The Critics

The Retributionists are a less than professional panel of critics—we critique things. Usually it's fiction, sometimes it's art, and once it was an instruction manual from IKEA. The bottom line is sarcasm; whatever we're critiquing, you can bet that we'll critique it with something that vaguely resembles humor.

The NPC Critics

But wait, there's more! In addition to the five main critics, there are a few... others. None of them are real people. Some have blatantly admitted that they don't even exist. But these NPCs still show up from time to time, and a few of them are worth mentioning.

Yellow (Yellow)

Yellow played a role in the very first review. He did a fine job, but after that, he was supposed to disappear. Well he didn't, and over a hundred reviews later, we're still putting up with his shit. All five retributionists have seen him at least once since his death, but for whatever reason, he seems to have taken a particular liking to Hent and Ray.

[Editor]

We didn't always have an editor. In many ways, we still don't have an editor. But one day Warnuts cast the spell "Plottholious Ardagus!" and he summoned, well, The Editor. We're not 100% clear on what he does around here. His main task seems to be explaining obscure reference jokes on the behalf of his fellow critics, but he's also provided behind-the-scenes info to the readers, critiqued stories himself, and run retcon after Ray and Yellow went time travelling.

[Editor's Note: It's all true! To see my first non-retconned appearance, see review #134!]

Lt. Berry (Lieutenant Berry Red)

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The Teams

The Retributionists have divided themselves into teams, in much the same way as the Drazi. Although these teams do get along more often than not, there is still a friendly rivalry between the three, so here's your guide to the Retributionist factions.

Team Sex Doctors

Team Sex Doctors was the first team to form, consisting of one sexy Hentai Man and one doctorly Martin.

Team Fluffwrights

To counteract the overwhelming power of Team Sex Doctors, Lt. Fluff and Ray Thompson formed Team Fluffwrights, named after their mutual appreciation of all things fluffy and all things writerly.

Team Fuck You

Warnuts started a super professional team with the NPC critics.

FAQ

That Nobody Asked For

Social Media?

Yup. In addition to retribution.fm, we have a Tweet Machine and YouTube channel. Twitter is a great way to keep up with our content, and the YouTube channel is where we post—wait for it—our videos.

How can I contact you guys?

Fax, telegraph, carrier pigeon, and smoke signals. Jk we have email addresses.

Can I submit my own writing to this site?

Absolutely. We accept stories, articles, and reviews. The stories can be any genre and any length—we're not picky about it. The articles are fairly open-ended as well, but they must have something to do with the craft of entertainment. The reviews can be genuine or humorous, though typically, the ones that stand out are a blend of both. Follow this link for more info.

WHOSE RESPONSIBLE THIS?

I'm glad you asked.