Review #191

CAPTIN AMERCA: INVASION OF VLADEMIR PUTIN

Back for their third consecutive review, Team Fluffwrights showdown with a crackfic of communistic proportions.




Chapter 1: Prolouge

This is just the title(?) of the first chapter(?), and it’s already hurting my head in more ways than you can fathom.

I’m excited…

CAPTIN AMEIRCA: INVASION OF VLADMIR PUTIN

First we had Hitler and Jesus, now we have Captain America and Putin. Just goes to show people could cross two different people into a story and call it a fanfic. Give this story credit though I could actually see Captain America going against Putin.

captain ameroca was sitting in the cofffee shop in New Yok and he odrered a milkshake and drank it and it tasted good.

The sad part is that after reading some of the more experimental modernist literature out there, I can no longer distinguish between good writing and bad writing. But I’m pretty sure this is bad writing.

then suddenly he heard a loudspeeker and he run outside to see what was making the noise

"HEY GUYS" shouted the voice of vlaidmir putin. "YOUR COUNTRY B LONGS TO ME NOW BECAUSE I AM TAKING OVER"

Sorry Putin, I think DJ Khaled beat you to the punch.

"this cannot be" siad Cap America and he fly up to the hovership

Captain America can fly?

The American Dream can give you powers you could not even dream of.

where putin was talking "yiu shouldn't do this"

"what makes you thunk so?"

"BECAUSE I am the hero OF AMERICA and voting is COMUNG UP SOON AND YOU CAN'T TAKE AWAAY DEMOCRECY"

Yeah Putin, you wait and allow the voting to end so the person who wins can take democracy away.

"OK fine we will have the voting booths open and ppl will vote for me to proof that i am like the best candydate" said Putin.

Um… yeah, that actually sounds super fair. Way to go Putin.

"i have to stop him" said captaun america and he used his ice beems to freeze the voting place so nobody cud vote 4 putin.

Does this writer even know Captain America’s powers? Did he/she just come out of watching “The Last Airbender” and go “oh every super hero can do that!”

Wait, I think you’re onto something here…


Does the writer think that Captain America is Superman?

Technically both of them are supposed to represent America’s big dick so I wouldn’t put it past em.

"GRRARH" said putin "THIS LEAVES ME WITH NO CHOOSE"

Captain America is fucked now.

and he ran back to ukraine where he taken over and he's maybe gonna come back later I dunno

When the fucking writer goes “I dunno” that’s a big fucking red flag.

"i have to follow him" said the captain and he started flew to ukraine

Later on...Loki WALKED OUT OF COFFEE SHOOOOOOOP

…Sure?

"hehe he's gone now I have the oppertunety to take over" loki express with evil contentment and he grab his computer virus and plugged it into the United States Govemant Comupter which will cause all the grochrey stores to close so no one wil have food

You…..you just do your thing Loki.

but little he did know that cap america heard out about him put in the virus through his his supersonic earlobes

You know what, if the writer is just gonna give Captain America random powers I’m gonna give myself powers too.

Fucking fire breath motherfucker!

"GAH SOME THING BAD IS HAPPENING MUST GO FIND OUT' he scream like his life was in danger which was sorta true because he needs food but hes in ukrane right now will he get there in time

Chapter 2: Shadows of Mysteryous

CAptin America has just gotten to Ukraine but now he has to go back to America i forgot why but whatever

He flies to Crimea to get on an airplane but all of sudden PUTIN HAS ARRIVE.

And he has been left,

With no choose.

Putin said "YOU cannotescape SPY DOLPHINS ATTACK" and he sent his spy dolphins (A/N: Guys I'm not making this up HE"S REALLY GOT SPY DOLPHINS GOOGLE IT IF YOU DONT BELEIVE MEEEEE)

[Editor’s Note: I’m done with this planet.]

Dolphins will take over the world!

Cap America used his powers to do a cool backflip and punched the first dolphin but the second dolphin was all like "I EAT GUYS LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFEAST" and he shoot his spy gadgets at Cap America trappoing him.

"argh i'm trapped" said Cap America.

"alright good now we have things under control" said Putin and he and his spy dolphins went back to moscow to decide their plans.

MENWHILE...

David Camaroon was sitting in his office doing political stuff.

Oh, hello prime minister of the United Kingdom. What are you doing in this fic?

Then a post office guy ringed the doorbell.

he said "hey dude here's the package u wanted" and gave it to him and left.

"AHA" said David "My secret plan can BE PUT IN2 ACTION"

H0: |2-(T+O)| > Δstd
H1: |2-(T+O)| ≤ Δstd

You having a programming orgasm right now?

Just trying to figure out if dropping his standards that low was really easier than finding the T and O keys. Hmmm…

and he opened the package and inside was some SUPERSERUM.

He used the semum and becomes CAPTIAN BRITAIN and he said "Captain America may have trapped but its DARKEST JUST B4 THE DAWN SO I WILL SAVE THE WORLD FROM EVIL AND STUFF IN THE NEXT CHAPTER"

There are more sharks jumped this story than there are years in my life.

Chapter 3: brotherly love

thor was staring at his cell phone and his heart was beating so hard He wanted to call his brother loki and ask him out on a date but he was still working up the courage

then he dialed the number

"hey man wat u doing" said loki

"yo this is thor

Man, spending so much time on Earth is really getting to him.

I was wondaring if u would like 2 go on a…" then he got scared "…a-a hangout"

"oh u mean like a date"

"NO" thor squeeeled "IM TOTALY NOT IN LOVE WITH U"

10/10 lie

"yeah watever man im busy so I cant hang out w/you goodbye" said loki and he hung up and thor shed a single tear

Damn, even if this is a shitty fanfic, that was savage.

then sudenly iron man burst through the door!

Who by this story’s logic is actually Batman.

"Whats up thor" he said "so anyway vladumir putin is up to some crazy shit so now the avengers need to defeat him"

"I DONT GIVE A CR*P" said thor "LEAVE ME ALONE"

"BUT WE HAVE TO STOP THE BAD GUISE"

Bad Guise: not a bad name for a band.

"YOU KNOW MY NAME NOT MY STORYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

Huh….this is the first time I ever did a double take in a review. *clears throat* What the fuck?!

Maaaybe this? I… I don’t know man, I’m at a loss.

then thor ran off crying

"d*rn it" said tony stark "now wat r we gonna do"

(writer, you can say darn on fanfiction.net)



anyway vladmir puttin

Was that...was that your way of a POV change? You know what instead of just putting up that wall punch gif I’m just gonna go ahead and actually punch a wall.

was in his headquarters in the kremlin with his spy dolphins

"hey so what is the plan to destroy ameruca" said the first dolphin (im just gonna call the first dolphin Joe and the second one Herb from now on so you dont get them confuused)

Thank you.

putin looked up and said "yeah ive got this awesome plan so instead of atacking amarica we're gonna invade britain"

"WTF" said herb "tHATS THE STUPUDEST THING IVE EVER HEAD"

"nO IT ISNT" SAID PUTIN "eVERYONE THINKS WERE GONNA DESTROY AMERICA SO NOBODY WILL REALAIZE THAT WE WILL KILL BRITIN SO THEYLL BE TAKEN BY SUPRISE"

When hatching this plan, did they happen to do some consulting with Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated?

"OH MY GOD YOURE RIGHT" said joe "LETS DO THIS"

"anyway I heard that david camaron took some sort of supersoldier serum so what should we do about that" said herb

"dont worry" said putin "i know what to do, now come here and listen closely..."

TO BE CONTINUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUED

NOT GONNA HAPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN