are making nothing but Yu-Gi-Oh jokes.

[Editor’s Note: Hent and Warnuts then duled for three hours and the score was 2-1 and one match where Warnuts disconnected but he most likely would have won. Warnuts then punched a hole in Ray’s computer and kicked Hent in the nuts.]

Why we didn't just walk in there? Well. We didn't know how, in fact I called Link a complete retarded idiot

Again why are you, a big fan of Jenna, changing her character so much?

for suggesting going there in the first place because well, one can't just walk in to the shadow realm (duh?), oh and without mention that terrifying bat creature that was praying on us, last time we were soo close to let it

When in the flying fuck where you ever close to it. when the bat attacked you, it happened at your house.

The castle is obviously there house. Duuuuuu.

take Link Jr. that we just couldn't take it anymore, we couldn't put a foot outside the castle.

King Zelda was also worried about the situation, Hyrule was given the red alert, there were day and night long patrolling even though nothing really actually happened in all those long days yet,

Perfect metaphor for this story.

in fact, there was way too much tranquility, enough of it to put people back to business like if there was no threat, the Unipegs decided to leave the duty and people in general started to care less, fekking jerks!.

"Jenna, my love, I'm tired of this" Link inquired

Well spoken.

Well spoken.

"Yeah, Sure is boring around here" I replied

"No!" Link shouted with frustration "I am tired of doing nothing"

"But my love, we already have the most important things of our lives here!" I said back "Don't you remember last time? Don't you remember your son?!" I said looking at his (right now) greyish red eyes.

So you do know that eyes aren't like mood rings right?

"Yes I know darling, that's why it's time, I will do it!" he inquired again

"Do what?" I asked turning my beautiful head with concern

"I have to go to the shadow realm, do this myself… a-l-one" he said trembling.

Why must you and Jenna make Link the worlds biggest pussy?

Be-cause he is over used and wears a le-o-tard.  

Still beat Cloud.

Sir. Don't start with me. I’m still grieving over Goku’s lost to Superman.

Twice!

 

 

"But Link, you are not thinking about going out all by yourself do you?" I shouted beautifully with grace

I’m starting to think this is a troll.

 

"I love you and I am not going to let you go!"

Suddenly Link put his stare on our kids; Link Jr. and his little recently born brother Edward.

I swear to god, if this ends up being a Fullmetal Alchemist crossover I am rage quitting.

That would make my day.

"This is not like those times my love" he inquired with a light of courage in his eye "I have to do this for the sake of our kids, they will be safe as long as you take care of them, but it's extremely dangerous for them to leave this place, or even be left of our sigh, I'm going" he added with determination "I will finish this myself once for all, like I did it before"

"But Link… LINK!" I shouted with my angelical voice

Angelical

but he left the room without looking back, I couldn't go after him immediately like I wanted, I was still recovering for the aftermaths of Edward's birth and I was feeling weak, I felt devastated I sat down to the bed and started to cry. Suddenly I heard a screech

"What's going on here!" it was Navi

"You have to stop him" I begged "He doesn't know what he is doing; he may die without my help"

Really because he did beat Ganondorf without you.

"What are you talking about!?" Navi shouted

"He wants to go to the shadow realm, right into Ariakas hands, all by HIMSELF!" I said

"Oh no! He doesn't stand a chance without you! I must talk to him quickly" and Navi flew away

Of Course he doesn't. Everyone is useless without the main character. No side character has ever done something important.

"Wait a second" I said "I think I can…"

"By the way!" Navi interrupted me "Princess Zelda told me she is too busy and have no time for babysitting again!"

Wasn’t there a dragon flying around or something? I need a list of your priorities someone needs to organise those properly.

I got you

  1. Bullshit
  2. Bullshit
  3. More bullshit
  4. And stupid bullshit.

she screamed before leaving, I turned around and started to cry hopelessly again, but then I suddenly started to remember WHO I AM.

I’m the main character! I’m beautiful! I’m the smartest person in the kingdome! I’m perfect! I have no flaws! All men want me! That one girl who sits next to me in class is a slut. I have all the friends I need! But most importantly!!!

 

I was not giving up, I made the perfect plan I wrote a card asking for princess Ruto to help me with my kids and told her to come to the castle, she owed me her life so her duty was in the table. Then I sprinted away with subtle grace (to don't call the attention of the guards, I am a frikking ninja if I want to)

Nin Nin!

 to the castle's stable and took Star Dancer with me, I noticed Epona wasn't there.

And we were off, Star Dancer was running as fast as a modern day vehicle, I was able to track down Epona due my super cat instincts so in matter of minutes I already found Link, but that only made my fears come true, he was badly hurt in middle of the open field and his mare wasn't at sight.

"Link my LOVE!" I said.

"Watch out is a trap!" he shouted but it was too late, I felt a cold weirdly feeling in my back head, saw a terrific black figure and then I passed away, beautifully.

beautifully

After what felt like seconds, I woke up, I was facing down to the floor and I was tied up with some kind of magic device, then I saw Link at my right side we were both immobilized and down into the floor with someone's hoof above our heads!

"Sorry my love" "It's my entire fault" he inquired.

"Yes it is!" I answered back.

Well fuck you to.

Well it’s time to bring out the bondage Hentai. Give me a sec.

