Review #10

The Worst YYH FanFiction Ever

Story by Sir Psycho Sexy

Review by Ray




No, I didn't dub it that, it was already called that when we found it. Enter Hentai Man.


We’ve been missing two things so far, Hentai and Hentai Man. Now we have both.

Konichiwa friends, I-

We are not your friends!

Shut up Yellow. Continue Hent.

I am Mart’s friend that whacks it to Hentai and Hentai Manga...so now I am a player in this game.

 

So this is Yu Yu Hakusho, none of us have seen it before but it looked reviewable so we decided to take a crack at it. The lovely man who decided to repost the fan fic describes what it’s about much better than I so… READ IT.

A Yû Yû Hakusho fanfiction by Sir Psycho Sexy

A/N: This is a deliberate parody of god-awful, clichéd fanfiction. As such, it will have canonically unlikely plotlines, scary out-of-character-ness, fake character bashing, and parody-type Mary Sues. However, it WILL have much better spelling and grammar than the badfics you are used to reading, that I promise. Plus- lewd humor and deliberate fanboy languages. D Enjoy!

SPS

Did you read it? If you didn’t it’s right above this text you are reading. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Cue Jeopardy music.

Do Do Do DO DO do do, DO DO DO DO do do    do.

This is intentionally bad, why are we reviewing it?

Because intention is no excuse. Let’s get started.

Chapter 1: The Kurama/Hiei Story

Seven AM.

Seven am what?

Kurama hated getsuyôbi,

That’s monday by the way.

even though he had no bloody idea what the word was doing there smack dab in the middle of and English sentence.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

But anyways, he hated this particular thing that shall not be mentioned

Wut

because the reader is l33t enough to know Japanese would know what it is, and the person who doesn't know what it is shouldn't be reading this fanfiction in the first place.\

Well I’m out.

Me too.

I win the pot.

Congratulations, you get to keep reading!

 

He stretched his arms up over his head, and decided that today was the day. His rear end had been lubricating

Ooh, so it’s one of those.

My favorite. Except for no pictures.

well for over a week now, and he had been gorging himself with chocolate and watching very gushy romance movies nonstop during that time. But lo, his love for Hiei had not yet been returned, and he wept into his lace handkerchief that he had mysteriously acquired when his rear started lubricating by itself.

Mysteriously indeed.

"Oh, my dear, sweet Hiei! You have been corrupted by that miserable bionic bitch, Mukuro!

Bionic Bitch indeed.

Threeway?

 Now you will never love me, for I am a man, and two men cannot love each other!

Homophobic?

Has Hentai taught you nothing….Yaoi.

 

Oh agony! Oh defeat! Oh woe! The only thing left for me to do is get a sex change,

Because that’s the first thing I think of when I lose a girl.

How many times has it been Hent?

24, and only if you count half a sex change.

even though I don't identify as a woman at all!

Really? The gorging of chocolate and watching romances were not feminine in the slightest.

Doesn’t everyone do that?

Because of true love!"

Insert joke about any of the thousands of songs about true love.

Show Me Your Genitals, by MC Vagina.

He then cried further and started to slit his wrists with one of his stepfather's razor blades to relieve the pain…

Doesn’t shave yet but is thinking about a sex change.

Have you been reading my diary?

Yes.

it was the only way until he could saw his genitals off

 

for his truest, deepest love. But then he started to cry yet again, and put on a long, lacy pink dress, so he could be a woman before he waited for his surgery.

You do realize you’re a demon thiet right? And how dare you not get that joke about the cannon.

Thanks wikipedia.

Yomi, ruler of Gandara, was sitting in his chambers watching the fox with the mysterious aliment. Something came over his mind…the fox looked some stunning in that dress…

Wait, where are we? Is this one of your fan fics Ray?

Hey, my horrible shit is original.

Japan motherfucker.

"MUHUHAHAHA! I will take Kurama prisoner, and rape him, even though I don't really want to!"

At least he’s committed.

Always be committed to your rapes and rape fantasies.

