Hent, Martin, and I were driving up to see a movie the other night. On the way, we were trying to remember a certain review we did. We were looking through The Order of My List That It's In, trying to figure out where one of our jokes had come from, when Hent finally pointed it out; we never finished that review.
We finished it, and now, here it is.
[Editor’s Note: Over half a year ago, four brave critics attempted to review Light and Dark The Adventures of Dark Yagami, by D'arkYagam'i. Halfway through the review, our valiant critics got distracted by something shiny and promptly stopped giving a fuck about finishing it. This, is that review.]
Retributionists! Sound off!
Ray reporting for duty Sir Mister Super God Boss King Man Sir!
Lt. Fluff at your command sir.
We seem to be missing someone… No one important but still…
You’re right, where is Yellow?
He’s around here….somewhere.
Well while we’re waiting for him, what beautiful creation have you brought us today Hent?
Today we have a fanfic about Death Note. Who here has seen it and or read it?
I’m familiar with the series.
Chapter 1, A NEW BEGINNING OF ACTION!
Light and Dark – The Adventures of Dark Yagami
AN: Hi thanks for reading! Please rate high!
If you insist.
Note this story has some cusses
Fuck, not this one too. Let's go everyone, we're in way over our heads.
But mommy said I get to watch things rated PG13 now that I live on my own!
but its Light's dad that says them so its pretty funny. Also if you know what Light's mom is called please tell me lol!
Her name is obviously Mom. How stupid can you get?
Light and Dark – The Adventures of Dark Yagami
It was a hot day and Light came home from school. As he got to his house he saw a strange car outside and he knew immediately it was not American because the wheel was on the wrong side.
...but the story takes place in Japan...so a normal car the wheel would be on the right side. So if it wasn’t American it would just look normal.
He walked in the front door to find his dad Soichiro and his mom (AN: I cant remember her name sorry!).
Simply looking it up is too difficult for you.
Seriously, it probably took more effort to keep saying he can't remember it.
It’s Sachiko by the way.
They looked surprised to see him.
"Mom dad what's going on?" Light asked them.
"Light we have something to tell you" said his dad while playing with his mustache.
"This is your twin brother Dark Yagami" they both said together, and pointed to the guy in the corner of the room.
How did he not notice before? Is that just normal for this household?
Dark looked exactly the same as Light except that he had black hair and was dressed like Mello (but Light hadn't met mello yet so he didn't know that ;-) ).
Why is this story winking at me?
You’re probably just hallucinating ;-)
Fuck, how many marijuanas did I smoke?
Not as many as I am about to. I remember what happened to Mello. It was my first review alone… dark times my friend.
He got up and walked across the room.
"Hi bro! I'm Dark!" he said lolling and offered his hand to shake.
"How could you not tell me about this!?" Light shouted like mad.
"We sent him to a top secret orphanage in Whales (its a town in England)
Oh really, I thought you were talking about the animal.
Also, I'm pretty sure we're talking about the country Wales, which is part of the United Kingdom alongside England, but isn't actually England. It's all very simple.
And don't forget, the City of London is a completely different place than London, because fuck sensible naming conventions.
where he would learn to be the next L. We can't tell anyone because its top secret and kira might find out and Kira might try to kill him" his mom said.
We are telling you all this because there is no way you could ever be Kira.
Light was crazy and punched table.
"I'm going to my room! Come on Sayu!" he said and Sayu (Light's sister lol!) followed him upstairs.
How do you remember the sisters name and not the mom? The sister is in the show like….two times!
"I'm sorry light I wanted to tell you about Dark but mom and Soichiro wouldn't let me."
"That's ok!" Light replyed "Your my sister and I know how much you love me!"
"Thanks Light!" they hugged.
I like where this is going.
"I hope I'm not interrupting anything!" It was Dark.
You saw nothing!
"Come on Dark I've got something to show you" Light said
Oh, okay. So a second ago you were bat shit angry about Dark and now he’s your best buddy?
and they went into their room (Light's parents had made light's bed into a double bed (I know what your thinking sickos no theres no slash!)).
Wasn’t thinking anything sick, all I saw was:
Light put the pencil in the door to stop people listening and said "I'm Kira".
Dark immediately shooted
And that’s the end of the story.
"I know it!"
"Your a worthy successor to L I know why your his successor now." Light said.
Your a worthy successor to L, the person trying to capture Kira, that’s why I’m telling you I’m Kira.
He found Kira! Dark is such an amazing detective!
"Don't worry bro I wont tell anyone. In fact I have a death note of my own." Dark replied pulling a blood red notebook out of pants (he put it there in case his bags was searched).
"Hey your death note is a different colour to mine" he said pointing to the black death note in Light's draw.
"Stop saying colour! Your in America now! Its color!" Light replied exaspirated.
"Sorry lol" Dark said.
"This is my shinigami" he said and light saw a big monster appear.
"Stop saying shinigami! You're in America now! It's super karate monkey death car!"
He was like twice the size of Ruyk
Stop saying size! You’re in America now! You can’t use the metric system.
and had a big mowhawk made of blood and skulls.
That doesn't make sense and the writer knows it.
Even Light was scarred of him. He was eating bananas like Ruyk ate apples but they were blood bananas made of blood.
So is this thing the shini...I mean super karate monkey death car version of a Mary Sue?
The conch has spoken!!!
said Light as the shinigami bit down on a blood banana "What's his name/"
"MY NAME IS BLUD"
Get it? It’s because it sounds like blood.
said Blud as he kept eating the blood banana "I AM THE NEW KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND I HAVE A SPECIAL DEATH NOTE THAT KILLS ANYONE WHOS NAME IS WRITTEN IN IT EVEN IF YOU DONT KNOW THERE FACE OR NAME"
So what the fuck do you write in the notebook then?
"I have to unpack now said Dark
"Blud said he should unpacks as well, so he opened his suitcase made of blood, which was filled with blood and skulls and blood, and he unpacked the blood onto the bed which was made of blood and covered in blood."
"Ok I will leave you to it" Light replied and exited the door.
Dark took his cellphone out of his special place (AN: figure it out for yourself lol!)
Must be a vagina.
Or Blud’s vagina.
Or Blud's bloody vagina.
Cleavage! Dark is actually a girl! And then they bone!
and pressed the L button.
Holy shit the L cancel! “Where you at?”
I don’t get it. What L button?
L's phone began to ring
"Hello who is this how did you get my number?" L said angry.
"I am D"
But are you
Dark said "I have killed Mello and stolen his clothes and run away from Watari's house."
"What?! But Watari would have told me if M was dead." L said shockingly.
"I also killed Watari" said Dark who was playing with his red death note.
L looked around his room. Watari was still standing in the corner just like he always did.
"But who's this with me then" L asked?
At that moment Watari took his mask off and it was (GASP!) Light's dad!
I’m so lost! Make up your fucking mind on what's happening!
It would be stupid either way; just enjoy the fact that we don't have to send as many brain cells on a suicide mission trying to follow some sort of plot.
Those poor soldiers. May they rest in piece.
Their sacrifice will not be in vain.
"Die you pies of shit!"
Soichiro said as he pulled out his gun and pointed it at Ls head.
TO BE CONTINUED!?
Please say no.
Please say no.
Please say no.
Please say no.
Please say no.
Chapter 2, I explain some stuffs
Oh my God Thank you!
FLASHBACK: 1 month ago
FLASHBACK: 1 month ago
So is the flashback 2 months now?
Watari House, England
Mello was sitting in his dorm eating a chocolate bar.
Because this is the only thing his character is good for… seriously; he adds nothing to the plot of the show or the manga.
But when he plays Tetris…
We do not speak of that!
Ray is getting slapped around in these reviews, first me now Hent.
He likes the pain.
The floor was covered in lots of chocolate bar wrappers which went crunch when Mello stood on them.
