Review #201

Knuckles and the Fairy




Editor! Do you have the list of fanfiction that we really should review at some point in the future eventually?

[Editor's Note: That is definitely not what we called it but yes. First up is Knuckles and the Fairy, by IlovePUpoesd. The summary is, “knuckles is a lonley enchilada who wants a girlfriend. And a pretty stela the jusbiatcj is just the gurl for hi,.” So, I’m leaving have fun bye.]

Chapter 1

once upon a pony there wasn a enchilada named knuclr.

Is that the new dish at taco bell?

he was pretty kool and stuff.

To be fair this is about the same level of character development as actual Sonic games.

he had things on his hands. they were cool.

Yup, still on par.

You know what worries me is that this Knuckles is still going to be more dignified than Sonic Boom’s Knuckles who literally had to go,

“Left.”

once day there was a fairy thing. she had hair. it wad ptetty. And nuggles wanted to go oyt with her. cuz she was pretty.

This speaks to me.

Chapter 2

Knucl went up to him and said hi. Uyor very pretty. She said . oh u like boi.

I can’t tell if this is gay or not.

Yeah, this fairy, does it just… morph? “She” was pretty, went up to “him,” “She” said, oh u like “boi”?

Yea he said. Staring all happy ay her boobers.

I can see why they wanted us to review this.

Stela grabbed her hands and brought him to her castle planet or county.

You know I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what level of detail is appropriate in storytelling. I used to be very strictly minimalist, thinking that you should only include things that are story vital. These days, I’ve really warmed up to the idea of slowing down a lot and really exploring a story’s space. But clearly I was fucking wrong the whole time and the best thing to do is make the details a fucking choose your own adventure.

And they sang. And music played. Ok cn I just say something caycray. Stela saoid. I wuv crazcray knucklr said.

So they’re ripping off Frozen with modern slang.

Clearly this will be timeless.

All my life has been a series of doors in my face. And suddenly I bumb into you. I was thinking the same thing. nuggles said. Cuz I've been like I've been searchinh my hole life to find my own place and maybe it's the pate talking or the chocolate fondo.

A) I’ve never been a fan of song fics, B) when you take a song from Disney it’s so specific, you really gotta work the song around the story at that point. I hate to say this, I really hate to say this, but Link’s Queen sooorta did it right.

I’m just wondering what the artistic vision here was. “I’m going to do Frozen but with Knuckles and worse?”

So wait is she supposed to be Anna?

I don’t know who Stela is!

Oh apparently she’s from Winx Club. “Crown Princess Stella is the sole heir to the Solarian Royal Throne.” Neat.

Stela giggles. Butt with u.

May the butt be with you.

knucles sang with her. butt with uuuuuuuuuuuuu./

Okay I’m starting to warm up to this story.

Ive got my place. I see ur face and it's notjin like I've ever noon ever before. LOVE IS AN OPEN DOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRR!1 LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOOOORRR. With u. with u knucles said.

Is that how you spell knucles? I don’t think so but I don’t even know anymore.

Hey at least every time, they’re getting close and closer to the right spelling.

With u stela said. With you knuc;es said.

Okay well that’s defintiely not how you spell it.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Then they both said. LOVE is an open dooooorrrrr. I mean its craycrzy. Knuckle;es said.

Okay now they’re just doing it to piss us off.

What stella said.

I’m going to highlight this sentence as an example of how quotation marks add clarity. Like, jeezus even if you do the comma and stuff wrong, at least try.

Knuckles said.

I—I think that one’s right! I think we have one correct spelling of Knuckles!

Let’s double check… holy shit.

We finish each others. Sandwitches. She said. Knuclles said.

Fuck you. “”

That's wat I wuz gana say. Steal said Ive never bet someone.

When the fuck did Shaq get in here?!

Shaq?

He played Steel! Man learn your shitty movies.

Knucles said. Who thinks so ,uch like me. They both said. JIZ JONX JINX AGAIN.

And they summoned Satan?

They both said. Our mental sincronazaton can has but one explanation.

Oh is this still the song?

Are we about to have to listen to this whole song?

You nigles said.

WOAH.

Weeeeeee should have seen that coming.

And I stal said were. Just. Ment to beeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Say goodbye stela said. Say goodbye kuggles said.

