Warnuts found a story about the Nostalgia Critic, and since the critic himself is too occupied with reviewing movies and going to conventions and being internet famous, we decided to take it upon ourselves this week to critique this parasitic critic fanfic. It goes about as well as you'd expect.
"Hello I am the Nostalgia Critic" the Nostalgina Critic tremoloed
He pleasures it so you don't have to.
one morning. He was about to yell a lot when he suddenly got skipped, so he looked at the window. There was a massage.
You mean he got skyped? Or did somebody skip his video? Or did—
Regardless, it’s confusing as fuck.
"Hello I am the Kinoko Nasu" the it said. "Hello I am the Nosalgia Critic" he mesponded, being sue to type in all claps.
Sue Counter: 1
Mary Sue Counter: We’ll see
"I need your help. There is evil onfoot in my town. Pleasf hurry!" Kinoko Nasu said.
The Nostalgia C.
Really? You’ll spell the bigger word in Nostalgia Critic? I don’t even know if we can call that laziness.
fought about it for a momento.
Maybe if either of us had seen the movie Momento, we’d be able to make a joke about that.
A chance to meet the person who invented animes in stories ANP save the world?
Typo for AND or one of these fuckamahoozits? You decide!
It would be an honour!
"It would be an honuor" the Nostalgia Critic wailped.
No, you had it right the first time, it’s honour, not an honuor.
He then put on his rollersteaks
and slid into Nippoon.
You know, I hate that in anime fanfiction, when the author will throw in one word of Japanese. WHY‽ What does that accomplish?
Up on arriving at the Japanese country the Nostalgua Critic was in he took a moment to take in the groriousness before someone swam up to him.
Mother of God, I think I went blind for a second.
I tried read that sentence out loud the first time I saw it. Can’t be done. It is just too plain stupid to process on the first run, and this is coming from the guy who was able to read My Immortal pretty fluently.
It was Kinoko Nasu.
"I am grad you courd make it"
Really, the Japanese person has to put extra Rs into the word?
Kinoko Nasu ohioed while snivering.
The Nostalgia Critic stared, amazed to see that, from head to tope, Kinoko Nasu, who is a book, was the most kawaii*
person he had ever met in her life. (*TrAnSpLaToR's NoTe:
Unless Dumbass is a language, you’re not translating shit.
'kawaii" means moe)*.
Listen here you bitch. I don’t know what fucked up anime you’re watching, but in no way would that ever mean moe. If you don’t know Japanese, don’t put it in your story. If you only know two words of Japanese, don’t put it in your fucking story!
Before the Nostalgia Crip could glomp Kinoko Nasu, however, the evil ejectulated into them.
"GRAAAAAAAARGH" it said.
"What is it?" the Nostalgia Critic vociferated.
You are fucking trying and we all know it.
"It is the Plot,
Plottholious Ardagus! Send this bitch to Teletubby land.
[Editor’s Note: This is a callback joke! To understand the context, see review #20!]
…Since when do we have an editor?
the worst fudging part of all stories..." Kinoko Nasu answeared.
Isn’t the plot kind of, I don’t know, fucking important to the story?
"I know this because I am stories." Kinoko Nasu explained.
“I am many electrics,” say Electric Train, “And you are obsolete!”
[Editor’s Note: This is a callback joke! To understand the context, see review #17!]
Seriously, where the fuck did this guy come from?
[Editor’s Note: I came from the plot hole! To understand the context, see Warnuts’ joke from nine lines ago!]
The Pastalgia Critic
Okay, has to be a troll! Look at your keyboard.
did not quiet understand what Kinoko "Kinky" Nasu was saying because he was movies,
Danube to the movies, danube to the plot! The author can go danube him or herself is his or her ass or vaginahole.
but he did know that he had to stop the Plot.
Did we know he had to stop the plot?
So he did the only thong he knew how to do: He criticed it.
Oh God, this whole story is going to be him stopping the plot.
"You are not entertaining and you are boring!" the Nostrilgia Critic snorted.
Actually, can we just let him review the story for us?
He wobbled his arms and scrumbled his face a lot while he "reviewed" the Plot.
But it swasn't the weakpoint.
As if this story only had one weak point.
The Plot was immume to criticscissms because it was art.
You know, I went to Spain once, and the people I was with told me I couldn’t criticize the modern art. Guess what I did.
"I'M GONNA TURN KINOKO NASU INTO KINOKO NASOUP" the plot roared! as! it! slammed! it's! fist! into! the! ground! CRUNKCH! ! !
That! Is! Quite! Obnoxious! ! ! Even! With! Build! Up! That’s! Just! Too! Many! Words! To! Emphasize Individually! ! !
Believe it or not, this did not exist on all of Google before five minutes ago. I’m disappointed in you internet.
the Nostalgic Critia explitived as he canteened himself and Kinoko Nasu out of the way. He tried his best not to get distacted by Kinoko Nasu's vulptuous breasticles.
You know what, I’m just impressed that Google Docs recognizes this as a word.
"HNGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" the Plot barked. It was reading up for another attack!
But the NC Hammer
had an ace up his sleeve... "HEY PLOT!" he loudmouthed.
The Plot staired down at him like an angry lily. "WHAT" it said.
"YOU ARE A BIG-LIPPED ANTEATER MOM" he shouted.
"NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO" the Plot belowed as it shat into a million pieces.
"Sannku the Nostalgia Critic;" Kinoko Nasu koofed, "but I am a fraid that my time is up as welp..."
"What?" the Nostalgia Critic reactulated.
Oh no it was just getting good no why… why is there no sarcastica font yet? We really need that.
"Rememember what I said? I am stories, and stories cannot exist without plot..." Kineko Nasu telled while tearing up.
Then why did you have him destroy the plot?
"No, it cans't be true!" the Nostalgia Critic laminated as he groped Ninkeno Nasu tightly. But he was wrong.
"I will never forget you James" Kineko Nasu cried.
James? There is no James character in the Nostalgia Critic, and his real name is Doug. The only James remotely connected to the Nostalgia Critic that I can think of is James Rolfe, the Angry Video Game Nerd, who he had a rivalry with several years ago.
"I will never fiveget you, Neko-chan"
Fuck you too.
Fuck w 4.
the Nostalgia Critic shreked back as they kissued for one last time.
Did they ever kiss for the first time?
Neko-chan then purged into a cat forever...
THE -SAD- END
Yeah let’s go with that.