There was a knock on the door.
"Come in!" said mello putting down his chocolate.
OK! WE GET IT.
MELLO = CHOCOLATE
The door spun open to reveal Dark standing wearing a dressing gown with a posh letter D on the back.
He had an evil smile on his face and an even eviller one in his heart.
"Where is Near?" asked Dark puzzled.
"He is near" joked Mello.
"Ha ha very funny" replied Dark.
"Ok he's gone to Scotland today
I swear, if this story takes a trip to Hogwarts…
but will be flying back this evening. Until then we'll be alone" Mello started zipping his leather vest thingy "Want to have some fun?"
Dark grinned and nodded. In a flash Mello had removed his close revealing just a set of black boxer shorts printed with lots of posh letter Ms.
M for masochist?
Dark pulled an pistol
out of his dressing gown and pointed it at mello.
"Just because you look like a girl doesn't mean your hot." said Dark and shot him and stole his clothes (but not the boxers obv!).
Obviously. He'll shoot the guy and steal his blood coated clothes, but obviously he won't take the boxers.
"I say! what's all this noise!"
said Watari coming in the room. He saw Dark's gun and shouted
Was Watari British in the anime or manga?
He was British, but he alway spoke in Japanese for some reason.
You shot Mello! Now who will kill Kira"?
Dark shot Watari again and he fell to the floor shouting. Then he stopped shouting and died.
Once he had escaped the house, Dark took his mobile (AN: that's what English people call cellphones)
and called a mysterious phone number.
"Hello? Who is this?" asked the mustached man.
That guy must be wasted.
"I am your son Dark. The one you abandoned 19 years and sent to a boarding school in England. Well I have escaped now and I need you to do me a favor and dress up like Watari and confuse L."
Was the goal also to confuse the readers? Because if so,
Yeah, this fanfic isn’t the most confusing one we’ve reviewed, but it’s up there.
Ya, I’ve pretty much given up on trying to review this.
"How do you know about Watari?" asked the dad who was very confused.
"I killed him!"
There was a surprised gasp but then Soichiro came back and said he would do it but only if Dark came back to live with them in America.
Dark agreed but he didn't have money so he would have to hide in a box and fly in an airplane and hope he didn't get spotted.
And how did he get the box on the plane?
ONE WEEK LATER
So there is a time skip in the flashback that is also within a flashback?
Soichiro took the trunk off the spinner and carried it to the car. Noone but him knew that Dark was hiding inside it. They went through the x ray machine
Fun fact, I also own an x-Ray machine. But rather than seeing through shit, mine just ships me with a random character. Here, let me fire it up once.
Ah, RayXRay, wouldn't have it any other way.
Me next! Me next! Let me pull it!
Alright, let me just recalibrate the fahrvergnügen, aaand, there you go; your very own Hent-X machine.
At least I still have you Waifu.
You will always stay at my side.
but that was no danger because the box had lead in it and that confused the machine and stopped the x rays being seen.
*Triumphant laughter*, your x-Ray machine is no match for mine! Run it again!
Well, this is awkward.
Ray you cheating Bastard!
Waifu! I thought we had something special!
Once noone could see them Soichiro opened the box and Dark jumped out.
"Good job dad!" said Dark as he jumped into the car.
"Now take me to Light. I have a lot of interesting things to say to him…….."”
*insert evil laugh here*
L dodged Light's dad's bullets and ran across the room. He hid behind a pile of candy and said "Stop Soichiro! I can help you"
Then Soichiro ran over and said "I know I have not really betrayed you.
You just shot at him multiple times! That is the prime example of betraying someone.
Instead I have learned that Dark killed Watari and Mello." L was shocked.
"In fact I think that Dark is Kira"
"Of course! It all makes sense now!"
Does it really?
shouted L. "He framed his twin brother when in fact he is killing people somehow. We have to stop him!"
"I think I have a plan……." Said Soichiro twisting his mustache like an evil guy.
DON'T WORRY THERE'S MORE SOON!
