Review #1

My Immortal

Chapters 43-44

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Chapter 43.

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!!!!!!!!!111111 if u flam den fukk u!!!111


I walked sexily into the Great Hall. It was empty except for one person.

Yup, Ebony just walked in and there’s only one person, so it’s just Ebony.

Draco was there!!

Okay, so it’s empty except for two people, which I wouldn’t call empty.

He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!!!!!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for him. He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face.

“Draco are you okay????” I asked.

“I’m not okay.” he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

So Martin and Warren, two other critics among the Retributionists, have wondered why I haven’t given Tara hell for calling them pot cigarettes instead of joints, and most of it has to do with Sublime. I just prefer to think of them talking as though they’re in the seventies instead of hating their vocabulary.

“Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?” I asked teardully.

“I-” Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room!! They didn’t see us.

“Im so glad we me and Snape were freed.” said Loopin.

“Dam, this job would be great if it wasn’t 4 da fukking students!” Mr. Norris argreed.

Perhaps you should have looked into what a school is before applying to one.

“Pop addelum!!!!!111” I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

“Noooooooo!!!!1” Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

“You fukking perv.” I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. “Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I’m gong 2 torture u!!!!”

“I don’t now where he is!!!!1111” said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn’t know who Satan was really.

“Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!!1” Vampire said. I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

Is everyone ready for Ebony’s plan? Too bad, here it is:

I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. “Oh mi satan!! Draco!!!!” I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. “OMS!!!111” cried Vampire. “Oh Vampire! Vampire!!!” I screamed screamed. “Oh Satan!!!!!” yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists.

One hundred and twenty nine words of spontaneous sex, and thirteen of what’s actually relevant to the scene.


………….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!!!!!!!11

Chapter 44.

This is the last chapter everyone. It’s been a rocky road, but it’s almost done with.

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!!111

I won’t stop glamming, bitch I’m fabulous. As for the flaming, I promise I’ll quit right after this chapter.

if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!!!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!!!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!!!!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait!!! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.


“Dat’s mi car!!!!” shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car.

Didn’t she already say it was Snape?

It wuz………….Snape!!!!!

“I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads.” he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. “Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!!!!”

Fine, let the dork lord be immortal, just be sure to protect Harry so he can kill the dark lords.

“You fucking prep!!!” yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. “I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn’t really have sexx him but he’s a ropeist!!!!”

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. We were so scarred!!!!1 But Satan didn’t change. Instead he changed

Well with this direct contradiction, I’m not even sure I can take this story seriously anymore.

into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into………… Voldemont!!!!!!!111

Who he already was.

“I knew who thou were all along.” he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. “Now I shall kill thee all!!!!!!” Thunder came in da room.

“No plz don’t kill us!” pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B’loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

Fantastic; a majority of the cast can die while Tom Rid and the tree are safely elsewhere. The loss of Dumblydore will be a great tragedy, but a worthwhile sacrifice.

“What is da meaning of dis?” Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

“Oh my goth!” Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

I do get it, and while I don’t like the joke nor the way you pointed it out, my fuck output has ceased for the moment.

“The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!”

Well, submission is pretty automatic once you’re dead.

Snape ejaculated menacingly.

“You fucking preppy fags!” Serious shouted angrily.

“I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!!!”

Not even close to four letters.

screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco’s car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

“Oh my fucking god!!!1” I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with

“If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton.” He laughed meanly.

“No!” I scremed. “FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!!!!11”

“Whats she talking abott??????” Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.

“I saw 2 she’s gunna show evry1 da picter!!!111” Harry shouted angrily.

By the sounds of things, she already has.

“Shut up!!!111’” Lumpkin roared.

“Foolish ignoramuses!!!!!!” yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. “Thou shall all dye soon.”

Hurry up dammit, and try something other than black.

“Think again you fucking muggle poser!!!!!1” Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns!

Ooh, you’re in for it now.

But Voldimort took out his own one.

Meh, at this point I’m in support of pretty much any character being shot, regardless of their morals.

“U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!!!!!!!111” I shouted despariedrly.

Is that like a Mexican standoff but with swords and spears?

“Acco Nevel’s wand!!!11” cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil’s wind was in his hands. “Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!!!!!!!!11111”

He maid lighting come all over da place.

Well whose job is it to clean that up?

“Save us Ebony!” Dumbledark cried.

  • Dumbledore
  • Dumbledeor
  • Dumbeldor
  • Dumbeldore
  • Dumblydore
  • Dumbledoree
  • Dumbelldore
  • Dumbledork
  • Dumbledum
  • Dumbldore
  • Dumbledor
  • Dumblydor
  • Dubleodre
  • Dumblydum
  • Dubledork
  • Dumbledark

Ah, a great way to go out.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

“ABRA KEDABRA!!!!!!!!!!!11111” I shooted.

Poof, the whole story disappeared, and it didn’t come back. And that’s My Immortal, the worst fanfiction written so far. If Tara is truly a troll then she’s a genius on the level of Andy Kaufman, but my suspicions are that her story just happened to catapult her to infamy. This retribution may be over, but unlike My Immortal, the Retributionists will be around for a while.


That’s for writing shitty stories!



Who the hell was that?

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