Wait why are they saying goodbye? It’s been a while since I’ve seen Frozen but is that how it ends? I’m very confused.

So say we all.

To the paan of the past we don't have to feel anymore. LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOOOR! LOVE IS AN OPEN DOOOOOOOOOOR. DOOOOOR nucgles said. Life can be soo much mooooooarrr. With you stela said. With you knuggles said. With you stella said with you knuckle;es said.

I think our record’s skipping.

Love is an open doooooooooor kncuk;es said. Dooooooor they both said. The the sogn ended.

Thank. God. Or Thor or whoever they have in Erindale.

Get ready for Chapter 3, Amy Sings Let It Go!

Chapter 3

Knuckles

Off to a good start!

was so happe.

Fuck!

He had a girlfirnd. Stela was so hawt. And pretty. With her boobers. Knuclr knoudlnt stop staring at them. They weren just sooo hawt. So stela said.

“My eyes are up here”?

Im officially dating an enchilada.

On my list of favorite sentences we’ve read on this thing. Bag of guns; I’ll make you breakfast; dating an enchilada.

This is so awesome. She said. Ya niggles said.

So what is that like dark knuckles?

My dad wants meh to marry someone I don't know if hell let me mary and enchilada.

You never know, maybe there’s a good chimychonga out there for you.

Nu behbeh. Kncules said.

I think this story ends once the author has succesfully come up with every incorrect spelling of Knuckles. Also! Spelled Knuckles wrong when typing that, but then I USED MY BACKSPACE KEY AND FIXED IT.

U can necome the queen on enchiladas with me. Oh she said. She looked sp pretty happye. Yay they both said wile they jump in the air. They look happy. So happy.

I mean at least this story is happy? We read so many that are bad and miserable, it’s at least nice that we’re not dealing with both fronts here at once.

Who knows, maybe this wedding will be Game of Thrones style. Actually I welcome that twist.

Chapter 4

It was the daey of there wedding. All of nigles enchilada frinds and not enchilada friends were ther.

I refuse to go back and parse that sentence.

And stelas non enchilada fends were there. They were so happy and stuff. stela was in an epicly pretty dress. It was pretty.

One could call it, mmmspicy?

Knuclr was in his pink boxing gloves. They were pretty. Thn sanic said.

Oh snap Sonic’s in here this story just got a thousand times cooler.

Do you take knlr and stela to be together.

Oh my god Sonic is the ordained minister.

Ray don’t look it up.

I have to look it up.

I, Stela, take you, Enchiladas, to be my dude. I promise to be true to you with good chilli dogs and with bad, with no rings and with many. I will love you and honour you all the days of my lives—all five.

Yes I do. They both said. Themn u may kiss the enchil;ada person. YAY.

Glad the narrator is happy.

And then they kissef. It tasted like poop.

Ew.

Since knuck;es likes to eat poop sometimes.

Ewwwwwwwwww. Also a thought just occurred to me and I wish it wouldn’t have. Have we reviewed any scat stories?

Nope, gonna stop you right there.

Like I’m sure it’s come up in a story but—

Nope. No more. I will beat you with your laptop.

When there is nothomg else to eat. Cuz and enchilada has to do. Wat an enchilada has to do. And so they kissed. And rhen she screamed. Why did he taste liel poop.

I like this structural choice to introduce a conflict into this previously conflictless story halfway through the last chapter and have the conflict be based on nothing that has been established previously. Very bold.

And how did she know what poop tasted like.

Ah ha! Foisted by elementary school logic at its best!

Ohhh. She said. What is that. I eat poop knculr said. Ya sanic said.

I don’t like this worldbuilding.

All enchiladas and npn enculada people eat poop on occasion. Oh. She said. And then they kissed. And got married.

Well I’m glad we got over this problem.

I… I guess they are animals?

Except Stella’s a fairy person!

Oh, yeah.

It was awdom. And the hot haqt steamy poopy sex. And hat a bayby.

I don’t like that those two ideas are connected for many potential reasons.

Named Anchilada. She was pretty. When she caim out she was covered in poop. Cuz kncukles sperm had poo[p it it.

Knuckles, buddy, you may want to get that looked at.

Something something four penis heads.

Other then that. They lived so epicly. And happo;y. and it was epic. Cuz they had a grate lives. Full of eenchilada poop.