Review #125

After world

Story by Eclipsepheonix

Review by Ray




Prologue:

In the year 2012 a deadly virus was realised into the world. The virus killed 75% of the population.

 

Because nothing screams erotica like the death of civilization. I mean, this is erotica, right? Was it necessary for that to happen? And why 75 percent? Was Eclipse just not able to get off to 60?

The remaining population tried to survive in this apocalyptic world. But that was 300 years go.

 

Our story takes place in a small isolated village from a slave's pov.

Remember this is for entertainment only. Contains Bondage,

 

Yuri (lesbian),

 

It occurs to me that we've reviewed a lot of gay erotica, maybe a little too much, yet somehow we haven't done one that's explicitly lesbian. So this should be—

Dickgirls,

Oh come on Eclipse, that's not yuri!

 

Torture,

 

Rape,

 

Vore (cooking alive/ cannibalism)

 

and Female slavery.

 

Don't like then don't read.

Well, let's see. Eclipse mentioned seven kinks, and I'm not especially turned on by any of them. But I do get the impression that this will be deliciously unrealistic, so fuck it.

 

Chapter 1 new life

Spoiler alert, this story was abandoned before any mention of a second chapter.

I woke up with the light coming into my eyes.

 

I slowly got up and stretched. I recently became 18 years old. In my village it was tradition for the first born daughter to become a slave when she becomes 18.

Well if it's tradition, then it must be okay. Is that why this is set in a post apocalyptic future? To justify the whole slavery thing?

Not many girls want to become a slave. But I wanted to become a slave. To serve someone's needs seemed so noble to me.

IF YOU WANT TO ANYWAYS THEN WHY DOES ALL OF SOCIETY HAVE TO BE CENTERED AROUND YOUR FETISHY NONSE—

 

Let's just move on.

I even had my nipples, clit and belly pierced to show off.

 

I also wore a chastity belt in order to keep my virginity.

"Hi, I'd like you to pierce my stomach, nipples, and clitoris. Oh, but be careful, since obviously I want people to know I'm a virgin!"

As I got out of bed I removed my chastity belt.

 

Today was the day for my slave training. I needed to present myself to be obedient and willing. I then unpacked my cloths and put them into suitcases.

 

"Now everything is pieced, now I'm a virgin, now I'm wearing a chastity belt, now I'm not, now my clothes are packed, now I'm going to unpack them and immediately repack them, now I'm going to write a story where I've clearly given zero thought to anything that's happening."

Once packed

*Again

I walked into the kitchen to have my last meal with my family.

I walked in fully naked aside from a silver anklet around my right ankle.

 

It was a mark to prove I was a first born daughter. The anklet itself could not be removed.

"Today's the day isn't it sis?" my younger sister asked.

"What was your first clue?" sarcasmed the protagonist.

"Yes I'm going to miss you." I said giving her a hug.

"But I don't want to live alone."

Our parents died of a mystery illness but no one could cure it.

Okay Eclipse, time to go back to elementary school.

So only my sister and I lived in the house. But since I was to become a slave and my parents died, the people who would train and sell me told me that the money made from me being sold will go to my sister.

Well they seem like trustworthy people, so there's really no reason to doubt them.

 

The group who trained people and sold them were called the Black Star. They protected us for 200 years.

Here's a tip Eclipse; if your erotica is less than three thousand words, you probably shouldn't be doing this much world building.

In return for protection they required the first daughter of all family's to become a slave. Not many people liked it but eventually it became tradition.

Then there was a knock on the door and a man in green combats and black metal armour walked in.

"Hi, I'm going door to door collecting fashion sense, care to donate any aaaaaand you're naked. Guess I'll try the next house."

me and my sister broke the hug and turned to face him.

"You must be Athena?" he asked looking at me.

 

I nodded in confirmation.

 

He then walked up to me holding a few leather cuffs.

"You are hereby placed under arrest by the authority of fiction Jesus for naming your lead character after a Greek deity. Anything you write can and will be used against you in the court of retribution."

