Some names jump out at you; gaybutt is one of them. When I found out that there was a fanfiction.net user who went by gaybutt, I just had to find out more. It was glorious.
We read one of his stories aloud during r/ShutUpAndWrite's first Bad Fanfic Night, and now, we bring you his anthology.
Hot Nights at the howling abyss
This is League of Legends fanfiction. Neither of us have played League of Legends, but I have the strangest feeling that that won’t matter.
One day the howling abyss was cold.
Why do I think that the Howling Abyss is cold a lot of days?
The purple team for that game
You have your own team?
Fuck yeah. Team Fluffwrights, Team Romance, and Team Purple. There used to be more purples, but, well, I killed them.
Rest in peace my brothers. But fuck it, more room for me.
had master yi and nidalee on it, so the old guy shop keeper didn't need to sell any items so he walked across the bridge to see the ghost man shop keeper. "This is Frejlord"
the ice ghost said to the old man as the entire blue team
Fuck Team Sex Doctors and fuck Team Fluffwrights, we got Blue Team now!
respawned after being killed by master yi for the 20th time.
FUCK. Why do I get the shitty teams?
[Editor’s Note: Because you’re literally the only person on it.]
Fuck it, I’ve had enough of Hent’s rape dungeon, or whatever he’s calling it these days. I’ll join Team Blue.
- It’s now Team Fuck You.
- Welcome aboard.
- Who else wants in on this?
If I join, will you stop dragging me into the Jenna reviews?
Can I join?
Fuck no, I can’t read what you’re saying. Get your shit together and come back.
Editor, how about you?
[Editor’s Note: I’m… I’m one of the guys?]
Well, no, but you can join.
[Editor’s Note: Good enough!]
"Ooh, yes, that one" said the old man as he gave the ghost a sensual hug, sensually.
Repeating stuff, repetitively.
"Sometimes I wish there were two eternal guardians of the howling abyss.
Slow down with the pillow talk, I can only be so erect.
It gets lonely out here"
Welcome back my old picture friend.
To be fair, the writer is named gaybutt.
Do I need to throw in another one? I mean, I’ll do it.
the ghost man said as 12
nidalee spears flew from nowhere into the blue team spawn, killing every player instantly.
God fucking dammit fuck! Spawn camping bitches.
"If I die here frozen and alone. Tell them I did it for You." the old man said to the ghost as they had erotical ghost old man sexuals.
Oh yeah, I am good. I think it might be a crime to be this good actually.
Although with the shit we review, gayness was about a 50/50 chance.
They both said many other iconic quotes, such as "It's a little frozen, but it's still good." "Ah, you smell of battle. (SNIFF) That's the stuff." It was so sex.
The greatest pillow talk ever.
So erotical, we can only whisper it.
Disney Frozen Olaf's Quest The Revenge Of Olaf's Curse
Wait, that was it? What the fuck?
Lucky for us, gaybutt has mastered the art of brevity. Unfortunately for us, he has not mastered the art of formatting.
p style="text-align: left;"-AUTHOR'S NOTE-br /
p style="text-align: left;"-THAT LOOKS LIKE A SOLID START-br /
I truly believe we should start all of our reviews as this man has. Clearly, we are in the presence of a genius.
I wrote this creepy pasta on a whim one night after finishing the game Disney Frozen Olaf's Quest.
I’m sorry to hear that.
I'm always on the lookout for new inspiration for my creepy pasta stories, and this particular game got my imagination Going.
The fact that going is capitalized bothers me.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this new horror's pasta, it's gonna be scarey.
Also this is entirely true./p
“I wrote this on a whim. Also this is entirely true.”
Also, lizard aliens are running the planet.
p style="text-align: left;" /p
Quick Ray, explain!
“Set this paragraph’s text to align to the left,” or, “I don’t know how to computer.”
p style="text-align: center;"DISNEY FROZEN OLAF'S QUEST THE CURSE OF THE GHOST OF OLAF'S REVENGE/p
p style="text-align: center;" /p
Is this going to be a thing throughout the whole story?