 

he sadistically laughed, adding an extra "MUHAHA" at the end for good measure. "Revenge shall be mine, for I am pure evil! MUHUHAHAHA!" And the skies thundered over Gandara…Yomi laughed even more when he saw how he had influenced the weather, despite his being completely blind.

 

He then sent two messenger demons, who were dumb as bricks,

Then why did you send them?

 to catch his lovely prize. When the demons arrived in the Minamino household, they just stared blankly at each other, uncertain of what to do.

Yaoi… called it.

Kurama looked up at them, and said, "Come on, evil demon slaves, let's get this show on the road! I am to be brutally raped by Yomi!

If she wants it, is it rape?

Is it rape if they can’t say no?

Yes, and Yes.

Else why would my ass be self-lubricating, and why would I be a fake transsexual! Oh woe! Capture me and make me wangst!"

What’s wangst mean?

I don’t know but I’m sure Hent does it at least three times a week, and shut up Yellow.

The first demon looked at the other and said, "What is she talking about?"

To which the second replied: "I dunno. You want to get lunch or something?"

"I'm having a really bad craving for boiled human flank on rye. Sound good to you, Dave?"

"I dunno, Bob.

Bob and Dave, will be your demons for this evening.

I'm in the mood for kidney pie, und keiner Eier."

Vas es das?

"¿Qué? No comprendo lo que dices."

What? I don’t know what you said.

"SHUT UP ALREADY!"

 

screamed Kurama. "Bring Yomi to ravish me, or else this will never get off of the ground!"

Something else just got off the ground.

 

 

And Dave and Bob brought Kurama back to Gandara.

They could have replaced that last paragraph with that one sentence.

Meanwhile, Hiei was strapped to an operating table in Mukuro's castle.

Well that escalated quickly.

Damn it I keep getting blue balls because there’s no semblance of plot.

The Bionic Bitch, as she was known, was opening him up and ripping out his internal organs one by one, squashing them and laughing in sadistic glee.

To make into cupcakes later.

Ah, good times.

What did I miss?

"MUHUHAHAHA!

Nice, got the same laugh as Gandara. Classy.

Stock footage. 

You shall never leave here alive- not if you still love that fox!

Yes, but what does it say?

You belong to me and ME ALONE! MUHUHA…" –here she coughed- "HUAHAHAHA!"

Hiei screamed in agony.

Because of the cough?

Isn’t she ripping him apart?

Germaphobe.

This was too much. He wished desperately for some of that luscious sweet snow to ease the pain…

Is this part of the cannon? Because I don’t think it’s part of the cannon.

that pain that could only be described through Evanescence lyrics…

My Immortal… Thank you Amy Lee and fuck you Tara.

Amen.

So when does the Lemon start?

And lo, there in a dress, was his savior! Or "savioress", as the case may be.

"Where on earth were you, fox? I'm getting organs ripped out, and yet you could not find me!

And am somehow still able to talk.

Oh woe!" Hiei started to cry, and several onyx-colored tear gems made a soft 'plink' sound upon the castle floor.

"I too was suffering unbearable agony." Kurama put his hand over his head

Which is currently located over there on that table.

in a dramatic pose

 

and started to weep bitter tears of wangst. "I was being ravished by the cruel, evil Yomi, and I was starting to enjoy it when the fluids from my rear flooded all of Gandara, thereby conveniently saving me! My love for you knows no limits, and I have been tortured o prove it!"

"As have I, my dear, sweet, honey-baby-snookums,"

There has to be a joke here…

I got nothin’.

said Hiei, looking Kurama tenderly in his emerald orbs.

 

"The problem is, the worlds

Is this part of the cannon?

Well he is a demon thief, and then not a demon thief.

will not accept our love, being two males! Let us kill ourselves in the hope of heteronormativity

My new favorite adjective.

in the next life!"

"Yes, but I have become a weepy woman for you, my love!" Kurama started crying while holding his- erm, her dress- out of the pile of Hiei's bloody entrails, which she- no, he (you have to judge gender on physical sex, don't ya know)

 

 was surprised were not back in Hiei's body,a nd yet he was still alive.

