It's Powerpuff Girls fanfiction. Yes, that kind of fanfiction.
Chapter 1, Night Trap
GIRLS GONE WILD
One winter night, the Powerpuff Girls were getting ready for bed. They had just come out of the bathtub
and gone to their room. The Professor was going to a science convention tonight and wouldn't be back till midnight.
I asked Professor Orange about this. He said that professors do go to science conventions, but he also put “science” in quotes, so your guess is as good as mine.
The Professor told them to put on their nightgowns, but the girls wanted to be naked.
What if instead of being naked, you all went and fucked yourselves?
Wait, no! Do not fuck yourselves, do not fuck each other, and do not fuck anything else in the general vicinity!
Oh god, what have I done?
Blossom heard the Professor leaving the house and locking the door behind him. The girls were in the clear - they could go and have sex.
What a brilliant plan. How old are they? Five? Yeah, that seems like a reasonable time for them to be sexually active.
Give me a break, Cocomero. Cerberus did unspeakable things to his female lead, and even he waited until she was thirteen.
[Editor’s Note: This is a reference! To understand the context, see review #112! Or don’t! I strongly recommend that you don’t! Ray was in a pretty fucked up state of mind when finding those stories!]
"The coast is clear," said Blossom.
"Yeah," said Buttercup. "The last thing we need is people seeing us."
Wait a minute, are they up past their bedtime?
Cocomero, have you no morals? From what I remember, the Powerpuff Girls came pretty close to death a few times in the show, and even then they never stayed up past their bedtime.
"I am looking forward to this night," said Blossom. "I feel so horny."
"Bleep bloop, I am a robot programmed to simulate sexual desire. Oh baby. Oh baby. I am looking forward to this night. I feel so horny."
And, as you expect, the girls were completely undressed - they had nothing at all on.
Well yes, that is what completely undressed means.
This was a great time for Buttercup to seduce Bubbles.
"Hey Bubbles," said Buttercup in a very sexual way.
I’m beginning to suspect that this story was written by somebody within the Powerpuff Girls’ age demographic. Although for a five year old, I have to say, congratulations.
"Yes?" asked Bubbles, who was lying on the bed.
"Mind if we do a little scissoring?" asked Buttercup.
"Okay," said Bubbles.
Buttercup and Bubbles spread their legs out and began to rub their labia against each other. They scissored harder and harder until Bubbles let out a moan.
On second thought, maybe this was written by sonicmaster5000.
Chapter 2, The Tentacled Beast
Please tell me this isn’t why Hent put “science” in quotes.
While the girls were scissoring and moaning, they did not notice that HIM, the effeminate prince of darkness, was making his presence in the room.
For the uninformed, this drag-wearing lobster-clawed Santa-Satan is HIM. On one hand, I would have a hard time creating a less sexy character if I tried. On the other hand, I’m somehow surprised that this is the first time he’s been in one of our reviews.
A red smoke was entering the closet. HIM was creating something in the closet.
He can stop hiding in the closet. His fashion choices speak for themselves.
"AHAHAHAHAH!" he laughed. "Time for the girls to have some fun!"
The girls were scissoring with perverted delight.
Oh, see that HIM? They’re already having fun, so if you could fuck off from this story, that’d be fantastic.
Blossom then stuck a dildo into Buttercup's ass.
Hold up. The Powerpuff Girls, who are all kindergarteners, own a dildo. Cocomero has some explaining to do, and I don’t want to hear a word of that explanation.
Buttercup let out a sexual moan.
"Oh baby. Oh baby. I feel so horny. [Initiate function sexual.moan]"
Then, suddenly, there was a giant tentacle coming out of the girls' closet.
So let’s be clear about something. This story was written by somebody who:
- Knows what spellcheck is
- Knows how to correctly use an apostrophe
- Has narration more bland than Stephenie Meyer
- Is sexually interested in HIM and the Powerpuff Girls
I’ve done the math, and these four bullet points can’t add up to anything that isn’t terrifying.
The tentacle was big and green, with plenty of suction cups. Then the tentacle hovered over Bubbles and grabbed her. Another tentacle came out and put itself in Bubbles' twat.
"AAAAAAAAAAA!" cried Bubbles.
That one scream had more passion than the entire sex scene, and it still looks like it was written by a robot.
"Bubbles is in trouble!" said Blossom and Buttercup.
Blossom and Buttercup flew towards the tentacles. A third tentacle, this one with a phallus on the end,
came out of nowhere and stuck itself in Blossom's mouth. Blossom sucked the beast's mouth.
"That would look good on camera!" said Buttercup.
"No time for smart remarks," said Blossom. "Save Bubbles!"
Good advice and all, but seriously, what was smart about that remark?
