Review #109

Arthur's Naked Week

Story by Erock

Review by Ray




Arthur's Recovery

One story, two titles, zero fucks.

Arthur opened his eyes slowly, still groggy from the anesthetic. He grabbed his glasses of the table next to him bringing everything into focus.

This story has me on the edge of my seat; with an intro that generic, anything could happen!

His parents were standing around  his hospital bed with anxious looks on their faces. It took him a moment to remember everything. He had been in surgery and from the looks of everything it had been successful.

What surgery, you might ask? Well, I set out to solve this mystery. You see, Erock has actually written around ten other Arthur fanfictions, and they give us some clues. One common theme in these stories is that minors, namely D.W., are taught how genitals work, over and over again. Genitals are explained to the child in one story, but apparently all characters have amnesia, because it has to be explained once again in the next. So as far as I can tell, this surgery was to prevent Arthur from losing his memory yet again, hopefully creating an environment where an actual story can thrive.

Just at that moment the doctor walked in carrying his chart.

"Ah Mr. Reed" The doctor said " I'm happy to say the surgery was a complete success." Arthur could see the relief in his parents eyes. " Now you genital area is going to be soar and extremely sensitive for at least a week.

Okay, now you might be wondering why they operated on his genitals to prevent amnesia. This is because a staggering 35% of the male brain is located in the groinal region, and operating there was less intrusive than the alternative procedure, detailed below.

 

You have to be extremely careful not to irritate it.

"Extremely careful, understand? Wait, this story is on Adult Fanfiction? Oh fine, in that case I'll just write you a prescription for one unoriginal erotica setup, and add in a double dose of porn logic. Use it however you see fit."

I would recommend not wearing anything below the waist, no pants, no underwear for at least a week."

Well, Erock certainly wasn't shy about using that prescription.

David looked concerned again.

"Doctor what about a long t-shirt to cover his privates. We have a little girl at home." David said.

"No, I would recommend full exposure from the waist down if you want the fastest and most successful healing. Just a suggestion but this might be a good opportunity to teach your daughter about the male anatomy."

Oh good, here we go again with the writer's sex ed fixation. How do I know he's obsessed? Well you see, Erock has actually written around ten other Arthur fanfictions, and they give us some clues. One common theme in these stories is that minors, namely D.W., are taught how genitals work, over and over again. Genitals are explained to the child in one story, but apparently all characters have amnesia, because it has to be explained once again in the next. So as far as I can tell, D.W. must have lost her memory yet again; hopefully this time it will actually create an environment where a story can thrive.

David went into a thinking pose and Arthur had a sudden vision. He was in a classroom and D.W. was the teacher. He was naked from the waist down being observed by the students, who were all D.W.'S friends. "This is my brother Arthur's penis." She said pointing to it.

Arthur emerged from his vision screaming.

 

Now I don't remember the show too well, but I'm a bit perplexed. On the one hand, that would obviously never happen in a kids' show. Never. But, if it did, that's exactly the way they would present it. So congratulations Erock; I'm sure that if any kids' shows are looking to hire borderline pedophiles, you're the first one they'll call.

Suddenly his mother grabbed him into a hug.

Because that wouldn't hurt like a motherfucker after surgery. And speaking of mother fucking, I've got my eye on you Erock; just because porn logic was prescribed doesn't mean you have to use it.

"It's okay." She said.

"I don't wanna be naked in front of D.W.!" Arthur yelled.

Oh good, here we go again with the writer's sex ed fixation. How do I know he's obsessed? Well you see, Erock has actually written around ten other Arthur fanfictions, and they give us some clues. One common theme in these stories is that minors, namely D.W., are taught how genitals work, over and over again. Genitals are explained to the child in one story, but apparently all characters have amnesia—

 

Ray, snap out of it!

What? Doctor Green, what's the problem? Is there something wrong with me? Do I have—

 

What? No, you don't have amnesia, I'm just diagnosing this joke as terminally unfunny. So stop it.

"Don't worry, well control her. we just want you to focus on getting better." Jane said still holding onto him.

Arthur sat in the car with a towel over his lap

 

They just left the hospital, and they've already defeated the purpose of the plot device!

as his parents drove him home from the hospital.

