The Retributionists are a less than professional panel of critics—we critique things. Usually it's fiction, sometimes it's art, and once it was an instruction manual from IKEA. The bottom line is sarcasm; whatever we're critiquing, you can bet that we'll critique it with something that vaguely resembles humor.
Hentai Man, codename Professor Orange, is the product of an octopus and a woman's love for each other. He is also a part time professor at an all girls boarding school.
Martin Daniels, codename Doctor Green, is a doctor, and is also the main reason we're alive after all of the stupid shit that happens around here.
Ray Thompson, codename Hippie Violet, is a writer, and he might just be the physical embodiment of sarcasm.
Warnuts, codename Sir Blue, is someone we used to keep in a cage. He has since become a god and decided that cages are for bitches.
Lieutenant Fluff, codename Lt. Red, is a fanfiction writer and a professional fuzzbutt. Recently, he has also been trying his hand at original fiction.
But wait, there's more! In addition to the five main critics, there are a few... others. None of them are real people. Some have blatantly admitted that they don't even exist. But these NPCs still show up from time to time, and a few of them are worth mentioning.
Yellow played a role in the very first review. He did a fine job, but after that, he was supposed to disappear. Well he didn't, and over a hundred reviews later, we're still putting up with his shit. All five retributionists have seen him at least once since his death, but for whatever reason, he seems to have taken a particular liking to Hent and Ray.
Editor is.... We didn't always have an editor. In many ways, we still don't have an editor. But one day Warnuts cast the spell "Plottholious Ardagus!" and he summoned, well, The Editor. We're not 100% clear on what he does around here. His main task seems to be explaining obscure reference jokes on the behalf of his fellow critics, but he's also provided behind-the-scenes info to the readers, critiqued stories himself, and run retcon after Ray and Yellow went time travelling.
[Editor's Note: It's all true! To see my first non-retconned appearance, see review #134!]
Lieutenant Berry is a spooky ghost or something? To be perfectly honest we are not entirely sure what the deal is with Lieutenant Berry.
The Retributionists have divided themselves into teams in much the same way as the Drazi. Although these teams do get along more often than not, there is still a friendly rivalry between the three, so here's your guide to the Retributionist factions.
Team Sex Doctors was the first team to form, consisting of one sexy Hentai Man and one doctorly Martin.
Team Fluffwrights was formed by Lt. Fluff and Ray Thompson to counteract the overwhelming power of Team Sex Doctors, named after their mutual appreciation of all things fluffy and all things writerly.
Team Fuck You was formed super professionally by Warnuts and the NPC critics.
You can get in touch with us via fax, telegraph, carrier pigeon, and smoke signals. Jk we have email addresses. To get in touch, send an email to ray at retribution.fm, or to hent (for Hentai Man), fluff (for Lt. Fluff), god (for Warnuts), or martin_daniels (for Martin Daniels) at the same.
Can I submit my own writing to this site?
Sorry but no. We used to accept (and cringily solicit) reviews and stories from others, but those have (with respect) been expunged.