It gets better. And by better, I mean he stops formatting entirely and the story just becomes a wall of text.
p style="text-align: left;"One, day I was browsing my favorite website, Reddit,
What pussies use reddit?
Yeah, that site is for neckbeards and past us but mostly neckbeards.
looking for some great new video game rom's.
Does reddit even have game roms?
This gif is from r/ToastersFuckingSporks. I’m gonna say they have everything.
There was a weird old thread with no replies or up votes titled only "OLAF'S QUEST" and linked to a Zip file download on MegaUpload dot com.
Dis bich gon git a virus.
I was wondering how I had not seen this thread before since it was so old and I always look at every new rom's post on Reddit, but I ignored that and downloaded it immediately.
Ooooooooh, dis bich gon git a virus!
The down load took a lot longer than I thought it would, so I decided to see if I could find any information on this game. I did a search on Bing
Oh, I see, this bitch already has a virus.
and got no results, except for a weird page on Nintendo's web site with a few screen shot's. The only thing in the description for the game was "Olaf's Journey is just beginning." This was kind of weird, but I ignored it because I was very excited to play this game.
How could he not be excited? There’s so much to look forward to, like… okay, I got nothing. Warnuts, anything?
Umm… I got nothin’.
the file and then backed it up to all of my hard drives and also my phone and my Wii U and my Playstation Vita.
Dis bich. Gon get. A. Muthafukkin. v̶̴ì̡ŗù̕s҉̨͠.
And then I transferred the file to my legally sanctioned by the law
flash cart for my Nintendo DS, and started up the game on my Nintendo DS. This was my first mistake that I've ever made in my life./p
Also, the moon landing never happened.
p style="text-align: left;"The game started up just like a normal game usually would. The logo's for the game studio's or whatever showed up,
Mm, the detail, it feels like I’m actually playing the game.
and then the title screen appeared. And then I played through the entire game, getting a 100% complete completion of the whole game in record times.
Are we really going to have to start a Mary Sue counter on this? This?
If he hasn’t found any other trace of this game, how are there already high scores?
Olaf had to play through the first time. Boom.
There were some weird parts of the game,
Woah, you’re telling me that a game rom you got from reddit, has some weird parts?
Let me take this opportunity to remind everybody that reddit is the same site that essentially created a religion based on a button.
like how sometimes the music got dis torted or Olaf's eyes turned red like a demon and he screamed at me for 10 entire minutes while the world around him dripped with blood.
Oh yeah, ‘cause that happens to me all the time.
These are just normal glitches that happen all the time with rom's,
Like I said, shit happens all the time.
Really, it’s a pretty standard glitch. Have I mentioned that I started modding?
and it happened a lot to me around the time when I lost the use of my left ass in a horrible accident,
Okay, go back, and write the story about that.
but it is completely normal and nothing to worry about.
Said every dumb bitch in a horror movie.
And also every guy when deciding whether or not to see the doctor.
But the scary part happened when I finished the game and unlocked the secret last outfit accessory for Olaf to wear on his body. Unlike the whimsicle silly hats and scarfs that I had unlocked from earlier parts of the game, this one was different. Instead of being a hat put on Olaf's carapace,
That’s a real word. I have no joke about it, I’m just impressed.
it was a fire that lights the sticks on top of olaf's head on fire. Olaf would usually say a fun classic line when you equip accessories, on him, but this time he was silent. He also did not do his idle dancing animation, simply staring straight forward. Red stuff (scary blood)
started to drip down Olaf' from the top of his head, and the music stopped.
You got a break from Let It Go?
Olaf slowly turned to look directly at me, with his eyes completely red. He slowly opened his mouth and the screen went black suddenly./p
p style="text-align: left;"This was really a weird glitch.
Yes. How strange. This glitch sure is weirdsauce.