"Put these on while I get your cloths." he said handing me the cuffs and walking into my room.

That's an awful lot of trust to be putting in somebody who, statistically, shouldn't want to be a slave.

As the man walked in taking my suitcases I fitted the cuffs around my ankles, wrists and neck. Once the man was finished taking my suitcases out he came back in with a few chains and a ball gag.

Which he probably found while in her room.

He then fitted the ball gag in my mouth then turned me around and cuffed my hands together. He then got down and fitted a chain to my ankle cuffs. One that was done he tuned me around and clipped a chain to my collar.

"Perfect, now there's no possible way you can move, so I'll have to carry you the whole way. Good thinking, me."

"Good now when I pull the chain I expect you to move.

 

And when I stop I expect you to kneel understand?" he asked

I nodded then my sister kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye. My leash was then pulled so I walked out. The sun shined on the village as I was brought to a carriage.

A carriage you say?

The man opened it and took me inside. He took me to the far end and sat me down.

He then attached my leash chain to a hook behind me to prevent me from escaping. He then got down and attached a clamp to my ankle chain.

Don't bother telling me that Eclipse, I already gave up on visualizing all of these chains, since they clearly don't serve any functional purpose.

Then got up and looked at me.

"We'll be making a few stops for more slaves. So be patient."

But who will be doctor?

 

I nodded in in reply. He then got a tag from his pocket and fastened it round my nipple ring and walked out.

The ride was bumpy to say the least but I expected that. The ride lasted 15 minutes before stopping again. I waited to see who my fellow slave would be. After a few minutes the door opened and the man came in with a tanned girl with a large member.

Futa, for people who like the girls to have bigger dicks than the guys.

She was then seated opposite from me. Once the man left I got a good look at the girl. She had raven hair,

 

brown eyes and had her cock head, nipples and belly pierced. She saw that I was starring at her and blushed.

Because clearly, the person with that many piercings is going to be incredibly bashful.

After 5 more stops the carriage was full of slave girls. Some of them where crying while the others where joyous. The final journey was to the training facility. It took us half an hour to get there.

And it's taken me half an hour to get over how little I care about that. I mean really, what's the point? Nothing remarkable happened in that time, and the story isn't intricate enough for the chronology to affect anything, so I just don't see how it matters.

The carriage stopped and the door opened and the man took us out of the carriage one by one.

Once outside a woman in leather lined us up and connected our collars. She then lead us to a small hut and took us inside one by one. When the others come out they were ether smiling or crying then I was my turn.

Tsk tsk, that sentence lost you your spell check award Eclipse. Maybe next time you'll be more careful, since without proper spelling, it's almost hard to take this story seriously.

The woman lead me in to a white coloured room and took my ball gag off. Then another woman came in she was also dressed in leather but she had glasses on, and judging by the bulge on her panties she's a dickgirl.

Is this a common occurance in Eclipse's posteroticalytpic future?

She walked up to me and looked at my body.

She then asked me a number of questions like fetishes, likes and fantasy's.

But she's a slave, they're not supposed to give a shit about her! Godammit. Eclipse, this isn't even my fetish and I'm upset by how many levels you're fucking this up on.

The questions lasted 15 minutes. She then gave me her findings.

"I found that Eclipse is a piss poor storyteller, who introduces several plot points but takes no time to explore them or attach any significance whatsoever. For instance, these questions could have provided a glimpse into your character Athena, but instead he just kind of skipped over them."

"You are to be a true sex slave. However your trainer will be here tomorrow so you will be kept in a pen until she gets here." she said smiling

"My I asked a few questions examiner?"

"Of course. Your mother was a fellow slaver and a friend of mine."

"You said 'she'.

"Yes, that's correct, your mother was a she. That's how she was able to be your mother."

Am I to be trained as a lesbian slave?

The woman giggled at the question.

"No. your trainer is a Amazon futanari. A dickgirl."

"Ok what about the futanari from the carriage the one with piercings?"

"She's to be a milking cow."