"But…society does not accept of transsexuals either, especially fake ones!" Hiei cried.

Drag Queen?

A slight pause.

I hope you don’t highlight this.

I hope you highlight this.

Sex Sex Sex Sex.

Kurama picked up Hiei's sword and plunged it into his heart and let out a scream of agony. He- wait, isn't it she?- then died without any of the expected corny monologues. When Kurama stabbed himself, Hiei ripped out his own heart and died.

Their entwined souls went up to Reikai, to be reborn happily ever after as a busy salaryman and his sweet, submissive wife.

Wut

Koenma woke up with a start. The papers on his desk were in disarray, and he had the strangest dream about Kurama, Hiei, and the Demon Lords…although they were only facsimiles of Kurama, Hiei, Yomi and Mukuro.

Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.Fuck. Fuck.

He groaned to himself, started stamping his paperwork, and attributed his nightmare to the plethora of bad fanfiction he had been reading online.

Like this one.

Was it really that necessary to stop reading it? he wondered to himself. It was like a trainwreck…

I saw a boat crash… Into a plane that fell into the ocean and beached all the whales. Fuck you.

and it did keep him interested in Ningenkai…

Well at least it wasn’t all for nothing.

Nevertheless, he didn't want to have any more bad dreams. He shut off his computer and went back to working, so his father wouldn't get angry at him.

Until he sees the browser history.

A real man doesn’t delete his browser history.

A Real Man posts it on facebook.

END CHAPTER 1

Also called the “Fuck You this is just a dream” chapter.

A/N, Part Deux: Coming Up in "The Worst YYH Fanfiction Ever"- Sensui awakens, and suddenly likes boobies! Itsuki hates Sensui! Read all about it! (And damn, at this rate, Koenma's going to get a damn headache…)

If you have any more ideas, comment. I'd love to hear some "bad fanfic" ideas…

Oh, spoilers by the way.

The Worst YYH Fanfiction Ever

A Yû Yû Hakusho fanfiction by Sir Psycho Sexy

A/N: I am very glad that the first chapter got as many reviews as it did, not because I'm "LIEK OMG REVEW HORE!1!" but because I'm glad people sympathize with my position.

I know, I hated my parents for naming me Horse Clown the Third, Sir Psycho Sexy.

Speaking of which, the topic of Chapter Two is very important to me,

Is it also a dream?

Insert inception joke here.

as Sensui is my very favorite YYH character, and one of the very VERY few kickass, realistically portrayed gay men in anime or elsewhere (seeing as most are fanservice caricatures or "fabulous" nellies that give people makeovers). It makes me sad to see his character butchered.

So anyhoo, enjoy!

SPS


Chapter 2: Hetero-Sensui! Charge, Urameshi's Sister!

Feeling the current of subspace surrounding his body,

Oh, I need dubspace.

Real men watch without subtitles.

Real Men watch with their pants on.

 provided there was any current inside an Ura-otoko's belly in the first place, Sensui Shinobu sat up with a jolt.

Well, I’m lost. Hentai Man have fun.

Power… Failing… Boner…. Falling….

Quick, give it mouth to dick! Where’s Warnuts when we need him.

For some odd reason, he was back inside of his body; his mind was now oddly quiet as he did not hear most of his personae talking to one another. He looked up into the admiring face of one Yaminade no Itsuki…and felt absolutely disgusted that he had had his arms around him.

One thought consumed his mind: He had to find a pair of boobies, and quick.

I like him already.

Boner… Rising…

All he could think about were women's voluptuous breasts…and he did not become angry at himself for being "normal" or for being a total and utter hypocrite to his cause…

What cause?

…Say, what cause was it again?

Exactly!

Sensui could not remember for the life of him. All he could think about was finding himself a girlfriend and getting away from that creepy old fa- erm, demon, in subspace.