"All right," said Buttercup.
"Try to find the monster's source," said Blossom, "and fuck it!"
Buttercup flew into the closet and saw that the monster was a squid with a two-headed penis for a mouth.
Although it might explain how Blossom was sucking the beast’s mouth earlier.
Buttercup beat up the monster and inserted its penis mouth into her vagina.
I texted that sentence to the rest of the Retributionists with no context, and here were the responses.
Why was I not included in the Powerpuff Girls review?
Powerpuff Girls don’t fuck around
Hurr durr I’m Warnuts and I have too much of a life to text Ray back.
[Editor’s Note: Ray forged one of their reactions, but he won’t let me say that it was Warnuts’. It was Warnuts’.]
But for real, why was I not included?
Oh, um, welcome to the review then. The Powerpuff Girls were staying up past their bedtime having sex, and then HIM came in and started having sex with them, so now they’re trying to defeat him. With sex.
God I love the internet. So which version of the Powerpuff girls is this?
Probably the one that I actually watched as a kid, so, the one where they’re five. Although maybe it is the teenage anime one. I guess it never actually says.
Hold on a sec, someone just knocked on my door. I’ll be back in a sec.
Meanwhile, Blossom had zapped the monster's tentacle and freed Bubbles.
Buttercup was going hard on the monster.
She vibrated herself harder and harder until the monster exploded.
There was semen all over.
Chapter 3, Conclusion
Thank god, because there was so much of a plot to wrap up.
Conclusion! But I just got here!
Now that the monster was gone, the girls went back to filming their sex tape.
I retract my previous outburst. Please continue.
First, Blossom decided to do some fisting.
I like the choice of words here: decided. She weighed the options, thought about it for a while, and eventually came to the conclusion that yeah; she should do some fisting.
She inserted one hand into Bubbles' vagina and the other into Buttercup's vagina. The girls started moaning and groaning and screaming in delight.
Hay Ray, have you done a rant about how puberty works in this story yet?
Nope, it’s all yours.
Mr. Author! I doubt the Verisimilitude of this prepubescent fornication! As the rapscallions involved are not even in there juvenescence stage of human development, there bevy in inable to constitute estrogen; The secretion which enables a cadaver to develop their genitalia properly!
Next, Buttercup grabbed a vibrator.
Which she somehow owns. Although Warnuts does call his phone his vibrator. And his electric toothbrush. Come to think of it, he has vibrators up the ass.
She put it in Blossom's butt. Then she tied Blossom up with some ropes.
I’M BEGINNING TO QUESTION WHERE THEY’RE GETTING THESE OBJECTS.
Buttercup turned on the vibrator and made Blossom cum.
Well they are like… five years old.
After that, Buttercup did some nice fingering with Bubbles.
Again, excellent word choice Cocomero: nice. It just makes the raping of my childhood sound so pleasant!
You sir, don’t watch enough Hentai.
The only problem was that the girls didn't have fingers.
I, um… I couldn’t find a gif that fully encompasses all of the emotions that this sentence makes me feel, but I found this one that’s pretty close.
The only Hentai I could find was of Powerpuff Girls Z and the Japanese actually took the time to draw fingers on them so +1 sin for lazy Americans. *Ding*
But she delicately stroked Bubbles' vagina and then licked it.
The last part was the orgy.
Buttercup freed Blossom from the bondage. The three girls went onto their bed and began to do sex tricks.
And for every trick they performed correctly, Professor Orange… I mean Utonium gave them a treat.
Blossom rubbed her labia against Buttercup's anus,
Hent, you’re an expert on lesbians. Would this be sexual in any way for them? I mean, ignoring the fact that they’re five.
Based off of my tests, *insert a bunch a science mumbo jumbo that I don’t understand because I am an art student* In conclusion, yes.
while Buttercup licked Bubbles' vagina. Then the girls had a hot, sweaty threesome together. They held tightly.
That’s a writing copout if I’ve ever seen one.
The girls held harder and harder until there was cum all over the room.
The girls were horny indeed.
Indeed. I was curious about what other types of stories Cocomero has written, and it turns out, it’s not just fanfiction about cartoon kindergarteners. Get your popcorn viewers, because he also writes celebrity fanfiction.
We Are Young
So we set the fanfic on fire! We can write better! Than this craaaaaaap. Tonight.
Nate Ruess was at the bar, drinking. He was getting drunk with those other two guys from Fun. who don't matter.
But when the other two guys weren't there, I approached Nate with my chain and whip.
“It was right after I had given a coil of rope and several sex toys to the Powerpuff Girls.”
"Huh?" said Nate.
Nate let out an ear-splitting scream as I beat him with my cane. Then I used my ropes to tie him up and a collar to choke him. I dragged him away from the .