"Don't worry Arthur. We had a talk with D.W. and explained what we expect of her." David said. " Were going to explain the anatomy to her and after that she shouldn't be any more trouble to you."

Oh good, here we go again with the writer's sex ed fixation. How do I know he's obsessed? Well you see, Erock has actually written around ten other Arthur fanfictions, and they give us some clues. One common theme in these stories is that minors, namely D.W., are taught how genitals work, over and over again. Genitals are explained to the child in one story, but apparently all characters have amnesia—

 

Martin, snap out of it! That's my terminally unfunny joke!

 

Arthur turned his head to look out the window. When had D.W. ever not caused trouble?

David pulled the car into the garage a little past 11 am. Arthur did appreciate that he had temporarily cleared the space so at least he didn't have to walk out front. It was oddly silent walking into the house from the kitchen. Suddenly D.W. came barreling around the corner.

 

Hey, story, c'mon; start sucking harder. I need something to work with here.

"Can I see it? Can I see it!" D.W. screamed barreling into the kitchen.

"Your brother is back from having surgery. Isn't there something you would like to say to him first?" Jane said.

"I'm glad your not dead." D.W. said.

 

Okay, I don't hate that line. It's not the first time I've heard it, but still, it did make me chuckle.

All three of them shot her a nasty stare back.

"D.W., how dare you bring something worthwhile to this story! Go to your room, right now!"

Looking down from Arthur's face D.W. refocused her eyes on his crotch .

"Daddy, why is there a snake between Arthur's legs?"

Funny, and by funny I mean stupid. In another fanfiction by Erock, titled The Difference Between Boys and Girls, he has the same character make the same joke. Granted, I'm glad that it's not in caps this time, but it wasn't funny the first time and he just kept saying it, over and over again. Erock has actually written around ten other Arthur fanfictions, and—

 

Didn't you leave? Make up your mind, are you in this review or not?

That depends, are you going to keep making that joke?

Probably.

Then definitely.

David couldn't help but laugh a little.

'It's not a snake D.W. Do you remember us talking about the differences between boys and girls?" David said.

Of course she remembers it, she made the same joke last time.

"Oh yea it's his something is."D.W. said.

Erock must be saving the planet with all of these lines he's recycling, because that was in his other story as well. Honestly, the main reason I didn't review both is because even if the characters change, the story is more or less the same, so there wouldn't be much of a point. That would be like reviewing four different versions of My Immortal, and who would be masochistic enough to do that?

"It's called a penis. It's how your brother urinates. There is a hole at the tip where urine comes out, and those things under it that look like marbles,

Recycled Bullshit Counter: 3

that's were babies come from. I'll tell you about that when your older"  David said.

"In fact, I'll probably tell you over and over again, because Erock just can't seem to get enough of it."

D.W. just stood their staring at everything.

"Alright that's enough D.W. Lets give Arthur some privacy." Jane said walking the rest of the family into the living room.

"Now that he has no pride left to lose, let's give him some time to recuperate before we humiliate him once again."

Arthur sat on the floor of his room playing with his Bionic Bunny action figures. Bionic Bunny was in an evil battle with the evil robot lord and it was going to take everything he had to defeat him. Suddenly there was a knock on his bedroom door.

"I told you mom I'm fine" . Arthur said rolling his eyes.

 

Remember what I said about the mother fucking; there was already plenty of that in Hidden Fun.

"It's Buster." Arthur heard from the doorway. He looked up to see his best friend standing there.

"Hey. I wanted to come by and see how you were doing." Buster said closing the door behind him. "I brought my Dark Bunny action figure. I thought maybe some battle action could cheer you up!"

"Yea, that sounds good." Arthur said, embarrassed. Buster looked at him sensing from the tone of his voice that he was feeling down.

And this is the point where I honestly can't tell what the story is aiming for. I won't even interrupt; take a look and decide for yourself.

"Would you feel better if I took my pants off?" He said.

"What?" Arthur said as he blushed even more.

"I didn't want to say anything but your mom said you might be a little embarrassed about your situation. I thought If I'm naked too maybe you would be a little more comfortable."

