The Retributionists are a less than professional panel of critics—we critique things. Usually it's fiction, sometimes it's art, and once it was an instruction manual from IKEA. The bottom line is sarcasm; whatever we're critiquing, you can bet that we'll critique it with something that vaguely resembles humor.
But wait, there's more! In addition to the five main critics, there are a few... others. None of them are real people. Some have blatantly admitted that they don't even exist. But these NPCs still show up from time to time, and a few of them are worth mentioning.
Yellow played a role in the very first review. He did a fine job, but after that, he was supposed to disappear. Well he didn't, and over a hundred reviews later, we're still putting up with his shit. All five retributionists have seen him at least once since his death, but for whatever reason, he seems to have taken a particular liking to Hent and Ray.
We didn't always have an editor. In many ways, we still don't have an editor. But one day Warnuts cast the spell "Plottholious Ardagus!" and he summoned, well, The Editor. We're not 100% clear on what he does around here. His main task seems to be explaining obscure reference jokes on the behalf of his fellow critics, but he's also provided behind-the-scenes info to the readers, critiqued stories himself, and run retcon after Ray and Yellow went time travelling.
[Editor's Note: It's all true! To see my first non-retconned appearance, see review #134!]
The Retributionists have divided themselves into teams, in much the same way as the Drazi. Although these teams do get along more often than not, there is still a friendly rivalry between the three, so here's your guide to the Retributionist factions.
Team Sex Doctors was the first team to form, consisting of one sexy Hentai Man and one doctorly Martin.
To counteract the overwhelming power of Team Sex Doctors, Lt. Fluff and Ray Thompson formed Team Fluffwrights, named after their mutual appreciation of all things fluffy and all things writerly.
Warnuts started a super professional team with the NPC critics.
Fax, telegraph, carrier pigeon, and smoke signals. Jk we have email addresses.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You can try. We mostly do our own thing, but if you've got a story, review, or article that you think fits with what we're doing, then by all means, give us a shout.