When Nate woke up, he was in the basement of my house. He was hogtied to my bed. I had stolen his clothes and dressed him in leather briefs,
cuffs, a body harness, and a blindfold.
"Who the fuck are you?" he asked me.
“Who the fuck are you?” he asked me, despite the fact that he’s blindfolded.
"And why did you tie me up?"
"Because I love you," I said. "You can call me Big E, since I'm going to be your master." I stood by the bedside, wearing leather briefs, boots, a body harness, cuffs, and a black military hat.
So this guys favorite game is Yandere Simulator.
I petted Nate on the parting of his hair.
Oh, now you’re trying to wrestle his jimmies.
"You better do what I say or I'll get medieval on your ass!" I yelled.
So you’re going to joust him? I don’t understand what running at each other with giant poles and trying to pierce each other with them has anything to do with Oooooh.
I for one can’t believe he would steal somebody else’s line like that (but it’s okay when we do it, because we’re not stealing, we’re referencing. For further explanation, please refer to our Works Cited page).
"Yes, master," said Nate. "But first can you let me free?"
"Sure," I said. I untied the bondage ropes.
Just going to copy and paste this form earlier.
"Now, let me fig you." I took a piece of ginger root, pulled down Nate's briefs, and watched as he screamed as I put it in. I then flogged him until he got a small scar on his back.
And people say I’m weird for watching animated pornografy.
"AAAAA!" cried Nate.
"Hey, cutie," I said. "Want a drink?"
Say no. NATE, SAY NO!
I gathered some blood from Nate's back, put it in a little cup, and smeared it across Nate's face.
Oh. I thought that was going to be a lot worse. I mean, still gross, but say whatever you want to Nate, I won’t judge.
So we have bondage, whipping, and now guro. This guy’s portfolio is getting worse by the min.
"Lick it," I said.
Nate licked the blood.
"How do you like it, my sexy Edward Cullen?" I asked.
Wait. Just… wait. Is Cocomero fantasizing about Edward Cullen by fantasizing about Nate [Insert surname here]?
"Beautiful," said Nate. "It tastes stingy."
"Let's get down to the next part,"
Luckily for us, this is the last part.
I said, releasing Nate from his hogtie. I sat on the bed with him. Then I got into his briefs and squeezed his balls. He let out a moan.
"That was wonderful," said Nate.
"You're 'fun' to be around, Mr. Ruess," I said.
Hey Hent I’m gonna borrow this k thx
Then I bent down and sucked Nate's lovely cut dick - it was red and sore. His pubes were buzzed. "I'm not a dog person, but do you want to do some dog play?"
“I’m holding you here against your will, but still, I want to hear your opinion before I do what I want anyways.”
You must always set up a safety word beforehand.
I had Nate bark like a dog. Then I gave him some dog treats. He ate them and burped.
Dog treats are way too dry to cause anyone to burp. I think. I’m not a biologist, I’ve just eaten dog treats before. The end.
I would put a nickel in the dumb joke jar, but I’m not even sure if there was a joke in there, so I made it a quarter just to be safe.
"Good boy!" I said. I then rubbed his tummy and his dick. Then I slapped him across the butt.
To everyone that made it this far, congratulations. Here is you Hentai recharge to get you through the rest of the story.
"Enough dog play for now," I said.
"What are we going to do now, Big E?" Nate asked me.
"I'm going to torture you," I said.
“Huh. What if I asked you politely not to?”
I grabbed Nate's legs and tied them to the ceiling
You managed to lift an adult human being off the ground and still had a free hand to tie knots with. Suspicious.
and tied his arms behind his back. Then I started slapping him in the thighs and near the groin. When he got stimulated enough,
He got stimulated form having blood run to his head and away from his other head and being slapped next to his groin?
I pulled down his briefs, and he cummed on his chest, screaming while he cummed.
I released Nate afterwards. He looked to be a little scared from all of that.
"Don't worry, my sweet little puppy," I said, stroking Nate's hair, "we can have some nice sex. Suck my dick."
You know you’re reading a quality story when the phrase “suck my dick” is meant to be comforting.
Nate pulled down my briefs and began to suck my dick. He did it quite hard. I loved it as it felt harder and harder. Then I cummed into Nate's mouth, and he swallowed up the semen.
"I love you, Big E," said Nate.
Well that solves that MysterE! (after making this joke Hent learned that Mystery is spelt with a y and not an e making him look even more stupid than he already is and making the joke funny for a whole new reason.)
He pulled up my briefs and gave me a big bear hug.
BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS A DOG.
I kissed him in the hair, on the cheek, and on the lips.
Me and Nate Ruess had a fun night of perversion.