Review #105

Things Forgotten

Story by SuperHappyFunClub

Review by Ray




Hogwarts, goths, and a Mary Sue; need I say more?


Chapter 1

Things Forgotten

By BloodsoakedRaven

 

Longstanding grudges aside, it's worth noting that BloodsoakedRaven actually has the username SuperHappyFunClub.

If that’s not the most gothic name in the world, I don’t know what is.

 

Summry: This iss a story aboaut a girl that Dumbledore adops and she has really good magic!

Watch as she will probably never use magic in this entire story.

He soeun't know where she canme from but she doesn't know either!

And we can already cross bad spelling off the My Immortal comparison list, that didn't take long. In fact, I'm going to check Mary Sue off right now while the list is already out, just to save time when it inevitably happens. Props for not naming the story after a song though. The closest thing I can think of is the Willie Nelson song Better Left Forgotten, which I hope we'll be able to do when this is over.

 

Will the secrets of her past rezsurface at the wrong time! She always hide the scars on her wrist.

I believe cutting yourself is Emo not Goth.

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What could this mean?

Noone knew where hse came from but one day she showedd up in potions class iwiht Professor Snape. And all the boyz look ed at her like she was so very pretty she had dark, sad, violet eyes.

Ugh, purple eyes, that is such a Mary Sue thing. I never would and never have written a perfect character with a mysterious past who has purple eyes.

 

her f ace was pale as can be and her mascara had run do wn her face from all her cying.Her hair was wore in a messy way eith a lot oif it in her face. She was wearing a black rose in her haire and she had pink bangs. she was wearing jhigh heels with knives insetread of heels.

 

"calss!" sqaid Sanpe and he pointed at her. "this is a new studebnt. She doens't know where she cazme from but Dumbledore adopted her. He doens't know where she cam from weither .

And you’re telling the class this because…?

Easier for them to make fun of her later of course.

I don’t think they need any extra help at this point.

WYou'd bettter be nice to her or I'll hit you.

He’s just asking for her to get teased for being an orphan and have amnesia.

Snape might be my favorite teacher now.

She is in the Slytherin house."

Does every fanfiction about Harry Potter have the main character in Slytherin?

 

Well, here's the fanfiction house stereotype breakdown.

 

Since the goffs tend to write the worst fanfiction, we tend to review them more often.

Makes sense...I think.

I just noticed something, why the fuck is the mascot for Ravenclaw an eagle? Just...why?

Well acording to http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/Ravenclaw, there animal is infact a Eagle. You’re on to something Fluff.

This girl say down shyly by a boy with silver pale blonde hair. She ducked her head ro not let him see her blushing face. She hoep he wouldn't be mean to her bevcaue she was alreadfy really drepressed.

Was it Snape’s introduction of you to the class?

Draco gave her a disgusted look and moved hius books away from her and she started to cry siklenty.

I wonder how long it takes until they pork.

I’m guessing chapter 3.

After class.

In the middle of class most likely.

I like Fluffs answer! Lets go with his!

Later, when Snape asked a question and she knw the answer she raided her hand and her black sleeve fell away from her arm. The class turned to look and all gasped at what they saw!

 

Are we going to play a game?

 There wate bloody scars all over her hands and wrist.

Either SuperHappyFanClub is British, or there is literally blood coming out of her scars. Doctor Green, could you explain that one?

Ya nah, I’m on vacation.

 

Well it’s up to me then. The reason is

 

 

It pays of to have an online doctorate.

She rand out of he room crying. Draco felt really bad.

Why? What did he do? And everyone knows if you are cutting yourself, you do it on your inner thigh. Harder to see.

"If I had known she did that I woud of been nicer to her. I hope that I am going to cut ,yself because I feel bad for hetr." he said.

I feel bad for this girl that I have known for three sentences. I should go cut myself. Logic?

 

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Hope you all like it I'll make sone more dcsooon Pleeze R&R!

No problem.

 

Chapter 2

This is not a joke!

 

That was a funny joke.

 I'm writing about things that lmean a lot to me.

I've written about things that mean a lot to me too, and believe me, that doesn't automatically make a story perfect.

 

I really just want o sharer my fantasys with everyone.

Your fantasy is to be and Emo who is adopted?

In the next chapt it willl be realy gud, you'll see.

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Draco ran out of the classroom after her and he almost feel down when Harry camout out of a room. Harry amd him were datinf for a long time this is their 5th year at Hogwartrs. That means they're 15. So is Helena.

At least we know how old she is.

And here I thought the story wasn't going to reference My Chemical Romance songs. Oh well, at least Gerard Way is doing preppy alt rock now; the poetic irony is just delicious.

 

I’m starting to run out of room on this page.

Shes 15 too.

Ya, we got it.

"Where are you ging?" said Harry.

"I'm running after the new girl, have you aeen her she has violet eyes

 

 

 

All glory to the hypnotoad! I wrote the epitome of a Gary Stu, and worse, I actually put that story on the internet!

All glory to the hypnotoad! I actually like Warnuts!

All glory to the hypnotoad! I don’t actually exist!

All glory to the hypnotoad! I’m actually a virgin!

