Review #22

the awesome adventures of amynda in the fayz!

Chapters 10-12

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Chapter 10

A/N: kkk im working realy hard on the spelling and grammar.

Five things in that statement say otherwise.

I haven't updated in a while cuz im bein tootered I don't know why

Can I take a stab in the dark?

but my mommys making me I don't know why u guys don't think I need it right?



No no no, that was sarcasm, continue the tutoring.

So, one day I was walking down the street. The daycare children said, "Hello, Amynda!"

I said, "Hello, children!"

The daycare children said, "You are beautiful, Amynda!"

So far, this chapter is very pleasant. And, the grammar actually holds up.

I said, "Aw, that is just flattery. You are only trying to get into my pantaloons. Silly, perverse daycare children, I see through you as a man wearing glasses sees through his glasses."

Well, there goes the pleasantness.

The daycare children said, "That is a metaphor, Amynda!"

"No," I said. "That is a simile."

The daycare children said, "It is a very good simile, Amynda."

I said, "Aw, that is just flattery. You are only trying to get into my pantaloons. Silly, perverse daycare children, I am a man wearing glasses and seeing through them, and you are the glasses that the man wearing glasses sees through."

I swear I’ve read that before…

"Now, that really is a metaphor," the daycare children chorused. "Ha ha ha ha."

"Ha ha ha ha," I said appreciatively.

Then, an evil looking boy walked up.

Ah, it’s about time. I’m glad this is easier on the eyes, but I have a job to do and the idle conversation wasn’t giving me much to work with.

His hair was long and lanky and gargantuan, and his skin was pale and light and pastel and soft and whitish and insipid.

You can just call him a cracker, I really wouldn’t mind.

Behind him was a fat and overweight and plump and stout man

On a scale of big to oh hell no, how fat was he?

in a dark black suit with a dark black tie and a dark black shoes and dark black pants and dark black blouse.

It doesn’t have to be dark black, black alone pretty much covers it.

"Hel-lo," the evil looking boy says. "My name is Toto. I am a bad guy."


At least he’s self aware, welcome to the fun side Toto.

"Hello," Amynda said. "My name is Amynda. I am a good guy."

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA” said Amynda in the previous chapter.

"Hello," the fat man said quixotically. "My name is Wily Loman. I am a sup-port-ing ant-ag-on-ist."

“My name is Ray Thompson. I am a Re-trib-u-tion-ist.”

"Hello," Amynda said. "My name is Amynda. I am a good guy."

"Why isn't that very nice," Toto said puFFILY. "yOU DO REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS?"

That Amanda’s computer just had a stroke?



Is caps lock on?


Nevermind, it’s probably something else. I hear that microwaves fix most computer problems.


I fixed it on medium for thirty seconds.


Chapter 11

A/N: My computer works, now. Hooray. My English tutor said, this fanfiction is a wonderful opportunity to expand my vocabulary, and stop my bad habits, like not using commas, and capitals, and using too many, exclamation points.

Hey tutor, I get that you’re doing your job. But leave a little slack for me to do mine, would ya?

So, I will do this. Hooray. And many thanks to Gumi Temple for helping me fix my computer. She is very wise in the ways of technology.


In thanks, I will name a character after her.

"So, Amynda," Toto said. "You are a good guy, is this not so?"

"Yes," I say. "This is, so."

“Is it true that this plot has slowed down considerably?” asked Ray.

“It is,” Responded Ray, talking to himself. “Do you miss the older chapters?”

“I don’t know,” pondered Ray. “It is nice to know there is hope for Tarian writers, but this has gone from entertaining for its ridiculousness to boring for its formality.”

“I agree,” said Ray.

Ray nodded, and said, “this is good. It is good that we agree.”

"This is bad," Toto said. "This is bad, because I am attracted to you, but I am, a bad guy."

"Oh, my. You are such a perv." I scream Loudly.

Alright Amanda, I can tell you’re not enjoying this either. Just so you know, there is a happy medium. You can tell an enticing story without making it look like it was recited from a dictionary.

"I will abominate you."

"Why will you abdominal, me." Toto asks. "That is Enchanting."