Before we move on. Any updates?
I mean, I think there actually is a plot at this point, but damned if I know what it is.
Chapter 3, Misa and Sayu do sexy stuff!
I would like this but if you have watched the show, you know why.
BACK AT LIGHT'S HOUSE
BACK AT LIGHT'S HOUSE
I take it this happened a month later a month later.
Light switched on the news. There were lots of evil people on tv so he wrote their names down and killed them.
Now you're talking my language. Do it Kira.
End all of our suffering.
Dark meanwhile was still unpacking his box which was full of detective stuff he had been given while he was at Watari's house.
The door bell rang and Light shouted I'll get it! He ran down the stairs and opened the door. It was Misa!
Hm, I wonder what she's going to do, and who she's going to do it with. Could be anything really.
Misa was wearing a lacy dress but it wasn't all goth like her old one.
A brief description of clothing that isn't gothic?
[Editor’s Note: And now, we pick up where we left off over half a year ago.]
Guys guys, I’m finally back from that thing I did! What did I miss?
Let’s find out.
So, who remembers what?
So this is Death Note. Light has a brother named Blood or something… that’s about it.
I’m beginning to see why we put this off for this long.
Instead it was white and had blue skirt which was short.
"Ah Misa! I am happy to see you!" Light said hugging. He looked around sacredly
Not only is that adjective useless in this context, but I can’t even think of a context where it would be useful.
his mom was in the next room and might hear him.
"Did you bring the" he winked "homework" he winked again.
“I can hear you winking in there what are you up to?”
"Come with me" he said and they went upstairs.
Why did we ever hang this up before we got to the sex?
Light and Misa went upstairs and knocked on the door.
"Hang on I'm getting changed" said Dark.
"Ok he's probably naked so you can't go in there.
Ah, but that would ruin a perfectly good sex scene.
Wait out here for me" said Light to Misa as he opened the door.
Once Misa was alone Sayu came out the closet (get it!? : P ).
"Hey Misa! I know your secret!!" she said.
Misa tried to look calm but the fear in her eyes said a different story. She was very frightened because this girl might know the truth and she would be in trouble.
She knows what secret? Why would you ever be scared when you can kill anyone you want with a book?
"I don't know what your talking about" she said scared.
"I know that you and Light and Dark are Kira and your killing people"
"NO! Don't tell people! You have to keep it a secret" Misa screamed.
If she does, hopefully she’ll be better at keeping a secret then you.
"Ok. I won't tell L on one condition you have to sex with me."
I love my job that I don’t get payed for.
I just enjoy how common this trope is.
Misa looked surprised.
The rest of us were excited.
Some of us much more than others.
She stepped back and gasped.
"Your a lesbian?"
she asked curiously.
"Yes. Why are you?" Sayu said back sexily.
"I am vicarious" Misa replied as she took her dress off and walked into Sayu's room.
Well, regardless of what vicarious actually means, looks like lesbian action begins now.
Meanwhile in Light's room
Light and Dark were talking about the new powerful death note.
"I GOT IT BECAUSE I KILLED THE OLD KING OF THE SHINIGAMI AND THAT MADEME THE NEW KING." Said Blud
Well I was close on the name. Blud - Blood. Close enough.
"THE KING GETS A POWEFUL DEATH NOTE THAT LETS HIM KILL WHOEVER HE WANTS AND ALSO HE GETS A PALACE AND A WIFE
Why would you want a wife if you have an entire palace? Fill it with bitches man!
AND ALL THE BLOOD BANANAS HE CAN EAT"
You had me at blood bananas.
It gives a whole new meaning to man period.
"Let's try it out" said Light.
"Ok to test it lets kill this guy." He pointed to a tall ugly guy on the tv.
I’M BEGINNING TO SUSPECT THAT BLUD MIGHT BE A BAD GUY.
Come on, it’s a tall ugly guy on TV. BLUD probably isn’t the only person that wants him dead.
The man was fat and was presenting the weather.