All glory to the hypnotoad! I’m actually a private, not a lieutenant!

and black hair with pink bangs and she is verry pretty" said Draco.

"How dare you!" Said harry.

“How dare you look for a girl I don’t know!”

“How dare you not tell us what her hairstyle is!”

"I don't mean anything by it" said Draco "I only want to fibnd her because she is very sad" said Draco.

"I'll help you look 4 her" said Hsrry. They walked after her bloody footprints and they found she went into a closet ant the end of a hall.

Hold the phone...How much blood leaking from her wrists?

"Go away!" said Helena

"No, not untilll you tell us what is wrong.

 

Take a guess. 

why do you cut youraself?" said Harry and Draco

"Shut up! I said go away you bitches" said Helena and she hit them with a blast of her strong magical powers!

 

"Everyone thinks I'm a freak becauwse I wqas born with my power, but at least I can use thenm to keep you away" Said Helena.

If nobody knows about her past, including her, then how does she know she was born with her powers?

This is Raven we’re dealing with remember.

She cut herself and let the blood fvlow onto the floor.

“See? I cut myself and people help me.”

Makes sense.

Chapter 3

WARNING: GRAFIC SEXX!

Martin, are you a psychic?

Yes, yes I am.

Did you pick that up on your vacation too?

 

NOT FOR PREPPIES OR CHILDREN! OR HOMOPHOBES! Homophobes suck you guys need to be nice to gay people you don't even know what it's liek.

A somewhat sensible moral from one of these stories?

 

Hold on...this seems to good to be true… It’s as if it was...what's the word…

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Harry and Draco left and they decedid that she was too weird for them to try nad make freinds for. "I want to kiss you" said Draco as he blushed. Hartry sad "I wantr to kiss you, too" said HArry.

I can't decide whether to be proud of the author for not making everyone immediately fall in love with her character, or whether I should be disappointed since she most likely did it just to ship Harry and Draco for a chapter.

They started to make out and Draco put his hot long hard big sexy man probe into harry's waiting wet voluptuois tongue filled mouth.

I like “he put his thingy in my u know what’ more, it’s a classic.

Tongue filled mouth though, that's a new one. And I know I keep saying it, but we need to start a list of ridiculous words used to describe genitals, because if such a list existed, man probe would definitely be on it.

 

I’m on it.

Oh god Ray, what have you started!

 

Harry licked on it like some candy and it was so big and sweeter than any sugar, "I'll love you forever said Draco as he moved his hips haerd into Harry's face. Then Draco let his creamy man jizz

As opposed to his not creamy women jizz.

flow and flood Harry's opening. Harry swallowed it all and said it was so tasty and he kissed Draco with alittle mone. Then, Ron came in the dorm and saw3 what thru were doing and took off his pants he put his shaft into Dracos little butt.

"You have to be nice to gay people! But I'm still going to portray them as sex fiends who will hook up with anyone at any time for whatever reason."

Draco sai "AGHHHHH! SOOO BIG AND HARD AND TASTY AND OOHHH!

He has taste buds in his ass. Today I learned that my life's not so bad.

...wasn't this story about some Mary Sue? Where did all of this come from?

OHHH! I'm COMING!1" and he came again on harry's glasses and Harry couldbn't see. And then harry cam and he felt so good and layed down to sleep

TO BE CONTINUED…

  

Chapter 4

waz the last chpt hot or what It's the best sexx sene Ive ever rote I had a "girl erection"

Don’t you fucking dare Hent.

Haha! Time to shine!

 

...How dare you Mart! I’ll get you for this...one day...one day.

 

 

Revenge will be mine.

after reading it lol it was so hot. I'm so misunder stood this is real! You guys need to losen up.

 

All you had to do was ask.

Everyone shou.d listen to Green Day they rock!

 

They do rock, and I'm not just saying that because I have to take a whole bottle of Fukitol to feel anything at this point. In fact, I've thought about making a series of positive reviews, just to explain the many reasons why they're my favorite band.

Ray! You American Idiot! You can’t do something positive! That goes against everything we stand for! Your brain is stew at this point, from all the fuckitol. You can’t fight the Law! Never give into the Dirty rotten bastards!

What? It just seems like we're 2000 Light Years Away from being internet famous, and the Road to Acceptance involves being less like The Grouch and a little more like The Judge's Daughter; fair and balance. It just shows that we have some Knowledge, because right now, it seems like No One Knows. This isn't One of My Lies; I'm Having a Blast. But even if I think we're The best Thing in Town, sometimes it's easy to Burnout.

 

Get a hold of yourself man.

Haha. Fluff slapped you. Don’t you look foolish.

Ashlee Simpson and hilry Duff are sluts.

And Billie Joe Armstrong, lead singer of Green Day, has never kissed anyone outside of his marriage.

See?

Well, if you really want to.

 

Billie Joe Armstrong, totally not a slut.

If kissing someone out of marriage makes you a slut, then we’re all sluts at this point.

You guys are a bunch of Basket Cases if you think thats how it works.

Careful; they have a song called Dominated Love Slave, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Duz that sem like sometyhing a preppy would say. Im not a preppy!

