Team Fluffwrights tackles the third chapter of this behemoth of a Sue fic (with a guest appearance from Hentai Man!)
Chapter Three - The Fluff Falls
WHAT THE FUCK!
[Editor’s Note: Nice try.]
Chapter Three - The Rain Falls
I don’t know, I like ours better.
God damn it Ray, I was trying to avoid this fucking story.
We all were. We had an ~8 month streak going where we released a review every Friday, and this was the one that broke us because none of us wanted to do it.
Where the fuck did Yellow go, or Hent?
They were too afraid of this one. Can we just review it? Pretty please?
…Fine! But I’m not going to enjoy this!
When have you ever enjoyed any of these?
She woke up all alone in a room she'd never seen before. It was pitch black and maniacal laugher could be heard from a distance. She could taste blood in her mouth; and she liked it.
Mary Sue Counter: This.
How quickly did this break the Mary Sue Counter?
First chapter. She got up to every real number. And that wasn’t high enough.
Man, I don’t know what’s going to hurt more, that fall from the ceiling or this story…
Her cat demon must have came out and attacked someone, she was scared and alone. "Denny-Kun," she called out, "where are you? Are you here?"
She walked out of the room and down a long, narrow hallway. A feeling of guilt and cowardness overcame her. What had just happened? Did she really eat somebody?
Might be just me but I think that last question should be first over those other one.
These were things she didn't want to think about. Her main focus was on finding a way out.
Out of where‽ You haven’t set the scene at all! I’ll admit that in my own writing, I tend to gloss over the setting descriptions. But only when my settings aren’t relevant to what’s happening in the story.
"I have captured you, Rei. There is no escape."
From this fic, I do agree.
"Who are you?" She was angry. "Are you my father?"
"No..." said the voice mysteriously, "I am Sesshomaru. Inuyasha's brother. The vampire lord."
Oh well have a fucking trophy.
Oh hey I found Warnuts.
Reicheru gasped in terror. Sesshomaru had died- she could have sworn that he died!
That’s all well and good, but like, we didn’t know who he was, or what he died for, or how she knew him, or how his death impacted her, or how his death impacted the world, or whether he was a good guy or a bad guy, or how…
[Editor’s Note: Ray then went on for several more pages that I have opted to cut from the review.]
or why his name is goddamn Sesshomaru, or what—
Remember kids, when you’re friend starts to go on a stupid rant about something, just slap the shit out of them.
I get slapped a lot in these reviews.
I wonder why.
It was a long, long time ago. Inuyasha had gotten in a fight with Sesshomaru over the death of their mother and Inuyasha had stabbed him in the heart.
Oh hey, it’s all of that stuff that I wanted to know about. Cool, I guess.
That moment, he died and tumbled off the cliff into the abyss of the ocean. The only way he could come back is if he was a vampire,
I swear to god if he sparkles...
This is bullshit. We write good stories. Why does the world know about the sparkling vampires and not our actually decent works?
It’s just another injustice in the world.
who had been bitten by someone. But who?
"Reicheru," he said, "I don't know why you protected my brother," his firey eyes flashed, "but you can't stand between me and him anymore. I must kill him. I have to kill him- for the sake of our mother!"
Who is dead which would make it more for revenge rather than for her sake. Don’t ask me why I’m nitpicking this scene I may be drunk.
"He LOVED your mother! He couldn't help what happened! He was only a baby, why are you holding onto a grudge that you don't need to?"
"She always loved him. Father didn't care about me...he just didn't care. That doesn't matter! Anyway, it's time for you to be rid of!"
Then, out of nowhere,
*Because we don’t know anything about this setting
Inuyasha and Kagome flew out of the shadows and picked Reicheru up.
"Hey," she shouted, "I can take care of myself! I don't need you to help me."
"Yes, you do," Inuyasha looked at her,
That’s exactly what she just said. Go home Inuyasha, you’re drunk. And while you’re at it let vampire Sesshomaru kill Reicheru so we can end this fic.
"I'm here to protect you..."
Her cheeks turned red and as she looked away she saw Kagome try to slash Sesshomaru in half.
"Damn," Kagome screamed, "he's too hard to defeat! What should I do?" Her skirt flew in the air.
*Insert Hentai Man joke he would make if he was fucking here*
Ooh, I got this, I’ve been working on my Hent impression. *Ahem*
Because everybody knows that an upskirt shot is the ultimate finishing move.
Oh hey Hent, I thought you said you were done with this shitty fanfic.
Martin? Or wait, is that Fluff doing an impression of… you know what, nevermind.
Inuyasha joined the battle and all three of them went at it like rabbid dogs.
Blood sprayed the room crimson. Reicheru licked the wall like a hungry devil,
It’s good to see Reicheru contributing a lot in this riveting fight scene.
Can we make it official that Reicheru is the Moon Moon of vampires? This is Moon Moon, by the way.
Stay classy Moon Moon.
slurping up the mixture of their blood. Sesshomaru threw his arm out and slammed Kagome against the wall, knocking her out. He flew away with her into the night, and they weren't seen after that.
"Oh my god, Kagome!" Inuyasha cried into the night. He howled in sorrow and remorse.
"It's okay Inu-Sama," Reicheru comforted him, "I'm sure she'll be fine."
Yeah, they probably just went out for a bite to eat.
Was that a vampire pun?
I don’t see you making any fucking jokes in this review!
Do I look like a comedian?
You look like a guy with a fog machine up his ass.
You can’t deny I make it look cool though
"No, Rei, you don't understand. He is a lord of vampires- she's one of them now." He gently put his hand up to his teary eyes.
Their golden eyes met, "one of them? Like a vampire?"
Reicheru and Inuyasha went back to the village. Denmark was standing by himself at the market, eating a Danish.
That is either very innocent or very violent, depending on whether or not Danish is also a character from Hetalia.
We’ve reviewed so much crap, eating could mean so many things at this point.
Reicheru departed from Inuyasha, wishing him luck, and then going to Denmark.
"Things aren't looking good, Denny-Kun." She sighed and fell into his arms.
"I missed you, so much, baby. I'm glad to see you back in one piece. When I woke up and found you gone, I was scared. I thought that your dad had gotten to you."
“But instead of doing anything about it, I just shrugged and went down to the market for some delicious pastries. Want a bite?”
"No, no." Her eyes sparkled as she looked up at him. "We have bigger problems on our hands, now. Sesshomaru the Vampire Lord is black. He wants to kill me for protecting Inuyasha."
“Oh and he kidnapped and possibly killed Kagome, but the writer must’ve completely forgot about that immediately after writing about it.”
To be fair, I also forgot that that happened. We’re nearing the end of chapter three, and I still couldn’t tell you what the plot of this story is.
"I don't want to protecting him," his golden hair blew in the wind,
Can we start a counter for things that shouldn’t happen in text just because they happen in anime? I know it’s a bit late to be starting counters, but I really feel like there’s some potential with this one.
"I love you, Rei-Kun, but you spend too much time with your tutor. Please, I beg of you, forget about Inuyasha and Sesshomaru, find someone new to teach you how to fight. Infact, I know the perfect tutor."
His name is Cliff: Cliff Hanger.