That’s actually about how well I speak Spanish; I have a decent vocabulary, I just can’t use it properly. But I don’t go around writing stories in Spanish, and I think it’s only fair Amanda keeps here English to herself until she shows that she can handle it.

"Yes, it is," I say.

"Bwahahaha," Toto says, "But I'm So Evil that I have an Evil Plan."

"Gosh golly gee willickers," says a person passing by on the road whose name is Gumi. "That is evil!

And runs away.

Yup that’s… that’s pretty evil.

"Bwahahaha. Amynda, you beautiful girl you, I will make you regret being such a charming young person, don't you think I won't."

Yeah, you do that…


"But how."

Mhmm, I’m listening…


"You must kill either Drake, or Caine by the time the sunsets," Toto says, snorting as gremulous smoke rises from the ground around him, his sexy black cape blowing in the current of air blustery weather. "Or else."

“Or else I’ll threaten you in a way that makes sense.”

And then disappears.

"Why does life, have to be like this." I say, falling to my needs on the engorged pavement, flaccid tears coming, to my eyes.

These commas, are annoying, they interrupt things, a lot.

"If I was ugly like, everyone else, Toto wouldn't be punishing me.

He outright said he was evil, I doubt your oh so flawless looks have anything to do with it.

If I wasn't so perfect, nobody would hate me."

True, I wouldn’t hate her quite as much.

"It's okay," Fruity-Tooty giggliggles, nuzzling against my toe.

What, you didn’t know Fruity-Tooty could talk?

"It's not your fault you're perfect."

"Oh, but it is," I say.

If it’s your fault, you have a fault. If you have a fault, it was caused by a flaw. If you’re flawed, you’re imperfect. Tada, not perfect.

"I have a face like a sexy charter in a manga show,

You mean anime?

so very kawaii, the body of a model in the magazine of a play boy, the feet of a river. If only I were normal—"

"But you're not normal," Fruity-Tooty, giggliggles, engorging a passing kid with his horn. "And we love you for that."

"This is true," Caine says, jumping onto a table in a skintight leotard that hugs his every curb.

A wild Caine appears! It’s mildly interesting!

"We love you for being perfect."

"Y-You do?" I sniffle-pump. "You really do?"



"Sometimes, people are perfect,

And that's just the way they are," he sings, stretching his arms out into the violet sky and touching the stars, in a voice as sweet as an infantile.



"Sometimes, you're just perfect,

Without a single scar," Drake accomplishes him, jumping up on an opposing table and v stretching his arms out into the violet sky and touching the stars, in a voice as sweet as an infantile.


That might work…

"Some people are so perfect,

It makes life really hard," Diana joins in, jumping onto another tabularize.

"And these people who are perfect,

Their souls are never marred," Penny sobs.


That’s… nevermind, that might be interesting. And we can’t have interesting in this story anymore.

"And you, Amynda, are perfect,

And we've known it all along," They sing, in unison.

The invisible bug does a dance spinning and tapping his cane in a hat and background music comes in, all beautiful instruments.

Background music in writing, because that makes sense.

Caine, Drake, Diana, and Penny hop off their tables, do cartwheels, and land in the middle.

You are so perfect, Amynda, (It's getting faster now, kinda upbeat)

Some people are jealous of you.

But put yourself in our shoes—

Wouldn't you be jealous of you, too?

But we've come to realize, Amanda,

That it's not your fault you're perfect.

You really deserve your perfection,

And it's not for us to dissect.

Huh, so Amynda is God. People are calling her perfect despite a considerable number of things she’s done wrong, and right now they’re literally worshiping her. She hasn’t created the universe yet, but give her a few chapters.

The music speeds up even more and they put their arms around each other and do a kickline, their sexy knees flashing sexily.

Oh-woah-woah Amynda she is perfect,

Amynda is perfect, it's true,

But instead of being jealous,

Why not be glad she's hear with you?

While we’re at it, let’s not forget Danny Bhoy’s hymn.

God is great and we’re all shit

God is great and we’re all shit

God is great (God is great)

We’re all shit (we’re all shit)

God is great and we’re all shit

I start to cry, tears streaming down my face in playful rivulets. They're right. It's everyone else's fault, not mine.

Wow, she actually said it.

Hooray. I have such honest friends.

Chapter 12

A/N: kkk sooo haven't been gettin many reviews witch is making me very obtrusive.

Yeah, but you were obtrusive from the very start.

so. REBOOOOOOS! nd good ones too tellin me how awesome i am ;)

Only if you give me a reason to tell you that.

So, after, Toto and Wily leave, and Caine, Diana, Drake, and Penny have finished their most encouraging advice, I smile and say to Caine and Drake, "Hello."

"Hello, Amynda," they chorus, with hands clasped like chorus girls. "How may we serve you. We love you and want to be yours forever."

Maybe Amynda took my advice of reading to Bible a little too literally. I didn’t mean copy it, I meant learn some basic decency.

I have known Caine and Drake since I was born, as we share a parent, or, in the case of Drake, three.

They shared three parents, interesting.

They are my most trusted friends, my aligns, my ボーイズラブファンの女の子 (my chinse friend kagura rote that 5 me cuz shes fluent in the langage of china that means sumpin like "my strong bffs").

Close, it describes a girl who’s a fan of yaoi.

They are, in a word, flatulent.

Okay, how could that not be on purpose?

"That is good to know," I say, stroking my goaty.

Oh, so earlier when she said she had a goaty it really was a goat, not just a misselling of goatee. Well that’s much less interesting.

"However, Toto says, I must kill one of you—"

"Okay," they giggle.

"—before sundown."

"What." They scream, slapping their hands to their noses. "That is evil."


“I have to kill you.”

“Yeah, whatevs.”

“I have to kill you before sundown.”

“You horrible fucking bitch!”

"It is." I start to dance jazz with a caine (hahaha gettit caine/cane? XDDDDD).

I don’t think it was so funny that I grew four extra mouths just so I could laugh harder, but I did think the spontaneous dance routine was entertaining.

"that is why I believe in a libertarian gerontocracy.

Well that came out of nowhere. Libertarianism I can get behind, but gerontocracy is just plain stupid. Essentially, it means that the oldest people in a society are the ones in charge. No other qualifications have to be met, the person just has to be old.

It really makes sense. People should be allowed to do as they wish within the bounds of common sense. The existence of government is super flyous.

Ah, so what you’re describing Amanda is anarchy, which is slightly different.

The "government" as the IDIOTS insist on calling it

How far are we tracing this back? The Greek? The Romans? The French-- well, bad example. The point is that the word makes sense, so stop criticising the language you know nothing about and start criticising the politics you know nothing about.

should exist as a guiding force and not as an all-puffy entity that tells everyone "oh, yeah, do as I say" and "oh, yeah, take this puffy" and "oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah." I'm sick of all the "oh, yeah"ing.

What government is she under?

See, nobody's perfect.

Except for you apparently.

So the state, must be imperfect.

It already is, what more do you want Amanda?

I mean, if someone as awesome as me ran it, then, yes, it would be perfect,


but people do not always appear perfection. So you are left with, people bowing the the puffy whims of a flawful state. Witch is bad.

I agree, witches are bad.

But, you see, we should still have a guiding power. Because this would be to advice us and not to enforce laws, it makes sense for those hwo are elderly and wizened to advices us on these things.

“I advize you not to blow up Manhattan, but it’s up to you I guess.”

This is because they have more life

"Hello." Toto said. "Hi. I am evil."

"That is bad." Amynda said. "I am good. This could cause conflict."

(Conflict, according to my tutor-who-I-do-not-need, makes a story good.

Well yeah, a story without conflict is a story for a three year old.


"That is good because this rising action will continue until I climax."



Congratualtions, you know the terms. Now apply them. I know the general layout of the human body, but you don’t see me boasting about being a surgeon. That’s Doctor Martin’s job, and he’s damn good at is as far as you need to know.

"Well then. What do we do now?"

"You will kill Caine. Or Drake. Before sunset."

"Hm." I say. "That is quite actinouranium.

And that is quite the large word to throw in with no relevant meaning.

But . . . I . . . . . . . won't . . . . . . . . . . do it.

Exactly, why would she in the first place.

I am a good guy, not a bad guy. I. Am. A. Strong. Otaku. Womaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan."

"But, you must," Toto says. "Or. Else."


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