He threw Itsuki off of him and started to pace about, when, all of a sudden, a beautiful woman, who was half-fox-demon, one-third pixie, and precisely one-thirty-third yaminade (even though they were very rare in the first instance, and, in the second instance, even though they possessed normal demon lust for both sexes, most of them tended to attach themselves to a particular member of the same sex as themselves),

Boner… Confused…

Confused? Improved.

 opened up a portal into where the two men were and latched herself onto Sensui, screaming, "Oh, my gods, you are so kawaii!

AHH, KILL WITH FIRE!

 

Shit! Hold him down!

Does he do this often?

It’s been a while.

Green is that you?

We need to talk.

Marry me!"

All Sensui did was nod "yes" in a rather drugged stupor as Keara Sakura Catalina Urameshi, Yûsuke's goddess-like half-sister, born when Atsuko was 9 she had a really early puberty!

Boner… Concerned…

It is becoming sentient.

Shut up, I’m wangsting.

I swear! That skank! and abandoned in a tequila crate in Mexico, glomped him again, and injected a clear substance that would make any gay man straight into his lower back…for the second time. She didn't want to make any mistakes, certainly none that would cost her a hot, sexy genocidal maniac that she could cure magically and make into her hubby.

She picked him up, gave him a smooch, and lifted him out of the Ura-otoko. Another girl, with long silver hair, one purple eye and one blood-red, and a well-developed bosom walked into the portal, and waved at Itsuki.

"OHMIGAWD! You are so hoot!"

 

The silver-haired girl ran behind Itsuki and started hugging him. Itsuki would have shooed her off and had the Ura-otoko digest her; however, he too, was in a stupor, because the girl smelled like the one thing known to render a yaminade helpless.

She just happens to have the smell of concentrated shark urine with olives?

Tropical Breeze-scented laundry detergent.

That was my next guess.

(This is one of the odder phenomena that has been noted when Makai denizens are exposed to Ningenkai substances;

I’m lost, see you guys in Chapter three.

various elemental yôkai species are severely allergic to substances that do not correspond to the elements they control. Now why it had to be Tropical-Breeze-scented as opposed to Spring Fresh or Lilac Mist, Reikai officials do not yet know.)

Having had Itsuki pass out, the silver-haired girl- let's call her Sue for simplicity's sake-

Enoby?

took him to a local chapel, complete with overweight Elvis impersonator, 47 pounds of Kentucky Fried Chicken, and $20-in-American-currency marriage license, and bestowed upon him the sacred, eternal, loving institution of marriage. (Don't ask me how he got married when he was unconscious! It's just a fanfic, jeez!)

Church of the invisible pink unicorn then.

All hail the great texts of the flying spaghetti monster.

One Week Later

Because time is so relevant here.

The two abominations- whoops, sorry- gorgeous, wise, perfect women were sitting around on Sue and Itsuki's porch,

There is a delete key and you know it.

Hey Ray you’re back. Ray?

knitting scarves and sitting in their rocking chairs, the soft breeze making the chairs creak back and forth.

"How's your husband, Keara?" Sue tilted her head quizzically.

"He's a wreck. Honest to the gods. Every time I come home from a long day of seducing bishounen,

Beautiful young boys. - Hentai Man

he has this note attached to the door that says, 'Gone to Hooters. Be back at ten' written on it.

Oh, I have one of those too.

Well I’m going to need it back.

I swear, if he ever goes to Hooters or a strip club or a soapland one more damn time, I'll…" Keara made a fist. It was okay for her to cheat, but the gods forbid her man do so!

Seems fair…

"Men…mrrgh…"

"I know what you mean. I have to keep my washer running twenty-four-seven so that my man won't run off and try to seduce your man."

wut

With this she shuddered.

"And it gets even worse! I didn't know that I didn't get rid of his female persona!

did we miss something? Like, a lot of somethings?

Now whenever we try to get intimate, Naru comes crying on my shoulder and says that she's so damn happy I made her a lesbian!"

I don’t know what she’s talking about, in the show or the fanfiction.

