Review #1

My Immortal

Chapters 13-15


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Chapter 13.

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG!

But the rest of us still can, right?

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Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

Tara wrote two sensible and grammatically correct sentences in a row!

“Dumbledore Dumblydore!” we both yelled. Dumbledore came there.

Well, nothing great can last.

“What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?” he asked angrily.

“Volsemort has Draco!” we shouted at the same time.

He laughed in an evil voice.

“No! Don’t! We need to save Draco!” we begged.

“No.” he said meanly. “I don’t give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco.

Wow, she actually learned keep Dumblydore’s dialogue clean, I’m mildly impressed. Maybe she’s really trying to turn this thing around.

What, Can’t I at least hope?

Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony.” he said while he frowned looking at me. “Besides I never liked him that much anyway.” then he walked away. Vampire started crying. “My Draco!” he moaned. (AN: don’t u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

Well…

It’s entirely possible, but they’re not hot by definition. And honestly, I have no idea if the furry is actually gay or not, I was just making an educated guess based on some research I’ve done. For science.

“Its okay!” I tried to tell him but that didn’t stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. Then he had a brainstorm.

“I had an idea!” he exclaimed.

“What?” I asked him.

“You’ll see.” he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then…… suddenly we were in Voldemprt’s lair!

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. “Allah Kedavra!”

It was………………………………..

Voldemort!

Chapter 14.

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws!

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WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD.

I’ve read Man Door Hand Hook Car Door, bring it on.

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn’t there.

Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

I don’t even think John Madden could help explain this scene.

“Rid my sight you despicable preps!”

he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. “EbonyIloveyouwiluhavesexwithme.” he said.

(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

Yes, Jesus of Suburbia forbid there was another pedophile lurking around.

“Huh?” I asked.

”Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?” asked Snaketail.

Wait, soifwetalklikethisshecan’tunderstandus? Good to know. Although you do have to admire Snaketail’s determination, it sounds like he’s been shot yet he’s still trying to get laid.

I started laughing crudely. “What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard.” I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

What the fuck kind of gun is less effective than a knife?

“Nooooooooooooo!” he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly.

“Snaketail what art thou doing?” called Voldemort. Then…… he started coming!

I’ve read the kind of stuff Voldemort does in the later chapters, and the fact that he’s coming right now doesn’t surprise me in the least.

We could hear his high heels clacking to us.

So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

“What’s wrong honey?” asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw.

He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah)

If she says geddit much more I might have to take some pictures of my own, the internet is nearly out of fingers.

and a really huge you-know-what and everything.

I don’t know, all of his features look small if anything.

“Its so unfair!” I yielded. “Why can’t I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B’loody Mary, because she’s not ugly or anything.”

Ooh, Raven, do you need some ice for that?

“Why would you wanna be ugly? I don’t like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts.” answered Draco.

“Yeah but everyone is in love with me!

No. Shit.

Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he’s in love with me.

But you said that it was actually Sedric, and... never mind, fuck it.

Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?” I shouted angrily. (an” don’t wory enoby isn’t a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty)

“Im good at too many things! WHY CAN’T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT’S A FUCKING CURSE!” I shouted and then I ran away.

Was this the scary part Tara was talking about? I’ll admit that Eboy’s delusion is horrifying, but I was expecting something more halloweeny.

Chapter 15.

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz!

Holy Korean Jesus, she did that and she’s still alive?

fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

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“Ebony Ebony!” shouted Draco sadly. “No, please, come back!”

But I was too mad.

“Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!” I shouted.

Holy shit, let it go. At what point was the relationship between Draco and Harry a problem between Ebony and Draco?

I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it.

Tara, Invisible Pink Unicorn forbid you ever try to write again, but if you do could you just tell us what objects or people don’t have some reference to a gothic celebrity? I feel like it would save some time.

He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

Severe depression is an annoyance, sure. But it can’t possibly compare to the importance of biology class.

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt.

Hey Purple, I decided to help out with this. I figure nobody should have to do it alone.

No no no, this seriously is a bad time.

Why, what’s… oh god. The clothes.

Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters.

Rrrg, this is agony!

Get out of here Yellow, these scenes have been known to kill!

I put my ebony black hair out.

Well great. Tara killed a sentient color.

Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual.

Yellow-oh-oh-oh! You were so close to the end of the scene!

I did sum advanced Biology work.

I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco!

“Enoby I love you!” he shouted sadly. “I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink.

Apparently you don’t care much for reality either, fuck.

Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!.” Then……………. he started to sing “Da Chronicles of Life and Death” (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don’t u fink dos guyz r so hot.

Based on what Google Images has to tell me; eh, kind of, a little, can’t find who he is, and no. Based on the impressions I’ve been given by Tara; no, no, no, no, and still no.

if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

“OMFG.” I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco’s now) at them. “I love you!” I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch)

and CMM in a Cinderella Story. Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether.

Shout: 29

Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.

You might be wondering, do they ever go to the concert? Yes. And yes. And another yes. An indefinite number of yesses.


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