 

"What about the red head?"

"She's going to be grilled alive and served to everyone." she said liking her lips.

Like (verb): to regard with favor; have a kindly or friendly feeling for (a person, group, etc.); find attractive

Lick (verb): to pass the tongue over the surface of, as to moisten, taste, or eat (often followed by up, off, from, etc.)

Honestly, how often are people going to mistake these two?

I felt slightly ill. The fact that some girls are cooked and eaten seemed barbaric.

Yeah, that's the barbaric thing here.

"Do you cook slaves often?" I then asked knowing this was the only time I could ask these questions.

How do you know that and why are you wasting it on this nonsense? The interviewer mentioned that she knew your dead mother, wouldn't it be worth it to ask a question or two about that instead?

"No only the really disobedient ones and the tender skinned girls. But we normally execute them first unless they are really annoying. All others become slaves, cows or pony's.

 

If you like we can go see a girl get roasted."

I could not believe what she was asking but I nodded my head.

 

She then got my leash and took me out. As we walked a set of tables came into sight. As we approached 3 girls where standing on a plastic platform their arms cuffed above their heads. Their body's shining with oil.

This would be disturbing if I gave a fuck about the people, the consequences of their actions, or the context in which all of this is happening. But I don't, so instead, I'll just bitch about how Eclipse doesn't understand the difference between a plural and a possessive.

The red head was among them. She was smiling in anticipation.

"There are few people who what to be cooked alive. These 3 are some of those ones."

"Why would they what to die?"

"It's a fantasy.

And I thought Hungry was over the top.

Ahh here comes the chief and trainers."

A small group of people came up and sat down. Some of them where obviously slaves due to lack of clothing.

Or are the others just slaves to clothing?

 

While the trainers sat the slaves knelt.

A man in a white apron then started to prepare a large fire. I then tuned to the examiner.

"Can you fasten my ball gag on please I'm a bit squeamish." I asked.

"Of course." she said fastening my ball gag on.

 

She fastened it on tight so I could not scream. We then walked up to a free seat close to the fire. She sat down while I knelt.

Once the fire was good the chief went and brought the red head over to the fire. She was no longer cuffed.

"My name is Kareen and I'm going to be your lunch for today." she said with a big smile.

I have no doubts that it's somebody's fetish to be eaten alive, but this seems like a bit many. They treat it like a fairly regular occurrence, not to mention, they have a chef who's job is to cook people. Is this post apocalyptic future so shitty that people are lining up left and right to be eaten? Is that why Eclipse chose this setting‽

 

She laid down on a metal grill her hands and ankles where tided by the chief. Once she was tied down the chief and 2 trainers picked up the grill and placed it over the fire. The red head screamed in pain or pleasure.

OH, HOW ORIGINAL. NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. THIS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT OXYMORON HAS BEEN USED, CONGRATULATIONS ECLIPSE.

I could not tell.

Well my pain is clearly your pleasure, so take your fucking pick.

Then the smell of softly burning flesh met my noise. Everyone except for the slaves where cheering at the scene.

The girl slowly cooked as the chief prepared some odd looking vegetables.

"Hm, somebody is being cooked alive. But what's really weird about all of this is the vegetables!" said the slave protagonist, who isn't a slave and shouldn't be the protagonist.

Then after a few minutes of cooking the girl stopped screaming and her skin was a good golden colour. She was fully cooked. The chief then took her off the grill and started cutting and serving her up. The examiner got a piece of her thigh then took me away with it in hand. She then stopped and took my ball gag off.

"Happy now, you fucking sociopath?"

"Here eat." she said as I knelt down and as she put the plate down as well..

I gave her a strange look.

"Once your in a pen you'll be having sperm and milk. Unless your trainer says and until your sold you cannot have stuff like this."

So Athena, still happy about being a slave?

I looked at the golden human meat. I knew she was right. I bent over and took a bite out of it. It tasted like a well done sand chicken absolutely delicious.

I'll take that as a yes. A horrible, horrible yes.