"But I don't know his name" said Light confused.
"You don't need to. All you need is the face." Replied
Light wrote in the death note and sure enough, the man died!
Did he draw the man’s actual face into the book? If he did, Light might have a chance in the art industry.
"Oh my god that is so good!" said Light amazed as he watched the man roll around the floor dying. "Now let us try it on more tv people….."
Meanwhile back in Sayu's room Sayu and Misa were both in there underwear.
“But back to Light and Blud.”
Sayu was wearing a blue Nike sports bra and short and Misa was wearing a bikini with glitter on it that was shiny against her blond hair.
Please tell me more about the clothing that is about to be ripped off.
Misa let her hair down and said to Sayu "you look so hot"
Sayu leaned over and began making out with Misa.
Quickly she unbuttoned Misa's bikini and it fell to the floor leaving her topless.
Since when are bikinis held on by buttons?
Sayu then took her own underwear off and she was naked underneath.
Master Chief, always prepared.
Misa squeaked as Sayu began moving down and frenched her neck.
So she surrendered?
Also, can you really french somebody’s neck? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s a thing.
Suddenly there was a knock at the door.
“This is the erotica police! You are under arrest for crimes against not knowing what words mean!”
“You’ll never take us alive!” *Insert action sequence with naked chicks and there boobs bouncing to gunfire in slow motion*
Man my screenwriting class is coming in handy.
I’m sure in the deepest darkest part of the internet there is a gif for that.
Is that a challenge?
First one to find a gif of naked anime girls running from gunfire wins!
Quick Waifu! To the Hentai folder!
I’ve got you beat.
I call this a tie.
Sayu cussed and went to the door. She opened the door at and it was…… Dark!
He looked shocked and said "my sister's a lesbian!"
My sister’s hair is more manly than mine, and you don’t see me bitching about it.
Sayu realised she was naked and slammed the door shut.
"F-CK OFF YOU PERV!
“GTFO U POSERZ!11”
She then proceeded to cut her wrists and listen to MCR.
MOM AND SOICHIRO SHOULD NEVER HAVE ADOPTED YOU BACK" she screamed.
"I'm sorry Misa but we'll have to do this some other time" said Sayu.
Misa winked back and said "I hope so" and grinned. She took her cloths and put them on and climbed out of the window so noone would see.
When she was alone she took Misas bag that she had left behind. She looked inside it and found a black notebook inside.
Lesbian diary, lesbian diary, lesbian diary…
She took the secret cellphone her dad Soichiro had given her and called it.
"Hi dad! I did what you asked and got Misa's bag! There's a book inside and it says death note on the front and its full of dead people!"
"Excellent" dad replied "Now the game can begin……"
OH MY GOD WHAT! FIND OUT MORE NEXT TIME!
Chapter 4, I forgot what happens but cool
Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll forget about it real soon.
AN: There seems to be something wrong with my account it keeps posting the first line twice sorry! Also contains Naomi/OC and Takada/OC (real hot!)
AN: There seems to be something wrong with my account it keeps posting the first line twice sorry! Also contains Naomi/OC and Takada/OC (real hot!)
THE NEXT DAY
THE NEXT DAY
Naomi walked in the front door of the police and asked at the desk for L. The woman behind the desk was hot looking and also she was bi.
Who could this vicarious person be?
(AN: dont u fink bi guyz r soo hot?//)
Doesn't matter. Bi = Lesbian in fanfiction land.
"Hi! I'm Naomi! I need to speak to L!!" she shouted urgently "Kira killed my husband and I think I no who he is!!"
"So that means your single" the desk lady winked?
Do we actually get our sex scene then?
Don’t you just hate it when the best episode of a show is ruined?
Naomi was taken at back. This desk lady was coming onto her?
"Naomi spelled backwards is I Moon" added the desk lady flirtyly.
Flirting 101 right there. Confuse your opponent.
"I don't have time for this!" said Naomi anxiously as she took the desk ladies number to call her later and maybe have sex and ran into L's office.