"Eww. Lesbians are gross."

Blasphemy!

Sue made a face, and then looked at Keara. Damn, she thought, she's hot…NO NO NO NO NO! BAD SUE!

YES YES YES YES YES!

MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE MAYBE!

She banged

Go on…

her head against the porch wall and fell unconscious.

Go on…

At that very instant, the washer turned off, and the house no longer smelled of Tropical Breeze laundry detergent.

Oh no, now he’s going to cheat on her! I think!

Itsuki awoke from his stupor, rubbed his head, and asked, "Where is Shinobu?"

"He's mine!" yelled Keara. "So bugger off!"

This is unusually English for an anime fanfic.

Itsuki smiled. "Maybe I already have."

Just once, I’d like to read a line that makes sense in this story.

Keara was flustered, and angry, and ohhh…why did these two fa- erm, gentlemen- have to be so damn tricky?

"I GIVE UP!" she yelled. "You can have your damn boyfriend back!"

I’m lost, somebody needs to draw me a picture.

 

A picture that wasn’t drawn by me.

At that instant, Sensui ran up to the house and yelled, "Show me your tits!

 

Show me your tits!"

Itsuki was stunned. This was surely a clone of his lover!

Acording to the toxicology report, this author is on… every drug known to man, as well as a few new ones.

"Oh, hell, I injected something into his back to make him forget about hating humanity and to make him like girls like a normal man.

was it hormone injected chicken?

But it totally backfired! LOOK!" Keara started bawling her eyes out.

At this point, I would believe her eyes are literally out.

"So…what do I do to get him back?"

Keara dug out a bottle, and dug two pills from the inside. "Here. These are antidote pills for the hetero-serum. You only need one of them…Choose the red pill or the blue pill."

When the fuck did we enter the Matrix?

"Which one do you recommend?" Itsuki asked, trying to screw with her mind.

well that should be easy, just get her to read this story.

"I dunno! Just take one! All I know is that one pill has more side effects than the other one!"

Itsuki thought for a moment, and then took the blue pill from her hand and smiled. He instructed Sensui to take- no, more like manipulated Sensui into taking- it. A few minutes later, he seemed to be back to his normal, gay self.

Yay?

Except for one thing.

"Oh my God," Sensui lisped.

“Becky. Look, at her, butt.”

"This shade of black does NOT MATCH this other shade of black on my pants! I'm a total fashion disaster! I have to get properly accessorized before I can go out and do lots and lots of crystal meth!"

That’s the first thing in this story that doesn’t surprise me.

The two girls squeed. Itsuki had chosen the right pill: he was no longer an unacceptable gay, nor a noisome straight. He was just right- a fabulously flaming gay man just like all of the others on TV!

 

The kind that called out for celebration and tons upon tons of fangirls and hags following his every move!

Itsuki just stared at his partner. If this was another personality, so be it. He could stand his being a totally swishy queen- as long as it was an eighth persona.


Koenma could not get a wink of sleep. He had had that awful dream about Sensui chasing after women, and Itsuki being paralyzed by laundry detergent- and, well, even though he had taken action against the two, he still felt guilty that he left them in such a vulnerable position according to their wishes.

I’d be more inclined to care if I knew who these characters where.

Shinobu used to work for him, after all.

He admitted it…he was getting addicted to crappy fanfiction, and he needed to stop.

Is there a rehab for that? Because some of us Retributionists could use it.

And FAST. Nothing like this would happen in real life, right? And if it did, his father would hear about it and send the SDF in for the kill. Right?

He shuddered as he tried to persuade himself to go back to sleep after being spooked by that last nightmare for the past three hours.

This chapter was a dream too? Fuck everything.

After all, tomorrow was work, work, work…and he had to get up bright and early for that, or else he'd get a spanking…

Koenma shut his eyes and tried to get some rest. Damn fanfiction

END CHAPTER 2

Ray, you around?

Yup, good job guys, way to finish the story.

Finish? There are two more-

 

 

I Don’t see any more chapters, this is now over.