"You don't have to." Arthur said.

"But if it will make you feel better I want to. Thats what friends are for right?"

Arthur smiled and Buster stood up kicking off his shoes. Next he unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and in one swoop pulled them and his underwear down and off his legs. He immediately felt better knowing he was no longer alone in his predicament.

So… what is this? Nothing overtly sexual has happened, and not much is going to either. I would almost call this an innocent story, albeit a misguided one. Almost. The only problem is…

Not to mention Buster's snow white ass looked pretty good.

That line. Other than that, these characters are completely innocent. But that one line throws everything into question, and I just don't know what to make of this story because of it.

"Now whatever you've got showing, I've got showing to. Nothing to be embarrassed about." Buster said turning around.

He couldn't explain it but now that Buster was naked too he felt his embarrassment melt away and his energy return as they both lay on their stomachs smashing action figures together.

"Remember, be extremely careful, I can't stress this enough. Absolutely no clothes. Except for towels. Towels, and pressing your genitals into the floor. Other than that, be extremely careful."

Jane Read was quite speechless when she opened Arthur's door to find the two of them    playing

Those three extra spaces have me morbidly curious about what verb Erock used in the first draft.

with action figures, bottomless.

"Hi Mrs. Read." Buster Said.

Jane looked concerned and tried to speak but nothing came out.

"Nothing to worry about Mrs. Read" Buster said sensing her uneasiness. "I just figured Arthur would  be more comfortable if I was naked too."

"Thats so sweet of you." Jane said, her tone changing from concerned to appreciative. "Arthur I hope you realize how good of a friend you have that would do something like that for you."

"I know." Arthur said.

" Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I just wanted to invite Buster to stay." Jane said.

"But now that I see he's not wearing any pants, I want to invite Buster to leave this house and never come back."

"That would be great Mrs. Read" Buster said back.

"Ok then you boys should probably head on down soon." Jane said leaving the room.

"Common we better get downstairs." Arthur said and Buster started walking towards the door. "Wait. You're not going to put your pants back on? My sister and my parents are down there."

"Arthur, I will do whatever it takes to make you feel better."

"How many little girls do I have to expose myself to to prove my friendship?"

With that Arthur enveloped Buster in a tight hug.

 

Yeah, this is a touching moment, I'm sure…

Buster coming down naked along with Arthur was shocking to say the least. (David almost chocked on his mash potatoes.)

(That sentence could stand on its own and had no business being in parenthesis.)

However everyone agreed it was a remarkable gesture from a great friend. When Buster went to the counter to get more mashed potatoes Arthur noticed his father was staring nervously at his friend's naked ass.

 

And this is a humorous moment, right? Right?

Arthur was about to say something when D.W. piped up with a question for Buster.

"How come your penis is different from Arthur's? Its not as pink at the tip."

"D.W. that's not an appropriate question to ask a guest." Jane said.

One might argue that that question could only be asked once the situation is already well beyond inappropriate.

"No it's okay. Shes just curious." Buster said setting his plate down and walking over to D.W's chair. " I have whats called a foreskin. Everyone boy has it at birth but most parents choose to have it removed.

"Why?" D.W. said

Here we go with this again. You see, Erock has actually written—

 

Fine.

"I'm not really sure. All I know is that my parents chose not to remove it so my penis looks like this. But if I slide it back it looks like any other boy's penis." Buster said sliding his foreskin back to reveal the pink head then sliding it forward again into place.

 

Recycled Bullshit Counter: 4

D.W. looked intrigued and Buster piped back up saying "you can touch me if you want."

 

Recycled Bullshit Counter: 5

D.W. took Buster's penis in her hands. She slid the foreskin back revealing the pink head and ran her little finger over his pee slit. She slid his foreskin back into place and promptly returned to her dinner.

She's not even going to wash her hands?

Buster (with his pants back on) stood in the front hall of the Read house.

"Thanks for everything Buster." Arthur said.

Buster hugged the still bottomless boy.

"Any time Arthur. Anything you need, I'm here for you." Buster said, and with that he waved goodbye and was out the door.

So now that we have the whole story, I guess there's really just one question remaining.