This woman can multitask.
Maybe = yes.
L looked surprized.
"Hi I'm! Naomi. You don't know who I am but I'm from the Fbi and my husbands from the Fbi but he's also dead because he was killed by Kira and I want to hunt him down but I think I know who he is!!" Naomi gasped.
Gasping is the inhalation of air. This Naomi woman’s got quite the lungs if she can say all that shit and still be able to breath in.
He replied "I think I can help you then. Please sit down" L replied pointing to the chair that was covered in candy.
“Could this mysterious person who killed your husbands be KIRA!!??1/‽”
"I can't sit on that!?"
Quite right. Sit on my lap instead.
Noami said because the candy was all sticky and melted and eaten and it didn't look to good either. L then got all the candy off the chair and picked it up and began eating it.
Does the 5 seconds rule apply here?
The site was truely one to behold as the small wrinkly fairy man began shoving bits of sugar into his mouth.
Don’t do crack kids. And even if you do, don’t fucking eat it.
Naomi fought she was going to puke but then she stopped herself and sat on the chair that L had just cleaned for her.
NECESSARY INFORMATION WOOOO!!!
"So you wanted to tell me something??..."
MEAN WHILE AT LIGHTS HOUSE
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Damn it you have time for the off topic cleaning of the chair but not anything important?
It was the early morning and Light and Dark were in bed together but only because there parents were to poor to get separate rooms its not like their gay or anything!
You can have lesbians in your story, but not gay guys? That’s just racist.
Light came all over the bed
“It’s not like their gay or anything”
from the window of the room. Dark reached round and grabbed the cock from the table.
So are we still going for the “not gay” thing?
It was seven oclock.
Do you mean seven o’cock? Hohohoho!
And that’ll be one nickel.
I guess it just wasn't time for a joke!
Now we’re just wasting time here.
"WHEN CAN I HAVE MY BREAKFAST IT IS ALREADY SEVEN AND IN THE SHINIGAMI WORLD I WOULD EAT LIKE A DOZEN MEALS BY NOW BECAUSE I AM KING. PLEASE GET ME A BLOOD BANANA." Said Blud as he danced around the rrom.
rom? So he wants a blood banana and a hacked version of Pokemon?
Dark laughed at the dance it was like the Ketchup Song but it was about blood not ketchup
You mean the Ketchup song isn’t about blood? My life is a lie!
though shinigami sometimes used blood as ketchup because it was blood. His mowhawk was bouncing everywhere. It was like the one on sonic the hedgehog but it was not blue.
So, the one on Shadow the hedgehog?
Either way I’m probably gonna review it.
Dark got out of bed and put on some cloths. He kept the blood bananas in a special case because other people might eat them thinking they were not blood bananas and get a mouth full of blood banana and blood.
“Blood blood blood blood blood. You can’t even handle how edgy I am right now.”
He threw the blood banana at Blud who imeddiatly went town on it until there was nothing except a skin which he could eat but didn't because there poisonous but not to a shinigami.
"why can't i have a blood banana" asked Ruyk sadly as he ate an apple and felt left out.
I don’t think this guy would give a shit if he was left out and even if he did, he’d probably just kill someone and forget about it.
He was not allowed to eat blood bananas because he was not the king and was not safe to the poisons inside them……………
BACK AT THE POLICE!!
"Kira is…… Mikami!"
"That bastardly hound!" said Lights dad who was pretending to be English.
Had me fooled.
"I know he is Kira because he went on Tv and he was evil!" she said.
I’m not gonna make a Fox News joke. I’m not gonna make a Fox News joke.
"You did the right thing coming to us" said L. "Now we will kill him and put a stop to his evilness once and for all period"
Did, did the author just end a sentence by saying period instead of . ?
Yes STOP I believe that’s exactly what happened STOP That’s kind of obnoxious STOP
Watari took his sniping gun
and ran the door out. L followed eating a candy bar and a coffee and got in his helicopter and flew to Mikamis house where the action was.