It also had the taste of love juice.

BUT SHE'S A VIRGIN WHY DOES SHE KNOW—

 

Fuck, this story just has no idea what it wants to be. The protagonist is a slutty virgin, the world building explains all of the wrong things, and I can only imagine what madness would happen if this had actually become a series.

The red head was really excited about being cooked she came.

Of course she did.

After a few more bites the plate was empty. I ate part of the red head I had become a cannibal.

Careful Athena, you almost expressed emotions for a second there.

"Good girl." the examiner said stroking my hair. "You'll be an excellent slave."

"Why is my trainer away?" I asked realising that they don't normally leave.

"Her tribe called her back for a victory feast. They had their rival Amazon tribe for their feast."

"You mean that the Amazons who lost where cooked and eaten?"

"Well only the ones above 18. The rest are slaves. Is that all?"

That depends, has Eclipse orgasmed over all of his riveting world building yet?

I nodded my head in reply.

Good, because this is getting pathetic. At this point it's basically saying, "Hey, this really sexy thing happened nowhere near here, take my word for how sexy it was."

She then pulled my chain I got up and followed her. She lead me inside a dark cellar with cages along the sides. Inside each cadge there was a girl waiting to be sold or waiting for their trainer.

And she could discern all of this despite the fact that it was explicitly dark, making the darkness pretty damn pointless.

It was like a classic dungeon.

Say no more, headcanon accomplished.

 

However it was not cold like I was lead to believe. It was actually quite warm. Probably because they don't what the slaves dying of hypothermia.

But dying of malnutrition or becoming somebody else's nutrition, those are completely acceptable.

We then stopped in front of an empty cadge.

 

The woman unlocked it and we entered. The room itself had hay in the corner and chains on the walls and ceiling. She then turned to me.

"This is your pen. You will live here unless your trainer says otherwise and until you are sold."

"Or until you feel like leaving, since this story basically bends around your will."

"Thank you examiner." I said with a smile.

"Good now If it is all right with you I would like to fuck you." she said liking her lips.

"As long as you use a dildo. I want to keep my virginity for my master."

 

She smiled and nodded as he lips met mine.

 

Our tongue's moved around our mouths. While I was doing it I felt good doing it.

 

Once our kiss finished my arms fell to my side. She unclipped the chain she then raised one of my arms and clipped it to a chain hanging from the ceiling.

She also did the same to my other arm. Now I could not move my arms.

Which means so much when you've barely used your arms once in the rest of the story.

She then left my pen for a few minutes then came back with rope, oil and a double dildo. She put down the things she got and undressed herself. Her leather clothing lay on the floor expert her boots.

 

As she did I got a good look. Her nipple rings had a chain connecting with each other. She also had a cock witch was also pieced

She then picked up the oil and covered herself in it I could not help but be turned on by it.

And I can't help but wonder how this interviewer still has her job.

Once oiled she walked up to me and started to rub herself against me oiling me as well.

Maybe I'm acting like an alien at this point, but what the fuck is the point of the oil? I honestly don't get it.

Once I was oiled she picked up the rope and raped it round my body tightly.

I think that was a typo. I think.

Once satisfied it was tight enough she then unclipped my cuffs from the chains. She then got a 3 way chain and clipped it onto my collar and cuffs.

 

She then forced me onto my knees. I then came face to face with her hard member.

"Pleasure my with your mouth slave." she said.

"k." said the other character, continuing the dialogue as though it was part of an ironic 4chan conversation, because that's basically what all of the dialogue sounds like.

I complied by rubbing it and licking it. Once it was nice and wet I let it into my mouth. I took it in all the way to the back.

So this is yuri, huh? I have to say, way more dicks than I would have thought.

It was warm and salty with the taste of cum. It reminded me when I was sucking men's dicks in the men's loo at a strip club.

I AM BEGINNING TO SUSPECT THAT ATHENA MIGHT NOT BE A VIRGIN.

While I was a trainee slave I still got paid.