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The next day in the grate Hall

 

It never get’s old.

 Hermione was wearing a leather miniskirt and a bkacj cirset wuth skills and pink ribbons down the fron and she had purple eyeliner on and she powedered her skinf ot kmae it pail.

"What happened to you?" said Harry.

“I was attacked by a bad fashion monster!”

"I became freiudns, with Helena." siad Hermione and Helena walked over and said "I showed Hermioner tha draknessa dn now her name is Black Crystal.

 

She is my best friend and you are too mean to me so she isn't your frioend asny more."

Hm, I see, I see. Just one question; when did any of this happen?

Silly Ray. It happened diring the 666XXX666XXX666XXX666.

That almost makes sense.

"Wait! " said Draco. "I fell in love with you when I first sae you!" said Draco.

WHAT!" saaid Harry.

Shit is about to hit the fan, anyone want popcorn?

 

 

Whe just had mad secx last night how can you do this to me?" said Harry and he began to cry.

"We also had mad secx with Ron, but really, who ever gave a fuck about Ron?"

Hermione sure does.

Who gives a fuck about Hermione?

 

Who doesn’t?

:I am sorry Harry but I can't help but love her becauxse I see that she isn't such a bad person" said Draco.

Helena ghasped, "How do you know! How do you know I'm not bad! I cut myself!" sher began to cry as she hummed the tune of a Linkin Park song to soothe her nerves and to try to stope herself from crying

I'd recommend Leave Out All the Rest, it's a very happy song. I put it in my cheering up playlist, right between Adam's Song by Blink 182 and My Immortal by Evanescence.

 

"I just know"

"But I hurt you with my powers!" "I don't even know who I am" said Helena

Neither do the readers at this point.

 as the tears streaked dowb her face, Black Crystal got realy defensive adn said "C'mon lt's go outside and take car e of thiss with out a crowds around."

Chapter 5

Thnaks for al the reviews and again NO PREPPYS! I tried to spell it a bit better and the others were so bad with spelling because I was rushed!

Who the fuck could possibly be asking you to rush this?

*cough* *cough*

 

I typed them all before school! Here this chapter is edited.

 

Editing a chapter implies that there are minimal to no spelling errors. Furthermore, it also means that proper english and spelling structure will be used.

Wow, words of wisdom from Hent just slapped the shit out of this fanfic.

In conclusion.

I find the lack of evidence to prove such a claim. The prosecution rests your honor.

This chapter is even darker than the others so you have to be really hardcore to understand it.

Bitch please, my Gary Sue story makes this one look like Clifford the Big Red Dog.

 

 

WARNING: Drug use, alchohol use, and RAPE.

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I'm going to follow Hent's theory and just assume that all three of those happened during the transition.

Black Crystal got all up in Draco's face and said "You'd better be tellin' her the truth. If you and Harry are daitng then you shoud'nt lie to Helena.

You know what else you shouldn't do? Take a song written about somebody's deceased grandfather and name your Mary Sue after it.

Yeah!........what?

She will beleive you and you will break her heart.

Have they clarified that she has one to begin with?

Do you know what she has gone throuh? She doesn't even know who her parents are!"

Harry said "I think I unerstand her. My parents died when I was very yound.

Oh look, some empathy, that's quite understanding—

Maybe I should start dating her

Nevermind.

and you can forget about her Draco." Harry said as he glared at Draco and added" You were already ready to end are relashonship so soon."

What relationship? I’m so lost! Who is dating who?

Helena was shaking and crying. Everything was happening so fast!

The sooner it ends the better.

"Wait! I want to get to know you before we start dating and we should have party and forget that we go into this argument."

"Remember everything we've established in the story so far? Yeah, forget all of that, let's just fucking party."

Works for me.

 

That night they all went to Helena's room and she got out sume drugs and vodka. When they were puff-puff-passing Dumbledore came in

 

Dumblydore to the rescue!

 

and said "No! My adopted daugter won't do such vile things!" He quickly snached up the drugs and the vodka and took them to the office. There he took Helena and Dark Crystal into another room and Snape was there and he raped her 5 times.

 

Then when she was bleeding and crying Dark Crystal fought them as best she could but her magic was not strong enough to fight them and then Helena used her secret magic powers that are very strong

 

At least my Gary Stu didn't use magic. Another story I wrote on the other hand…

 

Let's just not go there.

It’s best not to remember those days Ray, some memories just need to die.

and a blood red light short from her hands and hit Snape's chest and she had exausted herself and fell down into a pool of her own blood.

"No!" screamed Black Crystal and he jumped in front of Helena and tried to use a healing spell but then Snape slapped her butt and she fell "You fucking perv!

 

Don't touch me you bastard, Why did you rape Helena!"

What I want to know is why Snape is always a rapist in these fics?

Because Professor Orange isn’t considered cannon…..yet

TO BE CONTINUED…

Except probably not, because this was last updated back in 2006, right around the time… fuck. Right around the time My Immortal was being written.

 

We've been trolled gentlemen, commence rage gifs.

 

Rage has been vented.

 

 

Why you gotta be bustin up my grill homey?