Then I heard something

"Kabu "cough" Heemlameth, adul!"cough "

Don’t talk with your mouth full.

said a man sited on a Huge throne to some other guys who were dressing like guards because they would probably be guards, the man was speaking in another language and sounded ill or something, he was wearing a blue piece of armor in his torso and his legs,

Now I’m no armor specialist, but I don’t think it’s supposed to bfr in you.

I’m a woman's armor specialist. He should be showing a lot more leg and his midriff. Maybe some cleavage.

he had a large damaged red cape, he was wearing a dragon shaped blue horned helmet, his eyes couldn't been seen due his big dark evil helmet, he had black spiked and a inverted tri-force symbol

Like these

  Image result for inverted triforce

or this

demotivational poster THE UPSIDE DOWN TRIFORCE!

Is it inverted or are you just looking at it upside down? You are pressed to the floor after all.

on his lower torso, he was facing at us.

"You are awake "cough"silverite!" he said with joy and almost a kind tone of voice

"He speaks English!" I said "Who are you!" I then I added fearless, knowing he was the Dark Lord Ariakas.

"I am "cough" Dark Lord Ariakas"

Ariakas sounds like a bitch.

Ariakas sounds like he needs a healing potion. Should clear up that cold in a jiffy.

The urges to roast him like a pig and then eating him using my super special awesome powers was overwhelming,

Super Special Awesome powers. Have fun yelling that out as an attack name.

sadly the magic device that was binding my beautiful body was far too disruptive for me to fight back.

"Excuse my manners Silverite "cough" welcome and excuse my rudeness I really wish you could be in a more comfortable situation" said the dark lord with sarcasm. I was facing the most dangerous and important moment in my life, anything I said could define my destiny so I carefully selected my words

"Are you a fucking teenager?!" I shouted angrily.

 

Ariakas remained silent for few seconds then he smiled again.

"Oh how rude of me" he said "Blahblahmoo "cough" I remember ordering you to make our guests "cough" to make this their home" he said to the one who was pushing us down.

 

Use them.

"Mahgry tshtoo zafahad" grunted Blahblahmoo, the bat creature that attacked us.

...Deep sigh.

"E.xcuse me please "cough" I am blind and my servant isn't as delicate as you deserve my guests, well "cough" he is a batpire anyway" Suddenly three guards and the batpire took us (while we were still tied up) to the ornamented black golden shiny chairs with the tri-force symbol and facing directly to Ariakas.

Now is not the time for decorating tips. We’ll talk about that when your blood is smeared on the walls.

"I apology myself for keep you two like that "cough" but I am afraid I can't take any risk with you" he said "Something to drink, silverite?" he asked to me with evil.

"What do you want from us?" Link said with tears in his beige greenish eyes.

"Well, it happens you actually have something I want, I need "cough "something that is mine for right!"

I don’t like where this is going.

I’m indifferent about this.

he suddenly said in a scary scream. "Oh, pardon me" then added apologizing from the freak out he just gave me.

"Something I have?" I asked smartly

"Jenna! I think he's talking about our children" Link inquired in private to me "Don't you remember why that ahhhh!" he suddenly screamed as the batpire smashed his head against the table.

"Blahblah- "cough" moo... please" he said to his minion "Now my dear silverite, I am afraid I demand something from you, and is not something you will like to give me, nor would be easy for you at first" he finally stated.

I am no longer indifferent about this.

"What!" I screamed "You…"

"Oh please there is "cough" no reason to stress it out so much, look.." he said "I AM going to get what I want but I "cough" have all the time in the world so "cough" it's up to you how are we going to close our deal"

"What kind of deal?" I asked staring at him with my delicious beautiful puppy cat-eyes.

Still wasting time I see.

"Well, I will let you go, there's nothing I actually mind about you, I won't even take offence in how you murdered my scouts, but my dear sileverite… your child is MINE"

Making a baby? Hentai pic it is.

Suddenly a chill ran all through my perfect and sexy spine, his words where just so mean, so cruel, I saw the blank cowardly inexpressive face of Link when Ariakas said that, he was clearly suffering as much as I was, I got very pissed but Link gave the first word.

"No deal, you can do whatever you want to us but you are never going to put a finger on Link Jr.!" Link said sexily with rage and passion of one thousand handsome suns.

 

Oh yeah so handsome.

....no baby making??? What the fuck am I supposed to do with this now?

 

Cameo = done.

Fuck it! Warnuts, you’re on your own.

 

HEY!

"How rude of you Mr. Silveblade "cough" this business doesn't concern to you nor I really care about anything you have to say" he said making the most sinister smile I ever saw!

"Well Mr. Ariakas, our children are secured in a secret place and you will lay no` finger in them! You can torture us and kill us but you will never take our children from us! "Link inquired like a queer.

Queer. This single word gave this story a M rating.

"O wow woww!" I interrupted him "Have you lost your mind!" I said to Link angrily with beauty "Did you lost your mind? I love you and I love me, we can't let him do bad things to us!" I said smartly,

I’d say more bitchally.

he stared at me while Ariakas started to meditate or some shit.

"Don't get me wrong" Ariakas said "I never said it has to be one of your current children"

 

The dream is still alive!!!!!

he said making an uncomfortable grin "If you had an idea of who you really are…" then he added with mystery! "Never mind silverite, we can do this the easy way or the hard way, I will let you two think for a while, so you can figure what's the best choice, if not, I can still do it my way" he said grimily.

I’m really not looking forward to the next two chapters.

I’m so excited!

 

It’s been so long since we had a someone raped in front of the person they love!

But first. Back to work on Project: Endgame.