Since the trainer had no balls I slid 2 of my fingers into her pussy which and her yelp with pleasure. She then moved her fingers through my hair as I continued to suck and finger her.

"Clever slave.

How is that clever and why haven't I taken any fukitol yet?

Keep this up and you'll sell for a lot of money." she said.

After she said that I continued to skilfully suck her and finger her.

Okay, this is officially on par with The Petals Fall Twice.

The more money that I would be sold for meant that the more money my sister would have. Then after a while he cock started to twitch and she came. As her sperm came into my mouth I swallowed it.

She doesn't have any testicles; how the fuck can she produce sperm?

Once I drank all her sperm I took her cock out of my mouth and slid my fingers out of her. She smiled as I looked up at her.

"Good now it is time for me to get you wet. Lay down."

 

I layed myself down on the stone floor and speeded my legs open. She then positioned herself on all fours so that her head is were my pussy is and her cock is where my head is.

We've seen IKEA erotica, but I have to say, this is a whole new level of bland.

"While I lick you suck me."

She then started by playing with my pierced clit. As she played with it I took her cock into my mouth and slid my fingers into her pussy once again. After a while I then stopped sucking her.

Amazing. This isn't even a case of insert tab A into slot B. This is a case of insert tab A into slot B, then immediately remove tab A and throw it across the room before either part has accomplished anything at all.

The pleasure form her licking me was getting too great.

"Why did you stop slave?" she asked after stopping licking me.

Oh, she is a slave, whadayaknow.

"May I please cum?" I asked.

"Of course. Don't forget this isn't training. I'm just having fun with my dead friend's daughter."

Clearly, she will be missed.

And with that I continued sucking and fingering her while she licked me. Once again her cock twitched and my limit was almost there.

[Exacerbated sigh]

We then came at the same time. I also drank all of her cum.

There, now can we wrap this up?

She then got off me and picked up the dildo turned to me and slid it in my pussy.

 

She then got the leash and attached it to the wall.

"That dildo will stay in you until your trainer gets here. And tank you for giving me some fun." the examiner said before locking my cell door and leaving.

But remember the part about how it wasn't training?

As the day passed I began to fall asleep. I had sweet dreams of my upcoming training and possible master's or mistress' who I may serve. I then woke to something warm being splattered on my breasts.

I'm going to assume it wasn't morality or character.

I opened my eyes to see a tanned woman with her cock dripping cum on the floor. The woman wore red leather and had scars and tattoos all over her body. She also had a number of piercings.

No shit. Not a single. Solitary. Shit.

The woman also had a slave with her. The other slave had nothing not even piercings on but she did have a blindfold and ball gag on.

"Good you've woken up. Now clean my cock whore." she said.

"Question; is she the cock whore who I'm supposed to clean, or am I just a general purpose whore who happens to be cleaning cock at the moment?"

I immediately positioned myself in front of her and cleaned her cock with my mouth. By the way she stroked my hair she was enjoying it.

 

The narration is already weak to the point where it's hardly even funny anymore, and you have the audacity to use the phrase "By the way"‽

The woman then came in my mouth and withdrew her cock.

"You are very good. Now before I take you to my chambers I would like to know do you what to keep your virginity?" she asked.

Counter question; do you want to tell me how the hell you still justify calling her a virgin?

I nodded as she took my leash off the hook on the wall.

"Ok well at least you'll sell for more because of that. I'm your trainer Yola." she said before turning her attention to the other woman.

"And this is Inu she is going to be our meal." she continued as she tugged at my leash and lead me to her room.

Pssh, and the interviewer said Athena wouldn't be getting any food.

It took us a few minutes before we entered a elegant room covered in silk and gold. The trainer was obviously rich. As we walked in two naked girls with large belly's and collars and chained cuffs. They also had a number of piercings on.

 

"Welcome back mistress." they said in unison.

The end, finally. It seems like Eclipse still posts his writing once in a while, but for the good of humanity, let's all hope that he never decides to write chapter two of this particular gem.