Review #116

Spider-man vs Santa Claus

Story by ComicsNix

Review by Ray




Merry [Seasonal holiday of your belief] everybody, have some ComicsNix.


The Author – Hi people!

Greetings ComicsNix, and may this be the last time we review one of your stories. In the spirit of the season, Team Sex Doctors and Team Fluffwrights have come together to realize what's really important; utterly demolishing the works of complete strangers who could have no possible bearing on our own day to day lives. So with this shared goal in mind, we shall return to the page to its original stylesheet for the time being. Now, on with the bullshit!

It`s almost Christmas, so I created this little story to comemorate this great event. Hope you all enjoy!

Spider-man vs. Santa Claus

 

It`s Christimas! But people are dying because Santa Claus is sending them bombs instead of presents.

God damn it Santa! This is what happens when you give an old man with dementia the job to give gifts for Christmas.

One day, on the 25th of Chsrtimas,

 

Well, didn't take long for that gif to be necessary.

It’s the gif that keeps on giving.

Autni May receivesa package with a bomb that explodes and chop her head off her neck.

Seems like May lost her head.

 

Peter Parker arrives the moments she opens the package:

"BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!"

Well that was a short story. Happy Christmas everyone!

And I know it's not the worst thing about this scene, but I'm oddly curious; why is boom in quotes? Does the bomb literally say boom?

No, that's one of those singing Christmas cards, it came with the bomb.

"No! Aute May, don`t die!" Peter screams in vain as Autin May head flies thru the window.

 

"Godman!

 

Santa Claus will pay!"

Of all the people that could have sent that present, The Green Goblin, Doc Ock, fucking Venom, Peter immediately blames Santa.

Pay? How much was her life to you?

 and Peter goes with Mary Jane to the airport to buy a ticket to the north pole.

“Very good sir, would you like to make that round trip? That’s too bad because we have no airport at the north pole, we’re just going to crash you up there somewhere. Good luck!”

They arrive there and it`s very could:

Could: you write a coherent sentence?

"Mary Jane, you forgot to bring cold temperature clothes!" screams in rage Peter at Mary Janes.

“God Dammit Mary! Why do I ever take you anywhere?!”

"S-sorry Peter Parker!" and Mary Jane get utterly sad. Happyly, Peter brought his Spider-man suit so he doesn`t feel the freezing cold.

 

He stuffed his suit with hand warmers.

So he giver his clothes to Mary Jane so she uses it above her own clothes. So she is warm now too.

I am so glad that ComicsNix took the time to write this incredibly necessary scene.

"Maty Jane, we must find Santa Clasu worskhop!"

Worskhop, which is Polish for workshop.

"Peyer, do you think vengenge is the best solution to this problem?"

 

and Mary Jane sips the tea

Bitch you forgot warm clothes to wear to the North Pole, but by god don’t you dare forget the tea!

Way ahead of you.

 

as Peter drives an rented mercedes the snowy roads of noth pole trying to find Santau Claus worsphop.

 

“Peter, you’ve been doing donuts for the last 2 hours.”

"Yes, I must revenge my Auint May!"

"To bait elves withal. If it will feed nothing else, it will feed my revenge. He hath disgraced me and hindered me half a million, laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies—and what’s his reason? I am a spider. Hath not a spider eyes? Hath not a spider legs, organs, dimensions, senses, webs, venom? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same plot holes, healed by the same fukitol, warmed and cooled by the same arctic and city as a Claus is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a spider wrong a Claus, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Claus wrong a spider, what should his sufferance be by Claus example? Why, revenge. The villainy you teach me I will execute—and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction."

That does it! I am the one that parodies Shakespeare!

 

Ray, show em why they shouldn’t mess with the Fluffwrights!

I'm on it!

 

 

Had enough!?

 

 

Victory is mine!

Don’t worry Ray, I’ve got your back. Luckily, I know one of Hent’s weaknesses.

 

 

and Peter clench his hhand and form a claw, a claw of justice, a claw shaped like a spider that will destroy evil in the Christmas.

 

 

After momnets, Spider-manspidersense senses Santa Claus:

"He is nearby! I`lll get him!"

"Bewaer Peter, I lvoe you!" and Marty Jane kisses Speder-Man buttecks with a lips full of vermillion lipstick smelling macaroni.

Never change ComicsNix, never change.

Spider-manthen enters Santa Claus worspshop and starts to punch the elfs on the face:

 

"Tell me were the fucker is! Thell me!" cries as a madman the Sepider-man seeking justice his Auitn Mauy didn`t have.

"I`m here Peter Parker!" utters the red suit clad old man called Santa Clause. "You`ve been a bad boy Peter like the rest of the world as you can see in my computer systems that show the good people from bad people so I can know who receives good presents and who receives coal but now everyone is bad so I just send bombs and kill all of them even the childrem."

 

#3 Santa will most likely kill them with a bomb.

Do I dare ask what #1 and #2 are?

It determines how long I go to the bathroom?

"NNNNNO! How do you know ma name!?"

 

"I`m Santa Clauw!" and the Spodrr-man and Santa statts to fight. After a while, Spier-man wins.

Riveting fight scene Comics-Nix, well done.

Pure beauty, it brought a tear to my eye. Once again, I'm so glad that we could hear the details about what Mary Jane wore to the North Pole; this fight scene is just a bonus.

"Santa Clausr, I will bring you to justice, you are goingt t he electric chair!" utters Peter handcuffing him with a pair of webmade-handcuffs.

"No!" screams madly out of his mind Santa "the computer made me do it!"

 

"Oh, the computer, hhmmmmm? Lets me see..." do Peter starts to verify the computer.

 

"Santa...your computer been hacked...look" and Peter show the hack someone made on Santa Claus computer.

Who could the dastardly fiend who would want to kill all the bad people in the world be?

Peter learned java at night school and he turned a programmer so he didn`t need to work for Joan Jonajh Jamerso anymore.

 

You know what, thinking about it will only give me unneeded pain so I’m just gonna forget this sentence.

"Oh my god! What have I done! I killed innocenet people!"

"Yes, sorry Santa..." and Spidr-man take Santa to justice.

 

So was it Santa's fault or not? It's stupid either way, but for some reason, I actually want to know how ComicsNix interprets his own nonsense.

After getting out of the police station, the news arrive that Spider-man jailed Santa Claus. Every one is in turmoil because of that.

So wait, now everyone is upset because the person who was sending them bombs has been arrested? Did nobody else figure out that it was Santa? These people are more oblivious than the fucking klay men.

 

 

As Spider-man swings the web of his hands between the skyscrapers, a male child screams at him:

"Spider-Man, you suck!"

And you blow.

 

Spider-man sheds a tear and cry.

 

The end

Merry Christmas Everyone! Try not to get sick while seeing relatives.

Mart how bad is it?