Naomi went back to desk and flitted with the desk lady.
Good work! Keep at it. We need all the Hentai we can get right now.
It’s the only thing saving this fic right now.
"Now were where we?" she said as she zipped her motorcycle jacket down and led the desk lady into a quiet closet
that was almost empty except there was a mop in there and also some paint that the janitor used to paint things with.
They made out for a bit.
“He put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.”
"There's just one thing you should know" said Noami getting naked as she took her her jacket off and revealed a fancy suit that newsreaders wear underneath.
"I'm not really Naomi. I'm………………….. TAKADA!!"
AT MIKAMIS HOUSE IN A HELICOPTER
You can only jerk me around for so long fanfic. I’ve been good! I think I deserve a little more.
L turned on the sirens of the helicopter and shouted "come out with your hands up or I will shoot you!".
There was no reply and Light's dad dressed as Watari shoot out a window just to show him he meant business and was not just some crazy guy in a helicopter.
Well of course you’re not. You’re practically doing what any policemen would do nowadays.
"This is your last chance" he shouted and threw a smoke grenade into the house. Soichiro got a good shot at Mikami and killed him in the leg. There was still no reply.
You know, if any of these characters were actually themselves for this fight, and if the fight changed anything in the plot, and if I gave a shit about the plot, this scene might actually be a decent first draft.
"I will have to use stealth instead" said L and jumped in the broken window screaming.
Mikami looked up in shock he wasn't expecting them and certainly not the crazy boy that had jumped the window.
….Aren’t you dead?
We’re almost on the last chapter. At this point, I’ve shifted to mental battery saver mode.
Give me a sec. Need to recharge……..
He was holding the death note with one hand and his broken leg with the other and it had the names of everyone he had ever killed written on it. That's how L knew it was the death note.
True detective work right there. Really sleuthed that one out.
"MIKAMI IS IN TROUBLE" shouted Blud as he smooshed another blood banana into his already smooshed up mouth. One of the things good about being king of the shinigami is you could see all the death notes and Blud was using it to see mikami.
Bad attempts to have a plot point aside. Who the fuck is Mikami?
"If he talks I'm dead!" said Light panicking. He knew he should have not told Mikami how to make a death note even if he was an evil.
Now he would write Light's name down! unless………
BACK IN MIKAMIS HOUSE
"I'm not the real Kira" shouted Mikami who was scared. He knew that there were laws against Kira and if he was caught then the jig would be up.
"Then whose the real Kira?" asked L.
Will the real Kira please stand up?
"Tell us you f-cking scumbag!!" added Lights dad who was holding a knife to his neck like the joker did. He was mad with rage and his mustache was covered in spit and it was pretty rank really.
"I'll tell you! It's Light Yaga……." Then he died.
"What! He just died and he never told us the name!
All he said was Light Yaga. Put an arrest warrant out for a Light Yaga! Hurry!
Now we'll never know who it was!" L raged and punched in a wall. He was strong for his looks and made a big whole.
Wall punch gif it is! Fluff, if you would.
You don’t even need to ask twice.
MEANWHILE IN THE JANITORS CUPBAORD WHERE TAKADA AND THE DESK LADY WERE SEXING
"Oh this is so good" mooned the desk lady who was now naked.
Is she ever going to get a name? And if she gets a name, how long before it inexplicably changes?
The stuff that was going on was pretty grafic and I don't want to make this fic M
so all I'll say is that it was sexy and Takada was using mop but was naked (you'll have to figure out how for your self rofl!).
Suddenly Takada collapsed to the floor and the desk lady started screaming. She was death noted!
Blud stopped watching the naked couple and went back to Light
"tAKADA IS DEAD!" HE SAID
"Just as planned" evilled Light putting away his death note.
OMFG!! TO BE CONTINUED!!
Chapter 5, We meet Yotsuba! and Matt!
Matt got on his motorbike and was racing across the country faster than a speeding bullet. His googles were flapping in the wind and his mission was clear. He would revenge the death of mello if it was the last thing he did!