After the screen went black,
a new level that I hadn't seen before loaded. It was using the Ice Area tileset andt there were no collectable items, only a straight path.
I could not go left but this was because of how the game is and not the glitch. Olaf looked normal in this. After 13 hours of walking to the right,
I finally saw something in the barren land scape. It was Anna or Elsa (I cannot tell them apart),
Are you retarded? Were you thrown against the wall as a child?
“I cannot tell them apart, because I am faceblind and autistic,” said /u/Awkisopen when reading this aloud during bad fanfic night.
frozen in an ice statue in an expression of fear and terror. Olaf slowly walked up to her on his own and said. I am Olaf I like warm hugs, and hugged the statue. His hug's are apparently very warm because she melted, at first the melt was normal ice color but after a bit it turned Red like dead blood.
Is there a difference between dead and live blood? Yellow get over here, I have to test this theory.
But I just escaped the rape dungeon.
It’s not rape, it’s surprise buttsex.
She completely melted. Olaf's eyes looked empty and expression less.
So he looked like a normal snowman?
He then walked further forward on his own, finding many more ice frozen statues of other characters from the movie all of which he hugged until they melted, such as Anna or Else (I cannot tell them apart),
oh god i fuckin hate you
the rein deer,
Oh come on, you can kill anyone else off, but not the reindeer.
the guy from the movie,
and finally he came to an ice statue of himself.
At this point O laf stood and stared at the statue which was strangely life like, and looked more sad than afraid unlike the other ones. Olaf walked up to the statue and impaled himself on the statue's out stretched twig arm. "Oh look i've been impaled." he said just like in the Frozen Film.
You sadistic fuck.
Both him and the statue both turned to look at me as blood dripped out of olaf's wound in his body, which was scary. The screen turned black for a second and then it showed both Olaf's staring at me with their red eyes. They said in unison "I'm going to show you what It's like to melt." And then they laughed./p
Why would they laugh? It’s not funny. Or scary. Or amusing. Or these.
Oh no, trust me, it was a real knee slapper.
p style="text-align: left;"These were just normal glitches, of course,
Yeah, they’re not gonna rape you with a carrot.
and I was not scared. The credits of the game played after this so I knew I had won the game, so I shut it off and put my DS a way. After a few hours of staring at Reddit, I started to become tired and decided to go to bed. When I got into my bed and I was just about to fall asleep, I heard my DS turn on by itself!
For those keeping track, this is the first exclamation point in the entire story. This right here is the very first thing that gaybutt thought warrented exclaimation.
And then the DS Opened and Olaf came out of it, except his eyes were red and his hair sticks were on Fire. He came over to my bed and laid his hands on me and offered his romance to me.
I leaped at the chance to finally feel Olaf's lips on my face,
Snowman erotica! It exists!
but it was a trick from him.
Silly rape, tricks are for kids.
*Shudders at the memory of Cub Training Institute*
As he held me in his warm hug, I felt my body melting away like the ice statues. It was scary but I could not escape from his powerful twig arms.
They’re fucking twigs, literally.
I died in Olaf's arms that night,
Really? You’re going to make me think of this story every time I hear that song?
which was a really just super weird glitch.
DIS. BICH. GON. GIT. A. MUTHA. FUKKIN. VIRUS.
The next morning, I was kind of still scared so I deleted the game from only my DS and also looked on the Reddit for the thread but the thread was gone mysteriously and so was all mention of Disney Frozen Onlaf's Quest on the internet web. I hoped that there were no other surviving files containing this evil dark glitch game on anywhere, especially not on my Playstation Vita, but I didn't check.
You literally said in the beginning of the story that you put it on everything. Wouldn’t the smart thing be to, oh, I don’t know, delete it from everything? Everything. Just delete it from everything.
The next time yous ee Olaf think twice because my story is scary.
Yeah, remember what I did to that tub?
p style="text-align: left;" /p
p style="text-align: left;"-AUTHORS NOTE-br /Wow!/p
p style="text-align: left;" /p