Review #1

My Immortal

Chapters 34-36

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Chapter 34.

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11

I think at this point it’s pretty clear that I have. And even if I haven’t, then I’ve been making some incredible guesses.

u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1


I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Sorious cocked on da door.

I hopened it.

I’m not opening the door for somebody no matter how much they cock it.

“Hi Ibony.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor’s office.”

“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

“So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?” I asked Sorious flirtily.

“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way.

Alright, I’m not even sure what she intended to say there. I’d assume satanic, but you’d think that’s a word she’d at least have the decency to learn considering it’s a pretty common theme here.

“They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”

I laughed evilly.

“Where r Draco and Vampira?” I muttered.

“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily.

Sodomize moaned sexily… alright then.

“Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic

( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.

It’s possible that the link was removed when the story was moved into the rehost, but I wouldn’t put it past Tara to not include it in the first place.

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

“Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.”

Selfish bitch, why would you make her do something that prolongs her time travel and our torture?

she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”

And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.

A portent is along the lines of an omen; a sign that something bad is about to happen. I doubt it was intentionally in this scene, but it’s pretty damn fitting.

“Whose he!11” I asked.

“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said.

“He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?”

“Yah?” I asked.

“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”

Ah, good that everybody’s staying fit I suppose.


“Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”

Chapter 35. gost of u

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1

Hold on, I have to add somebody to my hit list.

  • Tara
  • Raven
  • Britney
  • Suzi

Alright, back to the story.

u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111

You say that like it’s a bad thing.

oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz.


I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped………………..Draco wuz there!111


I grasped. He locked as hut as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

“Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111” I gosped.

“Huh?” he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn’t Draco. It was Lucan!1

Ah, okay then.

He stil had two arms.


“Oh hi Lucian!1” I sed. “Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz.”

“Yah Satan told me abot you.” Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire’s dad and………………Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. “Lizzen I’m in a goth band wif those guys.” he said. “Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.


Wow, Tara’s writing skills have evolved to the level of owls and kittehz, not bad.

“Yeah.” he said. “Were calld XBlakXTearX. I play teh gutter.

Spartacus plays da drums” he said ponting to him. “Snap plays the boss.

And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring.”

“Hey bastards.” I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. “But don’t u have a lead singer!” I asked.

Even though it wasn’t a question.

Lucian looked dawn sadly.

“We uzd to but she did.

Did what?

She contempted suicide by silting her rists.”

“Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1” I gasped.

Just wait like, three chapters, and she’ll be alive again before you can even ask what happened.

“Its okay but we need a new led snigger.” Samaro said.

“Wel………..I said Im in a bnad myself.”

“That’s great he asked, but why are we saying we’re saying things?”

“Rilly?” asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111

“Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?”

“No,” he said, and then they told me to fuck off.

Yeah said everyone.

Or that.

So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11)

Gurn Day.

Well now I’m torn between reminding everybody that Green Day was called Sweet Children or alluding to another band actually called Gurn Day.

“I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz.”

Either way, that song certainly wasn’t around.

I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song)..

Every1 gasped.

“Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1” begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

“Um…….ok.” I shrugged. “Are we gong to play tonight?”

Saving the world from evil, curing her professor’s addiction, joining a shitty band. I feel like Ebony’s goals regarding time travel have degraded as the story’s gone on.

“Yah.” they said.

“Ok.” I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli!1

Oh come on Tara, it’s bad enough that you got two beloved (Though admittedly not by me) classics involved, now you have to degrade another gem? For those of you who don’t speak txt, the person that jumped in front of her was Marty McFly from Back to the Future.

He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

“What da hell r u dong here!11” I asked.

“I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby.” he said siriusly Den……….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and……………………..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

Chapter 36.

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111


I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B’lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to.

Socrates, huh? I have a feeling some people were trolling Tara’s request for gothic names.

“OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111”

“Yah I no.” Serious said sadly.

“Oh hey there bitch.” Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker.” I said. “Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I’m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too.”

“Oh my satan!1” (geddit lolz koz shes gofik)

gasped B’lody Mary. “Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?”

“OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11” said Profesor Trevolry.

“I can’t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first.” said Willow.

“Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also………….sum luv potion 4 Enoby.” Darko said resultantly.

“Well we have potions klass now.” Willow said so let’s go.

We went sexily to Potionz class.

Okay Tara, this is getting old. Like, really old. Not everything has to be sexual or seductive or erotic or gothic, you can simply walk to potions class like a regular human being/vampire/witch.

But Snap wasn’t there. Instead there was…………………………………………Cornelio Fuck!11111

“Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111” Draco shouted angrily.

Not giving a fuck, that’s where.

“STFU!1” shooted Cornelia Fuck. “He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. “Now do ur work!111”

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

“Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1” Vampire asked surprisedly.

The impending death of Dumblydore is less pertinent than Snape having been gothic. Tara, even if creating the excellent Dumblydore character was a mistake, you should have at least learned to treat him right.


He stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer.

She could’ve saved some time and taken a sip of me; in preparation of the another time travel scene, I’m pretty fucking wasted. I’m sure the blood-alcohol ratio is somewhere around fifty fifty, but it’s hard to say.

Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

“WTF is he doing?” I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly……………“HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11” he shooted.

Ah, yes, about the shout/shoot counter, it’s not going to work out. I looked ahead, and while it’s somewhat close, shout does appear more often than shoot or shotted. That’s the incredible level of disappointment in this story; it’s not even bad enough for me to predict it’s mistakes.

I looked around…………….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

“God u r such a posr!1” I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was………………Amnesia Portion!111

Okay everybody, this is very important; nobody remind her of her obligations regarding time travel, or that she’s gothic, and let’s just go ahead and move her away from Hogwarts. If we’re lucky the potion will work and the rest of the story will still be moronic, but much less over the top.

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