He went even faster on his motorbike because it would be dark soon and he couldn't see anything except the light bits because of his headlights. It was a 3000 mile drive and the speed limit was like 30 and he knew that if he was going to get where the action was at he would have to be going fast and went faster.
Suddenly he stopped suddenly. He saw the taillights of a Porch up ahead and the driver was laughing like mad and something about the car just didn't seem right some how. He stepped on it and did a wheely because the road was abandoned and because he was going fast the wind running past his ears like a nascar on steroids only faster.
He got out his gun and shooted at the back window of the porch. It shattered and swerved all over the road and Matt had to yell "what are you doing you f-cking syko?" and jumped in the back window.
The driver was a tall skinny man with greasy hair called Yotsuba and he was laughing and driving and writing something in his book as he drived. Matt looked at the book even closer and he noticed something to his horror! IT WAS A DEATH NOTE!
FLASHBACK A BIT LATER THAT DAY
later as Yotsuba got to the end of the road Matt made his move and he jumped in drivers seat and grabbed the wheel. Yotsuba screamed like a little girl only manlier because he was big and covered his face with his arms. The car crashed into a wall and exploded in a ball of flame! One of the drivers died instantly and the other stole the death note and jumped back on his motorbike and drove off. It was…… you'll have to find out later! P
"LIGHT WHAT THE F-CKING HELL WERE YOU F-CKING DOING KILLING NOAMI AND MIKAMI!?" screamed Dark as he punched Light in the gut pretty hard and Light screamed.
"I HAD TO DO IT OR THEY WOULD HAVE SAID OUR NAMES TO THE POLICE AND WE'D BE ARRESTED!" he replied.
"Oh ok" said Dark clamming down a bit and putting his shirt back on
"But we need to take more care in the future" Dark added as light rubbed lotion on his sore tummy.
Blud came in the doorway.
"I HAVE BAD NEWS MATT SURVIVED THE CAR CRASH!" he said madly as he chowed on down on a blood banoffee pie that misa had made earlier because she was a good cook from the tv at least in the movie.
"What car crash?" said Light. His gut was really hurting and also it was bruised bad too.
"Oh I didn't tell you my death note can also kill people in the past and I am going to write his name in it in the future to kill him in the past and stop him stealing the death note" said Dark pointing to his royal death note.
"Then why is blud telling me now not in the future?" light said as he scratched his head
"Its one of those time parradoks that they have in back to the future" Dark replied and picked up his death note.
He picked up the death note and wrote "matt dies yesterdays in a car crash" and the death note glowed a funny color which meant it was doing stuff in the past.
MEANWHILE IN THE PAST
Suddenly matt was back in the car and before he knew what the hell was happen he jumped and grabbed the steering wheel and the car crashed again but this time Yotsuba survived and he climbed out just before there was a big explosion that was like ten times the size of a normal explosion because the death note had done magic to it and threw bits of Matt all over the road. It was a sick site not least because the bits of matt were squishy in places and his goggles were on fire and so was his hair and there was blood allover the road which made Yotsuba lose his lunch and that made things even sicker.
Yotsuba picked up Matts psp and decided to take it with him to play with on the train. He laughed evilly again and took Matt's motorbike and drived to the railroad where he took a train to light's town
BACK IN THE FUTURE.
L looked at the death note sayu had stolen from misa. There was some rules in the front but he figured how it worked anyway because he was a genius and worked it out.
He picked up a pen from the desk and said "time to test this bad boy out"
He opened the book and wrote……… Light's mom!
NEXT CHAPTER COMING SOON AND IT WILL BE PRETTY INTENSE SO WATCH IT! ALSO REVIEW PLEASE!
Well that’s one way to end a review.
That was a great story good job everyone goodbye!
Welp, might as well go back to my furry fiction.
Oh shit. I broke Ray's’ story.
As if I give a fuck. Maybe we’ll finish it in another six months, but for now,